Well well well. Here we are again.
I thumped my bag down on my desk and looked at the forlorn bunch of beggars that were gathered around me in the office.
Happy New Year.
Grunted Mattock, a Zebra's buttock of a man.
Aye, it was but not now. Not now we are back in this festering shithole.
I flumped down in my chair and groaned. It hurt to be back at work. It hurt worse when they made you come into the office. I grabbed a spare lead and connected my laptop whilst watching the denizens of the office skulk about pretending to be busy.
As my monitors zapped into life, I spied a familiar blobbishness approach. Oh bollocks, it was Sick-Line. A pallid, overweight individual who resembled a poorly-haired testicle.
He stopped at my desk and did an odd-looking jig. He was remarkably light on his feet, no doubt from all the running away after stealing underwear from ladies' washing lines.
Look who the cat dragged in!
Sick-Line managed to sound as if he was yelling without raising his voice to Manager alerting levels.
Aye aye, that's me. Dragged in by all the cats.
I studiously ignored his bulk looming over my screen like a lardy moon attempting an eclipse.
Well, Boom-boom. I am here with a message.
He leaned over my screen causing it to screek with the pressure of his moobs. His breath wheezed out of him with a hooing noise and he licked his lips salaciously.
Your ass... is GRASS! HA!
He pulled back and shook his hands out to the side like a Bollywood dancer in a flower petal storm.
I closed my eyes and looked heavenward. My ass was grass. Couldn't he have come up with something less eighties?
And why my large-boned friend would my 'ass be grass?'
I picked up my coffee and tried to hide behind it as I took a gulp.
Because I am on the Keto now, the weight is falling off me. It's fucking amazing. Won't be long before fatties like you are shining my shoes.
Sick-Line turned side on and started caressing his beer belly as if it were a giant meaty crystal ball in which he hoped to divine the future. His attempt to push his stomach in was slightly spoiled by his moobs rolling about rebelliously under his shirt like beefy cannonballs in a bathtub.
Fatties like me?
I raised an eyebrow. Was he mental? Was he insinuating I had put on a couple of festive pounds? I mean, I had but that didn't mean that everyone suddenly stopped wanting to shag me.
You should give it a shot. Help you shift some of the Christmas weight.
He winked as if we were members of the same exclusive club, the idea of which was possibly the most frightening I could imagine.
Cheeky fucker.
What's this Keto nonsense then? Let me guess, it involves not eating properly for a couple of months and as a result, you lose half a stone before quitting and putting it all back on and then some?
I snorted, like a man in his prime telling his son that he didn't kill the spider that scared him even though he did.
Sick-Line reared up in outrage.
No. It's changing your eating habits for good. Low carb, high fat. We are all doing it. You would know that if you came into the office more.
He smirked, happy to be on the right side of the new office class divide of those who come in and those who don't.
Changing your eating habits for good. Ha. I will give you twenty quid if you are still on it by the end of February.
I laughed and fixed Sick-Line with my best challenger stare.
He frowned as what I had said sunk in. Then his face lit up with joy.
Twenty quid? Easy peasy. This isn't a fad. This is my new healthy eating lifestyle. You have yourself a bet!
He leaned over my screens again and stuck out a pudgy paw to seal the deal.
Grudgingly, I shook it and watched him proudly stomp away humming like a whale.
Twenty pounds? He will stick with it till then just to spite you.
Mumbled Mattock from the desk beside me.
I know. It will be torture for him.
I chortled happily.
Best twenty quid I will ever spend.
Fat shaming is pretty successful in the right circumstances, I’ve seen a bunch of people do it. I know he’s going to screw you just to make the money lol. You might be able to change this dudes life if you keep extending it to try and be an ass.
I enjoy a form of Keto that’s not popularized by Hollywood whores, where you do intermittent fasting and eat mostly a fat filled diet, with some exceptions of course. It’s helped me stay at a decent weight but some days it’s not too fun or easy lol.
I wonder if an April fools joke would go too far if someone bought him a bra lol.
Wouldnt that be an amazing thing if I managed to change his life up by a bit of shaming. He would probably thank me for it down the road as he only ever gets bigger and bigger and as he is getting older the body becomes less forgiving!
I try to keep the carbs down and have looked at Keto. I saw there were different types of ways to approach it and intermittent fasting being included is one. I am quite the fan of that and do it when I am thinking I am getting a bit of pudge on, kinda like now after Christmas!
A bra, omfg. That makes me laugh. I would probably get fired but it might be worth it!
