A couple days ago I wrote a short list of a few things I feel should be more (or less) prevalent in society and you can see it here if you would like. A few commenters added some of their own things to the list which was cool, and while I understand that different cultures have different acceptable behaviours and tolerances I feel like pretty much everything on the list I are relevant to all humans, generally.
I've been thinking about a similar concept in the last few days - things that I feel should apply to families right now that would help them pull closer together.
What's acceptable to the family unit is dependent on a few things like socio-economic and cultural factors, age and make up of the family unit, whether it's a blended family, large or small, and other such things but in a world where ( I think) the family unit feels somewhat fractured (certainly when compared to the past) and less cohesive I think most of the things below could fit any family in modern society and would be of benefit to help draw it closer together.
So, here's a little list:
- Show affection regularly and through actions, gestures and words
- Take the time to share a positive thing each day with another family member
- It's everyone's responsibility to maintain cleanliness and tidiness in shared spaces
- Greet each other each morning with kindness and warmth, it starts the day off right
- Celebrate together, the small achievements and milestones as well, not just the large
- Don't railroad others, give each family member an opportunity to express themselves
- Don't criticise, instead, offer constructive feedback and dialogues - Even when arguing
- Allow each member to have their own space, private time, and respect those moments
- Always apologise for wrongdoings when required, saying sorry is a show respect and care
- Be courteous because doing so becomes a habit that will extend to others outside the family unit
- Give everyone a chance to choose the movie or TV show, select the game to play or activity to do
- Eat meals together regularly with no TV and no mobile phones - converse and connect instead
- Be willing to help without being asked and make a family member's day easier where possible
- Be fair and equitable with the distribution of chores so that everyone shares the workload
- Celebrate each family member's individuality even though it may not align with your own
- Be honest and forthright, but not destructive with opinions and thoughts towards others
These items are far from everything a family unit should or should not be doing but I think it's a good start and with some additions that are specific and unique to each family I think it's a good set of guidelines for any family to work towards. I don't know what holds families together, it's different for each one, but I know that families that are more closely bonded, that are more together, will be happier than those that are not.
Would you add any to this list and if so what and why? Feel free to comment with your items below or simply to comment generally.
Design and create your ideal life, tomorrow isn't promised - galenkp
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I might add...don't get so drunk you fall off the lavatory onto the bathroom floor and block the door so that the rest of the family has to resort to peeing in the garden. Or perhaps you've already covered this under it's everyone's responsibility to maintain cleanliness and tidiness in shared spaces:)
Well, believe it or not, I wrote that exact thing as dot points one but knew you'd write it also so decided not to steal your thunder. I know, I'm a gentleman.
That you are m'dear...indubitably!
Indubitably. Such a great word.
What's wrong with peeing in the garden? 🤣
Not so much, unless your very close neighbour has motion-activated spotlights!:)
That just adds to the fun!
But I'm the shy retiring type. I don't like to show my ass in public.
Bathrooms blocked again? Peeing outside..?
Must be Tuesday growing up on the Pennsyl-Tucky farm. Damn drunks...
All very good points. It should be second nature to practice every one of the items on your list. It sounds easy, but shortcomings inevitably appear. Luckily, the core of my family is close by and tight knit.
We used to have large family reunions every year, one for each side of the family. These gatherings were treasured for the opportunity to all be in one place at the same time. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and second cousins would all come together bringing food, fun and tales of things that were going on in their own family nucleus.
It was the old ones that kept the tradition alive but now that they are gone it is not the same. Families are stretched out and so immersed in their own lives that the connection just isn't there.
Times change but the family should be your rock, even if your rock is fractured into a hundred pebbles
It sounds like you folks knew how to stay connected which is nice. Those big family reunions always seemed to me like a lot of fun but I never had one I'm sorry to say.
The family unit seems to be breaking down somewhat, splintering, and I don think that's a good thing at all.
Not a good thing for sure. Current times should lead people to cling tighter to their families, but society seems bent on chiseling them into smaller and smaller pieces. Each person has to take responsibility to practice those things on your list.
You make a good point and yeah, why do they fracture when they should be tighter? Maybe it's the greener on the other side of the hill syndrome? Not valuing what's right there in preference for "something better" elsewhere? Nuts!
In their never ending search for 'something better' they'll never find anything but loneliness. I feel sad for people always on the run, looking for belonging, for the next shiny thing. Truth is, they're probably not running to find something new, but running away from their own shortcomings. Maybe...I don't know..I'm no psychologist😂
I agree and I'm not a psychologist either.
Very good list, I value family ties very highly.
I have a small family of 3 only, but for that I'm working day and night to keep the bond between us as strong as possible.
This is my favorite line out of the list as this I find the hardest to do. It sounds simple to follow this rule, but in the moment it's hard to remember.
