This is a blog. Views and opinions expressed herein belong solely to the blog owner. Viewer discretion advised. You're now tuned into words, real-life words for fucks sake I mean what if the US only shipped F-bombs....
I saw a headline on the internet because before I commit to anything on the internet I sift through headlines on the internet—stock market crash is imminent, it said, get out now while you still have a chance.
I didn't click it.
I clicked the first 477 imminent stock market crash warnings. Waste of time like World War III threats. They've been doing that since World War II. Before WWIII is even officially declared, I can accurately predict the lead cast of World War IV: Russia, China, America and them. UK, duh! What's war without the UK, I mean Germany! It ain't war if Germany ain't fahrvergnügen schnitzel up.
Show me a headline featuring Peru and Chad, Iceland, Bangladesh and Nepal on the brink of nuclear annihilation and I'm blowin that shit up!
Ever notice how if you say "I'll do anything for a heart" three times fast: "I'll do anything for a heart - I'll do anything for a heart - I'll do anything for a heart," it sounds like: I'll do anything fart?
= }
Hello. I'm, not that bad. Not 1mportant, if anyone asks. No1, if abbrev's R still N.
Typo dude who knows what he wants, know what I mean? Either you do or you don't. I can't make this up. Life's a two-way street and I'll let you in on a little secret.
(They ain't all straight forward)
Not everyone walks with one foot in front of the other if you're smellin what I'm steppin in. Can't nail a square with a triangle, high-five.
Or a triangle with a peg but, eh, you can't do both like NASCAR, you either deer stare or steer clear. :time out:
My phone capitalized that, not me, NASCAR. <- There! It did it again. I thought it only did that for Coke Zero but apparently NASCAR is bigger. I've never watched the stuff. I'd rather watch _______________ than a fleet of real-life Matchbox (it did it again) cars turn left 2,000 times with a buncha dudes in overalls and no shirts who think Billy Ocean and Indian Ocean are kin-folk :time in:
Two types of people..
Handicap placard hanging in the mirror cuz they're a gimp like me who earned front row parking or handicap placard hanging in the mirror cuz we're in The South where you can eat your way into front row parking until you're diagnosed incapable of walking +/- 20 steps without taking a breather.
That's a fact. I mean, it's a joke, a fat joke, but fact. Fat fact: show me someone who barely fits in their car and I'll show you automatic qualification for front row parking in Southern USA. Makes about as much sense as Boeing widening their seats to accommodate people who can't fit in the seat because why use your influence to promote healthy living alternatives when you can just make bigger seats? Senseless like mannequin nipples, seriously, why in the hell do they mold nipples on mannequins so, anyway, two types of people..
Throws trash out the window / doesn't throw trash out the window. Chewing gum—same. You might not spit your gum on the ground but you've stepped in it. One persons trash is another's responsibility.
iOS / The other one.
Parks in Loading Zone Only when in fact they're not loading shit and they're inside shopping like everyone else. They should call it Wife Drop-Off. I don't know why they paint it red.
Christian / Not Christian. We all gotta hate someone. Jesus said give everything to the poor so we don't have to, said organized religion, am I right!
:knuckles:
Wears thrift store shoes / Too good to walk in someone else's shoes.
Owns the device DanDays entertains them on / Leases it like a sucker.
Can do this all day / Can't go all night.
Boo!
I saw an Iranian chick say BOO! last night on Kill Tony—funniest opening sentence I've heard all year:
I'm originally from Iran
Boo!
In Texas! She did that shit in Texas where a pint of whiskey means life.
Ever look out the window like, I wonder what happened there?
The other day, my buddies wife who's known me more than 30 years said I might be on the spectrum. I was all, how'd you know I switched internet service providers???
Smart TV's are dumb people watchers.
Dollar General never took into consideration inflation when branding their franchise.
You know you're getting old when all you have to do is look at the bed to throw your whole neck out.
Or boast how good your dog eats like she's in training for airplanes.
