Why Have Our Family and Friends Disappeared?
8 years ago in #life by hilarski (76)
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Thanks for this heartfelt post! I think a lot of people disappear when they see someone they know do what they secretly want, but fear to do. And then, of course, "anarchist" is a really scary word to most people... who have no idea what it actually means... but in their ignorance toss it into the same barrel as "terrorism" and "communist" and things like that.
Although we like to give lip service to the bond of "blood," often our closest family is the one we choose, not the one we are born with. Whereas I did nothing near as brave as what you did, I was still regarded as "weird" by much of my family when I left Denmark at age 20 to go live in the USA. Many of them also thought it was "weird" that I was independent and working for myself, rather than working in a "good job."
I understand the missing them part, but take joy in having found a different "tribe" that gets who you are. All the best to both of you, and congrats on "living the dream!"
I try my best to tone my rhetoric down enough to make it palatable but it is such a foreign concept to most.
Did you notice the comments? People are making more on these comments than on most posts!
Yeah-- I tend to "rephrase" what I do in everyday terms and highlight some of the freedoms I enjoy as gentle reminders and encouragement that I am not "off the deep end" somewhere. It's tricky because a lot of my old family are basically Luddites... for whom even "using email" (and quite recently!) was a huge leap into the unknown.
Yes, comments often pay well... a strong case for engaging and interacting.
Hello and please excuse my comments if they err. Humans are social animals we congregate and work toward a common goal, that of survival and betterment. When one goes "off the rails" the main groupings do not understand this. They see it as contrary to the collective consciousness.
Now add in in this busy life within modern society most people do not even have enough time for sleep, plus they feel all the intrusions into their personal spaces. Thus they build walls of social isolation and this just further withdrawals them from forming necessary interconnected social bonding's...
It is not nice to say but the majority as clueless economic slave sheep and happy in their ignorance. Personally I prefer to try and work with those who are trying to gain ground in this new world rather than the clueless who are clueless that any problems even exist.
The old saying from last millennium you can choose your friends but not your family was another old age lie like employer loyalty etc. With kids divorcing their parents their is no need for family units anymore, welcome to chaos unless we choose to be people of good consciousness...
Nicely said! Thank you for that reminder of what is really happening.
I think parents and family have certain expectations for us, influanced by culture, religion, traditions and so forth. When we do not meet these expectations it is hard for the to adjust and accept. Give them time, reach out and educate them, they will come around. Loved your photos and thanks for sharing a part of your life.
I agree it takes time especially with family old friends on the other hand may have been lost to the ether.
You hope they come around but there are times when that's not the case.
Never give up, keep loving them and reaching out. Good luck.
My family tells me I need to get my life together. I have such an amazing and awesome life. They are so miserable, sick, dying and hate their lives. Good thing I have a sense of humor.
You've found peace and good people who share your values, so that's most important. It's sad that others didn't stick with you the way they should have.
As someone who lived abroad for several years myself, I experienced a minor version of this in that people back home didn't seem to care about my experiences after a while. What I experienced was beyond their reference points. I eventually ended up moving back within a day's drive of where I grew up, but was able to return on my own terms.
To some extent, I think people are afraid that you have broken free and followed your own personal journey in a way that many of them cannot appreciate.
After reading everyone's comments this seems to be the consensus but I wish they desired to be part of the journey.
I unfortunately come from a very disfunctional family. Later on in life I became an expatriate. Almost all family by blood disowned or does not interact with me in any fashion.
I believe that they as well as myself are waling our paths....that means that our paths may cross each others in the future... or not. Only the purpose and choices that we act upon will determine that outcome. Another unfortunate side affect is that the next generation in my family has inherted the trait of "not caring or wanting to bond" together. This has been my only regret in life to date.
As I am a creature of benevolence, this type of behavior led to a burden of guilt and negativity that was dificult to face....& later overcome.
Both of you have each other and that is a most blessed thing.
The individuals around you whom Are a positive influence in your life are your family.
I envy thee sir and wish thee continued success.
Thank you @Mithrilweed my family is a little scrambled in the head but our dysfunction was tolerable.
I too share this problem, but I have not found a new pack yet.
Nor have I finished changing.
What I find is that people have lines that they will not cross in their minds.
For many americans, it is related to what they learned in sunday school.
Speak all you want about Tibetan Buddhism, and no response.
Talk about the bible being a numerological / astrological text and they will ban / block / close their account / never speak to you again.
Freedom is an even bigger no-no don't go here thing.
They have been programmed all of their lives that they want their chains, they love their chains.
