Dear @eveningart, I'm so sorry for your loss. This post is beautifully written, so honest and although it must be extremely difficult to describe the emotions one feels at such a time, it comes across very well in your words. Grief is such an enormous thing people go through and in my opinion it is not talked about enough in our society. I wrote a post about this and it seemed to hit a nerve with lots of people.
Losing a parent must be so hard. I still have both of mine so I know that sometime in the next 10 years or so, I will be in that position. My relationship with my mother has always been difficult so I don't have any clear vision of how it will affect me when she goes. But I expect it to be hard no matter what.
I missed the cut-off point to upvote your post, but I would really like to. Someone suggested to ask the author to reply to a comment and then one can upvote that comment (not that my vote counts much yet).
Take good care of yourself, Y. xx
Hi - thank you! It was a difficult post to put into words, and I'm so glad it came across okay.
I think what has surprised me most has been the order the emotions are coming in... not very logical at all. I was pretty sound just afterwards, and the epic sadness comes in waves, but not in any way I would have expected, and triggered by things that come out of the blue.
Mostly, I'm just so grateful for having had such a kind and generous and loving mum. I lost her early, but what she gave me when she was with us, and continues to give me now- well, I count myself blessed.
Thanks so much for your lovely comment,
E x
Hello again. It's interesting that you were surprised by your emotions, another confirmation that the psychological models proposing that everyone goes through a grieving process in some fixed, predictable way are all wrong. It's such an individual experience and one just has to take it one day at a time and cope as best they can. I read another very good post on the subject by @enchantedspirit. It contains some practical advice which is often more helpful than counselling, especially early on. I'm glad you had such a wonderful relationship with your mum.
I know- there's meant to be this tried and tested pattern - and that's completely rubbish. Like you say- it's day by day. Thanks for the link - I'm off to investigate x