Hey @xanderslee! Thanks for getting around to reading. Especially thank you for taking time to critique my work. You may be surprised to hear that I really DO appreciate it because you've pointed out some things that will improve my writing and I always appreciate that.
You're absolutely correct in the kitchen scene. More could have been done with showing not telling. I have a string of excuses for that - it's a short story, the pace needed to be fast, not time or room for description - but at the end of all those excuses I have to realise that's exactly what they are - excuses, not valid reasons. Thank you for pulling me up there.
The second point, you're entirely right on that too! I wrote it a few years ago and I've improved in my writing since then (I hope) and when I re-release these stories, I'll certainly be addressing those points (and any others you find and point out, I'm sure).
I think the sentence needs the 'standing above his head' part sorting out rather than the imagery of a landed fish flopping about on the riverbank.
The demon’s body flopped around on the ground like a grotesque landed fish. Dusty went forward to stand next to his head, one boot on either side and the demon stopped flopping and glanced up at his daughter, fearful of what she would do.