Memoir
/ˈmemˌwär/ noun. a record of events written by a person having intimate knowledge of them and based on personal observation. Usually memoirs. an account of one's personal life and experiences; autobiography. the published record of the proceedings of a group or organization, as of a learned society.
Week 27 of Memoir Monday brings us just to the other side of the halfway point of this entire initiative. Romantic relationships, they can make our lives seem like we’re living in heaven or like we’re roasting in the eternal fires of damnation. How I wish the eighteen year old me could have read the passage below! The advice, if I would have listened to it, would have saved me a whole lot of pain and time. This prompt proved interesting to write and yours will be equally as interesting to read. As always, thanks for your participation.
Memoir Monday has grown so much that I won’t be able to comment on everyone’s posts anymore (and get my own work done) but I’ll still be supporting your posts with reblogs, votes, and shares on my other social media accounts (X, Facebook, etc.).
For all of those who’ve regularly participated in Memoir Monday - keep going, you’re making great progress in chronicling your very own life story for future generations to enjoy.
For those who missed the inaugural post explaining what the Memoir Monday initiative is all about you can find it here.
Now for next week’s Memoir Monday prompt:
What is your best relationship advice?
My answer:
There’s no better boot-camp for learning about yourself than romantic relationships. When in a close relationship the other person becomes like a mirror to reflect back to you the areas in which you need to work on yourself. In fact, even the type of person you tend to settle with can serve as a lesson about yourself.
It’s a common misconception, especially when we’re young, that “the perfect” relationship is effortless. This might seem to be the case during the honeymoon phase with a new partner. As time goes on even the best relationships take work and choosing someone who you’re compatible with (or not) can mean the difference between a happy and peaceful life or a tumultuous and miserable one.
Following are some of the things I’ve learned in thirty-seven years of relationships:
Physical beauty and a fun personality are nice but also seek out kindness and optimism, these last two attributes are way more important to your long term happiness.
Find a partner that shares your overall vision for life, someone who is willing to compromise, work to heal their own trauma (we all have it), and evolve through time with you. You’re never going to agree on everything but you should both share the same overall vision for the things that are most important to you.
Establish personal boundaries and expectations early on. A certain amount of compromise and sacrifice are imperative to a healthy, happy, and balanced relationship but decide the things you’re not willing to budge on and don’t. Boundaries are super important. If we allow others to mistreat, disrespect, or take us for granted then it’s like giving them permission to make it a habit.
Open and honest communication is vital to a healthy relationship. When in a serious relationship your partner should be your biggest supporter in the entire world and vice versa. Both partners should feel supported and understood.
Trust your partner until they give you reason not to. If that trust is ever broken, be honest with yourself whether or not the relationship is salvageable.
Don’t enter a relationship expecting to change anything about your partner. People don’t change if they don’t want to and sometimes they aren’t even capable of changing at all.
Allow each other to keep your own individual identities and interests. It’s important to grow together in all the ways that matter but it’s equally important not to loose your personal identity. So many couples, overtime, seem to meld their identities together as one and then wake up one day to realize they feel lost and don’t even know who they are anymore.
"But let there be spaces in your togetherness and let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls." - Khalil Gibran
Keep the spark of romance alive. Even small romantic gestures go a long way. Regularly remind your partner the ways in which you appreciate and respect them. The definition of romance will change as your relationship evolves, don’t expect it to remain the same. No matter how crazy life becomes, invest in your relationship by setting aside time for each other.
Time stands still for no one. Have the courage to commit to living a life that is true to yourself. Happiness is a choice, it really is. If you find yourself regularly unfulfilled or unhappy, voice this to your partner immediately. If nothing changes, seriously consider making a life change. Years can never be refunded. There is absolutely nothing worse in life than regret.
Rules of Engagement
- Please reblog this first post and share on other social platforms so we cast the widest net possible for this initiative;
- Pictures paint a thousand words. Include pictures in your posts if you have them;
- Answer each Memoir Monday prompt question in your own post. If possible, the prompt question will be published in the week prior so you'll have the entire week to answer and publish your own post;
- Have fun with it, don't worry about getting behind, or jumping into the project at any point after we've begun; and
- Lastly, be sure to include the tag #memoirmonday.
It's that simple.
At the end of the next twelve months we'll have created something immensely valuable together. It's so important to know our "whys" in life and there's no better way to do that than this.
Someday all that will be left of our existence are memories of us, our deeds, and words. It's up to you to leave as rich of a heritage as possible for future generations to learn from. So, go ahead, tell your stories. I can't wait to read them.
Be well and make the most of this day. I want to sincerely thank all of the participants thus far. I've really enjoyed reading your posts!
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Let’s Keep In Touch
Good afternoon dear friend @ericvancewalton
What an interesting topic you have chosen for this week, and in terms of love, surely each person will have their own point of view on them.
Excellent things you have experienced, and the advice you have given according to all your experience, especially this last paragraph
¨Time does not stop for anyone. Have the courage to commit to living a life that is true to yourself. Happiness is a choice, it really is. If you feel dissatisfied or unhappy regularly, tell your partner immediately. If nothing changes, seriously consider making a life change. The years cannot be returned. There is nothing worse in life than regret.¨
Have a wonderful day
Hey, we are getting into an interesting, deep and diverse topic, Eric. I have understood that everyone loves differently (someone would say that people love the way they loved when they were little). I agree with every single piece of advice you wrote in this post. And while it is true that relationships do not have a magic formula, a recipe to make them perfect, it is also true that there are “ingredients” necessary for the relationship to “grow” as all wonderful things grow: flowers, breads, trees. They say that he who does not listen to advice does not grow old or does not have a healthy relationship. hahaha. See you this Monday. Have a nice Wednesday, my friend!
