Today I'm going to write a different type of post, a freewrite around this concept of Not Enoughness. I'm also trying something new by posting from busy.org. Hey Busy!
This freewrite is a little different than my other posts that I give myself time to write and then come back to. I just want to write a bit from the heart in a non-calculated way. The idea of Not Enoughness comes up in our household a lot.
Do you know what I mean?
The Not Enough voice inside that tells us that whoever, whatever we are isn't quite good enough to be loved. It tells us that we don't deserve to do something because other people are better at it, are smarter, already successful, look better in a certain way, etc!
The voice can take on SOOOOO many different variations and can be hard to catch, but, as we're doing in our family, we are taking stock of it and noticing it, bringing it out into the light.
I find that this voice is really debilitating. It strikes when the mood is low, after a hard day's work, or even when we wake up in the morning and sets the tone for the entire day. Perhaps you'd like to think you don't have this voice (and maybe you don't! yay!), but after talking with many friends, family members, and hearing from a multitude of people I think it's safe to say that this voice is inside many of us!!
Whether it's a generational thing, The Inner Critic, imprinting of our larger culture that sells us things based on our apparent lacks and we in turn buy into that to finally "be good enough", many of us have this voice inside.
You aren't good enough, so don't even try.
This is one way that I've noticed this voice pops up in my life. It's an inner critic that stops me from going after my dreams because it tells me I'm not good enough to manifest them anyway!
@indigoocean recently had a post talking about what our lives would look like if we asked ourselves what we want to do instead of focusing on what we don't want to do. (definitely recommend reading it!)
I think it's highly related to believing we could manifest our dreams and asking what's holding us back!
For me, it is around creativity and being an herbalist. Anytime we step out on a limb, we can get confronted with these voices. At times, they cause us to hone our projects or skills before we share them with the world and that can be positive, but they can also cripple us and our dreams and artworks (of whatever variety) never make it to the light of day to be shared because we're too afraid they aren't good enough.
I've been really feeling this trip me up lately in terms of sharing my herbal skills with the world. You may be surprised to hear that as I have been sharing posts centered around herbalism, but I'm not quite sure how to take it to the next level. I have big dreams to Be An Herbalist... and this makes me feel chagrined to even write, thinking that someone is going to judge me and say you aren't that! (Perhaps a bit of the Imposter Syndrome thrown in there too!)... You see, there are plenty of people younger than me, already successful, who know more, etc already doing it! Where can I fit in?
I definitely feel I am not good enough in this realm and so it stops be from sharing my gifts! I know it takes practice and time to really work on a craft and share it with the world. It's really my step here today to be transparent with you so that I can "face" or even "blow up" this energy of not being good enough in this realm. Because I so want to take my life in this direction and don't want to be limited anymore!!
What are your tips or ways that you break through your own inner voices and affirm your goals and dreams?
I find writing is one way that I break through- whether publicly like this or in a private journal...
Talking about it with friends...
Being honest with myself as I am here... and sharing the inner voices so they don't have so much power..
Saying affirmations and really getting real with the voices...
Okay, that's the end of my 10 minute freewrite. That actually felt a little stressful to try to write on this subject in such a fast amount of time!! Having a thorough nature (virgo here!), I am struggling with not hashing out more of what I wrote above and humorously enough, I am left wondering if my musings are "good enough" as they are! Love that... the emotion I'm writing about is itself brought up by the process of writing the article.
Anyway, I'm going to leave it at that... to share in this way. I'm sure you reading will have other ideas than me and can forgive me this once for not being as thorough or articulate as possible? ;) I really want to write to open myself up and continue my process of healing and this is a great way to do it!
Thanks for reading! Really curious to hear your thoughts on this so please leave em in the comments!! XO, Wren
It's great that writing helps you process, and that you write regularly. For a lot of people writing can be almost like magic in how it helps them move energy forward, so long as you're focused on writing about what you do want more than just documenting your worries and woes.
