You Can Stop Clapping Now
I don't know why I chose that image to start with. I just picked something random from my massive library of images that I've produced over the years.
I'm not sure why I call it a library. I guess that makes me sound professional. It's really just a folder on a hard drive. It's not even organized. I'm pretty sure if a neat freak saw the way I "organize" things, they'd be in the hospital recovering from things that make their eyes twitch, for many many months.
Clapping is an annoying sound when there's only one person doing it.
I just thought everyone should know how I feel about that.
When I was in school, a friend and I would always challenge each other to be the last kid clapping. Eventually, one of us would get kicked out of the assembly and that's how you win. Many times I was led out of that gymnasium while receiving a round of applause because my asshole friend would start clapping just to win the stupid competition. The other kids were clapping because the other kids were clapping. You know how it is.
I think some people are allergic to clapping.
Have you ever noticed how when everyone finally stops beating their hands together like confused apes who can't find their chests, it gets quiet, but some dude can't stop coughing?
I've noticed this. I'd hate to be that guy who can't stop coughing.
Pro-tip: The best time to fart is during a round of applause. Nobody hears it and their hands act like fans.
Hey! Maybe that's why they call people who enjoy things, Fans.
Yup. I guess I figured that one out. You're welcome.
Anyway
That's about all I can really say today. I had no idea where I was going with this when I started and I think it took all of about twenty minutes to write so far.
So yeah. At least I'm being honest. I still hope you enjoyed this little piece of my brain today.
No, I'm not stoned. Just pretend I was sitting across from you at the bar and I didn't feel like making a good first impression. Those take too much effort.
I'll try to act normal for my next post. I've been working on a lot of new art lately but I can't seem to finish anything.
You'd think it would be wise to finish the art rather than coming here and making an ass out of myself, but that's simply not how I do things.
I ate a banana today. I try to eat one of those everyday. I'm sure if you look hard enough, you'll be able to find a post about someone taking their bananas quite seriously. You won't find that here. It's just a goddamn banana. I heard of a guy who got arrested for having sex with a banana on a bus. That's a true banana lover.
I should really get going.
Thank you! Thank you!
Have a nice day!
Bananas make me sick. I like the way they taste but they make me sick. I've heard that they make some people sick and I'm definitely one of those people. When it comes to getting sick and I'm eating a banana, then I usually suspect that the banana is the culprit.
If I find myself not getting sick and I'm not eating a banana then I ask myself.....are you eating a banana? 9 times out of 10 that answer is no.
On the off chance that it turns out that I am eating a banana even though I'm not eating a banana but I'm not getting sick but I find out that I actually am getting sick then there's a good chance that the banana that I'm not eating is actually a banana that I am eating.
I think the banana makes you sick because bananas make you sick. Bananas don't make me sick and I can tell because I don't get sick when I eat a banana. I can be around people who eat bananas and that helps because then I don't feel excluded.
Bananas are okay though. Maybe you're just doing it wrong.
according to my knowledge bananas do not make us sick, will automatically make us more energetic if run it.
You sound like you take your bananas seriously. :)
My brothers will love this one: "Pro-tip: The best time to fart is during a round of applause. Nobody hears it and their hands act like fans"
Pass it on. That's what Pro-tips are for! I can tell them, from experience, 100% foolproof, hands down, no way around it, best way to fart. You can push and nearly crap your pants. Nobody knows. Since everyone is waving their arms around like that Joker up there, you can even position your hands in a place that helps remove the evidence and those people are none the wiser. Mmm hmm.
hehe your post was entertaining :P lol yes i suppose that would be a good time to fart when everyone's clapping so they can't hear you lol Sounds like you were very cheeky when you were at school haha sounds like you had fun though. I'm not particularly a fan of banana's myself but i suppose that is because i used to be allergic to them lol But sometimes these are the best posts just talking about the first things that pop into your head :P Xx
Hi @melissakellie. Is this the first time you've visited me? I'm always writing posts like this and I have fun doing it. They say, "Be professional." Well, this is my version of professionalism. I'm quite happy with how it turned out and I get to make people smile. Speaking of smiles, I just checked out your blog. I think with that voice of yours you could sing a fart and make it sound good. :)
hey @nonameslefttouse Yes was my first time visiting :) I only joined steemit 2 weeks ago so a bit of a noob at the moment but i'll be working everyday on here so hopefully won't be a minnow for long :D I'm now following you... hahaha sing a fart you're hilarious :D i'm looking forward to following your steemit journey Xx
I'll tell you this right now: It's not easy. I'll tell you this too: I started at the bottom, just like you. I didn't know anyone, I didn't know anything, but I made it work. Hold on to as much of that money as you can. You got this far in life without it, so keep pushing forward. Don't expect anything. That way, when you get something, it feels that much better. If you see a dollar on the ground, you'll pick it up, right? You feel lucky when that happens. Does it happen everyday? Indeed it does, now. It'll be worth one hell of a lot more in the future though. Try your best to get there.