Thank you Nancy! "...there are “ingredients” necessary for the relationship to “grow”... That's an excellent way to put it. It takes the effort of both people too. Listening to advice is very important if we want to evolve. I know with the older generations, the males especially, had a tough time with this. I hope you enjoy the rest of your week my friend! The weekend is almost on our doorstep again.
So many great advices here 😊
What I learned from my love relationships is: use your downs and mistakes to examine your personality, your behaviour. Is there some side of yourself that could be smoothed out to become a better person? And you must develop this procedure firstly for yourself, and this will automatically reflects in your relationship.
Another important thing is trust and honesty. Express your deepest feelings to your partner and educate yourself as a couple to do it frequently. Knowing each other so deeply is essential to avoid misunderstanding that often leads to fights and breaks.
Great advice!
You are right. Good communication, honesty and always being loyal are the keys to a successful romantic relationship. Have a nice day, Eric.
I think almost all the points , required for a successful relationship is being mentioned here. Never expect your partner to change for you. That is very much true my friend. Personally I had some issues, where the mistake was mine and which I later realized. To keep the romance live is also important, no matter what the age is. Even a simple happy gestures can make a relationship moving.
Good morning @ericvancewalton. Relationships of any kind are always important to take care of them, cultivate them or leave them if the case warrants it, in terms of love relationships, there is so much to say only that as you say, it is difficult to listen and follow advice, because under the magnifying glass of infatuation we think that love can do everything, yet it is good to settle what we have learned from experience. Excellent week to you. 😊
Thank you! Interesting how you phrased that under the magnifying glass of infatuation because that describes so many relationships when they're in the "honeymoon phase". Some people get so addicted to that newness and infatuation that they jump from one relationship to the next and miss out on the true joys of deep connection. I hope you enjoy your week!
Relationship advice can only be gotten from experience. Some of the things that work for most of us might not work for others. I think we just have to follow what is right in the way we relate with each other.
Amen to everything you say Eric, beautifully written. Your wife is a lucky lady, and sounds like you are too!
The wisdom in Gibran's The Prophet is so profound, and timeless, it's my absolute favourite. The words on marriage are how Arthur and I lived our lives together.
Thank you for spreading good (vibrations) feelings here on Hive <3
Thanks Lizelle! This isn't the first rodeo (marriage) for either of us so we learned a lot from those past experiences. I like that quote too, it really sums it up in such a poetic way, doesn't it?
It certainly does!
You both chose well the second time around and obviously learnt from your mistakes💞 Unfortunately, some people end up making the wrong choice, again, and never find themselves in a fulfilling relationship. Very sad.
Mine would be, do not deprive yourself too much.
Yes, good one!
Those are some good ones. The part about communication is very important. I think the most arguments my wife and I have these days are because one of us assumes the other knows what we are thinking or planning. While that may hold true for some things, even after 15 years it isn't a given. It's always a good idea to put things in words just to be sure you are on the same page. I still struggle at it sometimes. I think my two biggest things would be take your time and don't settle. What you want at 18 is probably quite different than what you want in your late 20's and you need to give yourself room to grow into that. I also think many times we settle for what is available without realizing the world has so much more to offer us.
Thanks! Communication is everything. That's taken me years of work. I think I've made considerable progress on it in these past few decades but I still have more work to do.
I think my two biggest things would be take your time and don't settle.
100% yes that statement! I think sometimes people seek out relationships mainly because they don't want to be or are afraid of being alone. I think everyone should have a period in their lives where they get comfortable alone, with their own company. I had almost three solid years of single life in my early twenties and, looking back, it was very valuable.
I had two longer term relationships that didn't work out and I feel like it was so much wasted time because I settled and I shouldn't have. As you said, that time would have been much better spent alone although I do have some good memories and experiences from those years. It ultimately made me a better person, but looking back I can see a bit of the futility in it all.
Yeah, I think we're all guilty of seeing people and situations as we wish them to be instead of how they really are. I certainly did my fair share of that.
Beautiful words, Eric. Full of hope and wisdom, they really brought a smile. Thank you for that and kudos to you for going through life so openly (otherwise, how would you have learned so very much?).
Thank you! I'm still very much a work in progress but I find it's important to share some of the lessons I have learned. I so wish I had someone tell me these things when I was younger. Mainstream culture just wasn't as open about or accepting of talking about these kinds of things when I was in my twenties. Because of this I had to learn so many things the hard way. When it came to relationships I was quite the people pleaser, most times to my own detriment.
Hmm but do you think you would've minded the advice, had someone sat you down and told you before you had the chance to go out and learn it for yourself? The same old question, I suppose :D
I probably wouldn't have listened when I was younger but some of the advice might have resonated. I mistakenly thought I already understood so much about life when I was younger. Now the list of "known unknowns" grow with every year. : )
You've. Nailed. It.
NoThing more to add!
Thanks!
Relationship tips indeed, for upcomers like us and I find them very useful.
Mine will definitely be don't rush to relationship if you know you are not yet ready
I'm learning from those who have experienced it all, I am glad I read this post.
The mistake many people make us they think they are ready for relationship because they are older which is not supposed to be so
#hive #posh
I might've missed but I think you left out the don't wake her up part. Anything else is forgivable but wake her while she's sleeping and you're libel to starve to death.
It is a topic that will always be talked about. I agree with you, for a relationship to last it is necessary to work on it, to pay attention to the small details and to have the intention of wanting to do things well. Thanks for the call, dear @ericvancewalton . A big hug from Maracay.