Thur no puttin Rangers oan, basturts!
Rangers, a Scottish football team
At the bar to my left a couple of fellows of what can only be described as being of dubious character glared at the barman who was oblivious of their howling upset.
The larger of the two fellows proclaimed belligerently. His friend nudged him and subtly pointed at my good self.
I, a gentleman of fine breeding was standing a couple of feet away supping some fine Spanish ale. I raised my glass to them.
Salut.
Baffled they looked at me. Lobster red from the Mediterranean sun they appeared to be three sheets to the wind.
New arrivals I thought giving them no more thought.
The small ferret like one again nudged the larger fellow who was aggrieved at my seeming insult.
Leave it Malky, cunt might know what you are sayin.
I raised my eyebrows slightly. Was I the cunt in question? How dreadfully rude of the peon. Still, I let it lie. It had been a grueling day of swimming, eating and sandcastle building under the harsh Spanish sun and I had no quarrel with these chaps.
Much as it pained me to admit, by their accent and bearing they were from the very same city as me back in the hallowed isle of Scotland.
Again and a little mischievously I raised my glass in their direction.
Qué Tal?
I enquired.
The big angry one's eyes almost popped out of his head in rage.
Whits he fuckin sayin Tainshy?
It's awright Malky, ah fink he's German
German?!? Aye well fuck im.
I continued to eye the big fellow whilst making large slurping noises from my pint. He didn't seem to be taking it well. His already sunburnt face was now purple and sweat rolled down his chubby stubbly cheeks in waves.
He's pyoor starin it me man?
Mate gonnae stoap starin it is?
The little ferret like one had obviously missed his calling as a diplomat.
No hay problema.
I smiled reassuringly and inclined my head away from them.
See, fucking telt ye he wis German.
The ferret uttered sagely.
For some reason his large friend was mollified by my apparent Germanity. They took to staring at random ladies in the bar exclaiming loudly what they would do to them given half the chance.
Minutes later I finished my beer with a hearty slurp and gave an appreciative burp. After all, it wouldn't do for me not to show my appreciation of the ale.
The large fellow turned his gimlet eyes on me once more.
Clatty basturt
clatty- Glaswegian talk, particularly describing someone who's manners were lacking.
He spoke, comfortable that I, Johnny foreigner had no idea what he was saying.
I ventured forward a little putting on my best biggest smile.
Mate, gie yersel peace
Glaswegian- calm down old fellow.
Big buster chop-chops staggered back in astonishment, speechless.
Little ferret stared at me as I walked off, his mouth making fish-like 'O' motions.
Haw! Where you fae?
fae, this means 'from'. Not the pointy eared fairy folk from legend
One of them choked out.
I laughed loudly without turning and bellowed.
Never a dull day for you 😆
Those days are coming, my holiday is almost over!
You have to give an appreciative burp when you drink the beer! Hahahh
Always man!! :0D
Don't forget to say aaahhhhhhhhhhh after.
it's only polite!!
Haha, great post tho. :)
"Yer maw, ye fud!"
Could I hear outloud added in my mind when I got to the last part.
But I guess that probably would have added a wee bit too much heat to the one already build up.
Haha but it's near perfect Glaswegian!! I commend you mate. You would pass for a rollicking native here! :0D
Hope to visit Glasgow one day Mate! But I shall be very carefull with using the fud word then, hahaha.
Oh yes, that's one to be careful with except among good friends!! Hehe. If you ever do I would be mortally offended if you didn't tap me up!
Of course Mate! And I'd need to know where to find the best brew in town, so we can drink together in a true Clan McBrilliant style. =D
Ah that would be braw!
Have to study some Weegie patter, It'll be daff. :-) Only be spoken fluidly by me when totally blootered, hahaha. (Or at least I'd be thinking I dae...)
:)) wherever you go there's mischief. Good story, mate!
Madness abounds!! My last night here and I will be mischief free :0)
Yer maw!!!! Hahahaha. I'd forgotten about that.
Are you going to participate in #steemwars for teamGB? Please say yes. You'd be brilliant.
Lol, I am so out of the loop because of the rubbish internet here. I will have to check out out tomorrow when I get back. Sounds ridiculous but funny :0)
There's already some really funny posts that have come out. You'll like it for sure. @tremendospercy is your leader and has some good stuff on what teamGB's plans are.
Wow! Thank you! :0)
I loved the comment :0)
Come on, you can help us make a difference here! For personal reasons we are not going to expose our own accounts as we will be killed by all the requests but we really need all the support that we can get. We follow you on our personal accounts. All you need to do is to resteem our post and to name us in one of your brilliant posts. You can do this! LOL!
If you tap me up in chat and tell me who you are and give me a little more info then I might be able to help :O)
steemit chat?
Yeah, I couldnt stand the constant notifications from Discord lol
I sent you a message from my personal account...you might be surprised...lol
Awesome vibe, interesting writing.
Why thank you!
Great post :)
Thanks man!
Wow! Great keep sharing.
