This is something I get asked all the time by clients. Seriously, I mean ALL THE TIME. It’s the most common question I get from women, especially.
And it’s not just a question, it is a concern powered by intense fear of judgment and backlash - everyone wants to look fit, but not TOO fit. It seems as though being muscular and also feminine are mutually exclusive in the minds of most women.
I have to have this conversation with basically every female client I work with to start to dispel the rumors and do away with the incorrect information they’ve been fed through traditional media outlets and hearsay for their entire lives.
I’ve even had clients inadvertently look me up and down as they ask me about it, obviously concerned that if they do anything more than endless cardio that they’ll all of a sudden wake up one day with a body like mine, heaven forbid!
I’m just teasing, I love my body. And I consider myself to be very feminine. Although I don’t compete in fitness competitions on stage or bodybuild for the sake of aesthetics, my muscular physique was built as a by-product of many years of participation in elite-level athletics and living a lifestyle that supports performance and body adaptation for the specific goal of success in sport, so I know what it takes.
Did it happen fast? No. Was it easy? Hell no.
But I have more muscles than most women, and probably more than many women want, and that’s ok with me. Every person’s goals are different, and I respect that. Just trying to provide a little reality here about the muscle gain misconception.
It’s true though that most female models, even those labeled “fitness models,” are pretty slender, streamlined, and not overly shredded. I get it. The ideal body type in American culture isn’t necessarily a healthy, ripped, athletic-looking lady.
The skinny, long-and-slim types are still on magazine covers, selling clothes, and telling you how you should try to look in order to be accepted. Beauty standards in our society have definitely changed and relaxed a little over the past few years, but old opinions die hard!
So what does “bulky” mean, exactly? By asking that same question of so many clients over the years, I’ve realized that when they use that term they mean that being lean is ok, and so is being chiseled and cut, as long as you don’t look too “big” or “manly.”
It’s makes me a little sad that a strong body could ever be the cause of shame for women, and not the badge of honor and source of pride that I find it to be. I could go on about that for awhile, but I digress…
What I’m saying is, I wish it was more commonly known that it’s just not that easy to put on muscle. The fact that so many people believe it’s just going to “happen” to them by doing a little bit of training, although nobody means it that way, is actually borderline insulting to the work ethic and intelligence of much of the fitness community.
People spend literally YEARS working their asses off, controlling every detail of their exercise regimen and nutrition tirelessly for just a few measly pounds of muscle. So for the general exerciser, thinking that any fluctuations we see on the scale are due to muscle gain is hardly ever the case - water, diet, and sleep are almost always the true culprits.
Are you going to start a strength training program, snap your fingers, and instantly look like a bodybuilder overnight? Probably not. I hate to be the bearer of bad news if that’s what you actually want, but pursuing fitness without tailoring your workouts and nutrition to the specific goal of gaining muscle mass will generally not produce the effect of looking “bulky” in the way that is so widely feared by so many women, and desired by so many men. Sorry dudes, but the same goes for you - if you want to, you will get there. But it’s not going to be easy and it’s NOT going to be an accident!
For general fitness clients who just want to rock the shit out of a little black dress or feel great in board shorts at the beach, I promise that lifting weights will help you get that bangin’ bod you’ve always wanted - lean, firm, balanced.
But no, doing some curls will not make your biceps immediately explode through your shirt, and doing that set of squats last week did not make your quads noticeably bigger.
If anything, even strength-based exercise usually makes people appear SMALLER as they burn fat and reveal the muscle they already have, which is much more compact pound-for-pound.
So here’s a little tough love for the takeaway: unless you’re actively trying to, you’re just not putting on muscle that fast. It’s most likely all in your head. Don’t freak out.
And what’s so bad about having a little extra muscle mass anyway? I don’t mean you have to be a huge rippling ball of steel or anything - having even a little more muscle on your frame means you burn more calories at rest (bonus!!), adds attractive contours to your body, and allows you to do more activities for longer as you get older. You’ll be more capable, healthier, more shapely, and age more gracefully - what’s not to love?
Got some questions? Fire away!
And please feel free to comment, upvote or resteem if you like :)
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very good muscles and I really like her, although muscular but still feminine for successful women always
Love your perspective, thanks friend! :)
you are wellcome
A lady friend of mine had the same thought process where she thought muscles = ugly. Now that she's well informed, she's addicted to working out haha and oh nice abs btw ;)
Interesting, isn't it? I love that social media is really bringing fitness and strength to the forefront, especially for women. Good things are happening! Glad to hear your friend has changed her mind and found happiness in fitness! All bodies are beautiful, muscular or not - but I always like hearing of people who share my passion :) thanks for sharing that and for your comment!
