He's with you tho and I think that's the best thing. I wish he realizes this too but we are all different... And also, I'm more like you! :)
I only need him, my family, and the cashiers at the supermarkets.
About me, lol, I was going to take a boxing or zumba class then I remember my anxiety lol. The other day I literally ran from the condo swimming pool just because I was surrounded by men, lifeguard calling me me even. Triggers everywhere... I panicked.
TBH I really just want to be able to enjoy things alone w/o catching unwanted attention (because you know, I was alone). People can see when I don't have a prince charming to take to the pool. It sucks. It sucks I have to get someone to be my pretend bf because I want to swim and I don't have the courage to face another anxiety attack. I will soon take therapy before I partake in any activities.
Take the local book club for example. They meet every Tuesday at the top pub. I was going to go, but remember I'm one of those unusual people that feel edgy if I'm around others too much,
Anyway, it is really good you have someone with you. And you have your family. And supermarket cashiers lol. That's a lot of human connections already!
Oh darling I feel for you so much. I know that feeling, and though I haven't experienced what you have, I feel like that when I go to school, which for me is the only way I can earn good money. My body goes into panic mode with PTSD and it's all I can do to get to the end of the day. I get two days done and I have to take rest of week off. The body's trauma makes life so hard. I know what it means to be edgy in company xxx but at the same time long for a normal life with normal connections.
I feel like after that exposure or spending time some around people, I feel so depleted. I need friends who won't consume mental and physical energy.
Anyway thanks for this post. I know I am not alone. I'm working on improving and healing myself however difficult. :)
Healing is a life long journey, my friend. Baby steps and self care xx