I was at a thing but didn't want to be there - too many people with an inflated sense of their own magnificence, too much ego and hubris. The food was good though, the waiters soon realising they'd need to keep returning to my area as one must consume so many of those little morsels to find any form of hunger-satisfaction. Other than the food though nothing and no one interested me until...
I was doing my best to become totally camouflaged by the collection of dypsis lutescens (bamboo palms) and thought I was doing a great job until a voice said, "that's my spot."
I peered from my (poorly) concealed position and saw a lady of ten or twelve years my junior (though she could have passed for twenty years younger I suppose) who wore a disarming smirk and a nicely tailored business suit in navy blue with a crisp white open-necked collared blouse underneath, her dark hair cascaded down one shoulder like glimmering liquid obsidian; classy, understated, professional and so lovely, I thought to myself, but damn her and her observant eyes, I'd been found!
I smiled and tried to think fast then said, with great seriousness, there's still room but there's a secret password. I'm not sure if that was clever or witty or dumb...it was all I could think of.
One of her eyebrows lifted slightly, head tilted and the smirk broadened into a smile which lit her green eyes like emeralds, "oh is there now," she said, "may I get a hint?"
"It's your name."
Even as I said it I thought it sounded dumb. I winced slightly in expectation of...of I don't know what...and then heard, "Selena."
Ok, that wasn't so hard, I thought - name acquired. I took her extended hand, shook it and she pushed a little closer into the jungle of plants - now both of us were (poorly) concealed.
We chatted for the next ninety minutes and after expressing our mutual distaste for events like this got onto better topics like travel experiences, books, art, societal problems and a few other things...everything except our jobs and reasons for being at the event. It was a really great time and the conversation even caused me to forget about those waiters walking around with food and how badly I wanted more.
We eventually swapped phone numbers and promises to call which I fully intend to keep.
I often say I don't like socialising with strangers much, one of the reasons I don't like events as above.
I'm just generally disappointed by most people as I don't find many of them engaging; rather, many seem like shapes of cardboard cut precisely to fit into society's ideal. They conform, rarely have independent thought, champion ideals they have no real clue about, focus on social media instead of their own lives, self-development or the immediate real world around them, are greedy, egotistical and selfish, poor communicators and...I guess it leads me to feel reluctant to engage. Yes, I know not everyone is like that and that through not engaging with people I may miss out on some great people, but I find the process abhorrent extremely disconcerting. I have a close circle around me and I'm happy with that.
It's for that reason I day-dream about escaping to a cottage out in the countryside far away from people and society's decline; I just don't feel comfortable with most people these days.
I'm a self reliant man so providing for myself would be achievable and making a trip to town for additional supplies occasionally wouldn't be much of a chore as long as I could retreat back to my country cottage; it seems idyllic. The reality is that's not quite possible (at this time) but I'm focused on it and fully believe I'll achieve it.
But then...people like Selena (not her real name) present themselves, good people, and I'd miss out on those gems found amongst the detritus society generally presents if I was to separate myself from society. It's people like her who stand out, who matter to me and bring connection and value, who keep me searching for more of them and who make me feel part of something that can be good great; human beings I mean.
I know there are many great people out there, you're probably one of them, but great for one may not be great for others, we have different likes and dislikes as individuals so naturally different people will appeal to us, or not. That's how it's supposed to be I think, it's what makes each of us unique.
Let me be clear for those who only skim this post and feel inclined to comment based on what they may not have actually read and understood...society is full of amazing and unique people with great value and much to add to other people's lives, but not all of them will appeal to everyone else - we have individual tastes and the freedom to do so after all.
Sometimes I need a reminder that those gems exist, that they're out there somewhere and whilst I may not immediately see them it doesn't mean they do not exist or that I should not be open to them or actively seek them.
It's funny, as Selena and I were chatting we both mentioned that we'd like to escape to a small village in the Tuscan countryside, a cottage somewhere, cabin in the woods, remote island or a shack on the beach and the reason was our dislike of the direction in which people have moved and society has generally taken; we both feel like retreating which I guess is what brought us to the same place in that room (poorly) camouflaged by the palms. But here's the thing, if we both had not felt that way would we have met that day? Had we engaged in the ways everyone else did (superficially) at that function would we have discovered as much about each other and found common thought and interest, or would we be two professional business people with no real clue about who the other person actually was. What a shame that would have been.
