Great article. I am in my final year of medical school, and this topic was brought up a couple years ago... but not in much detail . I am sorry that you are experiencing this frustration. While reading this article, something astonishingly similar came to mind....psychogenic male erectile dysfunction. A condition that is "psychological" but causes the physical symptom of erectile dysfunction. From working as a medical student, this problem is much more common. I have witnessed these symptoms in males at medical offices. These younger individuals come in, asking for "ED pills," and there is always a question that must be asked: Do you ever have an erection in the morning? Most say yes! For them it is not a "blood supply problem but one that is either caused by performance anxiety, fear of not being able to maintain an erection, or maybe even abuse (which is more rare in males). Many times these patients will be able to recall a time when they were not able to have an erection, and the vicious cycle continues.
My question to you guys: Are your pelvic floor muscles tense in the morning, or when not thinking about sex at all? I would imagine they are not. Also ask yourself this: Before attempting to be with your husband, are you nervous or thinking in your mind that your pelvic floor muscles will tighten?
I think the self awareness you guys have is great. I do not have much management experience with this condition so I am not sure if these suggestions will be helpful. However, I think physical remedies may help "ease the mind" for some, but not for all. "Mental relaxation" and the ability to overcome the even "subconscious" anxiety may be necessary. I don't like separating the physical from the psychological because they are all connected.
Here is my try at therapy!
- Perhaps try to be in that moment where you are not thinking about sex...maybe when you wake up in the morning. Focus with your husband on things other than sex. Perhaps at the beginning, establish that in no way sex will occur....but still have close contact. Slowly try to be more involved. Once you can get to the point where the pelvic muscles are not tight with an " established...no sex"....slowly move into "seeing how things go"....If at any time your pelvic floor muscles tighten up...don't force anything. GOOD LUCK!
I'm glad to hear that it was at least mentioned at your med school. And thanks for the suggestion. And in relation to your suggestion: part of the recovery process will involve gaining more control over the pelvic floor muscles.
Good glad to hear that is part of the plan. What you always must ask in that moment though is...am I still thinking about it? If at any moment you are, it will likely lead to frustration. It takes more than the actions of therapy and more of the mind. Hopefully, with slowly just connecting, it will work...but maybe longer than you hope. I think a good example is BREATHING. If someone gives you breathing exercises, do you think you will think about breathing...of course! However, I am not thinking about breathing as I type this, yet I am still breathing. I think a good thing to try is not thinking about the problem in the pelvic floor at all. Just think about connecting.
Thanks again for your advice. Overcoming the mental barriers is certainly the hardest part.