Look at that. You see it? That picture up there, look at the state of me and it's only been one day!
We got our little bundle of joy home today from the hospital. The good lady too, which was smashing. Always the optimist, I had taken my daughter to the beer shop earlier to help me choose some funky beer. (Yes, I know this is ironic after yesterday's post.)
The day went well. Obviously having a baby as well as a four year old is a solid exercise in patience but we managed to work our way through it.
People had warned me of the perils of changing a baby boy's nappy. Like the arrogant fool I can be, I ignored them and their seeming twoddle.
Oh but how pride can strike even the greatest of us down. My first nappy of the day was one of the black tar monsters.
If you haven't changed a newborn's nappy before then let me enlighten you as to the joy of the first few days. Their poo is black. It's tarry and sticky and all in all a freaky nightmare to be confronted with.
That was fine though, swallowing my boak I carried on. In the back of my head was the thought of the beer I had bought. Perhaps I would do a Steemit beer post!
It wasn't long before the good lady informed me she could smell poo. I leapt to my feet and put my hands on my hips.
No worries lass, I live for this shit!
Ah, perhaps I spoke too soon.
I swiftly set about the wiping, my nappy ninja skills from the last time with my daughter returning with a vengeance. I was just about to close him up when he poo'd again. I huffed and set back to wiping that which had been wiped.
Then he peed, a veritable yellow old faithful fountaining all over my hand.
I swiftly wiped myself clean, this was nothing to The Master I thought.
All clean again, I hurried to close him up. Oh nooooo, too late! He oozed out another poo. It was like that bit at the start of Two Girls One Cup only it was black.
I started cleaning again. Only to be once more sprayed by the meaty mini-rifle of pee.
Finally, I finished and sealed him up. He was very contented. So contented he fell asleep on me.
Looks like there will be no beer and no beer post tonight.
Waaah, waaah, waaaaaa!!
That's me, not the baby crying!
Thank you for posting @meesterboom.
Lovely writing and illustrations.
So glad to hear the little lady is enthralled with Baby Boom.
Just keep remembering....they say....it will be over all too soon....well that is what they say... ^_^
bleujay has managed to put this all in a different light....dedicated to Baby Boom.
Wishing you and yours all the best. Cheers.
IT is very true what they say, you can blink and it will be over and gone.
I shall be cherishing every moment :O) Cheers @bleujay for making me smile as always
@meesterboom - You made me remember the 'pleasant' time with my baby boy! Waaaaahhhhhh. 😭 That is me - not my baby boy!
It is amazing to see how you manage to keep your razor sharp wit going even when you are almost in the trenches, shoveling $hit! Way to go.
Hope the situation eases out soon. All the best. Upvoted full.
By the way - I tried my hand at writing a bit in satirical vein. Got walloped on the head by the HQ (wife) for writing something called 'Single and happy'. Inspired by your style but if I may say so - nowhere near your class. If you kindly take a look and provide your comments, it will help me improve. Thanks
Regards,
@vm2904
Lol, I would love to take a look. :0)
She must be the youngest ever person to choose a beer.😎
Heheh, she likes being involved in the decision making
i hope you got the priceless moment captured in a picture.
I didn't actually but I think I will the next time!
This was totally hilarious...you might find this funny too!
Hahaha! Oh I have seen that. He is hilarious, such boak'ing noises!!
Omg that is so funny lol
Oh my. I had not seen that. I have pains in my face :)
Congratulations my friend you have won FIFTH PLACE on the STEVE'S TOP5 POST please click TOP5 for more info.
handling a child is real challenging.
Sometime it absorbs 100% of your time.
Ohh, someone's having fun...I don't know if it's you or the little one, though...
Changing nappies is tricky with boys.... My son even managed to spray the whole bed at a 5 star hotel in Turkey....:))
Lol, I can see how easy that would be for them. I think when his umbilical but falls of it will be easier to hold something over it all!! I thought girls were hard but they are easy!
oh man, i know how tiresome 'n shitty' all this can be :D. Been there, done that.
Yet when your baby falls asleep on you, it's the most amazing feeling in the world ! Until he takes that next dump lol
Cheers mate. Lots of fun times ahead :D
It is the most amazing feeling isn't it? I have it right now! The sleeping, not the dumping. There can't be any left lol
I don't know what to say
hahahah .. you've been warned
oh well it's all worth it isn't it
besides it's all your fault
now you know what the consequences of playing too much basketball is hahahahaha
congratulations again chico!
Cheers lass, oh I know the consequences alright!!
You live by the sword... :0D
what sword? you mean word?
are you changing nappies again.?
lol .. you probably are snoring now :D
I meant sword ;0)
And yeah I was just about to hit the pillow!
what ? you're still up?
it's pretty late :D
on a holiday now too?
You will be surprised hahaah
I used to tell my friends, kids at this stage just eat, poop and sleep. Perfect lifestyle, for them lol
They do though.. Nothing to them, they are hardly ever awake!