I hate these functions: The sham of them, attempts to hide selfishness, agendas, the lack of real connection and the what's in it for me ethos, entitlement, braggadocio...it reflects how society appears to me and why wouldn't it be when humans are involved I suppose.
My cottage in the countryside idea seems far more attractive...but I have to go to these things now and then and I'm happy to be surprised when I do just as I did at this particular event - I'm glad there's human beings out there like Selena who are still able to surprise me in amazingly positive ways; does that give me hope for society? The jury is out on that one, but it certainly makes having to spend time in society a little more interesting.
I know I may sound cynical about society and that you may disagree - totally fine of course, you don't know me or my experiences just as I do not know you and yours so any perceptions are just that, perceptions. I guess I'm just pragmatic though, I see things as they appear to me and react in my own ways....it's my life so I figure it's ok to do so, just like everyone else is free to act according to their own thoughts, attitudes, codes and ideals.
It's encounters like I mention in this post that remind me there are great people out there to be discovered and I've actually found that on Hive too.
I've run into some really great folks here, maybe I'm even talking about you, that I would never have met otherwise and that's really cool and one of the most attractive things about Hive to me...sure, there's fucktards too but they can be (and are) muted which leaves more room for the good ones.
So, my attempt at hiding (poorly) camouflaged in the palms at that event was a failure; the keen-eyed green-eyed Selena spied me out and coveted my position enough to reach out with intent to snatch it or share it and from there we connected which is very cool. Country cottage, you'll have to wait a little longer, I'm going to stay around for a little longer and see who else I can find.
What's been your experiences with people outside of your immediate and established social groups? Do you make a strong effort to find the right people to draw about you or do you prefer it to happen organically? How has meeting someone new changed your way of thinking, one way or another, and what are your thoughts on the status of human to human contact and communication - are people more effective communicators or less so? Feel free to comment on these or other, things as the mood strikes you.
Design and create your ideal life, tomorrow isn't promised - galenkp
[Original and AI free]
Image(s) in this post are my own
Bahahahahaa that was the cheesiest of pickup lines, good job XD
Country cottage sounds like a great retirement plan unless you suddenly turn into a social butterfly in your old age XD
apparently it can happen
Back when I was trying to "make it" (still not sure what that means) as an artist and doing gig work as a webmonkey I did try to find the right people but I suck at that so I just stopped after a while (also it was taking an extremely limited amount of available time from making stuff so screw it I'll just do my thing.
People ended up finding me eventually (before I was even in an actual volunteer position at what is now my current job people were coming up to me and asking me questions because I was there all the time and unfortunately distinctive thanks to how I insist on having my stupid hair, and I didn't help myself by usually knowing the information they were asking) and the pace was a hell of a lot more comfortable (I am very introverted and don't like dealing with people x_x) but not what anyone with bigger measures of success would consider profitable.
Glad you and "Selena" managed to both have a nice chat and hangout at a tedious event rather than hiding out bored like you may have done if you hadn't both happened to want the same hiding spot :)
It worked, and the resulting conversation prevented me from eating twelve platters of mini arancini balls, chicken skewers and other such finger foods. It seems conversation is good for one's health after all.
I don't know many who are comfortable in those environments and the ones I know who are, are egotistical, brash, loud and obnoxious wankers. Having said that, they're a reality of my work function and I do my job because that's what I get paid for...but hide in the bushes until it's appropriate to depart when possible.
They are for the most part, even for introverts :D
I knew some extraverts who would thrive in that environment. Some of them are okay and some of them are exactly as described XD
Least the rest of your work is enough to make up for these less pleasant situations you find yourself in?
Damn You Galen..!
Now I have to go back and read from the beginning.
I am becoming a total recluses. So no chance of me leaving my cottage. Except for that pesky trucking thing...
Skimmers everywhere...usually quite easy to pick out though.
Yeah, I get it man, it's not a nice place out there (mostly). I'm not sure what it's like up your way, but here it is getting worse.
It sure is... Way worse
Somethings gotta give soon... BOOM
I agree but when? we'll probably not know I guess, it'll just flare up and at first people will think, no worries, it'll not effect me, and then it will, and panic will happen, chaos... But there's many who prefer to think it'll not happen only...it does, history shows us that.
I don't like social gatherings too much .... but I have had a few and you have to attend as well as you did, although I didn't really meet anyone "interesting" there.
But I did in other areas that were not meetings and I didn't expect to meet those people I call interesting or like-minded people. That's what I call them.
