When you think it can't get worse...the "family" arrives.
It is day 12 in this drama and literally, since I found the body it got worse each day. The climax so far ended yesterday. I think I finally reached the point where I might reach out for professional help. Trauma therapy. I'm a tough cookie but the ugliness of humankind that literally starred at my face the past 12 days is too much too handle for a kind soul like mine. I'm really exhausted physically and mentally.
Maiks "family" showed up on Thursday. With "family" I exclude his dad, because he has no say whatsoever.
Now I wanna remember that I live in a community house for 15+ years. I found him dead in this home and endured an exceptional movie in the past days. Still haven't left the scene for once. I had to go through a crime investigation, a stalker sitting at my table, a house I had to protect from that stalker, all emotions and talks with a bunch of people coming with it plus the grief, I got sick, didn't sleep or eat properly and had 1 day to kinda breathe before the "family" stopped by.
Now let's talk family a bit.
Mothers of Hive! What do you do when your son passes and you go to the place where he spent his life?
What starred at my face when they rang was beyond my wildest imagination, and I had seen ugliness throughout the week. My sister and Maik were together for 18 years, so we are not strangers per se. Legally is what counts now. His mom, sister and nephew walked in and I lost faith in moral or ethics in humans.
They didn't have the decency, the humanity, the morality, the little bit of dignity to offer any gesture of sorrow, sympathy or hello to the person who found their son dead. I was literally air for them.They came into the house and raped everything. I was so shocked, they walked in and the first thing I hear is "dumpster" and "what's to get".
Not a single sentence about Maik, no comment, no questions, absolutely nothing. That broke my heart. It was her son, brother, uncle.
They came and took everything. Not a question of whether things in the house belong to others. They raged in the house and literally turned it inside out. His partner and roommate were non-existent. They denied that this was an open house where no one locked his doors and things are community, it is all Maiks stuff and they did not ask once for a single piece they grabbed.
I can honestly say they took everything from me, everything that was of course shared and bought over the years to keep the house in good shape. I sat in my own home, in my apartment and strangers desecrated Maik and me and his whole life. Every grave robber in Egypt has more respect and decency than Maik's "family".
Mentally it was very difficult to bear. My sister set a few traps to see if 18 years of family was worth anything. Morally. In the end, the partner was given a jacket by Maik and I was given 3 returnable bottles. All the misery ended when the only thing I heard from the "family" was a friendly Bye Anna from everyone as they left after the first rape. To be on the safe side, they filmed the whole house, because everything won't be picked up for four weeks. They filmed the piles of treasure they piled up, they filmed everything.
I've been feeling so dirty and under pressure. Not being able to move around the house to clean up or distract myself in the garden. All they leave me is a ruined house to hand over and I have nothing left to fix, paint or finish what needs to be done. I have what is in my apartment and nothing for the rest of the house.
Now mothers of Hive, would you treat your dead son like that? Words can't describe what I saw and again, it broke my heart for my buddy Maik.
At last I wanna mention that my car keys disappeared since Sunday when I found him. A little Xtra cherry on top.
Stay tuned.
I'm angry for you at such behavior. I've also witnessed similar acts a few times. Just like a pack of hyena's fighting over scraps. Having had lot's of experience on both sides of the trauma work, I can say a few good EMDR sessions with a good therapist (there are lamers out there) can work wonders to unlock some of that from your brain and body. Give a bit of time, and when you're ready, check it out. I carried several of mine around for decades, not even aware of how it was affecting me, and thinking there was no fix for what I was aware of. I was amazed of what came out the other side, truly life altering in a positive way for me. Best wishes for you Anna. Above all else, take care of yourself.
Thanks K, I will check it out. I'm in the state of laughter now. I can only laugh about all the absurdities that unfolded after calling the ER. See, it is not only those snippets that you could read so far, it is also drama from my fams side that is distressing. We just could tell them that Maik passed away for now, nothing else.
Bigger pic: My mom got cancer last year, both parents Corona in between, then last x-mas they split up after 35 years and my dad got kicked out and lately my mom wasn't in good shape. I had enough to do with my life and that of my crumbling fam before Maik decided to check out and watch that movie from above.
So yah....everything literally seems to fall apart but I can laugh about it at the moment. We have a German word for it, Galgenhumor - gallows humor.
