Source
It was weekend and we had the place to ourselves
This event happened maybe fifteen years ago, but I can still recall everything in detail. I was sitting on a chair in front of the balcony door. The door was opened because I didn't feel well and needed some fresh air. It was in the middle of the night when I started feeling weird, and dizzy. I was at my boyfriend's house and his mother was in the hospital. We had only been together for a couple of months, and although I was crazy about him, he wasn't that good of an influence in my life.
He had total control over me
I trusted him blindly though, I was still young and I didn't have a reason to not trust the one that made me fall head over heels in love. The biggest struggles in my life upon that moment had been me and my mother not getting along that well, but at this moment I'd already left the house for a few years. I had a job, I was meeting new people every week, and I felt like I was on top of the world. Little did I know, that this boy that seemed to have put a spell on me, like a twisted love potion that was, and would be using me for his own pleasure for quite some time. And I trusted him blindly, I could only see his the good in him as I was in love.
A weird feeling that became worse
Back to the story, I had been drinking that night and we were planning on going out later. But then that feeling of dizziness and overall intense feeling of a weird kind of dream state began. Did I really drink that much in that short of a time? Well, I must have because this feeling was so intense, I thought I could fall down any moment. I felt much more confident sitting down at that point, I expected this feeling would be followed by getting sick and a quick run to the toilet. The weird thing is, that didn't happen. I sat there, on the chair and I asked my boyfriend to get me some water. Which he did, and when he came back I grabbed his arm telling him not to leave to another room again, he had to stay with me.
I became scared and started to panic
My heartbeat was racing, and I was scared. Really scared, and I didn't trust my own thoughts or body at this point. Let me tell you that this feeling of distrusting your thoughts and body is weird and pretty scary to experience. He looked amused seeing me like that, and while I didn't realize it back then, he acted like he knew what was up and what caused this weird state I was in back then. Just seconds ago, while he was getting me some water in the kitchen, I experienced something so terrifying that I still get scared thinking back about it. The door of the balcony was open on my request to get some fresh air inside, as I hoped that would make me feel a bit better. But then it happened, I stood up to step outside on the balcony and I climbed over the balcony railing and I jumped.
I saw and felt myself climbing and jumping down
At the exact same moment that my body felt like I was doing this, I also witnessed myself doing that by looking at it from the chair I was sitting in. Upon this day, I'm still not sure if I ever actually stood up from the chair and walked to the balcony, or that I never even got up. The scariest part was the fact that I saw myself doing this, and felt the fear inside when I climbed and jumped off the balcony. I've never felt this kind of intense feeling inside my body ever again, it was like I had every emotion at the exact same time while having the physical feeling of doing it at once.
He knew what was happening to me, and he seemed to enjoy every second of it
And then he was standing next to me, giving me a glass of water and me grabbing his arm in fear telling him not to leave me alone again. While he looked at me with that smile I would not wipe off his face if I had the change, he clearly felt powerful, and I felt like I could only accept what was happening to me at that moment. While I grabbed him seeking for his protection, thinking he was there to keep me safe, he only had me in his power for his own pleasure in every way possible. I was his entertainment, his own little puppet, while he was my handler. This became only clear to me many years later, when he suddenly appeared in our (my boyfriend included here) lives again, and clearly still had some kind of control over me.
SourceI was drugged and had an out of body experience
At the time this event happened I thought I'd just witnessed some kind of future event and my mind was warning me before the event was happening. It was not until many years later, while learning more about the drug Ketamine, that he'd been giving me this, and I had an out of body experience. It all became clear to me once I read about this drug. And I even believe that he may have given me this more often without my knowledge.
SourceTrauma's
This dark soul that I'd called my boyfriend for a year, turned out to be a very twisted soul, a psychopath. While during the year we were together I knew he wasn't good for me, I never expected to find out years after I broke up with him, how twisted his soul and obsessed he actually was with me. He had done things to me that I didn't even remember for more than a decade after it happened. Things that have given me trauma's without me having knowledge of them all these years. Then the nightmares began, and the flashbacks hunted me at night.
SourceSometimes I wonder if the triggers that I respond to until this day will ever go away, and won't be connected anymore to those things that happened when I was with him. The year that messed me up emotionally, and made me think I was some totally different person for many many years after we broke up. If I knew back then what I know now about how someone can control another person, I could have saved myself a lot of trouble in my adult life.
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That sounds like a horrible experience! I hope it eventually caught up with him and he learned not to do that to people.
No it didn't he got worse over the years.. He has had some kind of bad trip once I've been told.. that he was screaming out of guilt or something like it.. but after that he has become much more psycho than he was.. he will never learn, I dont believe this animal will ever be able to change to be honest
Was that real 👀?? OMG cant believe it @anouk.nox
damnn to those men who treat girl only of pleasure item. Its good you have coped over all those trauma and started living a new life.....the better you realise and get out of such addiction the better it is.....it was scariest feeling one could have
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Yes, it was real.. and it was not the worst thing that he did to me.. not even close.. But scary yes, for sure... These creatures dont deserve to be called men, theyre animals..
Sorry to hear the truth....i agree these people deserve the worst. ...good to see you standing strong...
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Holy crap, that is awful!
Yes it was .. ;)
What a terrible and traumatic experience. It's even worse because you didn't know you were drugged...
Good thing is you aren't in that relationship anymore and kind of made it out alive!
Yes, it was and I still remember exactly how scared I was .. He really was a sick twisted soul. And yeah glad I'm not in one of those relationships anymore :)
Omg ! That must have been the most scariest moment of your life. Thank goodness you snapped out of it fast enough. Not everyone is so lucky and strong as you.
