I pulled into the parking lot of the gigantoplex shopping centre. It has everything in it. Cinemas, small countries, you name it, it was there.
As a result, I despise the place for being a soulless big bastard of an air hangar.
The good lady waved goodbye and went off with the kids. She was going to meet lots of other mummies to see Coco, the new Pixar movie.
Having a distinct lack of milk-producing squeakers or even a lady garden. I was banned and had to entertain myself for a few hours before picking them up.
I mooched along past row after row of identical neon dressed shops. Perhaps I would get a coffee, yes. I definitely would. I turned on my heel and headed for a little coffee shop in the middle of the place that is actually quite nice.
I noticed some poor tit out the corner of my eye in one of the many reflective surfaces. Some downtrodden looking guy, rumpled clothes and hair going all silvery. Pah. I snorted. Bet he was a fresh Dad, you could tell by the state of him.
Then I paused.
Yeah, of course, it was me. I had caught a side-on view of myself in the mirror and I looked like a polar bear had shagged me inside out and then the seals had had a go at my carcass.
What the heck? I realised in that instant that I had not gotten over the sleep deprivation from having a newborn. Instead, I had gotten so used to being sleep deprived that I was now a shambling unkempt zombie. Just like every other Dad I saw.
Bollocks to that. I decided to sort myself out, toot-sweet. Spying a decent clothes shop I headed straight in.
The place had loads of good stuff. To begin with, I picked out some new jeans and a couple of t-shirts. I spied the changing room and took them over.
A perky trendy young lass grinned at me with teeth so blindingly white for a minute I panicked and thought I was dying. She gave me a plastic thing with a big number on it and pointed at some empty curtain covered changing rooms.
I entered one and quickly wheeked off my jeans and t-shirt and pulled on the new stuff. It doesn't pay to stand about with your flesh exposed in these little downlit mirrored rooms for too long. It plays havoc with your self-esteem.
I was just getting the jeans up to mid thigh when the curtain to the little room was whooshed open.
Standing there was was a woman with a wry grin on her face and a leather belt in her hands.
I squealed like a young girl and hastily pulled my jeans all the way up.
She stepped in and pulled the curtain closed.
No need to be shy!
She laughed before grabbing my waist and pulling me close so she could thread the belt around my waist. In no time at all, she had it on and buckled tight.
She stepped back and smirked.
Great jeans and with that belt, wow!
She let out a low whistle before grabbing my shoulders and roughly turning me to face one of the mirrors.
Don't you look amazing with that belt on those jeans?
I attempted to squeak something. Nothing came out. My brain was struggling to process what was going on. On the one hand I felt that I should voice some outrage about my privacy being invaded. On the other hand my teenage brain was screaming SEXY LADY WITH A BELT SHOVING YOU ABOUT!!!
She turned me sideways and eyed me approvingly.
Incredible. Do you want to take the belt?
I cleared the frog from my throat.
Errm, how much is it?
Fifteen quid darlin, that's alright I take it?
She said, in a voice that implied that the kind of man who couldn't afford a fifteen quid belt was the kind of man she would shit on and not in a good way.
Yeah, cool. Totally cool.
She smiled and winked ferociously before flouncing out.
I stood for a moment, did all that really just happen? Well, yes. Yes it did. I had the feeling I should be outraged but instead, I thought.
Maybe I will come back next week for another pair of jeans...
I can only assume you must write Steemit posts in the middle of the night whilst you are being deprived of sleep, otherwise I dont know when you find the time. I bet youll be buying jeans on the regular from that place though hahaha!
I write them in odd snatched moments! It's fair to say I get into trouble now and then from the good lady for being glued to my phone!
I am going to have more jeans and belts than I will know what to do with ;O)
I can imagine that to be the case, both the getting into trouble part and the excess attire! Maybe you can connect all the belts together and see if you can get a record for the world's longest belt? That would be worthy of a Steemit post or three...
Good looking jeans and belt. Just need some cool sun glasses for a finishing touch. Lol!