Thank you, I think it's a good start as far as what families can do to become more cohesive and connected; I'm sure there's other tings specific to each different family but I reckon this is a good base.
I'm glad you picked out that line because I think so many do that one wrong and the ramifications of it can be far-reaching; I also agree, it's not an easy one to adhere to, but sometimes the best tings we can do are those that are hardest.
and when moved away, make sure you are checking in with each other.
My oldest son still calls me almost every other morning on his drive into work. The youngest texts (generational thing I guess) about the same frequency some type of joke or video he thinks I will find funny. If I don't hear from them, I will usuallu hit them up.
Yep, staying in tough on a personal level (not publicly on Facebook) is really important to maintain and nurture the relationships.
It sounds like y'all have a good thing going. ✅
I think we do. Esepcially with the oldest. I missed a great deal of his younger years, so I am so glad we can be close now.
Deployment costs a person in so many ways right?
It can, but at least I am able to talke to my kids and they are able to talk to me. You know what I mean.
I have been trying to use the "praise" more often.
As I have said before..:
Those words or phrases were just not part of my upbringing. My father was brutally verbally abusive. Nothing was ever Good enough. Criticisms were quick and harsh.
So thanking people and telling the few in my life I still associate with that they are appreciated and loved seems like it should be done often. They probably think I have lost my mind.
It can be difficult, especially so when one has come from an abusive background as you mention...but it's a choice I guess. Perpetuate the behaviours or change them...which is what you've done and are doing. Keep doing it, habits form.
Thanks Bro!
You are pretty awesome!!
^^ See ^^ 👀 what I did right there..?
Just eyeballing your topics for the WE. Upon a quick hand check it appears my genitalia is still there.
So what to write about? We shall see...
It's good to hear no dick dropppage has occurred, it's probably not as fun as it sounds.
Hi @galenkp, I agree that families are increasingly fractured, and I would add that there is a great interest in attacking the family. The list seems to me spectacular, and I think very detailed. I would add one more element. Storytelling. I remember how happy I was when my grandfather or my mother told me one. However, what I see nowadays with a lot of sadness is that many parents follow the most comfortable path, like leaving the child in front of a screen instead of sharing a moment and a reading.
I like the idea of storytelling and have fond memories of my dad's stories when I was a kid; he'd make them up (always too adventurous for bed time) and with a little imagination (his and mine) they really came to life.
Screen time is pretty much it these days for so many kids which is a real shame.
I really like this answer, it makes me feel less of a weirdo.
Good night, Galen.
You mean like in the bad old days?
Lol, yeah some see it that way. Give me the old days over now though; today's world is bonkers.
The list is like a small manual for quality family life, applicable to the whole society 👌
I would translate (or add to the list) these two as:
Put the seat down on the toilet every time before you leave the toilet (applies to us men) 😀
Kiss your wife, your partner, girl every morning and tell her "I love you"
Yep indeed, there's a lot of things people/families should be doing, all usually very easy, which can have a really positive influence on the family unit. You list a couple good ones, well done.
I feel like I am really lucky to have grown up when I did. We always had dinner as a family in the evening and on the weekends unless I was doing something with friends. We also didn't have to worry about as many of the distractions that people have today. My dad worked in a factory, so when he clocked out for the day he was done. We didn't have to share our time with him and work. My mom was a stay at home mom, so that was another benefit. The world today is hard for sure. It takes a lot more effort and commitment I think.
There's lot of reasons families don't have what you described and a lot of reasons why...those reasons don't negate the need for a strong family unit though I think.
Yes, that is a good point.
Good list. It's been a while (years) since I felt so 'close' to any of my family.. well maybe my mom cuz now she has dementia and follows me around like a puppy..
I lost my dad to dementia and for the last couple of years of his life he didn't know who I was for all but a few moments here and there. So, I understand how difficult that can be,
😎👊 we live..
You have made a very comprehensive list and I agree with you very much, I think that all this would help families firstly to be truly family and not strangers and secondly to come closer together.
I would add:
I think they are included in yours but I thought they were important.
Thank you Galen!
Yeah, quite similar to mine but it's good to reiterate.
I hope you had a good day!
Thursday= Homemade pizza! Hug!
I love the list, I'm adding this to my list " celebrate each members individuality even though it doesn't align to my own"
I'm glad you liked it. 😊
This is a great list. Families need that connection now more than ever
I agree, so many are disconnected for various reasons.
The list is a very thoughtful one. I agree with most of them.
Coincidentally, I was discussing with a friend last week about having family time without TV and mobile phones. We have actually done away with TV but the mobile phone is tough one.
It's all about choice and understanding what one wants to achieve and create within the family unit.