Even when I'm super sad your posts make me happy. #winning
Hang in there, Beth. Even when things aren't quite right, you still managed to do a good deed. No matter where we're at in life and even when things are going great, there's always room to feel better. Those words of yours made me feel better. Thank you for that.
It's indeed fun to go for that last clap! I often think of the horror an organised person would feel going through my grotesquely assembled "Library" as well... If my organization represents me, i'm a @!#%* mess!
They say Einstein was messy.
You know what this means!
We're geniuses.
I was waiting for the funny guy and here you are making everyone die out laughing ..everyone has faced all these situation ecspecially back benchers like me ....believe me when i advanced down this post i could not control my laughter ...and the best part the farting thing that was epic....
You have really done alot in your school life we too have done it but the way you have written it , the flow of writing it is completely awesome...
I think this post was worth posting...
Resteemed it...😁😘
I'm happy with how it turned out. What I truly did here was a form of improvised comedy. It's intentional, this is my post today. I just wanted to make people at least smile with a different form of humor. I'm happy to hear you enjoyed this mess today. I like doing this and that's just how it is.
This post was among your best ones...loved it so much ..maybe i am soo connected to what you said....made me nostalgic.....thanks man
I laughed at your folk etymology for "fan." I love those. I'm often very disappointed when I find out they're not real. Like the one about "S.H.I.T." standing for "ship high in transit." If there were ever any proof that there is no all-loving creator, it'd be that these stories are not real. They're too great to not be real.
I choose to believe.
I wish I were as good at "stalling" as you are. Your "stalling" posts are very entertaining on their own. My last attempt at that worked out okay. It was fun. I don't feel like doing it twice in a row though.
Commenting is much easier. I think it's because I work well when prompted for something to talk about. That's what I was trying to get at with my /r/writingprompts series... but it just felt forced. So I stopped.
Looking forward to that artwork you're finishing.
I've been wondering about that S.H.I.T. thing for awhile myself. Not enough to actually google it though. Maybe someday. It makes sense though, so what the hell! Why not...
I had to write something. These "stalling" posts are part of my style though. I can do it, so I do it.
I need to get out and comment more but I might have to hire another me to stay back and respond.
I never feel forced. The only thing guiding me, is me. Right now I have to take a piss. So I got up to take a piss before finishing this comment. That's how I roll.
So that's how the applause works. It's really hard to ventilate with ten thousand people auditorium farting at the same time (It's like a small hydrogen bomb).
That's why they ask them to applaud faster and not smoke in the hall.
I've never thought about it!
It all makes sense now, doesn't it!
On a computer, if files are in folders, I'm calling that organized. In my own real life, so many documents are not in folders. That's a lot messier. And on a computer, I can search all my files, without even knowing how they are organized. I'd like that in my real life, too! Enjoy all that organization in your library -- but since it's for your art, it's more like a gallery with some major storage rooms. A gallery without the snobby lady you wrote about earlier.
Maybe spending so much time doing menial tasks is what turns these people into snobs. I can have a big pile of what looks like random papers but I know exactly what's in there and I rarely actually need to look through the pile, so I'm not sure why I even have it. Just in case.
"what looks like random papers" -- I know that look! ; )
I enjoyed that. Here's a banana I found on the internet:
I've seen the actual short film that goes along with that image. Crazy stuff. I really enjoy that guy's sense of humor but I can't remember who it is now.
Don Hertzfeldt. Rejected is one of those iconic shorts you can never really forget. I first saw it when I was like 20 in college and I still have to go back and watch it every now and then because it's that great.
Speaking of iconic shorts, are you familiar with You Suck At Cooking? I can't remember if he does anything with bananas but it's a hilarious channel. I think the guy behind it is from Canada. You're not the guy behind it, are you?
You do have a way of making people smile
The clapping stuff i do it most times when everybody has stopped clapping i just continue
Its fun for me
It is fun though! That's all I can remember about it. I think I got yelled at for it a few times but whatever, I just remember the fun part. Now that I think of it though, watching people become angry over nothing is quite humorous as well.