Dear Autocorrect:
How many times a mtherferker gotta misspell mothrfuckrr til you fix it when all I said was my momma, one time, and you finished all the lyrics to Justin Bieber?
Friend asking for a friend.
One more but only cuz my wife doesn't read these things:
I'm in the shower the other day, whatever day that was, I mean, I take showers daily, sometimes more than one but I don't remember which particular day it was right now cuz I'm not particularly sure what month it is right now so, anyway, I'm in the shower the other day when in comes my wife—shits in the toilet.
Pushes out a #2 for anyone who made it this far and waited til shits in the toilet to get offended. Thing is, she's making waves less than two feet from where I'm in the middle of a shower and she's got pancreatitis which, trust me, is WAY MORE offensive than shits in the toilet if I explained what pancreatitis does to a digestive system and we got three mtherfuckn toilets in the house!!
I'm S0Ooo sorry!! I can't hold it, close your ears!
W.. T-F.. R you'fa king kidding me, the hell you can't go use anoth...
BOO!
I flipped out. Completely lost it like the time dude tried to police me on The Greenway.
Sir, you know that dog's supposed to be on a leash.
Mind your business.
I didn't curse or anything! Had he only dropped it right there and shut his big fat mouth I wouldn't be interrupting my own self right now in the middle of a big fat poop story but n0Ooo, everyone thinks they're a hall monitor.
You know what you're doing is wrong, sir. You know what the sign says, sir.
He said that...
Let the record show I've since practiced. I'm rehearsed now and it won't happen again.
If you understand the difference between pet and service animal, I'll entertain this conversation. Otherwise, I'm minding my own business, you should consider doing the same.
Is what I'll say next time dot - dot - dot.
My sign says mind your fucking business!
Dammit!!
I lost it. Really hate it when that happens.
I feel terrible about it, still. Seriously. Wish I would've handled it differently but, more often than not, my initial reaction is sharp. Whatever, I'm a work in progress. I've since practiced and, whad'ya know, haven't crossed paths with a hall monitor since so, anyway, I overreacted yata yata.
Disrespectful, rude, inconsiderate—called her all those things and what's she do?
Stormed out the bathroom, that's what. After she finished, of course. Meanwhile, I'm on standby desperately fanning for fresh air trying to focus on the shower head or the fan or anything other than her ass—pow!! slammed the door and cut the lights out.
Make your own breakfast mortherfucket!
Yeah, she did that. Shit on my shower and now I'm the asshole. In the dark. Only made breakfast for one, too.
Nah, not really, she reads every one of these things.
<3
Wow man you dropped some serious list of wisdom in this blog... Wow glad I opened to read...
Week first of all.. you are right on basically everything 😂😂😂 there ain't no war with these countries... And your prediction of leading actors of WW4 is spot on.😂😂 I just hope I don't die in the process man..
I never thought about this saying: can't nail a square without a triangle... I tried to do it after reading it and well facts😂😂😂😂I love your blog maaaaan. Have some !BEER
I really appreciate that.Seriously, much thanks. if you only knew how much the post button messes with me.Much thanks dude. I learned some time ago I can say anything I want so long as they're laughing.I've been working on a proper way to say thank you since however long I've been doing this....
Wait you said thanks and cancelled it😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Heck to the no I did not. That was a
rearrangementeditrewording.Thanks for finding me (Still workin on it).
Awesome man you're most welcome good buddy
Here's some !PIZZA
@theringmaster, sorry! You need more to stake more $PIZZA to use this command.
The minimum requirement is 20.0 PIZZA staked.
More $PIZZA is available from Hive-Engine or Tribaldex
I think Boeing widened the seats for the thin/normal people.
Figures. I've been called everything but normal my whole life.
Of course you know why, so the fat people have more room before overflowing into the normal/thin/average spaces beside them and so that thin/normal/average people have more space to move away from them. LOL !! That's my theory.
Excuse me for listening in on this conversation, @dandays & @jacey.boldart, but I quite believe your theory Jacey!