I totally get the idea of not feeling ready to put yourself out as an expert on something until you feel you're the BEST expert at it. You might not say it that way, but that's the real issue. So long as we can identify people we think are better, we think we aren't ready for primetime. But the reality is that there will always be someone who is better with some things on a topic, while we have a unique gift to bring through. The problem is comparing our gifts to someone else's and expecting to be the same. We have to learn to recognize and appreciate the unique qualities we bring to any subject. That's where you have no competition, and being ready just means you know more than someone else, and know how to teach that to them.
I can tell you right now, you DEFINITELY know more than me, and I've already been learning from you. Keep going. And enjoy the ride enough so that what labels you collect along the way don't even matter.
ah you hit it on the head. thank you so much. you spoke exactly what i needed to hear. as often is the case, i also heard this in an article i read earlier.. i love that confirmation!!
This is exactly the message I need. I dig it!! I hear it! Thank you for shedding light, dear! You're so clear, direct and kind, and I really appreciate and am thankful for you! I can see that some reflection along these lines, honing in, asking mySelf and my particular Universe What this is and... just letting it unfold, as you say! I can see that I was looking at it from a faulty perspective... this really helped me to center and get clarity! I'm really glad I opened up and shared my vulnerability as your response and a couple others really reached right in there in Exactly the way I needed. Much love! How's your move going? XO
this so echoes my heart, almost as if you are saying it for me. I know, though, that it is the human experience. It also must be the moon we are going through because I just wrote this post that is much alike. http://beautyitselfispurpose.branchable.com/posts/Settle_in_and_Settle/
For me it is a matter of place and what I am doing. For you herbalism and creativity. I hope you come to a point with yourself of accepting exactly the person who you are. You are wonderful, and if not the exact replica of other people, other herbalists and creatives, that is good not bad. We are likers of diversity (biodiversity) we who love creativity and plants.
Mostly I just like you!
Love you sister! Keep loving that hard place.
thanks Maggie, you magically said all of the things i needed to hear. that's one reason i love sharing, other people can reach right in and touch us in exactly the way we need to heal. mmmmmm so good!!!! thanks for the reminder and the love!!! i love this line:
keep loving that hard place.
xoxox
it sounds like a line that Carrie Newcomer might sing!
Hi man!
Oooooh the voice in the head!! that old chesnut huh?
I didnt actually ever think about it until around 3 years ago when I found a book called Mind Calm, and started to read a bit about the mind which led to mindfulness.
Personally the "voice in my head" was always a confident one in most aspects of life whilst growing up, but obviously were have all different voices in different heads. Be wary of the ones who say "what voice?" - this means they are completely under the power of the mind and you will, if you know them , be able to start seeing the difference of how people react to life situations and how they are as a human, depending on the level of awareness that they have in relationship of the voice.
Say if someone really has no clue what your talking about, this means that the voice in the head is so strong in control that the voice said exactly what the person said, with no gap in thought, just splutting out the minds no acceptance that it even exists and thats that. Maybe one day they will see its just a voice, and that it is separate from true self and also that the voice ultimately just wants you to feel UNHAPPY.
Our minds (the voice) are completely conditioned by our upbringings.
continuously comparing a current situation to the past where you maybe failed or somebody said something that you dont remember , but your subconsciousness does, and is still just repeating the magnet of emotion pain toward yourself. Its shitty, but thats just how it is!
We can practice to reset and quieten this voice (we must practice regular to keep it from gaining power again, even on days the voice isnt so chatty) with mindfullness techniques. Myself, I do it on 2 bus rides each day, 30 mins each way and the mind is pritty silent throughout. But if I miss a day or two which of course happen since getting the Steem App, then I realise that im just thinking again (listening to the voice and conversating in mind.) Shit then this leads to seeing who crazy people are, just people who conversate answers to the thinking mind, but out loud instead of quietly like "sane" people do.
