The Ultimate Guide to Fade Out of Existence on Hive

edprivat (74)in Comedy Open Mic • 3 years ago (edited)

I know what you're thinking. "Ed, I am tired of success, I can't take the attention no more, I want to disappear into the blockchain abyss, what can I do?"

Say no more my friend, I got your back.

This is something, that people will remember for the rest of their lives, the moment they discovered the "Ultimate Guide to Fade Out of Existence on Hive" (ive ive ive) (that's the echo).

They'll be saying things like "where were you when you heard about the Ultimate Guide?", and people will be saying "I was on the throne" and stuffs like that.

Be prepared to be amazed, this is the guide to make sure that you won't be noticed, probably ignored, and possibly help your start a new life somewhere else.

1 - Don't Put too much effort into it

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The devil is in the lack thereof details...

You've been working for 4 months on your post about your free energy device that will solve the world energy crisis, and your other cure-for-cancer post, but today I don't want none of that thang, it's time to relax, and not...Trying...Too...Hard.

If you can also try not to make too much sense in your post, It will increase the overall confusion and ensure that you bring on indifference.

Something under 100 words, is always an easy way to be ignored, especially if you.....Stretch it with supracali...Supraca...supercalifragilisticexpialidocious words.

2 - Use as many stock images as you can, and no source

The classic coin that is a plant, so ingenious, yet very much underused

I cannot put enough emphasis on this, I see a lot of people using their own images, doing amazing thumbnails, and you know what happen? They get engagement, votes, eyes, yikes...

It's disgusting!

We are looking for that 1st-page-of-any-free-stock-photos websites, it really goes hand in hand with number one, don't put too much effort in searching something unique, make sure that your post look exactly like 100 other posts, you will blend in like Solid Snake in a Cardboard box.

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3 - Blame other people (for anything)

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If you're lucky and your audience is in a good mood, you might even get some downvotes, which will bring your even less eyes on your posts. Watch out though, by blaming a specific type of people about a certain subject, you might accidentally rally the opposite camp and get an upvote, and we don't want none of those.

Getting upvotes might even get you money, and mama told me that money is dirty, so that's why I don't want any.

4 - Ask people to upvote your post

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This one is an easy one. Don't even wait to interact with them in the comment section, maybe try a generic sentence at the end of your post like "And Don't Forget to give me 100% upvote, or you won't get a cookie", it might really piss some of them off, and they might even mute you, which is the ultimate badge of honor if you want to disappear quicker than beer on Saint Patrick's Day.

5 - Tag as many people as you can

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OOH boy, by now, I am pretty sure nobody have read your post. One guy even skipped it, muted you, and downvoted everything that you posted this week, you might even be on their auto downvote trail, but this isn't enough.
You want to federate, you want to unite people under one flag, fueled by the hatred they will feel for you.
Tag everyone and anyone, people that you don't even know, and make sure your post is asking for an upvote, you will send a strong signal about what type of individual you are, if you have a shitty product to sell, now is the time.

6 - Don't be specific, don't be personal

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If you can stay as vague as possible, it will allow people not to relate.
I strongly suggest that you try not to set a tone, throw one or two general truth in there, to show that you have no interest in partaking in human activities like having feelings, and sharing experiences.
Instead, saying something that someone already said in every possible ways, will cement that sense of mediocrity.

Which leads us to the next bullet point...

7 - Use Quotes!

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In the same spirit of staying as vague as possible, use a quote that everyone hates, or that only someone with self inflicting pain habits would enjoy.
If you can make a quick montage, with a sunset picture, or even better find one that someone else did, and steal it.

Speaking of which...

8 - Steal Someone Else's Content

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Someone else made a great article, not everyone loved it, but you don't care about that, and still decide to steal the entire post, using the same title, and not changing one single word.

Perfect...It's genius!

Hell, be bold and use the same picture too! Now if you're unlucky, you might get lucky and get paid, but I can ensure you that stealing other people content will eventually pay off, to get your ass handled on a platter, and obliterated to nonexistence.

9 - Talk about touchy subjects

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I would suggest to start with an insult in the title, and then develop point by point in the body of your post.
There are numerous subjects that will get you certain indifference, surprisingly it looks like anything Truth related, might not be the best option, because we have a lot of people fighting for freedom here, and free speech, and the same amount of people fighting for mass appeal, so all in all they're cancelling each others out, a bit like the 2 Joes (get it?).

Instead, talk in details about your big toe infection, your herpes, even just a generally vague post about herpes should be more than enough and won't be touched with a 10 foot pole.
Here are other subject ideas for post: My Erectile disfunction, I "accidentally" killed your cat, monochrome sunsets, I am washing my old pickle jar.

10 - Have a personal Vendetta against a more powerful user

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If you still have a few devoted users enjoying your herpes posts, there's really only one option left by now, self destruction.
The best way to do that, it to go bomb a comment section of a Hive user with influence, hot blooded, and constantly checking their notification.
Make sure to tag them in the title, if you can add a little insult, it won't hurt your downvote street cred.

By now, you should have a reputation of around -43, you've mastered the art of playing the game in an ironic way, and when people ask you what you doing on the weekend, you can proudly say "not much", and you ain't lying...

11 - No punctuation, no formatting

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One big paragraph with no punctuation is a safe option don't even try to press that "," to make it breathe what's important is for the eye to eventually get bored almost in a state of hypnosis and slowly drift away people will start thinking of their day their jobs and even their wives anything but what's written in the post to seal the deal you kan start maykun obvias gramatikal miss steaks.

12 - Secret Atomic Weapon: Copy and Paste the same comment, to everyone on the platform

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This one, should only be used if it's your last post before complete disappearance, if you are planning on faking your own death for example.
You don't even have to look at what the content is about, something like that will ensure that you are erased from this time line:

"I am my name is Schrödinger, I have tiny little people living in my head, amazing post as usual, especially the pictures".

(slowly fades out of existence)

Edit: Woops I forgot to tag someone!
@ablaze you're a funny lad!

#comedyopenmic #comedy #ultimateguide #funny #hahaha #whyyouaintlaughing #bro #quantum #physics