Hey, mate. Is that a guitar amp?
A voice floated over to me from a car two parking bays along.
I pulled my head out of the car boot and looked to see who fucking dared speak to me on a Sunday morning. My hangovers do not suffer fools gladly.
It was a skinny twot with ridiculously spiky white hair. He looked a bit like Billy Idol would have if you punched him in the face and set him on fire a bit.
Is it?
Billy-Idol pointed at the big heavy box I had just taken out of my car boot.
I looked down at it and made a ffrrrrbb noise of disdain with my lips.
Eh, well, I suppose it is. If you could call it that.
I gave the amp a half-hearted kick for existing.
Aw no way man, you're throwing it away? In the dump? A guitar amp. You should never throw out a guitar amp man, never! Think of the people that could still get joy out of it?
He clucked with his mouth and made guitar-playing motions with his hands. I frowned at this fucking odd combination of movements, what did he think he was, an electric chicken?
I don't think anyone will be getting any joy out of this fucker.
I kicked it again because I was growing to like kicking it.
What kind is it?
Billy-Idol wandered a little closer trying to peer at the front grille of the amp.
It's a Line 6 Spider 4.
I gave it a little nudge with my foot this time to keep it guessing.
A Line 6? Mate, they are awesome amps! Has it got the 'Insane' mode?
Billy-Idol hopped up and down with glee at the thought of insanity.
I huffed and shook my head.
Spider amps are shit, they are built for teenagers and yes it has got 'Insane' mode. It doesn't make it any less shit.
I kicked the amp again and felt it wince.
And you were going to just throw it in the dump? Let it go to waste?
Billy-Idol looked incredulous as if, despite actually being in a dump, had never experienced the joy of throwing old broken shit away. He had obviously never gotten divorced.
I can't give it to someone, it's a bit broken. The clean channels don't work so all you can do is play on 'Insane' or 'Metal' modes and even then they are a bit crackly.
My hangover growled at me for explaining myself and crossly demanded I just punch this fucker in the neck and get on with my day.
I smiled robotically, as I desperately attempted to quell my inner beast.
But it's a Spider amp! You can get it fixed or take the speaker out and use it in something else. You can't just throw it away... In fact, can I have it?
Beggar-Idol looked at me hopefully.
I don't think it would be much use to you.
I kicked it again for the hell of it.
Of course it would! I will have a look inside, maybe one of the connections just needs a little solder. Go on, can I? You are throwing it away anyway.
He put his arms out to the sides as if trying to form a rainbow between his hands.
Aye, alright then, whatever. Here, take the fucking thing.
I gave it a final kick.
Cool man!
Billy-Idol picked it up and trotted eagerly to his car his eyes shining with excitement.
I chuckled. Maybe I should have mentioned that I had ripped the magnet off the speaker in a how shit works exercise with my kids this morning. The Little Boom was most impressed with his new giant magnet.
I got back in my car and started the engine.
Shall we run him over?
My hangover asked eagerly.
I laughed a little shrilly.
Not today my friend. Not today.
He bolts awake at 2am in a cold sweat, throws off the covers and heads down stairs in his pajamas. He carelessly slips on a pair of shoes.
Not bothering to tie the laces he throws open the door to the house and races into the inky blackness of the dark moonless night.
He runs down street after street, sweat dripping from his forhead and into his sleep blurred eyes, until finally he comes to the house.
He's out of breath but he musters up the energy to knock on the door three times. Pause then three more times.
Footsteps inside.
The door opens.
"Who the fuck are you?!? And what the hell do you want?" Asks a familiar face.
Another pause.
"Hey man. I was just wondering... could I kick my old amp one last time?"
Door slams.
Story ends.
Haha!! I was wondering who was he was I was reading that. You are right, I think there might be more kicking to be done! A kicking can always wait till the morning though 🤣🤣
Haha the kicking seriously cracked me up while reading that. I pictured you after giving the kid the amp, about to drive away, but then pausing and jumping out of the car and racing over to kick it three more times.
"Gah, gah, gah," (my kicking sounds) and then jumping back in the car and racing away lol.
You might have to buy another just to kick it. It could be your kicking box.
I think if I need a kicking box I might have to give up and shuffle off this mortal coil!!
But still, it was good kicking it, lol!!
🤣🤣
hahaa he didn't know how close he came to suffering the same fate as the amp did he? Getting his guts ripped out and repeatedly kicked lol...another narrow escape!
Tis true, I was on the edge this morning, nobody should make a man drive five miles to the dump and then have to endure a buffoon who won't stop talking about what you are dumping!!
They say one man's trash is another man's treasure...I guess it's true lol
I think it is true! I know I have coveted the odd thing that the missus has wanted to throw away at times!! Lol
No need to run him over. Most likely traded that thing in for meth. Probably tied up in a basement somewhere now.
Magnets are fucking awesome.
