A Whisper, No More
Sequence of music
Matched sequence of dreams
A language unknown to the touch
So I breathe
Hidden remembrance
So deep it's long passed decay
The hero's lost journey
Finds the hero dismayed
A whisper of rhythm
Seldom shelter this ache
Seldom care for such longings
When the minds on the take
And it will take as it pleases
And take as it wants
Will my feet touch the ground,
Or the voice find its song?
A sequence of music
A vision laid out in rhythmic remorse
The language of silence
A whisper, no more
This is my entry for @Rensoul17's Writing Impact Challenge
Images sources from unsplash.com and used with permission.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. If you liked it then please like, comment, and follow.
@naquoya
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Links to earlier works
- Fiction
My Fiction Writing Collection
Writing Myself Out of Existence
When the Levee Breaks
Reality Fading
Lessons Learned From a Dying Man - includes audio version.
Book Reviews
Where Epics Fail - Yahia Lababidi
Hellbent - Gregg Hurwitz
1Q84 - Haruki Murakami
Soon - Lois Murphy
Altered Carbon - Richard Morgan
The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo - Stieg Larrson
Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep - Philip K. Dick
American Gods - Neil Gaiman
Fight Club - Chuck Palahniuk
Crooked God Machine - Autumn Christian
Audio Poetry
The Dance of Destiny and Fate
One Day, Just Not Today
snaps fingers
Now this really fits well as spoken word poetry. I would've thought that you would record this. Very powerful! The imagery is just so vivid. Your poetry is always chock full of emotions, and this one is no different. If anyone's looking for impact, they've come to the right place. I wish you the best of luck with the challenge, mate! I mean, if @curie's still backing you, then there's definitely something there!
I didn't get around to recording this one as it was a last minute exercise. I wasn't sure if I would like it or not, but decide it worked well, so just went ahead and posted it. I usually need a bit of time to psych myself up to do a recording, and then upload it, etc. Glad you like it. I haven't had much writing success in longer form over the last few weeks, feeling a bit creatively dry, so I've turned to poetry to keep the mind ticking over.
Thanks for the positive feedback :)
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Thank you.
This piece reads so smooth, @naquoya; may I ask if it is a refined stream of consciousness that brought it about? It almost seems a number of interlaced thoughts and meanings all trying to weave a greater tapestry, but only part of the tapestry is here.
I liked the notion of interacting with the ethereal you have sewn here in lines such as:
and,
along with the cyclical nature of all things, the clever tie in of our lead:
There is almost a tangible melody of melancholy ringing as a minor chord from your piece, @naquoya, but not of surrender, I think. There is a calm strength here, it's between the ethereal you have sewn, and comprehension that there is value and wisdom even in silence.
Thank you for the share.
Thank you for your detailed and thoughtful comment. I would say that this is definitely a stream of consciousness here. The word choices offered seemed to speak as i sat down to write, so they were well chosen, and allowed a theme to emerge. I'm very glad that this spoke clearly to you, and you could see the connection between ideas and imagery here.
I do like that there is some kind of echoing feeling to this.
This makes me think of both being ungrounded, yet not living in a dream - kind of... lost. In space. Where there is nothing by silence - void.
A sense of being ungrounded, I like that. I often write poetry as stream of consciousness, and they either work or don't. The craft of poetry still alludes me, but it is a skill worth pursuing. I did like how this turned out, but I am usually discovering meaning along with the reader. There is a sense of being lost, wavering in direction or hope. But holding onto something.
Thanks for your comment and sharing your thoughts with me.
My pleasure. There are two levels that go into this. First of all, when you write you both have the conscious and unconscious expressions. Furthermore, the reader not only picks on both of those, but adds through his own lens. The interpretation may therefore be different than intended, yet it still lives with the piece.
Always beautiful, always flows. Sometimes when reading poetry I need to find the groove. Maybe read it through a couple of times to feel how it reads. Not with you. You construct your words so succinctly every time.
Such a pleasure.
I know what you mean about trying to find the groove, or the pacing and rhythm. I have found of late reading my work out loud (as I slowly get used to recording them) has helped to fine tune the wording and flow.
Your comment brought a smile to my face, so my thanks for that. Really glad that it comes across as it has.
Beautiful poem.
I'll be checking out your previous stuff.
Thank you, I appreciate your comment.
Most of my poetry was posted many months ago, but you can find the links here
Enjoyed. It’s rather meloncolic, like a score of elavator music played in a minor key, an ear worm playing again and again. Sound always add richness to emotion, well done.
So glad you liked it. I've been struggling a bit with the poetry (or is that the inner critic hard at work again?), but reading your material always inspires. I think a darker undercurrent is usually pervasive in my work, but trying to illuminate it in some new or varied way is the ongoing challenge. Thanks for your comment.
So beautiful, very, very good. @naquoya