So the fun begins, way back in the days of cloth nappies, our son had been laid on the floor, on a blanket with a open nappie to have a kick. I was sitting in a chair doing the minding bit, reading the paper. Suddenly, over the top of the paper came this little stream of water, all over the uniform of course.
A face cloth over the strategic is always a good idea.
Just wait until he finds mum's lipstick, that lasts for about a week of bright red slowly fading to normal brownish.
Haha, I can imagine the horror of the lipstick!
I am going to go for the facecloth trick. I am awfully glad that we ain't using the cloth nappies. My wife actually bought some for our daughter last time but the experience was quite bogging.
"Black tar monsters" cracked me up ... and then this: "I finished and sealed him up." - you have no idea what devilish thought went through this warped mind when I read this! (Think: caulking, LMAO!) He looks so sweet sleeping in your arms though ....
Haha, well caulking might have been a viable option!! I can't wait till the tar monsters are done, they are foul!!
LOL. To tell the truth, I never was blessed with having children and have never changed a nappie in my life - NOT going to start now, either! Hehehe. :)
Quite right, its not something I would recommend as a hobby ;O)
I think we can forgive thy transgression of depriving us the divine beer post this particular week ;)
(Just wait until that geyser gets you in the face)
There, there, it'll be all right me boom.
I was worried about the face getting! He is too small for it too have much power but I can just imagine it as he gets bigger!!
Congrats on the new son @meesterboom and good luck with everything that goes with having a new baby. Glad that everything went well with the birth. He is little wonder and a gift from above, cherish every moment!
Cheers! I am in full on enjoyment mode! :O)
lol I like him already :) Btw, you should read his expression. Baby's normally make funny faces before letting something go so you can react in time!
Aargh! You know I knew that from before but had forgotten!! Cheers for reminding me!!
lol better late than never :)
I saw it! I am back in the game!!
😂 😂 Good for you!💩
A well placed face cloth works wonders...I have 2 boys. 😂
This is wise advice. I shall start before the flow grows in strength!!
damn, what a shit post 😉
But what a good experience.... I do remember it as it was today... Amazing what such littles can create 💩
Haha, good one!!! A shit post definitely!!
I wondered where it was all coming from!
LOL This Great grammie is smiling remembering the showers and poo as my kids experienced the joys of parenthood!
Hehe, it will be good when it is just that, a memory!
Did you have your safety goggles on?
Two pairs!!! :0)
In the days when our kids were born there were no other nappies than those we had to wash and hang on the line. I went to buy groceries one day my hubby said he will watch the two of them. By that time they were big enough to start walking. I will never forget coming round the corner and there he was hosing them down with the hose pipe outside. He said he could not keep up with the 2 and the boys nappies was impossible for hime to fold. I just could not help laughing as he was so distressed.
We tried them! The good lady is a bit of a hippy at heart and bought them for our daughter when she was tiny. After having to wash them once I told her that if she wanted to wash them she could but I was having nothing more to do with them!
Hosing might be a good idea!
Ah isn't Steemit such an educational tool? :D
Hehe, yes indeed! ;O)
Ahahaha! This calls for a
FlashFlush Story!!And so it begins, the journey to Twice Fatherhood. The seasoned warrior Boom kicked it off by sealing the crack in the dam. It had started to ooze black goo, which was threatening to ravage the whole village of Niunbjornbeybie. He plugged the hole with his fist and he was completely covered by the obsidian ooze. The village was spared, but what fate befell the good fellow Boom? Tune in next time to learn of his fate! Same Boom time, same Boom channel!!
With Boom Baby II, you're only strengthening your campaign for father of the year, duderino!
Haha, a fantastic rendering!!
At the rate I am going I might be!! Well. No, maybe grumpy dad of the year lol!!
Dad of the Year nonetheless! Hahaha! Oh I'm sure that widdwe baby waugh would put a smile on your face no matter how messy things get :D
That is true. It seems strangely easy just now. Waiting for the storm!!
Haha! I'm sure you'll have a way easier going this time around. Time has already hardened you and fortified you with experience, dude!!
It seems a little easier so I am hoping that's not a first week fluke. Although the nights are a little difficult but thats to be expected!
I'm with you there wishing it so, dude! But, if we're being realistic, there will be down weeks, but I truly believe that'll normalize to levels better than what you expect :D
hahahaha, ahora le toca es cuidar de bebe y la sra. saludos Mr.Boom
¡Lo sé, voy a tenerlo conmigo todo el día!
cuando estan asi no provoca despegarse de ellos, pero ya cuando comienzan a caminar mmmm cambiamos de opinion, jajaja
haha si cuando llega a las etapas de caminar todo cambia!
lastima que esta lejos, porque de lo contrario le daria este pequeño morrocoy para que crezca a la par con su bebe.
, puede ver el post aqui https://steemit.com/spanish/@karlin/reproduccion-naturaleza
Haha! Oh yeah this brings back memories... oh that time I got pee'd in the face... ahhh how lovely!
Nappy changing can be such a rollercoaster of emotions.... despair, triumph, disgust, love, humiliation.... it's got them all!!
