I am not one to see life through a “woman lens”. Some people seem to do it all the time, filtering their individual identity throughout their gender, adjusting their perception of society and the world at large according to their sex chromosomes. I always thought that looks exhausting and introduces unnecessary noise, division and conflict. I can honestly say that most of the time, I do not think of myself as a woman, but simply as a person.
There is one instance, though, where I am usually reminded that my gender does make a difference, that having those two X chromosomes can alter my experience in a very clear way. Of course, I mean when I am doing Jiu-Jitsu.
To begin with, this is a very male dominated combat sport, which becomes evident just by stepping into a BJJ gym or looking at the group pictures of seminars and training camps. It’s usually like 80-90% men in most parts of the world.
Why? Perhaps because rolling around on the floor with a bunch of sweaty dudes is not considered the most feminine thing to do (and boy, I should know it can look completely unappealing a priori). Yet, there is an ever growing number of women taking part on it.
This is what BJJ feels like for me, from my own feminine perspective:
The strength difference is real.
One of the main selling points of BJJ is that it is a martial art that has been adapted to rely in leverage, angles and technique rather than sheer strength so that a weaker opponent can take on a stronger one. However, unless your skills are superior to those of your opponent, the strongest person will always have the advantage.
For a woman, this means that unless you are one of those 5’8, 155 pounds amazons like Holly Holm, odds are that you will be outsized by most of your opponents (in regular training) by a good 25 to 50 pounds (~12 to 25 kg). Even as a man, if you have ever tried to escape the mount or side control of someone who has 20+ kg on you, surely you know what I am talking about.
Things become a lot more challenging when there is a size disadvantage. That, not to mention that bigger guys can do stuff like literally pick you up in the air and just put you down on the mat with them on top (like one of the bigger guys in the picture above did to me after I went for a judo throw), or just stand up Gaby Garcia-style with you dangling there when you put them in a triangle or closed guard, to shake you off.
However, this handicap comes with a positive side, which is:
You are forced to develop superior/cleaner technique.
Otherwise things just never work and you will feel frustrated and helpless most of the time.
However, when you do not have the option to just bench-press someone off you, you find yourself in the urgent need to learn how to escape by moving your hips, framing or controlling your opponent’s limbs to unbalance them.
Something that I have noticed lately, is that I have been made aware of the importance of timing. Lots of the things that I used to think did not work, now I have realized that actually do if you time them right. Scissor sweep, flower sweep, and mount escapes that I thought would never work on someone bigger, have been possible whenever I pick the right grips and break their posture and balance. I think I would have taken longer to get this fine-tuning if I could just use my superior strength to force people into the positions I wanted – but this is not Jiu-Jitsu!
Also, I have learned to be sneaky. Someone says that you might not be the strongest, or the best, but no one can prevent you from being the sneakiest. This is reflected by the submissions that I get consistently: Ezekiel choke, baseball bat choke, or stuff that I set up by pretending I am going for something else (eg. Triangle choke by doing a fake hip-bump first to get the opponent to post their arm on the mat).
The "Goldie-locks" roll: not too soft, and not too hard.
While I am lucky enough that 80% of the guys in my team are considerate and skilled enough to roll with women with enough strength to provide a competitive roll without completely smashing us, I have met guys who just cannot get their calibration right.
That goes for both extremes: from the guys who mercilessly crush you and even do asshole moves like grinding their elbows on your face or applying calf slicers just to torture you, to the guys who seem to think you are some kind of fragile doll made of glass, put zero pressure, don not secure submissions and are even worried about accidentally pulling your hair. Just roll, man! If I am here and not in a women-only class, it means that I am willing to cope with your power as long as you do not abuse it.
However, the consequence of this adjustment that men do when rolling with women is that:
You are never 100% sure about your progress.
Unless you consistently roll with women, whenever you have a good roll it is difficult to determine whether you are objectively getting better or the guy just let you work a bit more by not resisting as much as he could.
Like one of the purple belts of my team jokingly said to me once: “You are getting better! Now I need to use 10% of my power instead of just 5%” (then I almost caught him with a triangle so he corrected himself “OK, 15%”).
Funnily enough, I find that a good way to unleash people’s real power is to catch them with a tight submission. Whenever I have managed to get something on a higher belt, they immediately retaliate by upping their intensity in a way that lets you experience what a hard roll feels more like with them.