I'm surprised she didn't jam some on me and charge me fifty quid lol
Whit's fur ye'll no go past ye, Mr. Boom! You played your cards right and look what happened! Your ego got stroked! (I don't want to know about anything else)
Exactly, for the princely sum of fifteen pounds my ego got stroked!! I mean that doesnt sound wrong at all.. hehe
Well there is always the right belt for the right person haha
That is very true!
Hahahaha, you sir, are the master of the punchline!
Who even knows if she worked there, she might just have a NDILF fetish... it is incredible though, there is absolutely no way I wouldn't have bought that belt.
Hope you had your good undies on.
I had my astonishing skull patterned clima-cool undies. Oh yeah, the good ones! lol
Thats funny. Imagine if she didnt even work there!!
Hahahaha, brilliant! Nothing says Manliest of Manly Men like the deaths head on your junk.
Exactly, abandon hope ye who enter here!
Haha, that was funny. Talk about invasion of the belt lady. First I was like "what is she going to do, whip him for taking too long?" She probably would have if you had not taken to buying that belt. Be careful, next visit could be a shirt. :-)
HAhah, you should have saw what was going through my head. I could hear the wah wah guitars and everything starting. It was ridiculous!
Shirt it is!
Lol bet you were fit to be tied. Sounds like you had just as much fun as they did watching the movie.
Pretty much, a great day all round :OD
Lol sounds like it. Wonder what your next adventure will be like, and to think it is only Monday. :-)
No doubt the rest of the week will be as boring as feck lol!
Aww, surely hope not. :-)
Just you be careful.
You know how it goes... a small taster to get you hooked and then...
Next week it'll be a Rolex.
That would be fine, if it continues with belts the good lady might get suspicious at my growing collection :0D
lol, I was writing that last line along with you and laughed cuz as I read your line about another pair of jeans, my mind was saying "Maybe I will come back next week for another look in that mirror"!
Perhaps either ending works ;0)
Hehe, you are right, that one would have worked equally as well!
All roads lead back, hehe!
My brother sometimes still wears that look and my niece is over a year old, count yourself lucky haha! Nora Bell is a pisser, cutest and smartest kid ever, who also likes to wake her parents up multiple times a night STILL. (Love being auntie!!)
So I have something strange going on, I feel like I've drank more beer in the past month then I did in the past six, but somehow I lost ten more pounds. Which is really awesome considering it's in keeping with my goal, I just don't have a clue how I managed it...except come to think of it, not sure when I've been eating..hm, Beer diet rocks!!
I am currently drinking Sponge Candy Stout by Resurgence Brewing Co...which boasts that they brew the beer with actual sponge candy from Watson's candy company. I feel like I'm bragging now lol.
That sounds like awesome bragging! Awesome beering!
Its the food, you have substituted food for beer. And normally I would say, hey hey better steady on... but I keep going back to re-reading that sentence about the sponge candy and thinking man, I wanna live on that stuff!!!
It is sooo good. I thought the ommegang candi stout was good, but actually that was a bit too sweet now that I've tried this which is absolutely perfect. Just a hint of sweetness yet you can taste the chocolate and the sponge candy, very smooth with an excellent after taste. My brother buys me the best presents!
He does buy you the best presents! That sounds great, I love the ones where they hit that sweet spot with the balance between all the flavours and one doesnt just boof out over the rest. Lol,obvs now I feel like a beer! haha
Oh yes! I also meant to tell you, though we should further discuss in chat, that apparently you can do international beer trading. Just call it a gift and you're good to go, a couple friends of mine do this. So...something we might try one of these days, what do you think? :)
No way, really? Wow!!! Yeah, thats a thing for the chats!! I would have to invest in some serious bubble wrap!! lol!!
I already scoped out the bubble wrap, we've got rolls of it for sale cheap at a local store, yay for me...and you :)
She is good in this, what she did to you @meesterboom😂😂 1 sth place on the list, "Best seller "
Amazing gift she have , hmm what more she can
😎
Greetings 😛
She certainly knew her stuff. She must sell a million of em
You have totally right!!
Sounds like you need a belt after that incident with the belt.
I need a stiff drink ;O)
You write and I See the movie. Belt part was te best!
