Source
There is so much to say and yet it is not the time.
Not much time of day for my tongue to stay
Where is so long the way to my path sublime?
_
Sundered are the moments, the hours and days.
No hour in the day the wake of night portends
Blundered my movements mind lost in maze.
Future to past always each opportunity missed.
Opportunity forsaken upon the morning rays
Suture to last, obeys needle upon skin kissed.
A memory grasped yet as sand through fingers.
Sandy trails shifting, a final memory gasped
Heathery clasped hair, her scent still lingers.
To heart held as dear as any treasure or wonder.
The wonder dear a treasure to fool and seer
A chart dwelled upon in an ocean of surrender.
Thank you for taking a look through my little poem. ^_^
If you found this post interesting and would like to share this with your friends then a resteem couldn't hurt.
If you 'didn't' like this then feel free to share your views in comments. A civil conversation can go a long way.
Sincerely,
Previous Post: The Time and Place for Humanity
This post received a 5% vote by @minnowsupport courtesy of @creativesoul from the Minnow Support Project ( @minnowsupport ). Join us in Discord.
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Not a big fan of rhyming poetry, but I upvoted you anyway because all us poets need a bit of love
Thank you kindly @deesunshine, both for your upvote and comment. ^_^
I admit that the mood struck and thus it is posted. :cP I guess the leaning towards rhyme represents my innate desire for structure. That is my theory. ^_~
Thank you again for stopping by.
As a poet myself, I have been known to sacrifice meaning for rhyme, or in some cases rhythm.
"Suture to last obeys needle upon skin kissed", I just don't know what that means.
"Heathery clasped hair her scent still lingers"...Heathery? what is that? perhaps it would have made a bit more sense to me if there had been a comma, between "hair" and 'her'
SO, you invited critique, and there you have my 2¢ worth.
↑Upvoted↑
Thank you kindly, @jerrytsuseer, both for the upvote as well as your comment and critique. :c)
While it is not the first time that I sought to write in rhyme, for some reason I thought that it would be an interesting challenge to further constrict the freedom of the verses chosen. I don't know if I'll ever try that again but the results weren't too bad. ^_^
That the meaning of an entire line was lost is something that I am sorry to hear as I have 'home advantage' in establishing meaning.
Without overly pegging the meaning of the poem as a whole, the line 'sutured to last obeys needle upon skin kissed' hints at injuries inflicted in the past, that one is able to continue with thanks to a bit of patching up. The reference to the needle doubling in roles both harm and balm. A comma here may also help convey meaning.
Heathery may seem a little forced as a term - but is in reference to the feeling of hair, individually coarse yet collectively soft. Its more of a texture (and rhyming) thing.
A comma again would help make more sense of it. I thank you both for the suggestions as well as the feedback! :c)
Very nice! Us creatives have to stick together - I plan on uploading a short story of mine very soon.
Anyway, keep them coming. I would love to read more of your work.
Thank you kindly @danedwards, both for your up-vote and encouraging comment. :c)
I admit that poetry is not something that I usually delve into. The fancy strikes every now and then though - just as it did last night. ^_^
I look forward to seeing your story posted soon enough. :c)
I enjoyed the read. Emotional, well penned piece :)
Thank you, @tinajordan, for the upvote, resteem and your short but sweet comment! :c)