I may be opening up a hornet's nest here, so please forgive me, but I'm of the opinion that thin/normal people are being penalized for being thin/normal when their luggage is just 1 or 2kg overweight. All travellers need to step on that scale together with their luggage before thin/normal people get penalized for carrying a little more in their luggage, and not their butts.
I get it @lizelle, an overall weight total per passenger/possessions, instead of the individually.
It did make me laugh to read it though. Can of worms for sure. I am not one of the thin people, but I do understand the issues all the same.
I'm glad it made you chuckle dear Jacey, I did not mean to be mean😅
Hopefully, no one listens in or this could end up in a boxing match!
Believe it or not, there are no less than 17 weight classes in boxing, and I'm mortified that I'm classed a welterweight, at least not in the unlimited class😉
I didn't take it as mean at all. :)
There's a comedian that is overweight that does a piece of a comedy skit about how he hates to fly, but in his business, sometimes it is impossible to avoid it. He was going to board a private plane and the steward asked him how much he weighed and he said "Why do you want to know?" ...and he was told that they needed to know how much everyone weighted so they would know how much fuel to put in the plane to get them there. He said he turned to the steward and said "FILL IT UP !! "......ha ha.... he said he would hate to go down somewhere because some fat women hedged her numbers. It was pretty hilarious.
Yeah, ok, Barbie secret's safe with me.
😄
Don't you ever apologize for opening up a hornets nest or can of worms or any of that page, you hear me?! I responding with crabs RIGHT NOW!
I'd hate to be pinched by a crab's claw, so I'm running away.
Any idea when they'll increase parking space sizes so they can two-handedly swing each thigh in the car without throwing a door into the vehicle adjacent?
Stop driving a fat vehicle ! LOL....
Probably whenever they figure out how people in regular cars can see past the bigger vehicles on both sides of them when they try to back out of a space !
I remember seeing the commercial the first time where someone with one of those cars that you can point towards a skinny parking space, get out, then remote your car forward into the space and then have it back out for you to get in when you come back. (does yours do that ?) I decided right away that the sides of your vehicle were doomed to be highly dented very fast as the folks on both sides of where you parked your remote parking vehicle tried to get in and out of their cars, after you didn't leave them any space to get in or out of theirs. There was one more thing that wasn't thought all the way through. LOL
Nooo.. I'm not even sure I should admit I didn't know cars did that. Really, I just as in three weeks ago learned of remote control lawn mowers. You probably already know. Probably shoulda kept that one to myself, too. You seen these things?
https://daredevilmower.com/products/DareDevil-Mower-SPYDER-EDITION-p634647086
I wonder why they say "you're not from here are you" whenever I go to Weigle or Citgo or Loves or Buckees! Can't forget Buckees!!
They flip pancakes for Buckees!
I'm trying to say I should consider an electric car.
I have heard of remote mowers, you know, some dude sitting on his front porch, mowing his lawn. LOL !! If I had to mow my own, that's the one I'd want.
You know, like a roomba, but for your yard. LOL
I'm waiting for a robot slave that can do dishes myself.
I love all you said here man, you gave valid points to note. Life's unpredictable, sure, but not all doom and gloom. I think we should just focus more on living, not just fearing the end because the end will surely come and no one can stop that.
I appreciate that, thank you. I've seen you around but I don't think we've met. Pleasure to be met.
Depending who you ask, you know, I have issues. I can't help it. I see everything in funny <- mhm. My wife won't introduce me to her fiends for like a long-long time, that's a true story, she'll coach them, instilling, "he's prickly" cuz I have no issues painting a picture of world leaders who breathe oxygen just like me and you fighting with F-bombs iGuess.
I'm doing it again...
Yeah we have, sometimes but not always. This is so sad, but I think you can handle it with a better understanding and don't go too hard on yourself.
I'm keeping this one. No. I'm stealing it without your permission. This witty remark is gold for the nth times I have to clean up someone else's trash. Now I have a witty comment for it.