Cool, I am glad it works that way!
Oh god you sleep deprived dads are an easy sale, she was good...good eyes 😂😂😂😂
It is the sleep deprivation! Totally, normally I am Sharper of the wit than I have been lately!
Well, hopefully it's sleep deprivation lol!
hahahha coming back it is then !
Yep, I am a simple creature :OD
how about a pair of boxers on your next visit? lol
Hahah, Next thing you know I will be in prison if I go down that road! lol
That or back home, in the dog house!
This strikes me as one of those "fact or fiction" tales!
Perhaps we should compare notes between this and my experience with an air hostess at 30 some odd thousand feet on a flight to Majorca!
Great read. As always.
Hehe, tis all legit which means I hope you really did have an experience at 30 odd thousand feet! :O)
Where is that place dear friend @meesterboom, I am secesitando that service, I have to change my jeans and belts, maybe receive an extra service if you mention that I'm on your side.
Congratulations for the good service received dear friend.
I wish you a wonderful week
Maybe they will start that kind of service all over the world and we can all have a massive belt collection!! heheh!
The ending of that story is where we would have diverged and I would have been called antisocial or worse for kindly telling her to fuck off. But, indeed that's more action than I've seen in a while...
ITs a thin line that has to be walked! :O)
I think your story is going to have a second part, because everything is ready for a new reunion with the mysterious and overpowering lady. A situation like this has never happened to me, so I think some charm saw the lady in her gentleman. In my town, women say that the most neglected and ugly man is the most beautiful. ¡Never I undrestood!. Therefore, we, the parents, even if we are careless and not well groomed, we still have an opportunity! ...Greetings
Lol, I definitely think there wont be a second part. I would be a dead man at the hands of my wife lol!
Believe me, I understand you perfectly lol. Greetings.
I salute you sir for this wonderful line. Nearly spat out my coffee in every direction. I think my keyboard is used to that by now. Trouble holding my
liquorcoffee.As for the next time I'm in Scotland (not that there has been a first time), what was the name of that store? I won't tell anyone.
Lol, if you make it to here we shall have a whiskey and go drunk clothes buying!!
Nicely done, sir! Great story, love your writing style. @Markrmorrisjr
Cheers mate!
I'm gonna start hanging out at the Mall more! This stuff NEVER happens to me. Maybe I sport the wrong unders'....or I just need to work on my rumpled, sleepy man look. Could you send me a photo, postage paid?
Of course, for the princely sum of 1 SBD a month you can join my Rumpled Dad Skin mailing list ;0)
[Insert ribald laughter here] You must be referring to a Black and White rendition. A color series is no doubt worth at least 12 times that. I would risk cheapening you for anything less....t'would plague my conscience into perpetuity.
Are results with the RDS system guaranteed, or is there a full refund policy, if the women fail to flock to my dressing rooms with leather props and such?
There is a full refund policy almost guaranteed!! ;0)
Lol. This is the first post I've read of yours in weeks. Being in Australia made me shit. Sorry. And I don't even have a baby to blame.
I can sort you out with a baby, never fear, then you will have justification for everything!
Lol. I'll keep that in mind.
Thank god you are on here. I am so tired of crypto posts!
Hehe, crypto posts eh. Let me rustle up some trade analysis and some charts!! Lol
Haha! What an interesting combination of intense plus funny situation it was.
At some point I thought she is going to robe you. Lol
You are planning to go there again! Wait, let me show your plans to your good lady ;)
No showing to the good lady!!! :0P
Like a polar bear haha! That gave me a good laugh. I really enjoy Athenians with a sense of humor thanks. Meesterboom
I enjoy being an Athenian!
I don't even have a baby and I am so tired. I would've curled up in the dressing room and just catch a snooze for a while...you should write earlier then I can go to bed earlier...LOL
HAhahaha, if I could have gotten away with snoozing in there I would have, super sales lady would probably still have come busting in and woken me to seel a belt!
Indecent exposure....taking advantage off while you're asleep...well there is a story to tell!
Is it indecent if you let them? :OD
Interesting way of writing - well done.
