We would run through the mist
of the parks heat-haze bliss,
wistful memory, happy - free.
You shattered like lamp
light splashing on the concrete;
energy, fulfilled in motion.
I watched you grow up,
knew it was never enough,
to relive pain, empathy,
you perfectly in abstraction.
All the while I sit in dead
twilight, in bitter distraction
never to return. Seeking
the inevitability of disappointment
armed with this ink gun.
I could know you, truly see you,
without my crutch, without my pen.
Pretty awesome for 5 minutes :) Love the rhyme scheme for the first 4 lines especially.
Thanks @guidescrypto I love the challenge of the timer. Thanks for your comment, I'm glad you enjoyed the poem 🙂
Wow @raj808...this is a great #freewrite poem! Thank you so much for sharing!
I'm starting to fall in love with the concept of doing a daily #freewrite. Check out my latest #freewrite: (Day 78 - Pen) and let me know what you think =)
Thanks @mkkenny13. I seem to undergo some type of transformation on these freewrites, it's like the pressure of the timer makes me produce really good first drafts. Well I guess I have too as I don't edit them but I think there's something going on subconsciously as I usually redraft poems and fiction at least 2 or 3 times. Thanks for your comment, I visited your freewrite, really liked it, I commented/upvoted 🙂
Beautiful :) I can see why poetry is your strong side!
Cheers @futurethinker. I'm glad you enjoyed the poem and that it struck a chord 🙂
Good poem bro @raj808 be well
Thanks @krazypoet I'm glad you enjoyed the poem. I just went and checked out some of your recent work. Take care buddy 🙂
Priceless. :’)
Thanks @jayiddon I'm glad you enjoyed the poem M8, thanks for your continued support. I'm so glad you joined steemit. Take care buddy 🙂
This was definitely an interesting prompt to be able to work into a poem. Nice job :).
Thanks @snrm I'm glad you enjoyed the poem. I just went and checked out some your most recent freewrite. I liked what you were saying, commented/upvoted. Take care buddy 🙂
Good stuff
Thanks a lot @bobbyisemin. I'm glad you enjoyed it buddy 🙂
Very well written and delicate poem. I enjoyed the balance in the stanzas too, congrats!
Today I wore on my face a @mariannewest mask and - trying to reproduce her charming voice - I'm happy to proclaim that on this weekend you have the following options!
You have the choice of a single prompt: https://steemit.com/freewrite/@mariannewest/weekend-freewrite-1-6-2018-single-prompt-option
Or you can get adventurous and weave three 5minute freewrites into one story starting with this prompt: https://steemit.com/freewrite/@mariannewest/weekend-freewrite-1-6-2018-part-1-the-first-sentence
Hi @f3nix. Thanks for your lovely comment and visit. I am guessing you're one of the fantastic peeps who are helping @mariannewest to keep the 5 min freewrite rollercoaster powering along while she has a well earned break. Well done! I will be doing the 3 prompt free write today 🙂
Hi @raj808, you guessed right (for the peep part, for the fantastic I'm working on it). I saw you several times but never really focused on your blog so far. It happens due to the fact that this great community is growing in number at a high pace. I'm glad I'll do this Saturday review for Marianne because I had the chance of discovering interesting people like you. I followed you and will check your fine poetry again :-)
Beautiful and I always love coming here to read your freewrites :D
*Sorry I'm out of VP but really wanted to come read everyone's #freewrites.
Thank you so much @snook. Your welcome anytime, even when VP is low 😉 I'm glad you enjoyed the poem my dear. I will head on over to your blog to check out some of your freewrites now 🙂 Been so busy this week I have literally been coming on steemit to write, publish, work, sleep lol
P.S. I will be doing the three pronged 3 prompt weekend freewrite today, so keep a look out for that. I may even set it in my fantasy universe