And the biggest one is to leave their social starta. Go from poor to middle class, and no one will talk to you. Go to rich, and all they ever want is money, if anything. Talking to poor people about getting rich themselves ... thems fighten words.
Wow, those are some very true words!
Serious @hilarski, i really appreciate having you in the Steemit Community, the amount of times you shared my post and leave a comment. You seem to take Steemit as serious social platform, speaking as a 21 year old where almost everyone of my friends are obsessed with Facebook, my advice is to just continue being active where you feel like your voice has value. I would have never posted on Facebook the way I would with Steemit. Heads up to one of the most influencial Crypto-Enthusiasts out there, keep us updated and stay Steemimg!
#HighFive thank you for doing what you do as well. I hope we have this amazing tech around for many years to come.
My family is made up of good friends not bloodlines❤
Yes strangers can become friends and be relied upon... Family exist just to remind you how lucky you are for the truly valuable people in your life...
Dam Straight!
That was very heartfelt. Thank you for sharing that with us. Hopefully at some point all of those friends and family will be on here to read that! ;)
Staying true to yourself is more important than anything. Great post!
I gave you a vote courtesy of @htooms.
https://steemit.com/takemyvotes/@htooms/i-m-not-going-to-upvote-you-do-it-yourself-1-winners-and-updates
How great to see you being interviewed. It makes me appreciate you even more!
Kudos to you for having the bravery to live life on your terms!
It's hard to get away from the herd! Congrats on your guts and perseverance!
Great post and congratulations on choosing to lead your lives as you choose.
All the best to you!
Hilarski, You are a very bright spirited man and you've got some balls to do as you have done in your life. Find supports when you need it. Always here to help if you need anything within my power. :)
Thank you Brotha!
I can relate to this as well. Good on you for setting a goal and going for it. The friends will be back :)
Maybe they are intimidated by your freedom. We have made some uncommon and unpolular choices ouselves, and some feel that we are moving backwards.
Wow, thank you very much for sharing this personal piece. It adds character and It adds to the respect that I developed for you since I met you. (I don't know how to say this properly in English, but you get the idea hopefully).
very nice post @hilarski
The road less traveled!!!
Surely one thing you must not miss is New York weather.
Cool interview! Watching it as I write this line.
Nice post keep it up
That's a bold move to make.. I am sure your strategy will pay off handsomely in a not so far future.
you are very good with the family, really fun.
i like it.
@hilarski
Thanks for sharing your story Randy. I am glad you found a place where you can live freely and happily. That's the main goal in anybody's life. Cheers! :)
Interesting post and beautiful photos! Congratulations @hilarski.
Great post @hilarski, I feel like that sometimes too...
I am so happy you've found your beautiful wife @anahilarki and that y'all have each other. <3
I wish you all the best!
Thank you Danila, I imagine you are going through something similar being so far from home. Tell @BallinConscious Wassup?!
@ballinconscious says hi! @hilarski :D
and yes, it happens, but I am so blessed to have made many friends who support me here, I had realized all the love that my new homies share with me, when I had a birthday party two weeks ago, and I was shown that I am loved... it was a really powerful birthday initiation... Hugs!
Great post. Have a great day @hilarski
@hilarski, you rebel!!!
Excellent post dear friend @hilarski a very moving story, thanks for sharing something so personal with us.
It is my wishes that you have a beautiful life, surrounded by affection, affection and much success !!!!
Thank you Brotha, you have been a great friend here on Steemit.
@hilarski, do not worry ! You have new friends here, in steemit community ! Your old friends and family will realized that you are not intended to leave them. Nice ! :)
Seeing you post and reading the comments. I kind of feel relieved that more people have a similar story to mine.
Thank you for making this post it helped me more than you might know.
That is awesome, I am glad I could help.
Last Sunday I submitted an entry to @papa-pepper 's travel story contest. It's a story about my experience with a Kuna man in the San Blas islands from February 2013. On Sunday night, over Facebook he asked me to marry him.
If I accept we can join families as we'll all be neighbors. I divorced my biological family who are jealous of my freedom. The Garden of Eden is now my family. WE can all be one big family...after all, family is where you create it.
Nice post! Thanks for sharing.
Beautiful photo.
Hugs!!!
You are no longer convenient and beneficial to your friends/family. That's it.
Legit story and nicely said! In general I agree with you.
Have a great day !
I'm so sad to hear that your friends and family don't support you in your adventures. We quit our jobs nearly five years ago and started our own location-independent business. We moved to Cambodia 2.5 years ago, and family and friends were thrilled... they all smelled a free holiday in a tropical country... most of them have visited us here by now. While it is hard to miss family and friends, especially when they show no support, the most important thing is that you have each other and that you are chasing your dream!