I'd take a couple dozen fresh donuts into the office on Friday, for tea break, for good measure.
In fact... I'd go full tilt and introduce Donut Friday every week with immediate effect.
Donuts fresh from the fryer in assorted flavors with marvelously cheerful decorations 👍🏼
Slap 'em bang on a desk in the middle of the office and let the good times roll
Isn't that going to make the whole office go off the diet 🤣?
Yesssss
But also to win the bet because then peer pressure as well
See?
😈
At the very least it'll be funny to watch. Also... f*ck Keto btw 🙄
More that than anything else.
Go plant based and exercise more. Save the planet as well. It's a win win scenario.
Viva la revolucion 💥
I doubt that keto is going to help anyone live longer! All that fat would make anyone sick.
!PIZZA !ALIVE !LUV
(3/5) sent you LUV. | tools | discord | community | HiveWiki |
NFT | <>< daily
I have to agree. I watched someone do it up close and it freaked me out completely
Weird thing is...
It worked for them. Their cholesterol even went down
Bizarre!
But I don't think one can eat like that permanently and I don't think diets work longterm as a result
A balanced, healthy eating plan is far more rational in my opinionated opinion
Also... if someone has struggles with weight it's usually mental and emotional
So if that isn't addressed then no diet is going to work anyway
Find out why people are self soothing with food and just fix that instead
I highly doubt it. There must be some serious consequences for going against what we were intended to eat...
!PIZZA !ALIVE !LOL !PIMP
You must be killin' it out here!
1.000 PIMP@wrestlingdesires just slapped you with , @nickydee.
You earned 1.000 PIMP for the strong hand.
They're getting a workout and slapped 1/1 possible people today.
Read about some PIMP Shit or Look for the PIMP District
You Are Alive so I just staked 0.1 $ALIVE(7/10)@nickydee! to your account on behalf of @wrestlingdesires.
The tip has been paid for by the We Are Alive Tribe
through the earnings on @alive.chat, feel free to swing by our daily chat any time you want.
Oh? Now I have to ask :D
What do you think about that? Please do share...
I was kicking myself that I didnt come into work armed with doughnuts!
I could introduce the Friday with the only disadvantage being that I try not to be in that often! I would miss them all!
I really do like doughnuts. Now I have a hankering!
Sorry :(
Yeah! Fresh donuts 👀
Or Churros!!
Donuts every day then 💥
Churros!! Holy gotterdamerung!! Or something I once saw in an old war movie. I love those things!!!
If there was too be a churros day then I would be in for every one and subsequently have to invest in a whole new bigger wardrobe 🤣🤣
I know right??? 👀
Churros!!! With caramel sauce and nuts. And chocolate. And sprinkles. And plain. Churros!
Take the Churros!
At least once 😈
Oh you have to have the caramel sauce and everything else but even plain they are bloody lovely. I still remember when I first tried them. Yum!!!
Yeah. The beauty of simplicity and all that.
I still need to try and make them sometime 👍🏼
It's on the list
Lol oh January. Brings out the best in people hey. Fatties be fat shaming. Lol. I agree, best 20 quid ever! Happy new year boomy! !LOLZ
!PIZZA
lolztoken.com
In his sleevies.
Credit: reddit
$LOLZ
Use the !LOL or !LOLZ command to share a joke and an $LOLZ
(1/4)@meesterboom, I sent you an on behalf of @mimismartypants
Happy new year!!
It is a funny time. My gym is packed with people panic working out!
Panic at the disco! I'm being targeted to buy into 20 different workout apps. By ass has been big all year, why just now? Fucking marketers. We are so the devil's business!
Sometimes it's money well spent..
Oh aye, you get what you pay for!
Apparently you're going to lose the bet, the man has no problem following the diet since many are in the group you mention, but hey, this man won't bother you anymore, it's already an advantage
He might have no problem but it will hurt him in the process 😀😀
You monster ! ha ha
I am doing him good! Such health bemefits he will discover! I think I am becoming a philanthropist! :OD
There are some really great descriptions sprinkled in here XD
Hehe, I like to think of my posts as nothing but great descriptions linked by random words :OD
Great descriptions of hilarity linked by equally hilarious random words XD
Och you! That's kind of you to say :O)
You really make me laugh, I love your posts!
That twenty quid was quite a big investment heh heh! You could have also aimed for something more than February as well😈
Cheers, that's kind of you to say!
