No matter how hard I fall or upset I become, every day is a new day! Now if only I could fall asleep like a child as well and not only reset every time I woke up. It wasn't always like this, I remember around 5 years ago I had a breakup so painful that it would make auto-pilot sound like an innovative breakthrough. I felt empty and depressed every single day from waking until bed. You would imagine that it would go away eventually, with some good days even—sprinkled between them. Being dead while still walking, dead in the soul.
Months of walking in a heavy fog that became a part of me, nothing could shake. I felt like I would be lost in an abyss forever. One day I woke up, and I was better. Not even remotely feeling like the days and months before. It feels that because of this, my brain erases every morning and I start with a clean slate.
As disgusting as it sounds, no matter the fight or how I feel going to bed—I wake up to a default pleasant start.
A Severe Coping Mechanism
Our minds try to protect us from negative memories, and I've heard of people being able to remember traumatic experiences. It is terrifying to note here and I'm actually not sure how many people experience this, but I forget things that have emotions tied to them. I initially thought this was a type of repressed memory defense mechanism, but I also forget positive emotions as well. I'm more forgetful than I would like to be. It messes with my social life to extreme lengths, most times I don't realize it either.
My day never starts bad but it can become bad, it can also end up eventful and awesome c:
What I dislike about this is that although this prevents me from waking up grumpy, I also can't have the same level of fulfillment or afterglow from the previous day's events. If I was angry or despairing yesterday, it's gone now... But if I was motivated yesterday, it's gone now too.
Destroyed Short-Term Memory
I may come off as spunky and strongly voiced, but what if I told you that the reason I go hard is that I'll forget if I don't? If I want to do something, no matter how hard I want it or believe that I do—if I can't act on it right then and there I'll lose it overnight. At times, I completely forget something I wanted to do in the first place.
I thought I was losing it, still might be. Something interesting that I have observed is that things I plan on my board occasionally become irrelevant or not as important as I previously thought after a few days. There have been enough times that I learned something that I felt could change my entire life but woke up the next morning wondering what it was.
It's like having a fuzzy memory of a dream but it wasn't a dream, it was yesterday.
A Different Person A Different Day
Although I am still me everyday, I don't feel like the same me. It's like having the same characters in a story but going through a different arc. My interests are the same, but how strongly or weakly I feel about anything can vary greatly—if it even still matters in the first place. I wake up at ground zero and figure out where to start.
It's depressing when I remember. That I can't connect to the brave thing I did yesterday that I was proud of. That I'm running in circles, or that unless I want something so bad that I can drop everything around me, I cannot have it.
I've realized this before, but I forgot the other times already. -And each time I remember, my fantasy world shatters because it becomes revealed to me that even though I believed that I walked 20 miles forward, I'm actually walking in place.
A Trade Made in Silver Linings
Not all is lost though. What I'm noticing is that as long as I can directly apply something I learned to a personal situation before I go to sleep I will retain it. It cannot be one of those; I'll look into this later, or soon type of situations. The conscious will and desire to remember by applying is enough to push something fresh into long-term memory.
This may sound like a horrible situation to be in, but there are some good things to come from it. I can actually sleep almost anything off and quickly mentally/ emotionally recover when I have an extra sucky day... And I suppose that if I want something I have to want it more than everything else and prove to my brain that:
This is important, so you gotta remember it.
Reminds me of a Film Theory video on the Men In Black (MIB) Pen Mind Erasers that gives us erased memories and in which is part of, maybe, the Mandella Effect or something. But yeah, we sometimes forget things subconsciously to cope with it all. Thanks for sharing, hehe. I'm Oatmeal Joey Arnold. You can call me Joey.
My daily life is a Mandela effect xDD I shall call you Oatmeal if you'll let me c;
Being able to cope with difficulties is essential. What may look healthy to one person, may be unacceptable to another. Thank you for stopping by!~
Hehe thanks girl, awesome. beautiful. Good work. You make me smile, @Shello.
Thank you @joeyarnoldvn,
The love is real!~☆♡
Hmm... This post is breathtaking @shello. I wish we can forget things or event that made us very sad because it affects all other activities in our daily lives. But the dilemma is the part of forgetting "good things" also. If such brain can be programed to always forget bad things and remember good things always, it will lead to a healthy lifestyle. I think people suffering from this form of ailments should meet with a psychologist and a therapist. But it is always advisable to maximize the brain's potential to the fullest. We have to stop thinking about the bad actions that has happened, because it is gone. We have to focus on the present and make the best out of it. I will conclude by saying "happiness and sadness is a choice". You either choose to be happy or choose to be sad. It's always advisable to choose the one that will make you feel better and make the whole body happy which is happiness. I am happy because "I choose to be happy".
Hello there @hardaeborla,
I read your profile description by clicking next to your name. You believe knowledge is contagious—like how I do about quality. This is what I saw in your comment, and have followed you before even typing my reply. Great work! You are setting an excellent example of what good comments look like on Steemit!
What an ideal world it would be if we could consciously remember only the things that uplifts us. I don't like forgetting the nice things in my life, but what's fun is that when I remember I'm always amazed! It's a nice feeling when I wake up to the wonderful life I have been experiencing all along.
