I have really been meaning to read this series but as Murphys law goes I always had one of them open in tabs then shit happened and I never really got to start reading.
When I saw this part come in I decided read it now or forever hold my peace, so I read it and I like it, bonus is that it is quite isolated in the scene which means I really want to read the parts before and wait expectantly for the parts after.
My only quips are :
I managed to grab a napkin quickly, and spit it into that.
It tripped me up, not sure whether it is usage of tense or what exactly (I suck at identifying the technical reasons) but I feel like it should be
and "spat" into it.
then I felt the simile needed to be more exagerrated
It tasted like a mix between stale cat food and fish food.
....
It tasted like someone not only mixed cat and fish food but took a piss on it for good measure.
Then sorry but when he says :
I took another bite of by burrito, and left it floating....
ignoring the by instead of "my" which I did not even notice initially I found it bothered me because I was no longer sure whether he is inside the ship , in a gravity free zone? and if so how does he just quickly enter and exit other parts that I assume would have gravity?
I am glad I read this and think it will be a very nice series to catch up on and follow. Screw wattpad.
DOWNVOTE! 100%!
LOL! JK
It's a freewrite, so there's bound to be some mistakes. At one point in one of them I had to delete the sentence I was writing and rewrite it because I switched perspectives to 3rd person for some reason.
I'm pretty sure you're right on spat. I won't agree with you on the piss though. I wanted it to be gross, not vomitous. It's just like a really gross combinations of flavors that he can't stand, in addition to being stale.
The ship has no gravity, but he has electromagnet boots, called mag-boots. It's actually really hard for me to properly stick to that, so there might be mistakes.
Thank you for the explanation and maybe also a bad on my part for not having read the previous. A very nice read and not that it matters but I am quite picky at what I read, although here I have been reading a wide variety of things.
Beats spending hours trying to find just the right book.
Well, I hope you won't rip my little freewrite novella to shreds if you read through it.
But, even if you do, I appreciate the feedback, as long as it's constructive.