I wanted to make it so that he could hold out for at least that long 😀😀😀Bold
I say this because it's the truth.... I'm slowly re-reading your posts and I only regret not being a native English speaker, I think I would enjoy it much more!
Anyway yes even seeing him suffer until February is worth 20 pounds dehiihih😁
I must say I would not really notice that English isn't your first language. You speak/write it very well!
My posts must be a challenge! I appreciate you taking the time to read them. :0)
Thank you, you flatter me but I have to improve a lot.
I really like your posts, I realize that if I had a better understanding of English I could enjoy many more nuances ... but already so I really enjoy them!
I have been known to be a flatterer :0D
So you don't do anything but conquer me even more 🤣
Lmao 😂 at least you are getting something out of the deal haha
Nice summary of every fad diet or lifestyle change to ever take place both past and present.
I think every workplace is the same but man, I get tired of the diets and weigh ins and proud exclamations of weight loss only to see the same folk year in year out piling on the pounds and getting heavier and heavier! They should just be happy!
Yeah. Thats true, for sure. Super food crazes are the same in that regard, in my opinion.
They are. Everyone was drinking pomegranate juice in my work last year and taking related crazy pills. Before that it was an endless stream of nonsense!
Congratulations @meesterboom! Your post has been a top performer on the Hive blockchain And you have been rewarded with the following badge
You can view your badges on your board and compare yourself to others in the Ranking
If you no longer want to receive notifications, reply to this comment with the word
STOPCheck out our last posts:
OH man, this is one that I am always happy to see!! Thank you!
No Huel then..., hahaha!!
Hahaha, that is the one, the HUEL fad master! Two to three times a year he goes an yet another faddy diet! He is massive and only ever gets bigger!! :OD
LOLS...!!!
My fear is becoming that man, yeek!!
There is always one of those, isn't there?
I actually like the intermittent fasting that is associated with Keto, it works well, especially if you are a grazer like I am. :) A little bit of anything won't kill you, right?
The biggest nutritional problem with Keto is people take the high fat to the extreme and I don't know who said it here, but, some will even lower their cholesterol. I find it funny that you would push this man over to a skinny lifestyle. Then you become a hero, the voice of reason... now everyone would look to you for words of wisdom. Get rich schemes. How to get skinny in ten words...
Oh, and don't forget those doughnuts tomorrow! Boston Creme for me, please!
Good morning!
I like intermittent fasting too! I do it occasionally to keep myself on aneven keel and really like the boost of energy I get when I do it. .
I like the idea of being a hero. I think I will start planning my get rich quick schemes in earnest and finally get out of this rat race! :OD
And I do quite like a Boston creme!
Keto is too similar to keta for my liking. With your accent are you sure he doesn't have a drug problem and hhis visit was simply a cry for help?
If it is Keto, he's going to stink though ....stay away.
I have smelt the breath of folk on various Atkins themed diets before. It is truly honking!
It would be fun if it was Keta! Might actually give him an edge lol!
I've never really had to go on a diet, but I imagine it's some form of hell. There seems to be a different fad each month. Guy I worked with did the Atkins. Made him smell bad, but then he did lose weight.
Saw this today
June'ntonic might be alright!!
I cut down on carbs once atkins style and although not overweight could see a difference in my tum!
That is the list to follow. There are fads all over the place. If he stuck to one he might get somewhere. Or stopped eating for three!
Is Mattock black with white stripes? Or white with black stripes?
Hey Sick-Line ... I'm sorry to hear that you have caught the flesh-eating disease ... The good news is ... you've got about 35 years before it causes any harm
Once a year, my work holds a weight-loss challenge. The participants all weigh in and compete to lose the highest percentage over 3 months. It's always the folks who are already slim who manage to win ... my guess is that during their weigh-ins they carry weights in their prison wallet. Until the last weigh-in. But I've never attempted to confirm that theory.
No one will ever know. There are theories that he is not even there but just a combination of light and shadow in a cunning optical illusion!
My work used to do that kind of thing and it was right at this time! They did it up till April and the winner got a prize. Obvs not a cake, lol
Caryying weights is defo the jailway to heaven!
Oh, you really know how to punish him 🤣
It actually sounds more like hunting for heart disease...
This post has been manually curated by the VYB curation project
It does doesn't it! I looked up keto and some of the side effects looked quite alarming!! Great attacks was one!!
I can imagine. Nobody can eat that much fat without seeing some consequences!
!PIZZA !ALIVE
It's always mystified me when people go down that road. Bummer coffee was popular for ages and it's his code made with butter ... I mean butter!?!