I laughted so much with this post! Also there is always the guy that don't know when to clap, you know he clapps the wrong moment haha
Some people were just born to be awkward I think. I can picture it. Clapping! Looking around, nobody else is clapping, nervous look, stops. LOL! The world needs those people. So funny...
That's exactly what I was talking about hahaha, its so funny lol. Well there's a movie with a guy like that can you guess which one?
I thought of this for a bit; another time where it's not only appropriate, but welcome, to fart is when nerve gas is being throw at people and they need to find an uncontaminated enough source of air
You can fart at fuel depots too. I've done it before. They don't mind.
Good pro-tip.
I should be working my ass off too, yet, here I am.
I eat at least 1 banana before going to my badminton coaching. I like bananas.
I think that's actually why they're called fans. :0
Nonameslefttouse does it again.
Applause
I'm rarely impressed with myself but today... that changed for a few minutes. I truly enjoyed this post as much as everyone else. That's rare. Thanks for coming to my show of stupidity!
Nice to hear, some self love and appreciation is good for us!
Anytime.
You are an instant & constant source of laughter therapy for me since i followed you. You actually reminded of my old days (School days)when me and my class fellow used to do such mischief and our teacher always scolded us for this :D :D
I can understand why clapping is not a fun when we do it alone Hahahaha :D because we feel crazy inside :P :D
HA! It's hilarious, and true. Nobody claps when they're alone. The more I think about clapping, the stranger it becomes.
Hahahahahahaha yes it happens & makes me frighten sometimes :P :D
Nice pro tip; next time i will eat some boiled eggs and black beans a few hours before i get to an event. I will fart them untill dead!
At least now you know it's safe to do so and will never have to suffer from gas pains in public again.
That’s funny this clapping competition with your friend lol. Great advise when it is the best time to f..t. Your art of “Applause” looks like a toaster oven that never stops. Anyway this one made me laugh.
You didn't say fart. It's okay to fart. Everyone farts. Even grandmas fart. Serious!
Yes, just like I never called myself an asshole until I met you! Let’s fart all together and let’s make fart great again!
Freedom farts! I wrote that once, somewhere. I was standing up for women in comedy... because I think ladies do a fine job of being funny. I can't remember which post that was though.
I'm glad we have the freedom to fart wherever we want. Im having a terrible day but your story has cheered me up a few notches, thank you. I read this halfway, upvoted it, continued to read it and then tried to be upvote again.
Hey. Thanks for not thinking I was a dick for calling you a robot. I'm sorry about that. I won't make excuses for it either.
I was smiling all day for the comment you made yesterday, I am a theater artist and love to know about weird psychology and conflict in daily life over small things.
I don't have a comment worth posting today so i'll just fake it ;)
meow mEow meow meeow meow. Banana lives matter you silly Canadian. meow meow. Yes you where smoking you think a cat just talk to you. meeow meow meeeew.
They should hire you on at the circus. Talking cats... what's next! This future stuff is crazy!
Now if only I was a robot that make more sense! Hey now beep beep beep.
Are you backing up?
The booty must always have a proper back up.
So they are having sex with bananas and beating their chests while they fart so to be fanned. When the hell do they eat the bananas or are they not that oral? Good post.
I eat the bananas after the show is over I guess. Now that I think of it. I should have mentioned the banana first.
A post worthy of applause, even if just for the banana love anecdote. As for your post, you faked it pretty well. Not with the banana I mean. Just with words. On the screen. In a row, like ants. Searching for something, perhaps that banana.
And clapping is a strange thing. People have such varied ways of doing it. And no wants to be the first to stop, or the last to still be going. Except you and your mate. That was a genius use of teenage intelligence. I applaud you.
Well... we didn't have Ipods back then. We had no choice but to get creative. We'd sit there and high five each other when everyone else was clapping like normal kids too. Teachers would split us up so every time we'd settle in I'd hear, "Marco!" Then I'd say, "Polo!" Bats aren't the only ones who can use echo location skills.
Normal is overrated. I've tried it, not very good at it. I have my own kind of sonar for locating things. It usually involves me walking into it, then observing it exists in that location. Maybe i should try the Marco Polo echo test instead.
Yeah. Just yell at a couch incredibly loudly. You'll find it.
Seriously you didn't had anything to post and you still came up with such an entertaining post. I think you are a man of great insights. It's true that it's annoying when only one person is clapping, it looks like he is clapping for only himself and if an audience is clapping,well that could be justified.
