Thanks to @jaynie for turning the #blurt idea of @alexpmorris on Whaleshares into a tag and consequently into a 'thing'. The idea is to keep posts short and sweet rather than lengthy & informational, which I do resonate with. This however, will be neither short nor sweet... but in my mind it is still a #blurt
or perhaps it is just a #rant
Either way, it is something I feel like saying in this moment.
The Journey
Sabrina & I came to this part of France to be with her mother who has a stomach cancer. She has been told to expect death in the next year or so and we have been told that due to this expectation we are to behave exactly as she wants us to behave so that she may enjoy this time as much as possible.
The Rules
Officially these rules don't exist, but having been here for almost a year now they have become visible through understanding that there are consequences when they are not met.
- No talking about natural methods of recovery.
- Be sad when she is sad.
- Be prepared to let go of our own rules around the way we have chosen to bring up Esteban.
I have long since given up on offering advice relating to her health and avoid her when she is down, because I am not prepared to be sad for anyone.
The third rule however I am struggling with because it relates to Esteban.
Once a week he spends the night with her and comes back every time with tales of new sugared treats, endless hours of ipad use and bedtime when the clock says one one. Which is Esteban talk for 11pm.
I would be able to let this go if it wasn't for the reality that now he doesn't want to eat the nutritious food & drinks we prepare for him. Instead he just wants ice-cream, cake, biscuits, sweets... you get the idea.
Unlike before he screams and screams when we try to take the ipad away from him and he is no longer interested in going to bed before 11pm, creating huge dramas if we try and stick to the routine we had previously established.
The Predicament
Esteban understands clearly that his granny is sick and he also understands (as best a child can) the idea that we can help each other using hands-on healing, otherwise known as Reiki.
He has learned Reiki from watching me and takes it very seriously when he does it on others. The first time I came to this village in which we now live was for the specific purpose of giving Sabrina's mother Reiki, long before we were talking about babies.
So, there is a strange feeling of continuation now because I am told that while Esteban is with his granny he often spends an entire hour with his hands upon her stomach, focused upon her perfect health, as I have taught him.
I know he is unlike most children because I can feel it, but don't have much to offer as proof, except for the constant V shape on his forehead which I have come to believe means he has a heightened energy in his third eye. You can see it clearly in this image.
His sister Luna, by the way, was born with one pupil bigger than the other.
I assume this relates to the way she sees the world, but she is too young yet to get much information from. When she is old enough I will do my best to learn what her gift is.
Speaking to Esteban about his Reiki sessions with his granny he is very clear that he is making her better. Speaking to his granny about this, she is very clear that his sessions are helping her.
So, what if he really is making her better?
His heart and his intention is so pure. There can surely be no greater power than this?
The Bottom Line
Based on what I can see & FEEL she is not dying in the dramatic way which has been suggested but due to her trust in the medical system and its expensive & gloomy prognosis, she believes she is. And this creates the 'I can do whatever I like' feeling.
Reiki works best when there is an exchange going on and it is evident now the arrangement has been made. Treats for Reiki!
So...do I request (again) that she stick to our family rules when Esteban stays over with her? Which will likely only result in her teaching Esteban how to keep secrets from us!
Or do I just accept that as a (supposedly) dying person she has the right to adjust the way Esteban sees the world? Making our lives and potentially even his life, harder as a result?
Ahhhhh.... I feel much better now that is out.
Thanks for listening!
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I think Granny needs to finally grow up, and think about others as well. That's why she needs you in her life. It's not easy, but the best approach is the direct one.
I have thought exactly this so many times! And noted how Sabrina sometimes slips into similar behaviour. It is easier for me to let it go knowing where she inherited it from.
Direct is the best way. But the short term earthquake it would cause isn't worth thinking about. I think if I was going to settle here that would have to be the way forward. But thankfully I'm not and for now I am practicing acceptance.