For all other entries, a fever dream of lessons and mundane funny~
Pssh, you can have it. I'm flattered. What's up man? I've seen you pass through a lotta times, much appreciate all the support however long we've been doing this. Congrats on all your success here. Ok, I'm going back in character.
Wish it wasn't true but a dirtbag just inspired that one a couple days ago. I was sitting on the porch, dog's in the yard, fuckin piece of shit dropped a Mtn Dew can out the window cuz that's how tf these short-breathers quench their thirst, Mtn. Dew, right in front of my house.
THANKS!!
Quickest thing I had on short notice.
He didn't say anything. Slammed the accelerator actually but that thing rolled down the hill right on my lawn.
I'll get that for you! Beep beep.
Not sure how I came upon your radar but I've been scheduling some posts and automate the votes. Been stepping out off Hive touching grass while pretending to be active. As for the success, hard to internalize what that success is since any sort of achievement I earn has to be consciously filtered not to get it to my head, I appreciate the compliments but the praise can be too much at times.
I don't know if you've seen through your charitable virtue but patience for other people's unsavory acts has its merits, like avoiding law suits for bodily harm, good job! That's remarkable depending on which part of the world you live.
Let's just say people living in my area tend to resort to violence and machetes (guns too) if their "honor" has been sullied for pettier things. Just 3rd worlder things~
If there's a badge for brutal honesty, you're a shoe-in. Love it! Guess I coulda just said you're in my favorites but didn't wanna sound all me-me-me.
Is Pura still talking to you????
I don't dare ask. I hope you understand.
👍
!BEER
!BBH
!WINE
@dandays! Your Content Is Awesome so I just sent 1 $BBH (Bitcoin Backed Hive) to your account on behalf of @eii. (2/5)
:knuckles:
Yea but why do you had to take a shower exactly that moment? 😘
Dog training for airplane???
:bling: See that smile?
I'll tell you why if you tell me where you've been. Thank you. Nice to see you.
Well, yeah. How else is she gonna get to California for Christmas?
Much love, Beeber.
Ah, no... dont think I need to really know why you needed the shower 😅
Where I have been. Here from time to time, but mostly try to be not too active online, onhive, while still searching for my inner peace. Too much stress for me.
So you will have Christmas without snow? Think she would love to run through snow.
Feel hugged and enjoy your Sunday
Deal. You better, too!
She sooo loves the snow. Pura's family is in Ca, though, you know how the little ones get when grandma's around like "snow shmow!"
I haven't been around much either. Was gonna try to explain that in the next post maybe. I've got myself going in so many directions right now. Need more hands dot - dot - dot.
Thank you for your witness vote!
Have a !BEER on me!
To Opt-Out of my witness beer program just comment STOP below
View or trade
BEER.Hey @beeber, here is a little bit of
BEERfrom @isnochys for you. Enjoy it!Did you know that <a href='https://dcity.io/cityyou can use BEER at dCity game to buy cards to rule the world.
Thank you for your witness vote!
Have a !BEER on me!
To Opt-Out of my witness beer program just comment STOP below
View or trade
BEER.Hey @beeber, here is a little bit of
BEERfrom @isnochys for you. Enjoy it!Do you want to win SOME BEER together with your friends and draw the
BEERKING.Wow man you dropped some serious list of wisdom in this blog... Wow glad I opened to read...
Week first of all.. you are right on basically everything 😂😂😂 there ain't no war with these countries... And your prediction of leading actors of WW4 is spot on.😂😂 I just hope I don't die in the process man..
I never thought about this saying: can't nail a square without a triangle... I tried to do it after reading it and well facts😂😂😂😂I love your blog maaaaan. Have some !BEER
Man, Nascar died with the bootleggers. The real ones, not the cutesy fucks who think its a brand. I do love seeing signs like that though. Congrats, you just turned self defense into a prosecutable offense!
Did you ask your buddy which spectrum? I'm on that electromagnetic one I think.