Also, there is this annoying feeling – for me, at least– that I have a default excuse for being sucky. After getting beaten up, it is tempting to let that little slithering voice in the back of my mind whisper “Well of course! After all, he’s a guy and he’s stronger! It is not your fault, you are just fighting at a clear disadvantage”; as you can imagine, this kind of mindset can be very dangerous for your progress!
You might be tricked into thinking it is OK to become stagnant. After all, you are the weaker person! Guys have it a lot harder in this sense: if you are getting your butt kicked by everyone consistently, there is no other side to it, you just suck (and need to get better ASAP).
I would really like to know your opinion on this:
As a woman, do you agree with my points, or have other female-related situations that you would like to add to these?
As a man, do you behave differently when training with women? What is your take on it?
Cheers,
Irime
First of all, hats off to you that you go to the co-ed BJJ. Not very many people are comfortable or have the guts to put themselves out there in a field that's primarily all men (I know because I'm in Tech and majority of my classes/work is men).
I have absolutely no knowledge or experience about BJJ at all but it seems like that would be a really good way to see how far you've come and what all you need to work on. Plus, I'm sure ways that women tackle and apply may be different than what men do. There's always room for anyone to improve so watching different levels or gender of artists can give you an overall idea of what all is possible.
I've thought about taking a BJJ class at my university before. If not BJJ, I want to give some kind of martial arts a shot in my life! :)
Thanks a lot for such amazing feedback, @cabernet!
It can definitely be intimidating at first, but having good training partners helps when it comes to having a good learning environment.
I think you should give it a try! Many people like BJJ because there are no strikes involved so you don't have to worry about getting punched in the face, hehe; also, the environment is quite unique and often one bonds with their teammates in a special way. However, I also find all forms of kickboxing (Taekowndo, Muay Thai, Savate, etc) really fun and rewarding, so it is a matter of you to experiment and see what you enjoy the most.
Martial arts in general bring about a very especial sense of self-knowledge, confidence and a desire of self improvement that I haven't gotten from anything else.
Cheers!
You should give it a try! And for those who may be nervous about co-ed, many academies offer women's self-defense classes to get you used to the close contact with only other women at first. But, after some time, most of those ladies go on to co-ed jiu jitsu class because the fall in love with it!
Ahh I see. I am definitely going to give some form of martial arts a shot. I think it's an excellent way to stay healthy, in shape, and also the ability of defending yourself, doesn't matter how well, in a worst case scenario is the biggest plus.
an easy way to think of what to train in, do you watch UFC? and if so who are your favorite fighters
I got my ass kicked by women quite a bit already as some here in Thailand are pretty dame good. (at other places as well obviously)
With women who are also beginners I tend to go a bit slower but I do that with pretty much everyone when I realize they are in their first week or so to let them try things and I feel like I am learning more as well this way as I put myself in tougher situations but I got a better shot to get out as if a blue belt is mounting me.
" Guys have it a lot harder in this sense: if you are getting your butt kicked by everyone consistently, there is no other side to it, you just suck (and need to get better ASAP)."
I would like to answer this with been there, done that but I am still there :-)
@flipstar, come on, man! I am sure you are just being modest. I think we all secretly think we suck, even the black belts sometimes, haha.
This is very smart, and in fact I see upper belts doing this as well when they roll with me. In this way you both benefit and learn something from the roll. The "I don't get anything from rolling with women/people who are not as good as me" mentality is just an excuse for meatheads.
I am probably still bragging as I was not a good boy the last 5 weeks or so and lazy as fuck.
Hi Irime,
As a woman in BJJ, and as almost constantly the only female in my class I totally relate to this! But you know what? We do have an advantage. i don't know if you compete, but when you have to finally fight with a woman of your weight, you realize how much "easier" it feels! The other day a purple belt came to visit our gym (I am blue), and I had no problem controlling her the entire roll. That made me feel much better about myself =). It's because we are used to getting smashed and to have it more difficult that we end up making a lot of progress, because we need to figure out how to use the little weight we have more efficiently against a heavier partner. If Gaby Garcia showed up in my gym however, I would run away LOL
This is so true! I remember thinking during competition that it definitely feels a lot more manageable than rolling with the guys. But it is true, in the end one has to find more effective ways to use leverage on our favor when going against bigger opponents.
Hahahaha, I think not only us, but probably many of the guys would also run away if Gaby Garcia showed up to roll...
I actually would really be interested in rolling with Gaby Garcia out of pure curiosity.