Thank you, I do like to write :O)
You should stick to it :)
Hehe, thank you!
hahahahaha always the follies chase you ;)
I bet that that belt lady made you drip.
Lol, perhaps she did!! ;0)
Holy crap! I was in a fitting room yesterday and thought what it would be like to have someone walk in on me when I'm half-dressed. Did I just project that thought onto you, BOOM-goes-the-dynamite? I feel like I did, and I don't know whether I should say sorry or "you're welcome."
I wouldn't know what to do had I been in that situation. Definitely a classic right there. I mean, who would even walk in and forcefully put on a belt just to sell it. That's one hell of a sales technique. It's either she's just really good at her job yet invasive, or she has signed away her soul and the only way to reclaim it is to sell as many belts as she can before the next full moon.
I think she might just be really good at her job and can spot a mark a mile off!! I was genuinely speechless. It takes quite a lot to silence me!
She would've made a great pickpocket. In fact, I think she is!! Quick! Check your pockets!!
Hahahaha! "I squealed like a young girl ..." - as much as I'm expecting it and try to remember to put my coffee down before reading your posts, you always get me anyway, lol. Your timing is impecable! This is hilarious!
You should have heard my squeal!! Lol!
I would be totally like dafuq !?
And proceed to make sure my better half sure as hell didn't witness that. An unauthorised female with my personal space without her specifically sanctioning it ... my gawd, the gonads on that female salesperson ... wow
She was right out on a limb. My good lady would have thrown her through a window had she been there!
I could imagine her going Hulk Smash on the salesgirls ass. Followed by a Puny girl
I think then it would be Hulk smash and Puny Boom straight after the girl got it!
SEXY LADY WITH A BELT SHOVING YOU ABOUT my ribs are hurting now XD
Although I'm not trying to animate "smiled and winked ferociously" in my head, there's a weight there that I'm going to need to figure out how to master I think XD
Well least she made you feel like rugged manly man after you were having a bit of a downer being sleep deprived dad XP That baby induced sleep deprivation is another thing I don't miss! (now I just do it to myself but that's different XD)
You are right, self induced sleep deprivation is moot the same. That's the worst for me, when I get the chance to sleep I stay up late. Aargh.
A ferocious wink. It speaks volumes doesn't it!
I think the lady is an incredible salesperson.
Resteemed!
I have to agree, she must make a fortune :O)
Wao you really have talent! Greetings from Venezuela!
Greetings from Scotland!
I'm sleep deprived, too, so I understand your situation.
But, my baby is actually university and the tests.
Atleast when you're hugged by your child, you understand why you're doing that.
But, with college is nothing like that.
Just study, study, study until you pass.
Ahaha, but you dont. You hug your child and its like a little island in the storm and then at three in the morning you just keep thinking Why? Why did I do this to myself? The hug dont seem so important then, lol
What a nice lady, she just made your shopping experience much more enjoyable. I hate shopping, but in this case I would definitely make an exception.
Hehe, well she did cheer me up a little
Belted? More like shafted. Ya got played for a belt homie
And yet, I feel strangely happy :O)
Can you help me with something how can I find you to chat it's not spamfarmer question... 😐
I am on steemit chat @meesterboom or discord -@meesterboom#1553
:0)
OK discord👍
discord is good!
i enjoy your post! thanks
And thank you
good and nice shopping
an interesting experience,😕
It was!
Commission sales!
Awesome story, @meesterboom. Thank you, you made my day:)
Thank you for your kind words!
Amazing post, just followed u, Follow me back and upvote my posts as well. Hope we can be good friends.
Wow, not only did you not vote for the amazing post you also lied about resteeming it. Well have a vote from me!! a downward one...
i'm really sorry i'm new here and i didn't know how it work sorry once again
Is commenting really worthwhile
Your Reputation Could be a Tasty Snack with the Wrong Comment!
I don't believe that. Every site is like this. You vote/like and or comment. You are just fucking at it and got caught
you don't have to believe me, but it's just the reality and that's what happened ... i told you that i'm sorry about this and you can accept or not my apologie sincerly
Ok then