Wow, Cambodia that is even more exotic than I could even imagine. One of my best friends was from there. He was one of the boat people who escaped to Thailand during the genocide. Only he and his sister survived.
I thought more people would come visit but only two have done it so far. I find it odd because plane tickets are so cheap to come here. Plus, there are so many things to see and do.
If you need anything tweeted Amy let me know. We have a pretty far reach online.
Thank you for sharing!
wow, this post gets ranked number one at the moment, you are a professional writer. @hilarski
Thank you I appreciate that. I just blog what is on my mind. This one was truly from the heart.
I can totally relate to this post, Thanks for sharing
You got me emotional @hilarski
I Think because i know exactly how "anti government rhetoric" can affect your life and changed people around you. I have been anti-gov since collage time, arrested some times and eventually pushed away from my home country.
similar story here buddy, at least you set your self free from average paid job prison.
Thanks for opining you warm heart in such a way
Dag that's messed up. It sucks when our own family doesn't support our choices to be free. I'll definitely be checking iut your vid. Great post!
A brave move and I am glad it worked out so well for you. I think that's what they fear, the fact that you made such a bold decision in your life and they haven't. You do a great job on here and i think everyone agrees!
Grow apart or grow together.
It is often and unfortunately usually this way.
The struggles and experiences shared by you and your wife may not have always been pleasant, but they most probably brought you closer together. You walk a path hand in hand.
When it comes to family and friends, most cannot really even imagine the path you walk and therefore will grow apart. It may be that many still care for you and wish you well but feel they just have no connection. The divergence from their own path is too great. It can also be that jealousy plays a role for some or you have failed to meet the selfish expectations they have imagined for you. There are many reasons of course.
I have experienced similar since my move to Finland. I also experienced it here when I started my own company. Some that should be likely candidates to wish for my best have been the most judgemental and distancing. My approach is to wish them well and continue my path. Maybe we will cross paths again someday.
When it comes to being outspoken, we live in a world where many want to live in a fantasy. They worry about appearances and expectations. They avoid discomfort and remove anyone that questions their mental safety. Speaking out against what they feel is secure creates a risk for them so rather than investigating to understand more, they move away from or attack the challenger. People want to believe in their security, not discover it never existed. Again, if people want to sleep, let them sleep, wish them well and continue further down your path. Maybe when they finally awake, the way is a little easier for them to follow if they so choose.
I think both of you are brave and courageous for choosing the life that serves you instead of being a slave and stuck in a system that is broken and doesn't encourage change. It is not easy, leading the way and showing others that being happy and comfortable are choices. Thanks for sharing and teaching us that there are alternatives. We are family here. :)
Jealousy, maybe? Why have they turned their backs on you?
(Btw, that photo from the rooftop pool at Marina Bay Sands is an inspiration to me. It is one of my dreams to stay there with my wife and family).
Keep up the good work, bro, and let the haters go their own way.
Thank you, that photo was from the notorious Trump residences and Ocean Sun Casino. We tried to do my interview there with Jeff B but got kicked out.
I keep talking to @corinnestokes about how I'd like to move somewhere else and stop supporting this government machine with my taxes, but she's more practical than I am. We're going to start with travel first. If that goes well, maybe someday we'll move. Hopefully we can make it out to Panama in our journeys.
You better visit here.
I would love to. :)
I hear you. This sounds painful. Just a thought. What do you think the result would be if you contacted one or two loved ones you would love to be in more contact with and simply said "I miss you" to them? I can imagine there are complicated emotions on both sides.
Randy and Anabel, I am delighted to hear this heartfelt tome about your life together. I appreciate your dedication to each other and your chosen occupation. We up hear in Canada applaud your reality and frank truth. My friends and I are about to upvote our game and start using your 200 Social a lot more than in the past. I love what you stand for brother and I have learned a lot from you and with you. You are a fine couple and I cant wait to meet you Anabel and Randy in person. Keep Fighting the good fight!! Your Companion in Canada, James...Oh PS go BitNational!!!
Thanks for the great post. As a second-time expat (originally from Scotland, I emigrated a first time to France, and then a second time to Japan), I know where you are coming from. It sure can be hard realising that so many of your "friends" were nothing of the sort, just acquaintances who conversed with you for lack of anything else to do, who simply happened to work in the same company as you, or who felt obliged to interact with you on the simple basis that you had so many other "friends" in common. And then not hearing from then again when you move or, even worse, realising that most of them did not even take the time to see you one last time before you left. And then, of course, arriving in a foreign land, having to start again from zero, and having to make new friends, all the while wondering whether they will turn out to be real friends, or just more "friends..."