The truth that I have found is that we all have so much net impact on the world and how we choose to use that influence determines our own happiness
Principles aren't whimsy feelings. Our own happiness is dependent on numerous things, in fact liars and cheats and thieves derive happiness from that net negative.
The results aren't what I'm expecting and I'm still living in a world of deceit and illusion.
Yeah, we don't always achieve our goals, we don't always succeed in our endeavors, but to conclude that because you didn't succeed and your expectation were not realistic, that you've deceived and are good at it literally makes no sense. Either you deceived or you didn't, alluding to it is weak nonsense, guilting yourself for something as horrible as speaking the truth.
What you have done is admitted that you stuck your head in the sand so as not to somehow give your "energy" over to that side should you peek.
Magical Thinking (also, the Sin of Presumption):: An ancient but deluded fallacy of logos, that when it comes to "crunch time," provided one has enough faith, prays hard enough, says the right words, does the right rituals, "names it and claims it," or "claims the promise," God will always suspend the laws of the universe and work a miracle at the request of or for the benefit of the True Believer. In practice this nihilist fallacy denies the existence of a rational or predictable universe and thus the possibility of any valid argument from logic. See also, Positive Thinking, the Appeal to Heaven, and the Job's Comforter fallacy.
The Positive Thinking Fallacy: An immensely popular but deluded modern fallacy of logos, that because we are "thinking positively" that in itself somehow biases external, objective reality in our favor even before we lift a finger to act. See also, Magical Thinking. Note that this particular fallacy is often part of a much wider closed-minded, sometimes cultish ideology where the practitioner is warned against paying attention to to or even acknowledging the existence of "negative" evidence or counter-arguments against his/her standpoints. In the latter case rational discussion, argument or refutation is most often futile. See also, Deliberate Ignorance.
At no point did I say I didn't pay attention to it or acknowledge it, I just don't devote my personal energy to infiltration and subterfuge anymore. Assuming why I chose the path I did beyond anything I said in the post is a prime example of why I stopped associating with people that live in a world of deceit and illusion. Cultish ideology of positive thinking versus cultish ideology of feeling like it's my job to go around and play in the mud to prove to the world that dirt exists is just egotistical and deluded. Feel self important if you want to or feel however you want to about my decision, but assuming you have any idea why I couldn't do it anymore is for you to make peace with. I love how this is the reaction that I got from pretty much anyone that knew me before too.
The greatest illusion is that truth isn't perspective based or that I give a fuck about your illusions of whatever the fuck your self righteous fuckery is trying to get across right now. Step out of your ego and perhaps we can have an actual conversation :)
You see your ego is that thing making you ignore what I've already said. "Feelings" are what you have that make you want to prove you are right and I am wrong. Zero fucks are what I'm giving. Have a great day! Namaste.
I don't command you to do anything, I said you are free to do as you wish just as you are right now, I'm enjoying you continually proving the point that you are not open to receiving any other perspective but your own. Thus you are not willing to consider that you are the cause of your own feelings of whatever it is that you feel about whatever it is that you feel it about. I'm just going to keep going until you figure that out though, and I don't have anything else to do anymore, I'm not going dig for info to expose anyone, I'll just let them expose themselves, it's much easier.
LOL, you are hilarious and cute. Have you ever got out from behind the keyboard with your warrioring?