Do you stick to refrigerators? I mean, not stick but opposite repel. Attract, I guess. Are you attracted to refrigerators is what I'm trying to say.
We switched from AT&T to Spectrum about three months ago. Our tab went from $175 / both phones / month, WiFi included to $60 / both phones/ month, WiFi included and I swear Spectrum's better. You knew that too?!
I'm always last to find out.
That's the magnetic spectrum. I'm higher than that.
Spectrum is garbage here, everybody hates those annoying bastards. Don't know what their rates are these days but even with all the name changes over the years they've stayed consistently terrible.
MeToo
I won't disagree. Forever it's been known Verizon and AT&T. I have learned they're east/west coast. I'm connected. AT&T I swear would work on the Titan submersible if they launched on the west coast but if you need Manhole service on the east coast, good luck! Verizon's got deep Manholes on lock in the east.
My buddy who I rely on for all my techy stuff like even how to make italic font assured me it's worth it. So far, he's right. We've been up and down the East coast between Jersey and Homestead, even Blueridge through the mountains. Shooooot... 5G baby!
Can you hear me now?!
I've used Mint and Boost, too. #Grabage. Terrible, actually. The worst. Totally NOT magnetic.
View or trade
BEER.Hey @dandays, here is a little bit of
BEERfrom @eii for you. Enjoy it!Learn how to earn FREE BEER each day by staking your
BEER.Great post for several reasons. I'll give you the first one first or should I have typed, I'll give you the 1st 1 1st, which would require less finding the correct letters on the keyboard. That explanation just required more searching for the correct symbols needed for this reply. What the hell have I done?
You hit the nail on the head with every point made in this work of art, not ART like in a person's name. Funny stuff, say what you feel no matter the cost, reality stuck out there with no punches pulled, bullshit is bullshit.
Keep on practicing holding your tongue, although I feel that may be impossible when provoked.
I'm originally from Iran, that ain't funny, it's hilarious. One after the next, they just keep coming!
Now for the second reason I loved this post.
I'm up early, having coffee on the front porch, it's about 5:30. The next thing I know Robin is sitting there having coffee with me. That doesn't happen too often, especially at that time in the morning. It's either too early or too cold for her to even consider joining me, her loss.
She sits down, takes her first swig of brew, and proceeds to tell me she had a terrible night's sleep. I ask her what's up and a nightmare is the reason for the sleepless night. In her dream, I've died. I asked her if I had gone peacefully. She tells me that she just found me dead. That's good, no suffering along the way, just death. For the next 10 minutes or so I'm trying to assure her that I ain't going anywhere and if I do she'd be just fine. That took some convincing and she still isn't sure.
Now, back to 5:30 in the morning, I'm sipping coffee and on PeakD just looking to see what some folks are saying and saw you had something new out. I decided that after talking about my demise and assuring Robin that she'd be okay, we needed to lighten the mood. Thanks for that. I spent the next 10 minutes, probably 20 minutes reading and rereading, We're All Gonna Die. Slowly the mood changed. By the time I'm halfway through, we're both laughing out loud. Then comes the BOMB, literally, now we both have a few tears running down our cheeks from laughing so hard. We both agree it's a good thing Pura doesn't read what you write and then she does read every single word.😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁
As will be the case girls will side with girls. The wife's response, when you gotta go you gotta go.
My response was, there are 3 bathrooms in the house, come on now.
The worst part about it all, Pura turned off the light.
Mood changed and we're all good now, thanks buddy.
If I could reblog this comment I would. I'm on the treadmill right now.. Knee, eh?? = } I swear if anyone watched me read that they wanna know what in The South made him so happy?!
I really don't know how else to say for a pair of virtual strangers, both you and Robin, the confidence is real. Dude, thanks more than these words.
I'll smoke to that.
Geez, how inconsiderate of me... I'm glad you're not dead, too.
Being not dead is great, I got too much to do and the list keeps growing.
I think I'll join you.