I consider myself a decent, kind person and I know my flaws and faults but also my place, but this shit won't break me. It does in a way but not as a person. That I write about my personal stuff now is a huge step for me already and sth good, cause usually I disappear when things get serious and deal with them in real life, not bothering the online world with it. But my pov changed as I now see it as telling my story, nothing else.
Holy sh*t. Looks like this nightmare never ends. I'm really sorry they treated you, everyone else and everything like they did. You did not need that last stab for sure. It'll take time to recover and please seek for help as it may be better if you have a professional to assist you on your journey of recovery. This is too much to process on your own. I wish I could help you though. Please keep writing as well. Take care my dear friend 🤗❤️
This here helps me so much already 🤗.
The thing with professional help is that I live in Germany. Everything is complicated here and takes months. Plus I have no ways to get around. I get my license back in April but live on top of a hill, rather remote. Makes things even more complicated for me. I have 8 weeks to figure how to keep my place but can't afford it. To find a new place in Germany to live and that is affordable and allows dogs is almost impossible if you have no Vitamin B.
I know things will fall into place but I was just about to sort and start my own business and what and now back to zero and below.
Like I would think that the past 3 years have balanced my previous-life-bad- karma-account to null 😅.
It may be difficult to get professional help and you may need to wait months, but it's still better than nothing. Please think about it and try to make the necessary arrangements.
I truly hope something will occur regarding accommodation as well. After all that bad, something good has to happen. Let's hope the worst is over. Keeping my fingers crossed for you. 🤞
I want to quote a Brad Pitt line from Fight Club so bad right now but I have this issue where my emotions don't work like other people's so rather than risk saying the wrong thing, I'll look for a gif that says it for me.
Apparently all the gif makers are pussies. I tried.
You just said the right thing, it's all I need from you 🤗
Ah lovely “family”. The people who make it seem like you matter but when it comes down to it, you’re nothing. I know this well and it’s brutal. I’m sorry to see it go on but it should hopefully be over soon and you can move on with your life and find some peace.
Indeed the professional help will be important when the time comes but I’m sure it’s good to just talk about it as you can here. We’re here for you Anna! ❤️
I appreciate every single one of you and it does help getting it off the chest!💕
I slept a bit and it feels like the worst is over now, though the funeral is still to be handled. But I am not going. It is like 700km / 430 mi far away and I couldn't listen to the fam telling everyone how much they loved him. I saw different. Oh well, gotta sort myself now. I just hope that there is no drama at the funeral, gut feeling says it will lol. I wonder if the stalker shows up, she has been awfully quiet as of now.
My heart aches for you.
Keep your heart ache-free as you are my American me and I need my American heart to be filled with 💞 😌
I'll do my best, but I've been doing some stuff that put me in my own grieving about messed up stuff from the past. I'm like the "lite" version of German Anna. So I guess just think of that when you need a lift...?
!LUV (can't promise there's any luv in the bank but I do send !LOVE)
😄 I wanna hug you so bad right now. Sorry for your own shit, we'll get through!
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Unglaublich, die Gier der Menschen ist unbegreiflich aber leider sehr real. Diese Art der Gier kommt immer wieder zum Vorschein wenn es ums 'erben' geht. Auf einmal sind Familienmitglieder, die sich nie haben sehen oder hören lassen, die besten Freunde des/der Verstorbenen.
Hier alles nieder zu schreiben ist wie ein Tagebuch für Dich. Das hilft auf jeden Fall. Aber die Wunden, die Du jetzt erlitten hast - da ist es gut, dass Du professionelle Hilfe in Anspruch nehmen willst. Gute Idee. All dies zu verarbeiten wird noch eine ganze Menge Kraft und Zeit brauchen. Da solltest Du versuchen nur an Dich zu denken damit Du mit einem guten Neuanfang durchstarten kannst. Nicht heute, nicht morgen - aber ganz sicher mit etwas Zeit.
When it rains, it pours...
Perhaps I did not understand all the details, but I feel you.
I went through a similar drama almost 20 years ago. When someone dies suddenly, a lot of dirt rises to the surface. Strange people appear, who knows where they were before, and turn inside down your world, your common world, and it hurts a lot. And it really looks like rape.
Try to be among people with whom you feel comfortable. Or just alone in silence. I hope this merry-go-round stops soon and you can recover. Hang on in there, dear Anna.
Sending you my hugs!