Sorry for the long reply ill bring it to an end, im also a herbalist and these herbs here make you chatty it seems but to be fair though this subject your freewrite is about, is something im studying since a few years and love it, fascinating how we are literally prisoners of our mind!
Big love!
great points you bring up! definitely be aware of someone who says they have no voice hahaha!! that unconsciousness as you say leads to unreflective living! interesting ideas that the voice wants us to be unhappy - i wonder why that is? safety? basic fear of change?
definitely a good practice to remember to meditate- i've had cycles of doing it more and i know it definitely helps my clarity, mental health and as you say we get space from it! it's healthy for sure!
this line really interested me; it's a great point!
haha, the sane people just have the dialogue inside... that made me laugh! big love <3
hahhahah yep, sad but true! The unhappy thing has been labelled "The Pain Body" this is like the emotional side of ego and is exactly what you describe about the "im not good enough" thing. I think it stems from our minds always looking for dangers like a sabertooth tiger from back in the caveman days (if that even happened who really knows?!) but these days we have no threats like this so the mind is left with not much to do, so it creates threats that arn't real :)
Personally I have used affirmations as a reminder to myself that 'I am enough'. One of my very favorite set of affirmations to listen to are recorded by Bernadette Logue, through her Pinch Me Living channel on YouTube.
Get a quiet space and some headphones and soak them in.
Thanks for this! Looks awesome..
I really like that plus it’s super relaxing. Thanks! 🌿💚
Ah you are a Virgo! Both my folks are Virgos. They are AWESOME. Oh god.. I went to a psych once, post stress breakdown at work. She said 'you are your own worst critic' and Im like, grreat, something else to be self judgey about. Ugh. I really want to start a yoga class in my town but Im terrified I wont be good enough. THUS i actually kill the project before its began. I am trying to take lessons from the Buddha and Mara.. to recognise your demons (doubt, judgement etc) and have a little compassion for them. Xx
haha you're so funny- I always find your tone something that makes me chuckle! that laughter is good medicine! my local gals and i had a new moon fire and gathering earlier this week and we laughed hard basically the entire time. and talked about sex. both of those things i so needed!!
i hear you here! that's definitely what i was referring to-- the killing it before it can even take off.
your last sentence reminded me of a practice i will probably direct toward this "inner critic" -- Feeding Your Demons.... it's a practice i read of earlier this year and it is producing some seriously good healing.. not sure why i haven't directed it toward this LOL! such a forgetful creature i can be! lol i'm excited to hear more about your yoga class or read some articles you write about yoga... step by step, we'll manifest these dreams :)
Oh I have to read that!! And weirdly, it has a foreword by Jack Kornfield - and that's what I am reading at the moment, which is what made me think of the whole thing about the Buddha and Mara!!! Love love love it. I'm going to order that book now!!!! The moon fire sounds gorgeous. My best friends is here for a week (she's a vippassana meditator teacher so is often away teaching or doing courses) and we have been giggling all day, starting with a beautiful cold skinny dip in the sea this morning - we need sisters for giggles and chats!
He he, glad I make you laugh. The best people are the ones who think I'm funny. xxx (I am making myself laugh now!!)
Step by step, that's the way!!!
fun fun! enjoy your morning skinnies, fireside chats and feeding your demons. i bought the book too and am so glad i did. god, this practice is so good. it literally healed my womb earlier this year.. it can unlock longstanding energetic blocks... so thankful for Machig Labdrön, Tsultrim Allione and all these female great yoginis passing this stuff on and living it out! that's cool your friend is a vippassana teacher! i have done quite a few of those retreats-- love em! xo
Amazing!! I always love to meet someone who's sat Vipassana courses!
yeah! both ini and i have and we love em! i've also served at some ;) what a gift those courses!