In my case it has happened to me when I least expected it, as if there was some attractive energy. And it's nice to find among thousands a special one, a person with whom to have a good chat or have a coffee or simply share some experience. It has happened to me. I prefer to pass organically and it has worked better for me... as if it was the intuition that is really searching.
I know that not everyone is the same and that there are some interesting people in the mix, I know that. And that's what keeps me hopeful.
Just yesterday someone told me .... I don't know why but I feel what you are feeling, it's called connection. A lot of empathy, and that's very nice to find.
Thank you Galen!
Interesting, like minded...yep that's sort of the same ting, or at least they trigger the same response.
This is nice to hear and you're a worthy recipient of words such as these from what I know of you. I think you were probably very pleased to hear such words and know they came from a place of respect, true empathy and caring.
All the best for Saturday.
I was remembering sad moments in my life and that person told me that which made me feel accompanied. It was very good.
Those moments when we find people we resonate with, it's great!
It's already dark out there! Very good rest!
It sounds like it was a really great interaction. I definitely don't seek out new people or relationships. For example I have a conference I go to each year. When it comes time for dinner, I would happily sit at a table all by myself and eat versus sitting at a table full of strangers. Of course there are people I already know and if I can sit with them, even better. Putting myself out there to meet new people is just too difficult for me. Oh, and even worse, if someone were to sit at my table, I'd still eat in silence as opposed to striking up a conversation with them. It just feels unnatural and fake to me. Like I am pretending to care.
It was pretty cool, just two strangers getting into sync and engaging like humans.
I understand what you're getting at, I'm similar. I mean, I've had roles where I've had to be more forward and I do it but I guess I play a part, the suit I wear is my costume and permits me to do what's required. The real me retreats until later on when I'm not getting paid to be the business (or anything other) me.
I'm good at interacting with others, good at conversation, listening, reading body language and so on, I do so in my professional life and in my personal but with the latter I'm more picky about who I share my time with as it makes me feel more comfortable and I can be more myself rather than the person my role requires.
I reckon I'd get you talking at that dinner table though...we could both tell lies and embellish stories and everyone else would be envious of the fact they're not on the cool table!
Haha, yeah, I guess so. Just bring me a whiskey and I probably wouldn't stop talking!
Whiskey (bottle) it is!
One of the reasons I decided to purchase some land in Portugal is exactly what you have described today in your post. I have been feeling the need to isolate myself from the crowded life for quite a while and this summer we ended up purchasing a parcel at the edge of a small town surrounded only by other properties with no houses, just olive and cork trees.
There's lots of work that needs to be done to convert the existing little tiny house into a comfortable living space with electricity, heat, and running water, but that is also a challenge I'd love to work for.
I'll try to share my progress if it helps inspire others, just as I get inspiration from many others who have done it before.
I think, through finding space, a little isolation from society, it would make the relationships we have better, more meaningful or deeper because they're a rare commodity so to speak.
I'm looking forward to your posts on your progress, it'll be interesting and exciting to see what you do and how it all comes together.
Life. Humans. It is always like that. Some people pretend and act whatnot. However, I am glad you found Selena (not her name, hehe), and the line you used was smooth. Shows you have the sweet tongue, I chuckled when I heard it, especially the backup line on the secret code.... way smoother .
I do agree that people like Selena do want "Us" (because I do want to move to and I wrote about my dreem(yes, it is a word with meaning) space, here which I wish to get one day).
However, people like Selena want us to meet more people like her. And, that is one beautiful part of humanity.
And this;
I can see people still do this. I have met some of them on my comment section, and I don't bother answering them.
I rarely feel inclined to engage on mate than a cursory/business level with people I meet but there's cases where I do, where people are interesting, captivating or just fun; I don't go out to expressly meet new people but like to remain open to doing so, as with this case above.
I'm not sure if my lines were smooth but they did the job and we managed to engage well which was of mutual enjoyment and probably future benefit through a good friendship I think.
On the skimming and subsequent out of context comments...yeah it's usually obvious, as are AI responses - I don't like either.
Yeah, I understand. Hehe, it sure was smooth. Lol.
Smh, hmmm... Well, I guess people seem to be having fun with AI now.
Thanks for the Ecency boost. Not necessary but I'm grateful nonetheless.
You are welcome. That's my way of letting the writer know I value the information shared, I do that for everyone whose post is worth it.
We;; said, and a good ethos.
Thank you.