I thought that this myth had died already, I guess not... 😅 It's a bit odd for me that women are worrying about getting bulky or too muscular all of sudden, when in reality it takes so much time and effort! But I think it also depends on your body type, some people gain muscle and fat lot easier than others. Great article! 😊
I totally agree, body type is definitely a factor - I wish I'd remembered to mention that! :) thanks so much for your kind words and comment!
Moving coffee sacks around is my work out, but you might like to check out @aussieninja , @cygon and @mstafford I know those boys do lift.
#thealliance
Thanks dude! You're amazing!
Awesome, dude! Thanks for the suggestions! And I've done sandbag workouts before, so if it's anything like that then moving those big bags of coffee around must be no joke! :)
This really speaks to how inaccurate the common perceptions that people have of fitness are. It's like lifting weights for a week will get someone into fighting shape. If only it were that easy... :D
But I'm glad that more women are embracing their strength and allowing themselves to show it off. Hopefully people will eventually come to learn and respect the tremendous efforts involved.
I see no conflict at all between obvious physical strength and femininity. When watching clips of cross fit competitions, it's always fun to see these women in their element as competitors and still be so cool and playful in between.
So not to ramble, but it's awesome to see someone with your look as a possible example for other women (and men) of optimal fitness. My hope is that it becomes more understood / appreciated. My guess is it will become more accepted and inspire others as the trend to fulfill our true potential as humans continues to grow.
Thank you so much for your thoughtful response! I'm happy to hear you feel this way and I so appreciate your kind words :) happy to find another kindred spirit on here! Following you now! :)
Well said.
you are beautiful as you are. dont ever change that
This is so true!
My girlfriend is always like "Oh noo, I don't want to lift weights because I'm going to get too bulky and muscular!"...
I'm just here like
Hahaha! That's hilarious :) thanks for the vote of confidence! Regardless of whether she lifts weights or not, I'm sure you make your girlfriend feel beautiful on the daily! :)
I absolutely love love love this post! i struggle with dealing with my best friend when she thinks she'll "bulk" up if she lifts heavier weight...she's actually a personal trainer at 24hourfitness. I laugh every time. I always tell her my muscles didn't pop up over night.
So I definitely feel your frustrations lol
Thank you so much! Haha l love that you encourage your friend to go for it! It's funny that as a trainer she still holds on to that mentality - maybe ask her to try heavier weights with you and tell her she can stop if she doesn't like the effects, maybe she'll be pleasantly surprised! ;) thanks for the support and for reading!!
Haha I totally would have her workout with me if we lived on the same island. She's across the pacific in Cali. But I'm always telling her lol
Great post!
I know some women that think like that.
I will show this post to a friend.
Would like to see you keeping up this kind of content.
That’s why I leave you a follow. :)
Regards
Jason
Thanks, Jason! You're awesome :) I will definitely do my best to keep creating helpful and enjoyable content - it's been so much fun so far! I'm going to follow you back - looking forward to it! Thanks for the comment and support! :)
Here's something to consider: Why would a woman want to be attractive to people who don't find strong women attractive?
Do they really think they'll get more respect, attention, care, or love from people if they look like a damsel in distress?
Interesting question! Definitely something to ponder.
It's my wish that all people arrive at a place where they feel attractive, confident, and happy, whatever that means to them. I do my best to encourage those around me, to help if I can, and to bust a myth or two here and there along the way :)
Thanks for your comment and the food for thought!
This is such a big mental issue in sports like Track & Field at the college level it isn't even funny. Female athletes are often so scared of getting "too big" and scared they won't be hot anymore but in reality the kind of guys they would be interested in probably aren't intimidated by an athletic woman with muscles. It isn't like they are going to want a chubby little beta male who plays World of Warcraft all day.
That being said everyone has their preferences of what they are into and what their ideal body is in their mind. That has clearly been warped by photoshopped Instagram models or people on gear.
One thing I typically see fit girls do is get fake boobs and in my head like like NOOOOOOO. A girl doesn't have to have big boobs to be hot. It is their choice but honestly a fit girl who doesn't have huge boobs can be so sexy.