When I was young, maybe seven or so I got smacked by my mother for swearing. I was watching TV with my brothers and said 'pricks' as she walked into the room and was swiftly scolded, no questions asked. If a question was asked, she would have realised that my brothers and I were watching the Formula One and I was reading the Grand Prix text on screen.
Yeah mum, excuse my French.
Lately, I have talked to a few people about children swearing and I have no problem with it. If my daughter wants to swear, she can go right ahead but, she will have to learn to swear like me. I swear a lot and I can have a very crude mouth. It has something to do with me finding humor in any situation and there is nothing really sacred and beyond talking about.
However, there is a time and a place to swear. Most people have been raised with an aversion to hearing people curse even though they themselves may do it a lot. It tends to bring out the judgmental parent in people, the one that lives on in the programming of the child.
This means that if most people's first meeting with someone is filled with expletives, they are likely to judge the person harshly. So we censor ourselves for social acceptance and opportunity. Most of us do this naturally in the same way most of us change our vocabulary when speaking to children. It is a social awareness and to be unaware of this means one is missing a certain amount of social intelligence.
This means that there are consequences to not understanding social norms of other people even if one doesn't care of the norms for themselves. But once a relationship has formed, the stronger it gets, the more swearing may enter into the field. It could even be seen as a sign of trust between friends.
Going into an interview for a management position with people unknown is likely to not play out positively if the language uses is curse-laden. But, not long after getting the job and getting to know the people personally, swearing may become a commonplace occurrence.
For my daughter, I don't want her swearing for the sake of swearing but that goes for any parts of her language ability. I am hoping that she will be aware enough of her surrounding that she will be able to adapt and use a vocabulary of best fit.
When she is with me however, I want her to feel free to be able to say whatever she thinks is appropriate in the moment. Yes, she is likely to make slips and say the wrong thing at the wrong time like we all have, but blindly punishing her without context is quite ludicrous. I am not going to limit her and expect her to live to my own ideals. What I will do however is help her to understand the ramifications of action.
Words are actions as they create movements in the mind and like any action, there are reactions, consequences. This means that there is a responsibility of action that gets carried with the words we use. People talk about free speech but rarely about the right to free reaction. This doesn't mean violence but it may definitely mean a 'No' in an interview.
In my opinion, there are much worse things than swearing in this world and unlike a lot of negative habits, swearing itself is not some gateway into the dark side of the force because if it was, I would likely be Darth Vader by now. So, I don't mind if she learns to swear as long as she understands the repercussions of her actions.
But that goes for fucking everything and some people are just Prix.
Taraz
[ a Steemit original ]
I liked how you ended it 😂
That's exactly how the clever & lucid mind of a real parent should work all the time. The logic and rationality which must prevail in us as parents, shepherds and safari guides is simply show and give them the maps. If we trust enough in their intuition & intelligence, they will know it in a jiffy and without the slightest doubt they will follow freely the right path by themselves without the most minimal pitfall.
Wowza! ¡Holy Cow! that bit of enlightenment has never ever has been better said like you just did. I bow at you for that my dear friend.
Always talk, express & show yourself in the most natural and transparent way possible. And behave consistently by those same legitimate principles by all means and obviously through all the sceneries.
The best reward with this will be, be remarkably able to filter the grain from the chaff among all those you stumble upon in your way everyday. And eventually in this way, you will know with amazing clarity who of them is worth to follow you wherever you go.
Dammit!! :)
I don't even understand people that don't swear, I find them quite strange and I'm even a little afraid of what they're not saying. God knows what they might be thinking.
I see no harm in children hearing "4-letter words" and learning when it is appropriate to use them and when it is not! What I hate most is parents that swear, but immediately punish their children when the hear them saying the same thing. What kind of logic is that?
I wonder if we are just excusing our swearing so we don't have to stop... :)
I agree though. I am going to do my best to not hide who I am from our daughter by pretending to be what I am not or punishing her for not being what I am unable to be myself.
I don't think so. The kids we're raising today are the adults we'd like to be comfortable around tomorrow. If you don't have a problem with your best friend swearing and you have fun together, one day you'll be able to have that same good time with your daughter!
On the other hand, you may try to refrain from saying certain words in front of your child, but one day she will inevitably hear you saying Fuck and she will discover hypocrisy in you...that would be worse I think!
Yes... It must get awkward for lots of people to keep track of all the parts they must hide and lie about. All the sex, drugs and rock n' roll and then saying 'I never'.
People make so much of a fuss about the words we use and the politically correct language to use and so on. I think all that is crap. Words by themselves mean very little. What is more important is the context that the words are used in. That goes for even swear and curse words. Thanks for the interesting and thought provoking post @tarazkp.
Context is very important. No one gets upset by the words themselves, it is the meaning they have applied to them and even 'benign' words can have large emotional effects on different people. In my opinion, it is up to the individual to take care of their own emotion responses, not the speaker.
Nice...........fuckin'...........post
I agree, and sometimes wonder just how much the urge to swear comes from the fact that your not supposed to do it.
What is the diference between shit, crap and poop? And why is a kid calling someone a poop head any better then calling someone a shit head?
I would have to say that these words are only fun to say because they give us some sort of liberation from breaking the rules. It's silly really, if these werent prohibited language then no one would actually care when their used. The only things it really achieves is making them more fun to say, and giving people more reasons to get offended.
Yes, it is about intention more than the words. There is no difference in the semantics of the euphemisms other than people's sense of 'right and wrong' even though they have never considered their own value system and the inherent contradictions.
My Dad however can't swear. When he must (explaining what someone said) it sounds very wrong. Even angry I never heard 'him' swear.
In Ireland we swear a lot. I lived in Amsterdam for many years and there it is not at all acceptable. I remember public information billboards equating swearing with violence.
Lefties... ;)
My sons are allowed to curse at home. My oldest is only 4, so he's still got some learning to do, but he seems to understand that we don't curse at the grocery store or at grandma's house 😃
Mine i s 13 months so her vocabulary is limited. It is going to be interesting as she grows as here it is quite conservative. She will be dual mother tongue so I wonder which will be more swear word heavy. My bet is the English side ;)
I totally agree cursing has certain situations where it is less accepted but I do like that you mention it could be considered trusting someone a bit more when you start to let that guard down a bit with your words. Free reaction, That is an interesting point. Great post. Has my thoughts turning for sure.
You remind me of a similar experience too....lol
Its most times just relative to the young.
Great post and very informative. @tarazkp Have learnt a lot from it.