Hahaha. About the fart, man you sure are a funny friend of mine, applause sure hides the sound of a fart but what about the bad smell. Lol.
I don't really think that you are stoned, I think that you are bored and have nothing to do. Anyways thank you for this entertaining morning. Cheers
It's not really boredom. I just have a unique approach to blogging, I guess. You're welcome!
"The best time to fart is during a round of applause. Nobody hears it and their hands act like fans." HAHAHAHAHAH I'm chokingg heree. Thanks. I'm glad your vacations lasted for like... 12 hours or less lol. We need good souls around.
I suck at taking vacations! I was telling someone the other day that's it's possible I came back but my brain stayed on vacation. This post might be considered evidence of that. I hope it comes back soon. Now I'm picturing a brain with a sun burn. What the hell is my problem!
Hahaha now you need to draw that, a brain on the beach. With sunglasses.
You know, I could probably do that! I think I have a brain around here somewhere.. in my "library".
Let me for the sake of not clapping alone clap with a one hand.. 😂😂
I remember one kid in school got caught clapping with one hand in a washroom stall. Turns out he wasn't actually clapping.
Heyy man don't call him a kid. Otherwise he will just shiver a shower of liquid platinum all over in anger..
That could get messy.
Stay away from the shit.
Ahaa.. you made me feel nostalgic.
And I forgot to eat a banana, I should get going, need the carbs
Have one for me!
me gusta mucho tu manera de ingeniarte un post, a pesar de no tener ideas haces el esfuerzo por publicar algo y vaya que es bueno, eres una persona muy talentosa, por tus imágenes escrituras y creatividad a la hora de escribir de verdad que te admiro amigo @ nonameslefttouse
Thanks a lot. I honestly don't know what I do right though. I just talk. I think anyone can do this. It's fun and I like having fun. That's all it boils down to.
Y eso es importante, sin darte cuenta hablas sobre temas interesantes que me llaman mucho la atencion :D
Everyone applaud, faster, faster! Yes, feels good!
I am catching up with your posts. On Sundays you seem more bored.
I never fart, I only have gold come out of my asshole.
You seem annoyed by people congratulating each other and giving heads here on steemit! Am I right?
If people are critical they get flagged, so there is a general licking each other butt but also a genuine input to do more.
I try to respond to everyone, so it is annoying when people come along to say bullshit. It doesn't make sense or cents. They waste my time wasting their own time. Nothing wrong with being genuine and honest. ...and you're right. Sundays are boring for me. I don't know why.
I don't have a comment worth posting today i will just fake it That just funny
faking is something that is heavily on steemit, and the irony is that fake things trend... lol
It is ironic in a way. I didn't really fake it. How can you fake this?
I'm not talking about you mate, you have done it very first time, i refer to those who fake usually...
It's not really "fake". It's a public figure persona. It's fake, but it's not fake.
I also think some people are allergies to clapping, I think teachers are the best example
Oh I know they're allergic. Soon enough we'll have warning labels on the back of seats warning people not to clap because of allergies. Don't clap! He'll die!
Hahaha
Good post
This comment deserves a round of applause!
That was an amazing comment! How do you do it? What's your secret? Tell us!
I think this comment made me laugh more than the post today. The sound of a hi-5 is sort of like a clapping sound but, the internet version isn't quiet a reasonable facsimile of the real thing. Still...
You got me! Ha! I forgot I'm using the touchscreen. I ended up bringing up the submenu somehow and forcing half of my browser to display gibberish which I do not understand. Next time, warn people about how your high fives come with consequences.
If the touch screen touches you back, then it's time to worry... lol
haha love that reply!
i have read your post the comments and i assume that you have made people happy smiling
Yes. Happy smiling.
You deserve standing ovation.
I think if we concentrated on how our hands felt after clapping, there would be less of it. It's kind of a weird feeling. Try it.
Haha, the "clapping-challenge" is super funny!!! I will challenge my brothers next time.
About the content?!?! The result of this post is great... you know, I post about an unemployed mannequin, so that's most of my content.
Big hug from Switzerland
Lucas and Steemitri The Mannequin
your publications take me out of reality for a moment
I enjoyed that you mentioned that bananas are just goddamned bananas..
I enjoyed my write up about bananas. So much fun.
https://steemit.com/food/@nickmorphew/how-to-get-the-most-out-of-bananas-firm-and-fresh-to-mushy-melancholia