I see you baby...
I jerked my head around and gave the Bear-Man the kind of look I give my old Window Cleaner when he asks to be let out of the basement and back to his family.
I was in the Beer Shop for my Friday beer browse and it was relatively quiet. Well, when I say relatively quiet, I mean it was deserted.
Just me and the big hairy bearded beast they call the Bear-Man.
He had been quiet too, at least till now. As I glared at him, he pulled himself out from behind his counter and did one of his funny little dances which made it look like he was skiing in slow motion whilst squeezing gerbils to death in his meaty fists.
I see you baby...
He repeated, his lips gleaming redly as he leered at me evilly.
Oh god. Please don't sing the rest of it. For the love of all that is holy, please don't finish that line. Don't say that you see me shakin that ass?! I thought desperately.
Shakin that ass...
The Bear-Man sang as if reading my thoughts.
I edged back and adopted the Sailing Monkey pose I had learned from my days at the Shan Temple.
Shakin that ass... Shaking that ass...
The Bear-Man edged toward me, his dancing taking on a menacing turn as if he were wading through waist-high piles of shit songs.
I am NOT shaking my ass.
I said in a no-nonsense tone. It's best to nip this type of thing in the bud and fast or next thing you know someone ends up forked.
And not in a good way.
The Bear-Man straightened up and giggled before his face turned deadly serious.
I was only joking. I am not interested in your ass. I am only interested in Black Ass's.
He grimaced as if he were at the two girls house and they had given him coffee in a cup that didn't look very clean.
I dunno if it's fine to say that?
I said tentatively, ever wary of being hunted down and killed by hordes of angry internet people because I used words to describe colours.
The Bear-Man threw his head back and guffawed.
I was only fucking with ya. I ain't interested in black asses.
He chortled.
I felt a wave of relief wash over me despite my ass being quite a tighty whitey.
The Bear-Man was devilishly close to me now, having crept up unnoticed whilst we spoke. His face turned bleak and cold.
I'm only interested in Black Masses.
An odd silence hung in the air after this statement.
I don't know if that's any better than saying you liked black asses?
I said, stifling the urge to gulp as I noticed he was between me and the door.
Was this it? Was I to be sacrificed to some dark god in the back of his shop? Would there be candles and shit?
I fucking hate candles.
Hahaha!! Not even if it's this?
He stabbed a hand out to the shelf beside me and pulled a black and mean looking can down.
I took it and turned it in my hand.
It's vegan?
I said, making a face as if lifting a cat and accidentally feeling one of its nipples.
It's got two types of coffee in it.
He answered, giving me a knowing nod.
Hmmph, fucking vegans. Alright then, I will give it a whirl.
You took me down a rabbit hole.
My mind ... "What ingredient in beer would not be vegan?"
Google's answer ... almost all beers are vegan, but there are some craft beers that use animal byproducts to clarify the beer. Commercial beers use industrial, vegan ways to do this ...
My Mind ... Not that I care, but how would I know if a beer is vegan.
Googles Answer : Well, I'd recommend you go here. http://www.barnivore.com/
My Mind ... Rabbit hole fully explored ... now, on to shiny thing.
Hmm. I will be looking down there. I wondered too what would make it began but did have a memory from my wine fermenting days if using animal stuffs to clarify it.
Rabbit holes are awesome!
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I clicked the two girls link and it made me gag my drink out. Now both my drink and cup is not looking clean to me. :-|
Yeah, that's a problem when you go down that rabbit hole!
At least it wasn't a link to the video itself, lol!
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I'm now wondering if Bear Man plans these things for when you come in XD
He does keep beers aside for me that he thinks I will like so I don't doubt it!!!
Ah, beer with coffee in it, a real conundrum of a viscous circle. "time to pass out, but too wired to get there". Yikes and yaarg, all in one fell beer swoop. Hope it was as good as your story about it. And I'd LOVE to meet this Bear fellow, as long as I get to stay by the front door of his establishment. I picture a very mondo guy with a lot of chest hair poking out of the top of his shirt that knows even more about the sudsy.
(I'm sure you described him early on, but my memory is certainly not as keen as it thinks it is...)
Your memory might be keener than you think! It was as good. I was quite the happy man :0)
but does it use blockchain and organic tribes to comb its hair ... ? and are we excited about it ... im not sure if that picture wants to make me smile or scare me hahah , grandma funk ?
Haha, the picture is designed to both excite and scare!!
I had a Blockchain beer once. Ridiculous how they shoed Blockchain into it. Needless to say I have never seen them again! :0)
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Thought all beer would be vegan anyway. Marketing crap again. If it says vegan on the can it will be a bad experience as it normally is. Have a good one and lets see just how bad.
I thought it was all vegan too. In a it's hardly comprised of meat kind of way. It does make me suspicious but I will give it the benefit of the doubt!
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Cheers!!!
Black asses and masses, me n Boom coming after you like after classes. Give me a moment, hold my beer and glasses!
I like a good ass, any color. You like slipknot bro? I love me some good metal music. Not too dark n heavy though.
I love metal. And a bit of rap actually. Ah, throw some beer into the mix and I am one happy dude!!!
All colours of ass rawk!! :0D
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A visit to BearMan is like a visit to Q... you know.. from the Bond movies. I got that feeling when reading this.., only he gives you the hottest beer and fuck the gadgets!
Oh man, if he had gadgets too it works be perfect. But in the meantime, crazy mad beers will do! :0)
Well now, vegan drinks don't sound so bad. It sounds alot better than meat juice or skin liquor lol
Haha, will, when you put it that way you are absolutely right! It's got lots of coffee, surely a plus!!
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mmnnn coffee!! Looking forward to attending the Bear-Man's Black Mass. Sounds absolutely devilish lol
Coffee almost always rawks in a stout. Here's hoping it is devilish and not a weak ass punk of a thing!
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Vegan drinks... do they count eating yeast in beer as vegan or not vegan? And aren't most drinks vegans? I think milk and honey are probably one of the few drinks that aren't really vegan...
Yeast must somehow get a pass!! Although it lives but maybe they abide by theit must have eyes rule. Lol!!
The old "it must have eyes rule"... moles normally have skin above their eyes, I wonder if they are considered Vegan...
I do wonder if Vegan alchoolic drinks have a good level of demand, I just can't see people premium to buy Vegan beers instead of normal beers which are pretty much vegan already.
It's like anything, they stick s panel on it to match what's trendy. Marketing genius!
I would buy anything moley!
Omg the master has done it again... cheers my friend and thank you for the daily dose of humor!
Lol, cheers dude!
I am trying to imagine this sailing monkey pose maybe you can show me.. LOL... Have a good one..
Lol. Pretty much like that but more fighty!
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nice
Cheers!
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lol..Bear-Man is a trip! I hit that link for the "two girls" to see what that was about. holy cow that's sick! lol.