Amazing you have served Too!!! My girlfriend and her hubby just bought 10 acres attached to the Tasmanian centre so they can teach there and build a home, and bequeath it when they die. They travel all over teaching and doing long sits I.e 60 days in India!! I was going to do one at Easter but my Dad got sick so it wasn't a good idea as my thoughts would only go to.him. I want to do one with Jamie when we travel next year. But I sit when her and hubby visit which is super strengthening and powerful.. we sit in the bus 💙
<3 mmmm sounds nourishing!!! wow 60 days :DDD when i did my first one i didn't want it to end... it was so good for me on so many levels. then i knew i wanted to be a part of the community. i lived at one just outside of chicago for a little bit one winter on and off serving and sitting. i wanted to do a 30 day ( i think that's the amount of time...) one they offer in texas, but i didn't keep up with it. i keep thinking to do one again here soon, too! <3 <3
It will come when the time is JUST right.... I found mine really hard - like childbirth!!! I had really bad SI joint pain at teh time which was exacebrated by sitting. I'd love to do it again (like childbirth, but too late now for that lol) - you know, vipassana has that way of creating co-incidences - waht's the bet you sit the same time I do... :)
You wrote all that in 10 minutes??? mind: blown
haha most def! as i said, it got a little stressful there ;) maybe wont pick such a big subject next freewrite LOL
This is so true! Sure for us homesteaders (Jack of all trades and yet master of none - or are we?) But it seems to catch so many people in all walks of life. What is it that drives us? And it's not the simple striving to do well it's exactly as you summed it up; that nagging feeling of not being good enough! My two cents? Your post hit the nail on the head. It definitely is good enough
you are so sweet. i so appreciate your kindness and words and understanding!! i see that this "catches" so many of us in all walks of life, as you say! It is an interesting reflection point to ask what drives us. certainly to do well and be enough and share and receive love! thank you for your finality in declaring this post enough :))). much love!!!
Wow! That was an action-packed freewrite! I am right there with you! Seriously! I am one of those people with too many interests and not enough time. Jack-of-all-trades, master of none! Especially in the arts, drawing, singing, writing music, acting, but also in homesteading with my recipes, my frugal life hacks, my tips for sustainable living, etc...
I am facing my fears through my posts now. By posting a song for open mic that I knew would not be nearly good enough to win, I faced my fear of ridicule, my fear of being told I didn't belong, my fear of being seen as a phony and I consider that a personal win!
When I am diligent about going to bed earlier, everything is better. (As I am writing this after midnight 🤣) But one of the things that really used to help me was what I called meditative journaling. For me, this means first thing in the morning, before your feet hit the floor, set a timer or set the amount of pages you want to fill ( I used to fill 3 pages) and start writing. No filter, no erasing. Write every thought that comes. When I started there was a lot of "This is stupid. I have nothing to say, Why am I wasting my time? Who do I think I am? Why do I think I'm good enough to achieve..." You get the picture. This seems like focusing on the negative, but it wasn't! It was me nurturing the insecure child inside. Kind of like how Thich Nhat HAnh says to treat your anger like a child-I'm forgetting the exact quote, but anyway, by getting all of that our first thing in the morning, it also took away the sting of it. I felt more confident the days I did my meditative journaling and the entries grew more positive overall, although we always have those rough days tucked in here and there.
Thanks for sharing. I think you're pretty amazing. I enjoy all your posts and look up to you in many ways. I am 40+ and finally able to accept that others will not necessarily percieve me the way I want them to and their perception is not my reality.
I feel like I just did my own freewrite there! Whew! Much love to you! Thanks for being you!
i so LOVE that you are facing your fears through your posts!! yes!! i feel like that is such an incredible aspect of this Steemit community in particular ... that we have the ability to flex and grow in share in a safe (for online standards) community. i have never found such a generous, welcoming, kind, and openhearted community! thank YOU for being a part of that and making it what it is.
personally i really like trying on different aspects of myself to share. it's so easy to share the -highlights- of being while these other aspects of self really don't get a lot of screen time. rather than let them hide out in the shadows, as they normally do, i think steemit is a great place to share them and meet with others who may be experiencing similar things.
