Damn, the strap is busted. I will have to get a new one.
Forkface pulled at his gigantic gym bag which was swollen with all sorts of gym fuckery within. The strap had broken off in his hand and the bag itself creaked alarmingly as if it were about to explode.
I pulled my attention away from the exceptionally riveting and beautiful pie chart I was creating and cocked an eyebrow at him.
I think your bag has too much stuff in it.
Wisdoms dispensed, I made to turn around back to the heady world of pie charts and other sexy graphs that could make a man froth at the Humphries.
It's my gym bag actually. So it can't have too much stuff in it.
Forkface sighed angrily as if I were a small marmoset monkey trying to steal his keys.
I beg to differ old chap. A bag can have too much stuff otherwise it is a magical bottomless sack and the only magical bottomless sack that I know of is tucked away safely in my pants.
I gave myself a wink and leered at my own groin.
Forkface's dotty visage creased up in disgust. This was why we called him forkface as it looked as if someone had stuck a fork in it repeatedly. He was a Systems Architect and seemed to think that this made him royalty of the IT game. Instead of just being a sieve-faced honking moron. Do you have to be so coarse all the time? Some of us don't always have our minds in the gutter. It's not big and it's not clever. He preened a little, no doubt proud that he had set me on the straight and narrow. Unlike my penis. I twerked my eyebrows at him. Unlike what? Oh god, why did I get landed sitting here today? Forky-Small-Balls raised his eyes to the heavens as if seeking an intervention. I clucked happily and threw in a random hand clap Gordon Ramsay style for good measure. You know when you come into the office you can choose which seat to sit at don't you? I mean, I would much rather the likes of you sat with the other pond life over there... I waved a hand over at the area near the fire exit which was heaving with geeky programmers and smelled like someone had ejaculated into a pigeon and then hidden its body under a floor tile some weeks ago. Well, if I could pick up my bloody bag I would move but I can't. Fork-the-Nork growled in exasperation and kicked at his gym bag which promptly burst open, spilling an old pair of trainers and a scummy-looking grey towel onto the floor. Oh very good. He let out a grumpy rrrrgh noise and started trying to stuff his stuff back into the bag which seemed reluctant, to say the least. Um, you know your bag also has handles at the side? I pointed over at the two handles on his bag which he had managed to jam his gear back into. I don't like carrying my bag by the handles, thank you very much. He sniffed like a man lifting up a Pikachu by the wrong end and noticing afterwards that his hand was damp. One end of your strap is still attached. You could drag your bag about? I half smiled as I said this, the very thought of someone dragging their bag like a dog on a leash birthing a chortle from deep within me. Forkface slowly nodded before grabbing his coat and standing. He wrapped one end of his bag strap around his hand a couple of times then proceeded to drag his overburdened bag over to the den of smelly pigeon geekery near the fire exit. I looked around at no one in particular. Well, that was unexpected!
Dont get me started on the hiking attire that was his work outfit. We were only on the 6th floor, not halfway up a mountain.
Hahaha! I'm still astounded how you manage to make the workplace ( and actually any boring place ) an entertaining environment and I can't help but wonder if you really have these theatrical / movie scene conversations with people, or if you write them the way you would like them to go :^)
This is hilarious:
Now would that be Pee-kachu or Poo-kachu?
I do have these conversations! But I will happily about to getting a Grandmaster of embellishment!!
Lolz, that made me laugh!! :0D
I always enjoy visualizing those stories of yours and the fact that it's non fiction makes it extra funny :^)
I go for the visuals. Esprit them it's nothing!
Esprit?
My god, this bloody autocorrect!! I think that should be without lol
that's what I reckoned haha! ( wondered if it was autocorrect or alcoholcorrect )
I imagine the challenge of carrying a gym bag dragging by a handle like Mr. fork's face, I tell you that it happened to me, but my personal bag has literally left me on the street with only one handle hanging from my man by the overload of things that we women usually carry inside the bag (purse) for a "just in case"...(laughs) very unexpected situation.
I have to buy a bigger and better quality one, let's see how much the handles will hold this time and I won't be left on the street with everything on the sidewalk.
Aw, that would be horrible happening on the street! I bet you would have still carried on if it had other handles though! This guy was mad! :OD
Horrible literally people were looking at me, and I was picking up my makeup, cell phone, purse, and other more intimate gadgets that I carried in my wallet everything was scattered, in short, I picked up my things others I had to throw away my branded perfume was perfuming the sidewalk and bueh... forward hahaha now I put less stuff inside.
It might be best to have less United you have a strong bag then. Can't be showing everyone our personal bits and bobs!!
😌
That's one way to get rid of the guy 👍
The image of a person dragging a gym bag by a broken strap is hilarious 😂
I didn't think it would work and I was flabbergasted that he didn't want to pick up his bag by the handles!!!
Yeah that seems like the obvious thing to do lol.
😆
I wonder what made the bag so heavy that he could only drag it 😁
PArt of me likes to think bad things but funk knows. He seemed to have everything in it. Wouldnt be surprised if he was a hobo and lived out of it, lol! !PIZZA
I’d like to think that your knowledge of that odor is not drawn from personal experience.
I would like to hope so too!! ;0D
Sometimes people surprise you with their ability to not put up with fuckery. Most just put up with it, as if they are going to earn a scout badge for their troubles.
They do indeed, I know I can never be arsed with it, I was impressed!!
Forkface.. fuckface.. same thing
I tend to think the same myself!
Hilarious! I wonder if that's his emotional support bag? Maybe he brings it with him everywhere. The workplace is a showcase for endless oddities.
An emotional support bag, Oh I have to steal that one!! :OD
I only got around to reading this now 😂😂📖
Now that was hella hilarious.
