Earth Maid

in #life7 years ago

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I held on to the good lady tight.

You will take care of yourself, won't you?

Of course I will Daddy chops, don't worry. It is only three days.

I stepped back and appraised her as if she was heading to the Antarctic for the long summer. The good lady had been studying to become a Doula and part of that study was to head off into the country to do some mad hippy shit with a bunch of fellow trainee Doula's for three days.

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I was half worried that she would come back a different person. And not in a fake breasted, blonde haired good way.

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If they try to brainwash you or tell you that men are bad, you will resist won't you?

It's not a cult. They are not going to try and brainwash me.

I reached into a pocket and took out my prized balisong. I flicked it open and closed majestically a few times.

Do you have a blade? Just in case you have to cut your way out of a tricky situation?

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The good lady shook her head good-naturedly and punched me on the shoulder.

Don't be a diddy. As if I will need a blade. It's a group of women who are there to support each other.

I looked at her with my best squint eye.

We should have a safe word. So that I can extract you if it all goes pear-shaped. What about "tadger?"
Tadger - Glasgow slang word for "Boaby" which in itself is a Glasgow slang word for Penis.

Haha, very funny. There will be no tadgers and no safe words. It will be fine. It's just a collection of workshops and stuff to celebrate the art of the feminine.

I growled slightly, My inner man wolf smelling metaphorical beef.

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Celebrate the art of the hoohaa. I hope that doesn't mean you will be spending the weekend making paper mache vaginas.

The good lady laughed.

If we do, I will make sure to bring one home for you.

Hmm. Alright then.

She picked up her bag and headed out of the door with the Little Boom. I and the little lady waved her off until she was out of sight.

Isn't it exciting that Mummy is going off to become an Earth Maid this weekend, Daddy?

I looked off into the distance.

Yes little one it is.

The little lady grabbed my hand.

And don't worry, if she needs help we can go and revenge her.

I looked down proudly at my little chicken pie and ruffled her hair.

That's my girl.

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Haha. My wife is a Doula and always making paper mache vaginas. She's got an out of town workshop coming up, now I have all kinds of awesome expectations about what's gonna go down! Thanks for the laugh and the great post!

Well that's fantastic, I have never come across anyone who actually knows what it is let alone is married to one!

They’re great to be married to in my experience, I must admit!

I am quite proud that it is something she had chosen to become!

Thank you for posting @meesterboom.

Appreciate the story and illustrations. Codewords are always good. Give the little lady one too....she may need it.

Bon Voyage to the good lady.

Wishing you and yours a lovely weekend.

Cheers.

I shall be sure to give the little lady a splendid code word, she can use it when she runs through in the night!! She is doing very well.

I hope you and yours have a splendid weekend too milady!!

Doula and the Diddy Daddy! Has a certain adventurous ring to it don't you think? Or a band specializing in mad hippy/rock ballad fusion?

I'm not sure if you've noticed, but I'm not usually a superfan of kids, why are they so sticky, but your little lady seems like a top sort Good passing of the genes old chap.

P.S) I can't stop thinking about your spammer videos. I've been using the same voice in the office whenever someone does something stupid. You may have improved my life by more than 5%.

Lol, she is a topper thats for sure. I am trying my best not to raise one of those sticky annoying kids. I am not very enamoured with the either you see!

Lol, love it on the spammer office voice!! I will have to do some more!!

To be honest, I have never heard of Doula thing but if that is connection with other Doula's and giving birth at home, that is true leadership and courage...Robin Hood in Women's body...Doula's for Presidents...
This Earthology and Doulalogy, I can't figure out what is that good for or whom...😷

You mentioned other "helping devices" like tadgers, paper mache vaginas,...beefs,...maybe it is better to play with them instead Doulalogy...isn't it ? 🤔🤔🤔

It is a great thing. It is all leadership, courage and empowerment of women together! They will change the world.