Butter in coffee??? As a kid might say - gross 🤢
!PIZZA !ALIVE !LOL
I tried it once and was suitably disgusted
Why would one want to try it?
Laughing Pill. !LOL
Hmmm.... Wut da cat doin there....
We talking about cat Cat - right?
If I would Get that deal... It is easy for me to go on a diet but gotta need to get wait first.
lolztoken.com
He just needed a little space.
Credit: reddit
$LOLZ
Delegate Hive Tokens to Farm $LOLZ and earn 110% Rewards. Learn more.
(2/2)@meesterboom, I sent you an on behalf of @idksamad78699
Hehe, maybe I could start a thriving weight loss business where I pay people money to lose weight but a certain date.
Hang on though, it might not be much of a business! I would end up broke!
I can assure you'll end up becoming a headline-broke right next to Elon musk in 2022... Hehehe
Oh lordy, that is a dubious accolade and a half 🤣🤣
Some people realize too late that they need to eat healthy. I hope by the end of February you'll either win £20 or you'll see that he's been pushed hard enough to make it worth your money haha.
I hope he suffers like the plagues of hell are upon him. Then I will gladly pay up 🤣🤣
I reckon he won't, by the end of February this guy would have probably forgotten all about it!
Laughs imagine! For twenty pounds!
I think you could be right. That's why I dangled the idea of a very to him. I want him to suffer till then! Lol
hahaaa I've worked in my fair share of festering shitholes and every damned one of them had a Sick-Line. I only wish I would have had the forethought to issue a bet like that lol. I kinda hope he fails just so we can hear your narrative on his downfall.
I think there has been one in every place I have been in as well. He's a big annoying yet fragile bastard!
I half hour he doesn't make it and half hope he does. I am torn! Hehe
OMG Mr @meesterboom a testicle with little hair I think I've already seen it hahahah and it's half pale, but the Bollywood dancer is the limbo of the dance that seems robotized by the movements so curvilinear, rectilinear, they seem abstract (it's just my perception) but so the movements are very studied.
Here in my land the empanadas stuffed with shrimp, or with cheese, or with ground meat or with fish are a success in the offices are the plus of the morning wao with an espresso
And of extra pounds now in January, I think many for example my hips grew a little, so I am since this week full in morning yoga, cardio boxing, hiking, and cycling, I stop counting to take off the surplus, and I think many in the same wave, so as not to be a product of circumstances (December holidays) and not of decisions.
And most importantly, you must connect with what gives us the greatest happiness...I believe that our points of view, create our reality!
For now I'm on a diet and I exercise a lot to stay in shape and gain more youth hahaha
Your office years should just better than ours. I love savoury for and empanadas in the morning would be awesome!
I always believe January to be a temporary affair when it comes to the body. It's the month you are allowed to let it go then pull it back in. I'm pulling back in myself right now!
They are very tasty and succulent, and they fill you up for a few hours, just like our famous tequeños stuffed with delicious white cheese, they are yummmm
I had never heard of tequeños. I looked them up on Google however and they look fabulous! I wouldn't mind trying them!
The tequeños are delicious, they are stuffed with white cheese it is possible that you will get them in your country where they sell Latin food, especially from Venezuela. I'm going to share a photo of the ones I made for breakfast today.
Amazing looking things! I have never seen them here and I usually try anything different I see. I might have a bash at making them!
They can be made baked or fried. Mr. @meesterboom look for them in the Latin market, it is feasible that you will get them, you can eat them with tomato sauce, pink sauce (mix of mayonnaise and ketchup or with your sauce of preference.
hehe you will have fun with that!
Squirming sick line justfuckedhimself!
Happy New Year😎
Happy New year mate!!!
He did fuck himself but oddly I half think he is the type to enjoy suffering so he can brag!!
Somehow you managed to insult him while giving him beneficial incentive at the same time, that's masterful!
I like a bit of head messing! He won't know whether he is coming or going soon! 🤣🤣
Congratulations @meesterboom! You have completed the following achievement on the Hive blockchain And have been rewarded with New badge(s)
Your next target is to reach 67500 replies.
You can view your badges on your board and compare yourself to others in the Ranking
If you no longer want to receive notifications, reply to this comment with the word
STOPCheck out our last posts:
I gifted $PIZZA slices here:
wrestlingdesires tipped meesterboom (x1)
wrestlingdesires tipped nickydee (x1)
(1/5) @mimismartypants tipped @meesterboom (x1)
Send $PIZZA tips in Discord via tip.cc!