Sometimes, when we’re young we don’t realised that it’s bad for us until we witness it ourselves.
To be completely honest, it wasn't the scariest moment, not even close to that. But it was scary for sure. I was really young still, and super naive.. I had no clue who I was dealing with at the time. He left me completely clueless and full of question and feeling like: "What the f did just happen the past year"
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Yes sentiments do break but thats not the end, but a new beginning and the great thing is that you snapped out of it.
thank you
I read this story hoping that when I got to the end you'd say its fictitious. I'm sorry you had to go through such an experience. If you're having PTSD maybe you should visit a psychotherapist. Also try to be positive about yourself and life generally.
I am so sorry that you’ve been through this. I hope you saw a therapist, they really help with PTSD. 😕
Well, I saw one weeks before we moved from Holland, and was about to start treatment, when I found out we weren't safe there anymore, and left to Spain. So I never did, but the best thing healing me from the PTSD is selfreflection and writing about it. And mostly getting out of the toxic environment so that the people that caused the trauma's had no influence on my mental state anymore.
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Omg! I just kept on reading and reading.
What an experience! That was scary! Good thing it is all in the past now!
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Thanks, yes luckily its in the past !
Woah!! That out of body experience was scary!!
It sounded so real!!
It felt real too, that's why it was so freaking scary.. still gives me chills thinking about it.
Oh dear, that was a horrible person you crossed path with, and I am so sorry. I felt chills when you mentioned he was smiling. That was so eerie. Thank you for opening up to share because I believe when things are gotten off the chest, you regain power over them, whether it is a past memory or present. I am very proud of you detaching from what you knew was toxic and poisonous to your soul. I bless you with a healing for that part of your soul to experience wholeness in this aspect again, @anouk.nox. Hugs!
Wow, this sounds like a horrifying experience... I can't believe that he was there and thought that it was okay to do this to someone else... or that he even enjoyed it! Good that you left him, even if the trauma remains....
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Just reading your experience sent chills down my spine. It must have been really tough, hugs to you mama. May God give you peace and rest in your spirit, and I pray all the things that bound you in the past be broken this instant! You are one brave mama xx
Thank you, that's so sweet of you ♡ We learn from our mistakes and maybe we learn most from the wrong choices we made in the past.. so trying to keep that in mind ;)
I'm sorry to hear about your horrible experience! I'm so happy for you that you didn't stay with him. What kind of person would drug another human being? Good that you're safe now!
Trust me, lots of nutheads out there.. and this wasnt the worst thing he did to me .. things got even more scary
I was always lucky with men. My ex was a freak but he wouldn't hurt me.. I'm sorry for every woman who suffers with her partner and can't get out of the toxic relationship. I'm glad you were strong and ended yours!
That’s an intense and unpleasant experience to have gone through.
I’m assuming - and hoping - that you’ve sought assistance with dealing with the trauma of your experience with this person.
I’d love to read more about how you’ve dealt with the trauma, how you’ve healed and recovered, how you’ve adapted to it.
But also, now, many years after this fact, having discovered the truth of those times, and dealing with them...what have you gotten from the experience that have made you the person you are today? I always imagine that people who go through these experiences come out of them stronger, somehow... I’m wondering what that is for you?
Well, right before we left Holland I was about to get treatment for the ptsd, but instead we moved to another country. And I must say that things have been much much better since then. The horrible nightmares of all the traumatic events slowly appeared fewer nights instead of all night long.
I've read many many posts about how I dealt with everything because this was only just a small piece of the traumatic pie I had in Holland. We didn't flee our country with a three month old baby for no reason. And I must say that it was the best decision we could have made.
All the traumatic events, and dealing with psychopaths have learned me a lot about human beings with bad intentions, and I can honestly say that nowadays I can see through the eyes of those people that they are bad news. Where I used to not listen to my gut feeling years ago, I now listen to it right away. Even if I don't have a clear explanation for the why I feel a person is bad news, I take no risks to burn myself (or my family) by having them in our lives. I've learned a lot, but it has cost me everything I had, and loved back then. Yes, it has made me much wiser, but honestly, I also must admit that some things I'd rather not have known because for a few years I lost total faith in humanity.. that's not a nice way to live.. but that's getting better since we have our lives back in another new country and doing well here..
That’s an amazing - and very useful - skill to have. It’s so easy to lose hope when we are constantly exposed to the darker side of humanity. And yet, now you have a gift that you can share with us all.
😊🙏🏽☯️
That must have been a really unpleasant experience. he did all of that to you just to feed his ego? he clearly needs help, I hope he gets better someday..
I am glad you were able to deal with the trauma and give a new start to your life.
Yes it was, but I must admit (looking back, because back then I clearly had no idea) he mostly did things to feed his own ego or fulfil his own pleasures. He is what we call a twisted soul, and he will never get better, because after many many years he still did things to me when I got together with my current boyfriend, that used to be his friend many years ago (when I was still a couple with him). He could not accept the fact that I was with him now, and his soul even got darker when the years passed. Unbelievable that people can still hold on to things after so many years. Luckily he's far far away from me now, and I hope never to see him again :) We build up a new life, and it really was needed to leave the environment of all these toxic people from the past. That was my cure to deal with it. Slowly I found back myself :)
Thank goodness I never had to meet people with such dark souls. Most times, we only realize how much harm a relationship has cause when we walk away from it and I am glad you took that bold step.
I can't imagine how much of a struggle it was back then to stay safe and always from such a person (while you were still living in the same environment with him), I am glad you moved away from such toxicity and were able to find yourself again, that really is key!!