I have been learning from Larry Kaye on YouTube for years. He's a private investigator who is kind enough to share a lot of his knowledge with others for free. He's been asked to join us here on Steemit, and I hope he does!
Today he shared a video about Catfishing, and I replied to it on YouTube. It is a good topic to discuss on Steemit as well. A lot of people have fallen for online dating and other related scams. Perhaps this post will help you avoid one.
The demotivational meme is meant to be a joke, but what he's doing is important.
He's looking at the women face to face.
Catfishing scams work because it is easy to fake an identity over the Internet. The person can appear to be anyone they want to be. As Larry Kaye explains in his video, take the photos and use reverse image searches to look for them elsewhere. Do not be fooled by a person who has lots of pictures or even recent ones to share with you however.
They can be using photos of a family member or friend. Then those pictures will not necessarily be found elsewhere, and they will have plenty to show you with the ability to explain each one. Remember, just because you do not find them associated with another person does not make them genuine. The other person could still be deceiving you.
If you meet someone online, the best way to be sure they are who they say they are is to use video chat. Then meet them in person as quickly as possible if you want to go forward. I met my wife online, but I drove to see her within a week of our online connection. The primary purpose of the face to face meeting was to confirm her identity.
Before pursuing the relationship further, investigate their background.
A person may not be lying about their identity or their appearance. They could still be withholding valuable information that would change your opinion of them. For example, they could have really bad credit and a lot of debt, or their family members could have been in jail for various crimes in the past. Perhaps they themselves have a criminal record too.
You do not necessarily need to hire a private investigator either. A vast amount of information can be found online these days without having to be a licensed or registered investigator. If a lot is a stake however, I would recommend an actual investigator's assistance. Make sure the person really is who they say they are, and make sure they are not lying by omission.
Great advice @finnian! Never had the opportunity to do the online dating thing and I am ok with that..LOL My brother in-law has been using Tinder or something and has had some interesting characters try all sorts of scams. He took one girl out on a first date and she gave him a long, sad story about how her car was impounded and she had no money to get it back - ASKED HIM FOR HIS CC - what a first date! I can't believe people do that, but they do!
I met my wife in high school and have been together since (15 years ago!). We both often joke about how bad it would be to try to date in this new age of tech - I don't think I could do it. Relationships are a bond and bonds are formed by trust. The online world makes it too attractive for liars, con artists, and dishonest people; they can't say no to fishing in the bucket. It's too easy. I can't tell you how glad I'm not in that bucket..
You ever heard of the actual catfishing technique: Noodling? 😆Also known as "Hillbilly Hand-Fishing"- basically yanking a catfish from a hole using your fingers as bait. The catfish sees what it believes to be food, which of course is too good to be true - because it's a trap!
Like @dullhawk said
I had not heard of noodling. lol I really, really wanted children, and I was already 34. I was willing to try anything as a successful professional. Both @elyce and me were ready to give up too when we met each other online. We were both "too good to be true," but we were true.
She still jokes that I took a deep breathe in smelling her the first weekend we met. Man, did she smell good! That, for those that don't know, usually means you'll make good babies!
We did too. haha
Haha that's a beautiful story, @finnian. I can relate too, I was blessed with two beautiful kids and that's momma's genes..lol I knew from the start that she was the one, but we waited until we had been together 9 years (living together for 7) before we got married. You really don't know a person until you've lived with them for a while. Then you really know if it'll work out if you can sustain a healthy relationship..😆
Primal animals we are. Congratulations on finding your soul mate and creating life, it's beautiful man!
And trust your gut. If something feels fishy, it probably is. (Speaking from tragic experience here.)
Yes, definitely. That is excellent advice. Thanks!
I've been burned by a woman. She was using a younger family member's photos. This was years ago though when video chat was not that easy to do.
@finnian Very useful tips here. I entered the online dating market for the very first time this year and have to say, my experience has been pretty positive so far. I joined a site that charges a fairly hefty monthly fee, so I think that weeds out a lot of characters straight away; and all the ladies I have met so far were professionally employed or self employed.
They have included a director of national health services, a professional TV chef, a former Bond girl and international model, and I am shortly meeting a world renowned artist and architect.
What I have found (I turned 50 last year) is that a lot of these ladies sacrificed family and relationships for their careers and are now looking to 'settle' having achieved all their work and security goals.
Without a fault, they have been all wonderful company, and made it very easy for a guy out of the dating game for 15 years!!
The downside is I felt no real "click" yet, and I find the online dating thing a bit like flicking through a catalogue. You are right, speaking for myself, you definitely need that face-to-face meeting and connection.
It sounds like a good site. If the fee is high and the women pay it too, the wine and dine problem would mostly go away. When I was on Match.com, the women didn't pay. Therefore, they were inclined to use it for fun.
I was also on eHarmony. It was very expensive. The women matched to me were decent overall, but they were just too old to have my children. Your situation is different of course, so it sounds like it will work better for you.
I have a Physician Assistant friend who is in his 50's, and I keep telling him to try eHarmony. It would work for him since he doesn't want his own children.
On Match.com I met a gorgeous lawyer in downtown DC, but she was going for partner. She would have been working 15 hours a day. Children were not an option. The date ended in a nice kiss goodbye though. :)
This all happened well over 10 years ago too, so I'm sure a lot has changed since then. It is far more accepted these days I would guess.
Funny enough, the site I am on is Match.com, but all the ladies I have met paid a monthly subscription same as me. We were actually comparing charges and offers etc. between men and women and seeing if there was any difference. (Answer is no).
Like you say, 10 years is long time in dating and internet world and maybe a lot has changed. Also, maybe regional/country/cultural differences too... I don't know... just surmising.
My experience with that site years ago was just women looking to be wined and dined. They are zero interest in a long term relationship and just wanted to have fun. None of them wanted children either when I did. The women could go on a different date every single night if they wanted. haha
Yes scams are everywhere even at online dating.I used to join online dating before but Im lossing hope its not for me.This is a good tip for those who wants to join online dating to figure out a genuine person ..online is a big difference than in person.
What sites have you tried? There are some that are better than others. I went that route, and I was very successful in the end. It was a mess in the beginning though!
sound advice in these strange days of online dating..
Thanks! Larry Kaye's YT video was the main motivator for this post. I have been burned before, so I wanted to share to possibly help others avoid the same disaster.
I don't think any of these things necessarily mean you're being catfished or that the other person is a bad person. People making foolish credit decisions in their youth is extremely common, and given the freewheeling police culture and "lock 'em up and throw away the key" attitude of much of American society, I'd imagine your odds finding someone who has no family members who have ever had legal trouble is probably less than half-half.
If you find these things out and confront your companion about them and they deny them or act cagey, that might be a red flag, whereas acknowledging them may be a sign of maturity. On the other hand, they may also be offended that you've been digging into their and their family's past like that, and I don't think that's an unreasonable reaction, especially early into a relationship.
I suppose it depends on your objective. For me at least, I was looking for a life long mate to have children together. Her past mattered. By crimes I should have clarified those with actual victims, not simply doing what the state does not agree with a person doing.