It surely is a bottomless bag ey bud😎😎🍻
Keep on keeping on 👌
A bottomless bag of nonsense! Hopefully none of us ever find out what is in it! :OD
I am fully confident that I might find out one day 😂😂 I love "poking" around with that bag so to speak 😜😜..
Anyways have a good one bud😎😆
You too matey!
Hahahahaha 🤣 His comeback was so shite considering how good a joke that was actually. I am surprised he conceded to your good judgement in the end. Still sounds like such a tool to have to deal with though. I'm glad he went back to the cumstained pigeon table. Sounds like a whole handful of wankers lol.
I was surprised but also a little disappointed. I had a while day of fun planned out in my head!! :0D
Don't worry, he seems like the jock like type that will give you plenty of opportunity in the future for more.
He has done in the past so I am sure he wont disappoint. Obviously at some point it will all come back to bite me on the arse and he will be promoted to be my boss or some such nonsense :OD
Oh my word, I can just imagine that! It would be ironic but not in a funny kind of way. Enjoy the ripping though while you can 🙂
Hi @meesterboom ,the man in question is something stupid I would buy a bag of good caliber and very large and put everything in the bag maybe he was very angry and did not reason
I will happily go for very stupid. That rings true for me! :O)
Really? He wasn't going to give you the satisfaction of doing it your way... or he's a golfer: a player must play the ball as it lies.
Lol, thats a great expression.
I genuinely thought there might be teasing potential for the whole day. Isnt that what getting back into the office is all about :OD
How odd that they let that one go! Maybe being out for so long has dulled their senses? Everything has changed, hasn't it?
What if that is all the potential there is? Is the workforce going to be made up of... of... that?
Is this worth coming back into the office?
Everything has changed. It is a very weird dynamic. You go in and 80% of the folk arent in so its this big empty old place that feels a bit like a mausoleum. Then you end up stuck on video calls most of the day like you would in the house because no one is in.
I don't like it!
Go work for the government, like the Pentagon, State Department, or even ...everybody is in and that can be quite annoying or a hospital. Even worse. Some places here (on the opposite end of the spectrum) didn't renew their leases for the buildings! They found people were working better from home and looking at the savings! Of course, that stinks too. I don't want my kids growing up at home. Ick.
I have to admit, it is weird even to go into stores and shop. I went into Macy's last week and I was the only customer in this huge store! Even the employees were limited number. That is sad. I hate shopping for clothes online. :(
Can't we have a redo on this shiza?
Wow that is quite bad. It is mostly back to normal here apart from all the office workers now working from home so the town centres look a little tired and empty but shops are mostly busy enough.
My place let their lease go for my old office. We are in the original main building again which is small compared to the old place. They are building a new fancy dancy one. We move in next year woot woot!
I painted you the worse scenario, as life is mostly back to normal, but, honestly in this area, shopping is not like it used to be. Maybe because summer is over? I don't know. But, life is off, although they are calling it like normal.
There isn't anything normal about it.
Unless you wander off into the wilderness and the calmness of Mother Nature surrounds you. I must need a vacation. :) A new set of digs for the empty office. Mazel Tov!! Tell them you want a corner office!!!
So I’m the one hand that’s what the handles are for, on the other hand of the handles aren’t padded I can see why he doesn’t want to carry it by the handles especially if there’s too much stuff in the bag.
Least he moved? 😅
He did! In truth I was disappointed as I had fancied swearing all day to annoy him and after that I was only left with limp wet people around me. I don't like this hotdesking malarkey!
Exactly why I cant stand so many males. They rely on their car or gym bag to be the manifestation of their masculinity. Never saw Wyatt Earp dragging around a gym bag lol.
You are so right!! There is another guy in my work that bangs on relentlessly about his BMW and of he isn't taking about that he is talking about it's wheels or washing it or asking what are you driving now?
Twits!!
🤣 And yet he doesn't have too much in there? I wonder how heavy it was if he didn't want to pick it up by the two straps!!!
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I think he must have hadd a dead dog in it or something suspicious, it is the only thing that makes sense! :OD !LOL
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Definitely suspicious, that he prefers to drag it across the room! Maybe security needs to have a look through that bag...
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It stinks of danger. Our security would love that 🤣🤣
🤣 it's a suspicious bag for sure! Let them at it 🤣🤣🤣
Set the hounds loose!!
Perhaps that was the weird smell and not the splattered pigeon tile at all.
Lol!
You have a delightful bunch of characters in your job. 🤣🤣🤣. I feel like I know most of them by now.
There are stacks of em. Of all of the IT departmentsi have reported in this one is the worst!
Ah I miss the comedy of office work sometimes lol. Then I have to drive and remember I don’t miss it that much.
It’s funny when I’ve seen people with these massive gym bags like they’re going camping at the gym or some shit. I think they’re over thinking it and it’s obvious this fella was procrastinating and looking for excuses not to go lol. Waldo should’ve just did the stairs a bunch of times and called it a day, sans the gym bag.
It was exactly as if he was going camping and had a big tent in there. I am surprised his bag didn't have wheels on it it was so full!
The office is a funny place. It's much weirder now that we all sort of go in part time and hotedesk!
Too good hahahahahah I laughed a world with this totally fascinating post.
Well thank you!
The immediate response to this should always be:
The bag is nearly empty, all I have in it is my jock strap and a small towel
Always followed by keeping a straight face and asking the presenter to continue.
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nice
Like the silken flank of a young horse? I see where you are going with this you saucy minx
Nice.
Like the horsen flank of a young silk? More minxery! ;0)
It was smiling too, and making pitchy monkey sounds while dangling Fork-off's keys like a Wonka ticket at a playground.
There is no music that turns a man's head quite like pitchy monkey music!!
My goodness, such naughty words!! My poor innocent ears!! :0)