You are absolutely right, that perhaps I should be seeing someone for the ailments I'm having. At the same time however, I don't want to be medicated and go to therapy to solve the goods parts of what I'm going through. I feel that it's very much worth the trade, and will help me to develop the skills I want to have and the person I want to be in the long run :D
I am making intense and conscious efforts to choose happiness as well!
With love,
@shello
Thanks for the complement @shello.... I hope you get well soon.. Always remember to see the good sides of life and forget about the past because life goes on.
No truer words, the pleasure is all mine c:
This is incredibly interesting and I have actually never come across this before. It's actually incredible that your mind does this, but like you also mentioned it's got it's perks and it's draw backs.
So it is just me!
I haven't heard of this before either, and it can be a scary feeling to come across the revelation that my brain is shielding myself in its own version of reality. I wrote this post so that I can't forget this time, and can take this newly found awareness with me.
The universe doesn't give you challenges you aren't ready for, right?~ c:
Nope it doesn't 😘. All the best and sounds like you're on the right track.
Thankies for the love @jusipassetti, I'm feeling all warm and happy now!
Hi,
Memory issues are quite common now as you're getting older..
No but for real, especially stress can affect your memory. It's good you know you're not remembering everything, even though it might even cause more stress when you might be worried of what you have forgotten!
However what if you don't notice you're forgetting things. One morning you wake up, think you're still 25 years old and all but look in the mirror and you're 80.
Dun-dun-duuuuun.
Let the shuddering commence!~
I'm stoked that the bad memories go away too though. Imagine if I could only remember bad things (I feel like some people have it the other way!) my life would be in shambles. That's exactly what happened the other day, I felt like I was living in some kind of fantasy world.
Don't scare me Apsu—that can still happen! xDD
Don't you remember.. we have had this same discussion around 50 times already. It's time to get you back to the.. service house for elderly people?
Come on now. Let's pick up your rollator with you.
NOOOO I REFUSE! ... That's exactly what I felt like the other day. I don't want to spend 90% of my life in ignorance to have 10% existential crisis. IM OKAY c:
What is a rollator????
Huh, that's interesting. I can't really say it's good or bad because it's just different. So like if you leave work pissed off everyday, it's just kind of like reset the next day?
It is different. I come off as too carefree sometimes because of it though! That's exactly what happens, so no matter how I feel one day, it doesn't follow me into the next. A transient experience perhaps. I didn't realize that though but now I may be able to use it to my advantage.
I used to put things off because I didn't want to feel upset the next day, but I won't. Due to this, I'm trying to push myself just that little bit extra everyday now :3
Awesome, make it work for you!
:D there's ALWAYS a silver lining!
Wow, I don't experience that intensely memory loss, and I have a pretty good memory, selective memory lol
There are things I can'T remember though that I wish I could remember now. I have CPTSD, so emotional flashbacks are emotional triggers, memories, but all I remember is the feeling. "He made me feel like that" but why and how?
There have been more things though that I remember as I recover and heal. EFT has been helping a lot with that. There are times when I remember something he said or did and I am baffled, appalled, disgusted, and it scares me that I forgot.
Some things I forgot from trauma. Other things I forgot because he used mind control to brainwash me. I used to be very afraid of it all. I started remembering when I stopped being afraid to remember and face the darkness. That's how it was for me. But it's scary to think how much I forgot and might never remember due to the trauma he caused and the brain manipulation he did to me.
I hope you'll find a way to remember what you need to and heal those parts that need healing so you can truly benefit from life and life the life you want and deserve :)
This is interesting...
Heya @binkyprod, welcome to the fiesta! Now I could be mistaken, but I believe that we may be talking about two different things here. I believe that the reason my memory was starting to lapse is due to the fact that my body needed me to be able to move onto the next day and not to be possessed by my past.
I'm far past the emotional healing stage of anything at this point. It's not like my memories disappear permanently or anything like that. It's more like I could more easily recall what I ate last month as opposed to a day or two ago. When I watch my memories, I'm already disassociated. I can still emotionally connect to the memories I enjoy, but I can analyze my negative situations better and see new perspectives without getting dragged down in the first-person recall of them.
Try imagining what it's like believing that you have good memory, and then becoming aware of your ignorance. That's terrifying.
Thank you for the well wishes regardless~
Mahalo,
@shello
Oh okay. Yeah, there is a difference there I was not quite grasping earlier. It's very interesting to know about your situation and how you deal with it.
Thank you @binkypod,
I was also drawn to your story as well. I used to not see memory this way before, and always wondered how something could be forgotten. <3
Memory is a strange thing. I'm glad to have connected with you :)
It truly is. The pleasure was all mine! c:
Heyyy, here's the name challenge post: https://steemit.com/steemitnamechallenge/@celestal/steemit-name-challenge-celestal
Imma investigate this today! :D THANK YOU <3
You just described me daily. I remember some stuff and completely forget other stuff. I think my memory issues are due to a lot of concusion type of stuff though. I have been hit in the head a lot and i really think some bad stuff is happening in there because of it. I hope you have many of the good days and on the bright side we can easily "forget " the bad ones. :)
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Hello @shello! Wow, what a nice contribution - really appreciate this. Hope my resteem will help you. Regards
Thank you for the love @monique96, much appreciated <3