I like your ability to find people with the x-factor (I think you called it that in some post). This is a bit of a joke. I'm sure there are a lot of interesting people in the world and I'm so glad you found Selena. Thank you very much for sharing the experience. For my part I'm not looking for new people, but I don't close the possibility that beautiful things can happen. Yesterday I met an Argentinian woman from the Jujuy community, whom I will never see again, without looking for it. It was a great experience for me. Have a great Saturday
Yeah, the x-factor...I actually think it's recognisable in how a person carries themself, the clothes they wear, how they move, the vibe they project, body language, their eyes, how solicitous they are towards others, their manners and mannerisms, the way they speak and allow others to...it's many things.
I don't look for new people the same as you, but that's the cool thing about when they present themselves; it's a surprise, feels comfortable, organic and not contrived, and when it feels like that it's more likely to progress to an excellent interaction either brief and with an end=point, or one that endures into the future.
I think you experienced exactly that with the Argentinian lady you met yesterday...sometimes these things just happen and that's what makes it special...the question is, do they happen for a reason? Hmm, I wonder.
Thanks for your comment...it's just after 17:00 Saturday afternoon here, been a reasonable day with a lot more to come. I hope you have a great Saturday.
Here it is 7:30 am, approximately, the question I also ask myself. In the last three years very special people have come into my life, in a very particular moment of my life, Was it a chance occurrence? ? I wish you a great weekend
A chance occurrence...Here we have an opportunity to make up a new word: Chancurrence. 😊
Hahaha, noted. Hahahaha, best regards
I'm glad your stay at that event you loathed, brought you such a pleasant surprise. Glad you connected!
I'm not much given to social events, nor do I go around looking for relationships (of any kind) they just show up and happen, if they are going to happen. I leave it to time. I like to be surrounded by people that I feel comfortable with and that I can be myself. If I feel any kind of discomfort or stressful situation when I am with someone, I just move on from that person. I will most likely never want to be around them again. Sometimes I have violated this and I notice that in the end nothing good comes of it, because that person is simply not meant to connect with me. And things can't be forced. You can imagine how much this narrows my circle of people I want to be with.
And on the other hand... yes it's true, you learn from everyone. And people come into our lives for a reason, to deliver a message to us, for us to learn something, which doesn't necessarily have to be bad or good, it's just something. We will know how this contact makes us feel, and of course we will be able to choose if it will last in time. But they come for a reason.
There is another thing I want to mention here... and that is the power that one experiences when feeling that nothing and nobody can affect you. It is necessary to achieve that point in our lives. I think you were struggling with that feeling of not feeling comfortable in that event when she showed up. Because you were questioning all those things, about people and their untruths. Ah, but if you could just get past this... and feel absolutely nothing. You would be even greater.
Yep, I expected you to say that about the events and organic relationships instead of contrived ones. We're the same in that way.
This is a strength in my opinion and I have it too; I'd rather be with no one than someone negative. It makes one's circle smaller but I'm ok with that; quality over quantity.
I'm a confident person, confident in myself, not arrogant, just confident and comfortable in who I am, what I know, how I converse and interact and feel no need to have others confirm it; in fact, when people do I feel it could be disingenuous. Having said that, I'm shy in social situations - not socially awkward - just shy and unwilling to be the centre of attention - happy to fade into the background - which makes doing some of the professional roles I've had a challenge. As I said in another comment on this post, I've played the parts though, worn a suit as a costume, so to speak, so I can act the part or as a suit of armour to make me feel able to do what I need to...So, I'm not sure I agree with your last comments in respect of myself, but I understand the relevance and that that situation is indeed a reality for some.
Edit: Also, I sometimes get the feeling that I'd get along with/connect with people even before I meet them in person...Have you ever had that? I can't define why, it's a feeling more than anything, but sometimes I get it quite strongly.
Let me see how I explain because I think you missed my point:
I myself cannot achieve this, that I am not affected by external things and attitudes of others. I am talking about the hypothetical case in which we could achieve this. That would be great. Because it would save us time and aggravation, to stay focused on what matters to us and who really matters to us.
And about being the center... it's the worst thing to want to be the center. Better to be on the outside, watching from the edge. These are the really smart people. They don't miss a single detail. So maybe that's why she looked at the edges.
Ah I see, sorry my mistake...Had you written it in Spanish I would have understood completely...although only if you wrote the word hola because that's the only work I know...but I'm fluent in saying it for sure! 😁
I agree with you, being unaffected by others is a strength, to be able to stand tall as ourselves and confident irrespective of whether others agree or not, or whether they seek to pull us down. That's such a powerful quality to possess.