Hehe, the other things might be best to pass the time for a while :OD

You see, what is really fantastically interesting is the approach of Mr.Boom towards His little lady Hero...So, little and prepared to defence Her Mam.
And in all His posts He keeps thinking with a great pride for Her, the one that we have inside us, when we respect somebody so much...😚 Mr.Boom's relationship towards Her looks like a fairy tale...The Small princess & the King...
I need to learn this fairytale relationship...🙌

I am awfully proud of them all, I am glad that it shows even though I often write about things in an amusing way :O)

This was sweet. Let's just hope there's no need for any revenging.

Hehe, it's looking good so far for a lack of revenging :0)

Wow. Doula. I know so many women that got into Doula.
I think your lady is an amazing lady to do that since more and more women want their babies to be born at home.

That is so cute, that you worry about her like that, just like my husband.
I'm pretty sure she will be just fine and be glad she did this.
I hope you will be OK without her for few days. lol

I am going to do my utmost to survive. I instantly went tothe shops and bought pizzas and noodles. I might make it :O)

She will do great I am sure!

I can make you a nice price on a low-mileage ivy staff I carved. It would make a nice present, and you would get to have the car to yourself.

I am liking the sound of that. I could be doing with a nice ivy staff!!

I think it will seat a doula-wife and two children. Think about it. No MOT needed yet.

It will save a fortune. lol!

And don't worry, if she needs help we can go and revenge her.

Awww, the little lady is a chip off the block; that's really sweet.

3 days without the good lady is obviously not something you look forward to (that's pretty sweet too) - good thing you can make bread, huh? Enjoy the time with the little lady though ... love how she's bringing up daddy, lol. :)

Hehe, she is a bit actually! We are making bread together tomorrow which will be fun!

Thats if we don't get called away for a revenging!

Making bread with the little lady sounds like a lot of fun!

It is much fun and very very messy!!

I think you should break out the paper mache and have a tadger pinata waiting for her when she arrives home.

Because, you know ... when she returns, she is going to want to destroy a tadger. It'd be better if it was the paper mache one.

That is a good point. I have already purchased a wig so that she might not want to destroy me. I shall get on the tadger making!

If I might make a suggestion...

Make sure that the little lady is very much asleep before operation tadger plaster begins.

Some things can not be unseen.

Of ya, as always great care in everything must be taken!!

so far you have an ally in the little one, but she is young my friend, and hasn't been taken into the fraterinity of womanhood... just in case things go tits up, I would start looking into a lawyer so you don't lose everything! You can never tell whats about to happen when women,(and it doesn't have to be many, just two) get together. They are what I call a necessary evil! I hope I haven't spoiled your weekend with this comment of doom and gloom! :)

Hahaha, that's just the kind of thing I have been dreading!!!

I shall keep a stern eye on things ;0)

The Little Lady is such a chip off the old blockhead! I bet she is Daddy's girl through and through. The Good Lady may come back a little different...as long as they don't indoctrinate poor Lilttle Boom!

I know, have mercy on the little one that's what I say. :0D

Ohhh, that's what a boaby is! Does this mean she'll be a full Doula?

Nah, she will still be on the road to our. This is like a third of the way through. I think after this she still has to knit an Indian blanket and care her soul creature! Lol!

Does this mean you're flying solo for the weekend? Big Boom and the Littles?

I am, well one little. The little lady because the little boom has to go where the boob goes!

very sweet, you are revealing some soft tender sides of yourself of late. But still managing to slip in the tawdry words now and again. Well played. So are you more worried about he or your and the little daughter surviving on your domestic skills? Not sure what a Doula is either and why is the little boom going?

He is going because he is the sacrifice!!!

Or rather, because he is breastfed and try add I might I cannot squeeze any white gold out of my perky little moons.

I am more worried about those of us left behind this weekend!

Good luck with receiving your lady changed to a fake breasted blonde with whom you will be able to use safe words for various purposes. 😁

Your posts always make me laugh, thank you!

Hehe, I hope I am not disappointed in get return ;0) Cheers!!

Though I hate to admit it, I had to look up Doula on the box here. That sounds like an interesting thing to do...though I'm pretty sure I couldn't do it. Then again, I'm a weenie. Good job, good lady, for going forwards into it with certain gusto.

I DO hope your daddy time is not interrupted for certain revenge. I'm leaning more toward a whole lot of fun and card-table tents and making odd foodstuff's instead...oh, and large messes around the house....