I will, ta!
followed you.
Top Banana!
hmmm.. yes!
Sounds like a pair of prize pricks were encountered.
Exactly what they were. Place is full of them at high season
Excellent post dear, you can see that he is having fun on his vacation, I love the grateful belch, I imagine the situation.
I wish with all my heart that you have a beautiful day.
It is a real pleasure dear friend @meesterboom read your work.
I thank you for visiting @jlufer!
Owned! I can't believe they thought you were speaking German! That cracks me up! How dare they speak badly about @meesterboom!
It was hilarious that they were so drink they just assumed everyone was a foreigner. It made me giggle
Little did the know! Ye old German bastard! HAHA
Them guys seem kind of angry.
They were am accident waiting to happen;
I couldn't help but picture you slurping as if it's one of your Beer Day GIFs haha That would be a funny sight, seeing someone aggravated by it, and you're just enjoying a pint.
I've done the same thing in the past haha! Talking about pretending to not understand a thing. It's really a great source of hilarity. I would pretend I was of another nationality as well if I were to be seated next to those two. Hard to get typecasted with the likes of those. Classic Boom ending it with a "Yer Maw!" haha Yes, I remember all of the language tutorials you have given. Great stuff, dude!
I am glad that the yer maw tutorial stuck. :0)
Isn't it funny how people just assume with almost no evidence to back it up!!
It was a giant slurping exactly like one of those GIFs!!
Those beady eyes of yours must've rubbed them the wrong way. It conveys "Hi dudes, let's have a friendly drink" and "You basturts better be hungry 'cause I'm 'bout to open a can of whoopass" with very subtle differences, so it might be hard for them to tell.
Itching for a fight are ye my fine friend? The good lady must have her hands full with you, burping at people, insulting their maw's...if I do make it to your turf I insist on you taking me to a bar! lol!
It almost seems that way doesn't it! It's really not though. The number of beered up brits here is quite astonishing!
I will bring you here one day and we can go on a splendid bar jaunt!! :0D
I miss the Glasgow banter, sadly the word cunt is only really used in Glasgow, no one believes me about how common a word it is in Glasgow.
From the welcoming words of 'haw you ya cunt, long time no see' to the classic insult of 'if there was a competition to find the biggest cunt, you would come 2nd and you know why you wouldn't win? It's because you are a cunt!', as a proud Glaswegian it's fun to use the word again ;-)
Sorry I digress, glad you are having a good holiday
Hehe, I know exactly what you mean though.
One of my most favourite overheard insults was...
You're a cunt ya dick
I didn't want to point out the contradiction :0)
Now that could be classed as pure unadulterated Glasgow banter :-)
Mate yer missin oot on aw this fine Scottish rain we've been huvvin while you've been away. Don't worry though, I'm sure it'll still be here on your return! :)
Doesn't matter where you go in the world there'll always be a couple of wee bampots to remind you of home! :)
This place is full of them!!
I knew it would be raining, bet it's fecking raining on Saturday when I arrive back. Blegh!
You're back on saturday???? Fuck, ah better start clearing this place up! Ah thought you were away for two weeks n telt every cunt you ah had an empty!! :)
You know you canny wait tae get back here!! :)
Shame it's meant to be raining on staurday. That's when aw they nice men and women walk around the streets playing their pipes and drums! Shame!! :)
Aw naw, ma hoose is gubbed :0)
Ah, rain is too good for them!
:) Don't you be bringin back any of that sun noo. We've had our fill for this year! :)
Should've started talking about liquidation and new football clubs.
That would have gone down well.
And zombies perhaps, lol. I know when to not go nuclear!! Hehe :0)
With the distinct possibility of a downvote looming, I venture out to say... CELTIC
Lol! There were a few random shouts of Celtic tonight, I can only assume they were playing and it wasn't a goading!
Haha nice post !
It's funny you should say that!
Ahhh the infamous nice post! That smirk still gets me every time!
Hehe, it's good to drag out!!
Tis' often relevant!! You need a bot that posts that automatically on every comment that says "nice post"!
I love it when people don't know you understand them when you actually do! Love your stories. Glad you still enjoying Ibiza. When does paradise end?
Tomorrow is the last day in paradise. I am a little sad to be leaving. Will be back in blighty on Saturday. Boohoo!!
Doesn't time fly when you are having fun??? Enjoy your last day :)
I sure will lass, it sure does fly and then back to the grind!
Always picking fights with the locals.
It sure seemed that way. It must have been the wild heat ;O)
Thanks be for social graces and language skills...them big guys CAN squeeze ya till your eyeballs pop out. Bad for the beachside tourist trade.
Nobody likes walking on eyeballs on the way to the beach thats for sure hehe!
click here!This post received a 3.7% upvote from @randowhale thanks to @meesterboom! For more information,
Great post.
Fllow + upvote +
Plz vote on my page yo support
Thank you!
Welcom
https://steemit.com/curation/@steemwizards/steemwizards-new-curation-trail-day-1