On the centre of attention thing...I see people at these events trying to be, attempting to look like the smartest person in the room...but the thing is they gain the least from the situation; Listening and observing others is where the best will come; this is why I've honed my skills at getting people to talk and keep them talking...I learn more.
I did an edit to my last comment, I'm not sure if you saw it. 👆
👌
(edit)
Well, maybe because we spend so much time at Hive. Hahaha... Nah, seriously. I think each person has the ability to realize with a few minutes of conversation whether or not they will connect with another person. You just need to be attentive to the details. And if the other person doesn't talk that much, maybe this is what motivates even more the curiosity of wanting to get to know them, don't you think? But there will still come a time when the detail or details will give the verdict.
I agree, it comes with experience too I suppose, reading the vibe and possible connection.
On the other hand, when I talk about being oneself, I am not talking about confirmation. I'm not interested in anyone confirming anything... I'm talking about the comfort you feel with someone who speaks your language. Hola (not this one 😁) that you understand each other I mean. That they don't need to talk much to understand what one or the other wants. That's being yourself. To be accompanied by someone who loves you and accepts you as you are, without half measures.
That's called connection and it transcends physical and verbal communication. Interestingly, I wrote a post about communication today, for tomorrow. I know, I must be
psychopsychic. 😊😁 Go check out the edit I made to my comment on the little hand.
Seen it. I'm well ahead of you. Hang on, let me make this comment in Spanish. Ready?
Here you go: Hola.
Come on, you know that's all I got!
I see, you just have those survival skills. Something I really admire in you. Hahaha... crazy man! Hola, me iré a dormir.
That was a great interaction, and Selena seemed to be a really great person. She was willing to humor you with your antics and it was nice you both had a fun time in an otherwise boring event. I too avoid socializing as much, but I do agree that you need to put yourself out there in order to have a chance of meeting interesting people.
It certainly was and made the event worth attending...the rest was boring...except the food, that was pretty great!
I tend to stick with the same people around me, my small group of friends, but in my professional life I'm forced to interact wit many others and so have built up the right skills to do so but that doesn't mean I have to like it. Occasionally someone, like the woman I mention in this post, surprises me in a good way and something more comes from it, a better business relationship or even friendship; I don't go out there looking for it though, (especially in a business environment), I'm happily in a relationship and have enough friends and acquaintances.
Thanks for your sharing that made me read and understand another new concept.
No worries.
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STOPor to resume write a wordSTARTI don't know how to describe the formation of my social circle. I meet people largely through the library, whether as patrons or co-workers. In my younger years, it was connections from home-schooling associations. I don't really have any leftover connections from college at all. If I have any real social talent, it is connecting people from my various circles of acquaintances with other people and merging that venn diagram closer to one big circle.
That's pretty cool I think, friendships that happen organically and through common interests I guess. Also, it seems you're a little like the glue which brings and holds people together...nice work. For the record, I don't have any contact with anyone from school; I prefer it that way.
There was a library conference many years ago where we were given one of those personality tests, in this particular case assigning us shapes. Mine was circle, Supposedly I am a peacemaker and facilitator type. I think the other shapes were triangle (leader),
squarebox (rules), Rectangle (experiencing transition/growth/change) and squiggle (hyper-creative). All were described as having weaknesses people should also recognize in themselves, and no one was 100% one or another, or stuck in one role forever (thus the rectangle,) so it felt a lot less woo than it might have otherwise. I'll be content as a circle if that is my role in life for now, and I will try to avoid resembling one despite the temptations of holiday food. My challenges will likely be facing conflict and confrontation as tensions rise and censorship campaigns fester. You can't bring everyone together, because not everyone wants to compromise or admit to being wrong. [/rant]I've don't many of those tests, psychometric and profiling and it's interesting how accurate they can be, although I've seen some that have been a little skewed. It's interesting how people take them though, on a personal level, how it can change their behaviours initially until they lapse back into who they really are because it's pretty difficult to fake it for long.
I actually think there's merit in knowing, in understanding oneself in that way and on deeper levels.
Healthy: "this test says I fit that group. How do I feel this reflects my actual traits, and how can it guide my growth?"
Unhealthy: "I"m an ENSP Sagittarius with a magenta aura, and my spirit animal is a mountain goat. THIS DEFINES ME NOW."
Yeah, you said it better than I did, but that was what I was getting at.