No revenge required so far!

I was quite mystified the first time I heard the expression too. Such a strange thing!

if she needs help we can go and revenge her.

Love that fiery Little Lady! You'll have your hands full with that one! But in a good way, I'm sure.

Definitely in a good way! I couldn't be prouder! :0)

Just think of the murder and mayhem if this was a Thursday.
Uncle Boom would have a field day.
That is the end of your love life, once they get a taste of feminine, blokes are out.

Heheh, I will hold out hope that it is not the end of everything!

you will have to introduce her to your beer tasting, and sneak up after a couple of "10 Booms" have been consumed.
you have the choice Fair or Foul, [Foul works ever time.] ask Uncle Boom, he knows.

Foul does work, the ten booms is already my strategy, that's why I hunt so tirelessly ;0)

Awww Fathers suggestions and Daughters answers.
The way she answers your every question.
she just nailed it.
Most probably The one who involved blade.

Haha, she might very well be :O)

She Is mind blowing.
@meesterboom i have a new remedy for you about uric acid, i hope you'll like it.

Uric acid eh. Iwill have a look lol!

This remedy helps you to eliminate high uric acid problem which is so painful for those who have high uric acid problem.

Your good lady has shown to be a loyal and serious person throughout all your stories; I think he needs a moment when he moves away from meesterboom to miss him and appreciate him even more...You can stand it @meesterboom, it's only three days with the company of your brave Little Lady. Greetings.

I will be strong for the little lady!! It will be hard though!

I remember doing paper mache in art class and we never had the opportunity to make a Paper Mache Vagina... I’m sure every boy in class would have been participating that day. They’d mess it up anyway. Lol Gotta love when the daughter wants to kick some ass too!

She is a very kick ass daughter! Just now she is attempting to climb onto the top of my head!!

Paper mache vaginas, an you imagine such a thing! I mean, fingers crossed and all that ;O)

I was half worried that she would come back a different person. And not in a fake breasted, blonde haired good way.

LOL !! usually like that if home from overseas, Boom? :-)

You naughty in tells the story, but extraordinary, Boom😀

You have to be naughty on occasion or like is no fun! :O)

Yes!!

LOL

grabs my popcorn and crosses leg it's @meesterboom series....... Nice move by telling her not to buy their brainwash plus she is doing a great work, I wish her safe journey. And I think the little lady needs a code word too and perhaps a pepper spray. Have a monumental night

Hehe, a pepper spray indeed!! Have a great night yourself!!!

Well, hope it doesn't make me sound heartless covers face

From your post it goes to show you have a brilliant daughter who is aware of her surroundings,just like men, women sometimes like to be away with other women of like minds.she will come back safely ,trust me.

I am sure she will :O) And she is a fabby little lady!

I think your little girl follows your genes on the subject of behaviour. That was a proud moment for you, meesterboom, I presume? Upvoted!

I think she follows mine too!

Is it a subliminal challenge to have us spending the weekend making paper mache vaginas?
Your little girl is so vindictive!! XD

It is! Get making, Ishall judge the results on Monday!!

It is great that she is following her passion and that you are there for her and you will 'revenge' her if needed. I think she is going to have a lot of wonderful experiences ahead which she will tell you and then you can tell your version to us hahaha

Haha, that is the very same joke that she made about the experiences she may get!!

So you and the little lady are home alone. Going to be an interesting weekend I suspect.... I hope your wife will have a wonderful time and fulfill her passion that she has for this.

I hope she will too!!! Cheers!

I looked at her with my best narrowed eye.

It reminds me of my mother when I commit an impropriety and I feel her look like a dagger.

Yeah it's exactly like that :0)

Lol, Tammy. This can only result in fodder for future posts though.

From what I have heard already then yes indeed!

good `story @meesterboom
thank you for sharing

No bother :O)

Hola
Me imagino a la señora haciendo el papel de Doula.
Saludos

She will play it well :O)

dear,, great writing....love your all post....
thanks for shareing...

Tha great post Thanks for sharing blog
I like your art post

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