That's a tough one. I'm not sure what I would do as I have always had parents who respected the same child rearing rules as me. It seems that if you try to enforce it it might end up an all out war and I'm not sure how much she will oblige anyway? Is it something you have spoken to her about before , because if you have and she is going against your wishes anyway I can't see that she is likely to change. You definitely need to talk calmly to her about the effect her actions might have on Esteban and you. Just because you are dying does not give you a licence to others through your actions. Harsh maybe but true. \n\nThe be sad when she is sad rule is, well, sad. When Dad got depressed when he was suffering chemo, we all treated him with humour and positivity. Mum absolutely was more tolerant of him being grumpy , because she thought he was dying, and he was really ill. The first thing that he said to her when he got the all clear was I suppose I have to do the dishes tonight then? Haha.\n\nI don't think this journey is easy on any of you and I wish you all the very best as you negotiate this difficult time.
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Love your little story ending with the dishes line. I can see him smiling as he said it ;)
Man it's a tough one here. I suppose that's why i needed to blurt it all out.
This is the bottom line really isn't it, but when I dig deeper I can see this behaviour was there before the cancer, passed down like a family tradition from her own mother, who died of cancer by the way.
The patterns of thought are entrenched because they have been there forever. And it is not my place to do anything about this.
The positive in all of this is for Sabrina who is opening her eyes for the first time to who her mother really is. Naturally, many of her mother's thinking habits have been passed on and through recognising their origin I think she will be in a much better place to release them.
This is a long B. I am glad you feel better.
I noticed one of David Bowie's pupil's is bigger than the other.
My pupils used to be that way. So much so when I was younger I had a neurologist stop me in the hall in the hospital and look at them.
now I believe my pupils are equal and yes I do have gifts.
I really do feel better you know.
Yes, I remember Bowies's eyes. Though his enlarged pupil was caused by getting punched in the face ;)
We've seen three doctors about Luna's eyes, none of whom could offer us anything useful. Time will tell what it means.
Interesting to hear that yours changed over time. And even better to hear that you are in touch with your gifts. I think we all have 'em, we just lack encouragement as kids to find and develop them.
It is good you can give your children the right environment. I never knew what caused Bowie's, thanks for the info.
Not that far! It is your job to decide how to raise your child and you should make it clear, whether she's dying or not.
I am trying to be accepting of this situation because when I push against it, nothing useful happens.
Given her belief about how long she has left, she doesn't seem interested in hearing what we have to say and am not really up for getting into a fight over this. In time we will leave France... and it is unlikely we will ever live here again. So I think her influence on him will fade in time. But there will be a price.
Being entirely cold and logical about it.. (as I am want to do).
If she's dead in a year, you can later change the diet back to a healthy one, and the taste preferences can be altered in 3 months, in pretty much anyone.
.... I think a child's readjustment to tastes would be quicker?(I have no idea, just assuming)
There will be no prolonged harm to the health of your child, in my opinion..
...Unless the reiki/ medicines work, and then...I'm not even going there...lol
You're right. And I've been telling myself (and Sabrina) exactly this. Once we are not around her all the time he will quickly forget and return to his instinctive eating habits.
Even if she gets better, we are still leaving this country next year ;)
One teaching I do my best to practice is to offer gratitude for all things. Not always easy but I have discovered it has the power to change situations. As in my bird story, I offer it orally, as many times as I am able to.
Am with you all the way. Looking for gratitude in all situations is standard practice for me these days. Not so easy for Sabrina however. But she is getting there.
I have bookmarked your bird story ;)
I find that the more I can be in the state of gratitude the more life situations are arranged to reflect that state. One practice I do after morning meditation is say 'Thank You Very Much' out loud to my body while brushing or touching from head to toe. Teachings suggest saying it 10,000 times a day. I can honestly say I have never done that but hundreds of times, yes.
When I am in situations I am not enjoying, like waiting in a very long line to get into the parking lot at South Coast Plaza over the holiday weekend, I started saying it and the cars started moving. I find it not so easy when driving in LA but the more I do it before leaving for work it seems the easier the traffic flow.
Also, as you know, the more we resist the more we get. You may even try it when one sweet soul wants to overuse the ipad!
It's the vibration that is high and that which resonates responds.
With your awareness you will see the subtle ways nature reacts, like the birds that always bring me joy in many different ways.
Thank you very much!
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