i love that journal exercise you shared (need to do it again; it's been a while). i learned it from writing down the bones, a book by natalie goldberg. and i love what you say about nurturing the child inside or treating our anger (or other emotions) like a child. a really great practice for us to be kind, gentle and nurturing toward our inner selves (all of it!)..
you're so sweet! i think you're amazing too and am happy you're busting out and making some vlogs! you've got a great, bouyant, spunky and interesting personality (and interest set) that i think lends itself perfectly for vlogs!! :)
definitely a huge part of it for me; not caring what others think so much! love the fact that you did a freewrite here. bring it on, keep it coming! loving the connection <3 much love to you too and thank you for your affirmation/honoring in this comment. XO
I love this and soooooo feel you!!!!! shared this one. thanks mountainjewel
awww thank you!! yes, it's alllllll a part of it <3 to feel it all. thanks for sharing and being present :)
Thank you for sharing your vulnerability. Soulsharing!!! We love telling each other that being here is enough. And sometimes we don't even know why we feel like we're not enough...so we send love to our "not enoughness"...because it's enough to feel not enough...and worse if we shame ourselves for feeling not enough, lol!!! Thank you for showing up today!!!
haha!! thanks dear! i love your reflections!! and so much i feel this! to me, the entire spectrum of being human includes all of this at times. it's pleasant to always share and shine a light on our happy modes of being, but this, too, is a part of the experience. great words to send our love to our "not enoughness"! mmmm yes <3 thanks so much for stopping by and sharing your heart!
I think people are wired differently. They can be on their 2nd violin lesson and don't hesitate to say "Listen to what I learned!". And on their 3rd lesson they are performing at the nursing home and by the 4th lesson, they are teaching - because now they know more than almost everyone because most folks can't play violin at all. It's such an innate personality characteristic. The rest of us have to learn it, lol.
There are some communities that seem more accepting and supportive than others, too. That's why I identify as a forager and not an herbalist. In my own experience, the foraging community has been more open to anyone, from any walk of life. And is more focused on a shared enthusiasm about plants, food, and fun. The herbalism community seems to have more signaling about expertise, and judgement about lifestyle and roles. I have enjoyed every foraging event I've ever been to. But I have never come away from an herbalism event feeling better.
I've struggled with my views about herbalism vs. foraging for quite awhile, to understand them better. I still haven't quite sorted it all out and maybe I never will. But there is such a difference. When it comes to plants and nature, there's more to know than any one person can learn in an entire lifetime. So everybody's learning all the time. That's what makes it so fun and interesting.
wow i feel like you and i could have a great discussion on this two communities. i love how you shared how you felt after leaving the events. i think this type of "policing of enoughness" is huge, especially in alternative communities.
this is huge ^^^ and i think really the core of the topic. another steemian shared above that whatever "level" you're at, you can always share and teach those who know less than you. i think that pressure to "be an herbalist" or "be enough" to fit in in the herbal community (which can often feel a sort of eliteness or high standards) takes away from this very basic element of being connected to the earth/plants and sharing where you're at. your violin comment (LOL!) really plays ;) a chord... in that most of us have to learn to have that level of confidence. definitely a life-long thing for me as i don't initially strike out with a lot of confidence as a teacher.... anyway, really enjoyed your comment and, as i mentioned, it'd be fun to hash this out more with you!! take care. :)
Thank you for a great reminder, people can be so hard on them selfs.
Thank you for showing another side for yourself. It’s a breath of fresh air!
Life isn’t always sunshine and flowers, but the grayness that can swallow us whole.
Thank you so much for this!
<3 thanks so much for your kind words! it's so important, i think, to share alllll parts of ourselves. we're all human <3 xo
If you let that little voice that says "You are not good enough!" guide what you do, then what you will become is not good enough in the things you do. I think we all get that little voice telling us that when we are going to try something new or something that we are unsure of. I do it anyway because even if I mess it up the first time, sometimes it turns out great, I will get better as I continue doing whatever it is.