The isolation hasn't affected me as much on an emotional level. For a couple of years now I've been a person who likes to be at home. My holiday days are over.
But I've been through times of depression, I understand perfectly well what it's like to feel that way. It's hard and the worst thing is that most people don't understand what it's like to feel that way.
There are still days when I wake up wishing the world would end. Sometimes I'm upset, I don't want to talk to anyone. I live in a constant struggle with those thoughts.
There was a time in my past when I also thought about suicide; those were dark times. But all the bad times will pass. Life is like that. A roller coaster, with periods of going up and periods of going down.
Sometimes we think we are going through something very bad, but there are millions of people in other parts of the world who are worse off.
Movies and TV series have always been my escape route. Movies, coffee and sex are my only vices. But because of the Covid virus, I don't have much sex anymore. I'm a little afraid of the changes in our life because of the virus.
Being on this platform and doing the post has served me well as therapy. It helps me overcome my inner demons.
I suggest you try to stop drinking. It's very easy to say, but it's hard to do. I understand that. But try, you can do it. Come on...
You've given me support on this platform, thanks to your help, I've felt encouraged to publish and be more active. You see how small acts, can bring about change in other people.
That's why I always thank those who have given me a hand. We don't know each other, different languages, but we are united by the passion we have for cinema.
You're right to isolate yourself from bad news. It's been several years since I've read news about the political situation in my country and that takes a lot of the stress out of it.
This week I'm a bit discouraged, these are signs that at any moment I could fall into depression or suffer a panic attack, but I try not to let that happen. So far I have managed to do so, without using any medication. But those signs do appear from time to time. I've managed to get rid of depression, and many other people manage to beat it, too. You can too.
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I know exactly how that feels. I felt that for years. Even when I first joined this place I was still a total shut-in and hardly ever went outside, I really tried to change that. I've made some major progress but yeah, a lot of those thoughts remain, unfortunately.
I now work in the film industry; it's so fucking surreal to me to see myself on set working on such incredible projects. The virus really killed all my work though. Recently I managed to work on a music video for an artist I've worked for before, it was amazing being back in that environment. A 15~ hour workday but being around such great people and being on my feet all day is just such an amazing experience to me.
I did the lighting for this music video. It's a song about loss and depression from a relatively small UK artist.
My advice to you is genuinely if you love cinema, to the point where it feels like you have genuine passion for the process of its creation, well, pursue it. Start creating things yourself and learn about light, cameras, various techniques. I genuinely believe this thing has been keeping me alive, without it I would be no different to how I was years ago, stuck inside, completely alone and with no direction in life.
Feel free to reach out on Discord if you ever need to talk. I'm always up for making new connections and talking and learning.