Magnets totally are. This one was a big beauty, the kids almost killed each other for it. I remembered the joy of getting magnets from things when I was a kid so couldn't resist ripping it appear for them!
I suspect he is some kind of pauper sort selling things for a buck or two, he did look no stranger to a basement or two. 🤣
Ever heard of cow magnets? Had a few of those as a kid but, I don't think I should be explaining what needs to be taken apart in order to retrieve those...
Haha, I have never heard the term and I am thinking I perhaps don't want to!!
Well, too bad. It's a large, powerful magnet, in the shape of a capsule pill. They're given to cows because sometimes they're stupid and eat metal objects and eating metal can make them sick and suffer, which isn't cool. Sometimes these magnets can be released back into nature but that's rare. So if you walk around a pasture long enough with a steel rod pointed at the ground you might find one; it'll stick to the rod. Kind of like hunting meteorites, but shittier.
That can't be a thing! That is insane. Although I find myself now bizarrely tempted to force for shitty magnets in a cow field!!
It's a thing alright, but only done when deemed necessary. A cow's guts are, different. The magnet is supposed to drop into a spot and stay there, forever, collecting metal, so those objects can't pass through to the next stage of digestion, because that's where the damage can occur. You know how they like to barf and chew on it? Sometimes that'll bring the magnet up, and out. Cow might then shit on it as it's walking because that's what they do. I don't recommend picking a side and reaching in in order to find one, even if you do have long arms. It's not like finding the prize in the cereal box. If you really want one bad enough, you can buy them anywhere they sell cow stuff. That's the easy way. But don't swallow it. You're not a cow.
poor kid, at least little boom has a cool new toy. that should shut him up for a whole 5 minutes!
!PIZZA
I dont even think it lasted five minutes! :OD
Meanwhile, the winner of this year's 'Britain's got more than its fair share of talentless tits' was won by a spikey haired scroat playing a Woolies Kay electric through a vintage Spider amp with his rendition of Boom Boom Boom...
You think you had a bad day, I was stuck at my mam's house and was force viewed Strictly !
It's going to be a tough week all round mate.
Best wishes, let's hope your junior scientist doesn't stick the magnet to a radiator and pull all the paint off.
I think I'll kick my mam in a show of male unity.
Kick something dude, it works for me!
Lol, he will never get that thing working again. Strange man that the was, I wonder if he just hangs about the dump looking for stuff. I should have called him Stig!
I used to get forged to watch EastEnders when I went up my mum's. Nightmare!!
Stig lol...don't you just hate being a gentleman of a certain age?!
Hehe, I knew you would get that one! Aye, it's great and awful at the same time!
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Sounds like you could have bypassed the entire conversation after his first sentence XD
You just wanted excuses to kick the amp didn't you :D
It needed more kicking! It was quite satisfying to kick am inanimate object and see someone else wince at its treatment! :0D
Oh that made me laugh.
I was going to say that the spider is probably going to miss that cozy familiar kick of home-sweet-home, but I imagine his new owner will be giving it a kick shortly :)
Hehe, it made me smile that one :0)
Yes, I suspect it's not entirely clear of the kickings!
Lol,your eagerly must have really wanted to run him over if not for the mind which you are able to control.. but for the guitar amp, I hope it didn't get spoilt that usual?
It was broken anyway and he got to live. I think that's a good combination :0)
Yeah actually it is.
An amp without a speaker.
Hrmmmm.....
That would be
Hrmmmm.....
a box.
Billy-Idol kicks the box
The legacy continues.
It was little else! A black bos with some circuitry in it. Iam surprised he never twigged right away that it was far lighter than it should have been!
I thought you were going to say it had no insides whatsoever but had not told him, so I was almost kind of close.
My Uncle just sits junk at the road at the end of his driveway, just a piece or two at a time and before long, someone stops and takes it. Easy way to get rid of things with very little effort.
In my old flat we could put anything out on the roadside and it would be gone within half an hour. I once put a computer out with the insides all wrecked and someone took it. It was insane. I used to joke that there was nothing that wouldn't disappear.
An empty box would have been quite amusing. He would probably still have wanted it :OD
These days, with all the upcycling people do, he could put a piece of glass on the top and make it into an end table or something.
When I lived in San Antonio Texas, it was near an Air Force Base and a huge medical center university, so there were many apartment complexes all over. Students and military folks moved in and out so much, that people would sit the good stuff they were leaving behind beside the dumpsters for other folks to take. I had a full apartment, but I adopted a thing or two myself when it was better than what I had, but for real, if you had a truck, you could have furnished your whole place without spending a dime.
Oh thats a lovely idea! Perhaps he was just a crazy upcycler and that is his thing. He might even thank me for it one day... If he doesn't want to kick me!
