As a poet myself, I have been known to sacrifice meaning for rhyme, or in some cases rhythm.
"Suture to last obeys needle upon skin kissed", I just don't know what that means.
"Heathery clasped hair her scent still lingers"...Heathery? what is that? perhaps it would have made a bit more sense to me if there had been a comma, between "hair" and 'her'
SO, you invited critique, and there you have my 2¢ worth.
↑Upvoted↑
Thank you kindly, @jerrytsuseer, both for the upvote as well as your comment and critique. :c)
While it is not the first time that I sought to write in rhyme, for some reason I thought that it would be an interesting challenge to further constrict the freedom of the verses chosen. I don't know if I'll ever try that again but the results weren't too bad. ^_^
That the meaning of an entire line was lost is something that I am sorry to hear as I have 'home advantage' in establishing meaning.
Without overly pegging the meaning of the poem as a whole, the line 'sutured to last obeys needle upon skin kissed' hints at injuries inflicted in the past, that one is able to continue with thanks to a bit of patching up. The reference to the needle doubling in roles both harm and balm. A comma here may also help convey meaning.
Heathery may seem a little forced as a term - but is in reference to the feeling of hair, individually coarse yet collectively soft. Its more of a texture (and rhyming) thing.
A comma again would help make more sense of it. I thank you both for the suggestions as well as the feedback! :c)