To be honest, I never minded the black sticky tar, or the yellow 'milk poos'. It's when they get a little older and their poos are like real poos that I get all queasy about the whole thing!
Glad to see you got your beers in eventually. Well deserved!!
OH I did hate the real poos! There is nothing so degrading as having to scoop up a big log when it is still warm from another human, gaaar!
Its only the stickiness of the black ones that get me, boak!
Ack!! There is nothing worse than calling a poo a log!!
Ug....Ack...Ugh....Guhhhhhh....Ewwww....ug ug.... ( do excuse me...)
Fat cigar?
Or my old favourite, only one for the Brits...
A Bungle's finger
Your welcome :0D
Holy mother of jesus on a bike... you didn't!!
Bungle!!
Good lord, that's my childhood destroyed in 3 words hahaha!
Hehe, it is a fantastic one! :0D
Wow i saw you again .. a while ago im searching about imgsafe.org is down and saw your comment that you are using tinypic to upload image on web :) that helps me lol https://steemit.com/steem/@mctiller/imgsafe-org-is-down-how-else-do-people-post-images
Wow, that was ages ago! I use steemit for images now :0)
Yes and i didnt expect that im following you and see you here :)
Quite a surprise!! Glad you are still here!
Oh, how I remember those days! With four sons you get lots of practice. lol I do have a good story for you...When our third son was about a year old, I needed to attend a doctor's appointment for our fourth. Daddy decided that the two of them would go out for a nice quiet lunch. While at lunch Daddy smelled the horrid poo smell. No problemo. Daddy had it covered. Before they reach they bathroom, it had become a major blowout (you know, down the leg and into the shoe) No much in the line of convenience for changing a poopy kid in the men's room, so, here's Dady washing son's dirty bottom with soap in the sink, and of course no paper towels. Ingenuity strikes and Daddy dries son's bottom in the hand air dryer. Of course Mama had packed a clean shirt and diapers but no extra socks or bottoms. So, Daddy put on the clean shirt and diaper, proceeded to pay the check and leave as hastily as possible before anyone else neede to use the men's room. The air ws throughly contiminated...
Hehe, that's thinking on your feet!! Using the hand dryer especially. I hope I soon become an expert. Top think, I used to complain about the poo getting all inside the girly bits and now it's still not easier!
I wouldn't know...only had boys and they were bad enough!
Excellent post dear friend @meesterboom, it reminded me of my changing diapers. However, I did not have any problems with the girls, but I had to prepare them with fireworks.
Thank you very much for bringing memories to my memory.
Again congratulations to the whole family.
I wish you a beautiful week
I am still lol'ing at the gif :0)
I think girls were easier, I will update again after a month of it!
Sounds like real life man!
Yeah, it comes right at ya!
Oh my God. Parenting sounds so hard! And it's like what? Day 3?
Yeah! It gets easier, kind of. Sort of maybe. Yeek!
Oh, I am going to send this post over to my bestie.
Who is expecting a little boychild in a short 5 weeks.
And literally has NO idea what to expect.
It's actually funny and painful to see at the same time, that she is pretty oblivious to the perils of early mama and babyhood.
Maybe it's a good thing ;)
Good luck with your lil poo poo man.
May you be lucky enough not to get poo-ed on any time soon!
I am gonna hold on to that luck!! Only been poo'd on once today. A side effect of changing!
ooh poor you. Maybe next week?
Next week for defo!
good one nappy ninja dad. the "meaty mini-rifle of pee" - I want to steal that line for my poetry.
Then I think you should steal away!! :0)
nice story about your life thanks for sharing with us im pharmacy student and i make post about the medical health if you want we can support together
Wouldn't a nice start to have been to vote for my post?
i will do it now sir please check my pos thanks
No, you annoyed the shit out of me by commenting and not voting
Was that black and sticky too? :D
Haaaaahaaahahahaaaaaa, yes!! ;0)
i did it
up vote is done my friend
usually, in the niche foreign films I watch the phrase "human toilet" has an entirely different meaning.
I can completely imagine!
The stress so to say though can not be compared to the joy of fatherhood. Another reason to appreciate our mothers and wives. Continue you will soon get it right.
I am sure I am already on the road, Cheers!
Owwwwww dude, you make it sound so appealing to have children!
I grinned reading the entire post hahhahaha
There are some plus points :O)
Hahahaha. I can imagine. He will make sure you keep crying like this for at least a year more I guess :D And LOL at the 'tarry' shit hahahahha. Well explained.
It is my pleasure to share it all! lol!
congrats to having little babyboom here :)
Thank ya very much!!
Hehehehe, great post👌👌😊
When you comment but dont vote its kinda spammy so I will flag this.
In case you are going to say its not spammy I will explain what you know full well. You say its a good post merely in the hope of getting a comment upvote.
Its so cynical. It would have cost you nothing to vote and comment. Yet you chose not to So I choose to flag. When you are genuine in your interactions with others they will remember you and visit your blog even follow you. When you do this they remember that also and not in a good way.