Consistency is one of the keys to being a successful parent because children feel secure when they understand the boundaries that shape their lives. As parents, we have a responsibility to wisely guide our children while teaching them to explore the world around them so that they can make their own wise decisions.
Consistency With The Other Parent
Are you on the same page with the father or mother of your children? One of the fastest ways to tear down the foundation that your children so desperately need is to be at odds with your spouse. I highly recommend that you have some tough discussions today so that you can be united in your parenting journey.
You need to be agreement on how to answer the following questions.
- What core values will you teach and celebrate?
- What worldview governs how your children are raised (religious or non-religious)?
- How will disobedience be disciplined?
- How quickly do you discipline?
- What forms of discipline are acceptable?
- How much freedom will the child be given as a toddler, young child, teen, etc?
- How will the child be educated?
- Will the child be expected to do chores?
And the list goes on and on. My point is that two parents must work together to determine their parenting styles, goals, and dreams. One of the hardest things to watch as a parent is seeing two parents who are not on the same page. Consistency between parents allows a child to know and understand the framework that guides their life which in turn creates stability.
Consistency With Yourself
Once you have determined your parenting framework as a couple, you need to make an individual commitment to work out those plans in the lives of your children.
It is so easy to make excuses for not being consistent with your children. Some reasons may include ...
- you are tired and stressed
- you don't want to look like the "bad guy"
- you are still not on the same page with the other parent
Don't sabotage the efforts of your spouse as you parent your children. Make sure that you come to a compromise that you can both live out as parents.
Don't let your worries prevent your children from having the stability and structure that they need.
Final Thoughts
Being a parent is a challenging and rewarding responsibility. As parents, we need to protect our children and help them feel secure. We are not parenting just for the rewards of the present, but also in preparation for helping our children become responsible and independent adults.
I would love to hear from you.
- Do you and the father or mother of your children agree on how to raise your kids?
- What challenges do you face in being consistent as a parent?
- If you are a parent, what advice would you give to people who want to have children?
Leave your comments below.
@SumatraNate
Image Source: https://pixabay.com/en/family-parenting-together-people-1784371/
I agree that being consistent in your parenting is important if you truly want to set expectations and rules for your kids. You have to "set the bar" so to speak, and keep it raised so your children know what to do. And they know if they don't do what you expect, there will be a punishment involved.
As much as I agree, however, I know that sometimes it's easy to fall out of the consistency. Life takes over and you're just too busy to hold up the rules so you let them bend...and bend...until they are broken and your kids are acting in ways that mortify you!
Thankfully, my husband and I are generally on the same page when it comes to parenting. Though, I sometimes worry I'm harder on them than he would be -- he doesn't step in and tell me I'm overreacting though. He upholds any punishment I dole out, as I do the same with his discipline.
It is so hard to be consistent. I guess I wrote this post as a reminder to myself. Sometimes we need to bend as parents (because we too can be wrong), but we need to learn how to gently but firmly bend the character of our children into whom they will be someday in the future.
My wife and I also agree. That is a tremedous blessing.
I don't like the idea of "bending" your child. I prefer "guiding" with acceptance of who they are and what qualities they have. You can "bend" them out of shape so that they can never recover themselves and what they were supposed to do in their life.
I see your concern with the word "bend." For me, guidance is what happens as we teach our children to use their giftings and skills so that they can become adult versions of themselves. Guidance is how we teach them to love, respect, and care for other people. Guidance requires seeing an example. I desire to be that example for my children.
Maybe a better word for "bend" is correction. Correction indicates that something is wrong and efforts need to be made to get things back on track. Correction still needs to be done in love and with patience.
Even though both are done for the well being of our children, I see this two activities starting at different points. Thanks for your input!
Thank you for clarifying. Well done!
Thanks for the tips! Our first taste of parenting will soon appear when our upcoming baby boy arrives in around 2 months. Luckily, my partner and I share a lot of the same values and vision on how to educate our child and possibly future children. However, I agree that it must be challenging sometimes when certain unexpected things come up. This is where consistency can be key and we need to take a step back in these situations before taking any actions.
Congrats on the new addition to your family. Children are blessings!
Keep talking about the important things now so that you are ready to face the new realities that a child will bring. Strive to be consistent, but be willing to be flexible when necessary.
Thanks, great advice :)
Consistency is certainly fine, but you learn as you go along and sometimes you have to change your viewpoint...as you grow up. Remember, LOVE is the most important thing... love and acceptance.
dalam mendidik anak memang banyak sekali tantangannya, sebagai orang tua saya selalu memberikan batasan yang jelas pada anak-anaknya, yang saya sebut dengan kebebasan dalam aturan,artinya mereka boleh melakukan apa saja asalkan masih dalam batasan moral dan agama, dan adalah suatu tantangan bagi kami,dan kami konsisten dengan aturan kami
Memang orang tua harus memberikan batasan yang jelas. Trims atas komennya.
Hi my friend @sumatranate, I know you have mastered those things since you have 5 kids around you. Yes the point is you should be on the same page with your spouse, otherwise everything will goes wrong.
hope this will help friend who want to have kid in short time.
Regards
I have not mastered being a parent. I do have a lot of practice, but I still have a lot to learn. I still have to work hard to be patient and be consistent. I am glad to hear that you and your wife are on the same page.
sebenarnya kalau mau jujur anak-anak adalah lebih dekat dengan kami (ibu), pengalaman saya, sanagt mudah bekerja sama dengan mereka, yang penting berikan pengertian pada mereka, dan saya melihat anak-anak sangat menghargai konsistensi kita (orang tua ) pada apapun yang telah kita terapkan, mereka sangat menghargai kita selama kita juga menghargai mereka
Terapan kita adalah bukti juga. Itu poin yang bail.
My personal experience has shown me that we have kids while we are still kids ourselves. My (ex-)husband and I were both 22 when our first child was born. We weren't wise. We hadn't planned. We were stationed in a foreign country so we had no family near us for any kind of support. We didn't know ourselves or each other enough to have a good, lasting relationship or a good foundation for parenting. We loved and nurtured our child to be sure, but we were selfish and confused. Stupid, really. Years later, after another child and some adoptions, we divorced. I didn't realize the impact that his and my behaviors and decisions had on the kids until much later. Hindsight...
My kids mean the world to me. I'm much smarter now. I'm still parenting even though they are parents themselves. I support them in their endeavors and accept them as they are. They turned out wonderful despite our hardships.
Having children takes personal responsibility to a new level. I agree that as parents we can be selfish. I have been there, done that, and sometimes still have to fight it.
I think that your message is important for other people. We really need to think about how we act and behave will impact the future lives that we want our children to have.
Great job pressing on through the tough times.