This is a great read and such an important part of jiu-jitsu. I personally love rolling with women. I think that if you play your sensitivity right, you can give them just the right amount of pressure to make it realistic and challenging, without being an asshole about it.
I have definitely rolled with the guys who outweigh me, and it changes my jiu jitsu, and definitely makes it a lot more difficult if they are skilled. About the only time weight/strength doesn't seem to come into play as much, is about 3-5 minutes into a role with someone who has not trained at all. Eventually the size and strength advantage fades away, and they are now fish in shark infested waters with any blue belt and above.
On the flip side, I also have been lucky to train with some very talented women, of all belt ranges, of all sizes, many who can straight up kick my ass in grappling. Some who could honestly probably even kick my ass if you added striking. It definitely proves that technique is king, and it works. It also puts your ego into check.
Hopefully more women will join the ranks of rolling around with some sweaty dudes. Like in life, yes there are always going to be assholes. But, for the most part, I feel like the jiu jitsu community is very well rounded with males who can give women some realistic energy, without killing them, and hopefully helping them get better every time they are on the mat!
Thanks for sharing @irime!
Thanks once again for such a thoughtful comment! I like that you always add to the topic :-)
Even I have experienced this with some new spazzy blue belts, once they get tired you can dominate them simply because they are so short of breath they can no longer move let alone think clearly, hehe...
I believe a clear proof that BJJ works is that women who have higher ranks are definitely capable of handling people who might be bigger and stronger, but are certainly much less skilled/knowledgeable. There is a newly minted brown belt girl in our team that even bigger guys who have been training for 3-4 years have a lot of trouble dealing with; they say that sometimes even if they make use of sheer strength to try and overpower her, they just cannot dominate her and often end up bow-and-arrowed, haha!
So.... I'm a half Amazon? I'm almost 5'9 but not quite as heavy 😂
I know what you're talking about tho, I had a similar experience with Wing Tjun.
Wow, you are tall! Well, 155 is pretty damn heavy and it must take a looooong time (and lots of dedication) to build that much muscle.
I agree. I'm starting my thesis next month and decided to go to the gym every morning before lab. Let's see how much my muscle weight increses :D
would you like assistance in creating a workout program I'd be glad to help
Now that's a reply to an old comment! I already got my workout plan for 5 days a week, thanks :)
lol sorry just got approved for steemit and I did a search for bjj!
Nice post!
I did Ken-Jitsu for some years (which is a europeanized version of jiu jitsu) and had a female training partner. So even as I would beat her every single time in free fighting, she developed the cleaner technique and was in general tougher.
I had no idea that there was an European version of Jiu-Jitsu! Going to look it up...
Thanks for commenting and sharing your experience, @sco!
There are a lot more important and complex differences between opponents than gender. There are no excuses, underestimating your opponent for whatever reason is always first step to failure.
Don't lose your head. ;-)
Well, sure, but in this case the topic to discuss is gender.
Definitely! Thanks for your comment @gtg :-)
hey nice blog I followed you
Hey there! Thanks for the follow, I checked your profile and really liked your blog posts, so I followed back :-) Glad to see more BJJ people on board at Steemit!
Best of luck in all that you do!
Great report on what females might experience in this sport, physically and mental strength. I would roll with you hard like, even pull your hair if gets in my way @irime. May you have a great week.
I want to believe that sounded less creepy in your head than the way it came out, @gamainvegas.
women in my belief are the privileges that god gives..
Best Regards @fikrihaikal
I am a guy but I train at a school that has by far the largest ladies program of the local area that I live in. So I am more experienced then most people with coed training.
I have to say that I think what you put in this writing was one of the best things I have read about it. Far too many people on either side of the coin put too much of their own ideas into the topic compared with experiences of the other side. And I think your view is pretty darn balanced.
I guess I do behave differently when I am rolling with a female training partner then when I roll with a guy. But not by much. I'm a rather big guy so I almost always am mindful of my size and strength even if I roll with another heavyweight. Obviously I am even more mindful when I roll with a female training partner most of whom are so much smaller then myself. I have noticed I give more advice to women, not because they need it but because they tend to listen more. Like if I am rolling with a girl and I notice a flaw in her strategy or the way she tried to execute a sweep I would just tell her. If I notice the same thing with a guy I usually ask him if he wants some advice because I have noticed when guys are new a lot of times they bring with them more attitude then I'd care to put up with.
Great .....
Upvote my post