There is a guy on here that collects stuff that is thrown out in LA I think it is. He makes a proper living out of it. Round my way there isn't so much that is dumped now that is useable as everyone is desperately trying to sell everything claiming it is pre-loved nad not just fucked :OD
He may be !... or maybe he will think of making a table out of it when it finds it is all dithered up inside.... or,,,, maybe he can put a small frig in it for his man cave....ha
I saw a few "junkers" come through back in SA, picking up many of the cast offs. I assumed they were doing the same, gathering the leftovers and then selling them at a flea market or thrift store.
I always assume they will get sold but you never know. Some people live in houses that are just stuffed to the gills with junk!!
That's true and then they have to have an intervention and next thing you know they are on a TV show. LOL
Heheh let the man squirm on the magnet hunt. No messing around on hangover day
I suppose it wasnt blue hair either?
Nah, blue hair might have been acceptable. It was a weird dyed blonde which looked awfully daft!!
Savage
If he has spoken to me one second longer it might have been :0D
I feel for it..., one more would have yielded a scream. Billy would have legged it.
Even before we need it up this morning it was a piece of shit. It needed more kicking! :0D
LOL, the stuff I take to the tip. It makes me wince.., but there's no room for it.
I think I will have to go a couple more times. I have loads of stuff lying about and realise I have almost been hoarding!
I dont know when have hangover, but you could have run over him if you were drunk :)
I pretty much have a hangover every Saturday and Sunday! I think it is called being Scottish 🤣
Apparently I'm half Scottish... 😜 I'll have to ask my mom. 😅 !LOLZ
lolztoken.com
I was litteraly beside myself.
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Are you? Fantastic, that must mean you are a drinking machine!! ;0D
Years ago at a science fiction convention a guy I knew was down on hands and knees in a hotel suite tearing apart an old television, his face aglow with glee. You’d never know that he was a physics professor who’d recently gotten a Presidential award as a brilliant young scientist for his work studying the earth’s magnetic fields.
It's a fascinating subject magnetism! I must say, I have always wanted to take apart a television but suspect I might be let down and baffled by the inside!
I think it wasn't Billy Idol but one of the members of Green Day.
That would make sense if he was so interested in the insane setting 🤣🤣
I actually saw Green Day live, a little over two decades ago. Unfortunately, by then, they had already turned toward the ( pretty fly for a white guy ) old guys making teen pop stage, instead of the Punk that I got to know as a teen in the mid 90s. Also, the sound was so loud that I almost went deaf.
I remember old Green Day, they were magic.
I saw a metal band two years ago that gave me tinnitus!! It mostly went away but sometimes still crops up. Nightmare
Well, suddenly for this man it turned out to be a great treasure, the amplifier already turned into a piece of junk.
Fortunately, he decided not to run over it with his car. The same guy with spiky hair is going to hit the ground when he sees that what he took of the amplifier is a big dead body that he won't be able to recover.
Thanks for making my Sunday with the Billy-Idol character.
Then you for reading! :0)
😊
You kicked the amp? Was that before or after disemboweling it?
Billy Idol won't be getting any good vibrations. I hope you got his address. You never know what hankering to kick will come over you. :)
Only after the disemboweling, it was only them that it started irritating me. Maybe I was just feeling extra vindictive that morning :0D
It would take a little for about should to come out of that thing again!!
Hahaha oh gosh that Spiderboy sounds like he was so stoked, he'll probably find another magnet and get the fucker working again. You know how some kids are and if he was anything like Billy Idol, well we might be in for a treat some day :)
You know he very well might. I sometimes assume that everyone is as kak as me at fixing things. He probably thinks he got the best of me! Lol
I'm all for people trying to breathe life into old things, so I hope he gets it right even if it only plays the metal and insane mode, he'll probably be super happy with that too.
There is a [part of me that still believes you don't need much more than those two modes :OD
Rock on! I think a part of me agrees with you.
Yes..! Not today my friend. Not today 👏👏
Not today is my favourite line 😀
Cool story. Love it
Cheers!
Thanks
Jajaja cool
😀
lets goo XD
Yes..! Not today my friend. Not today 👏👏
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Tanagers want the "insane" and "metal" mode, and if it's one not interested in music but getting girls, I promise they will even pay you take the crap you want to get rid of.
As a metal fan, I would stay away from the amp... Knowning myself I'd get annoyed with the "far from perfect" sound.
Yep, its rubbish. It only sounds good to teenagers and even then, after you have had it five minutes you go. ewww. that not good!
And if you run him over you score 1000 points... Plus 100 for the amp... You know as a bonus 😎
🤣🤣
I stepped outside today and there was a murder of Billy-Beggar-Idols on the lawn! I was going to take a picture and send it to you but the police said to move along, move along.
Them police, they are the ultimate in buzzkills :OD
is it ok to say buzzkill on hive?
As long as you dont actually harm any buzzes :OD
#humane-euthanasia
😀😀
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Not-so-robotic laugh.
I waited til now cuz hey little sista who's the one you want hey little sista shotgun! anyone who dare speaketh to thee on a Sunday.