It's been a while since I have written about my mental health update and treatment process. I often consider words before writing about my mental health because some words might not be appropriate for the readers to know. Sometimes it's not a good idea to reveal all of my secrets because it might be disturbing for the readers as well. Writing precisely about obsessive thoughts and aggression might create a wrong idea among people as well.
I have been feeling a bit better lately but yes, it's not like every day I feel the same. Sometimes extreme anxiety or panic attacks put me in such a situation where not only it's hard to control the feelings but also I deal with my depression as well. I regularly go to my psychologist, once a week; The session stays for 1 and a half-hour. We talk about many things related to the past present and future, and sometimes prepare charts, life goals, reflections of the past, and achievements. It helps me to understand my condition and motivates me to go forward because I have a fear that I might collapse anytime and can go into the darkness easily. I sometimes feel so delicate and vulnerable because of different circumstances in daily life.
For example, I often face incidents when I walk with my dog Gigi. Especially with one person I often face difficulties with the communication and that conversation ends up in arguments. I am not going to write about the situation thoroughly because I already discuss this situation with my doctors. I am still not ready to deal with the people and society but I inspire myself every day to do something for myself. I do normal activities, go out for a walk. Sometimes I go to another city as well to bring changes to my routine life.
I have a lot of time now and my psychologist told me to do activities to finish my day. More activities mean more energy and fewer thoughts. Obviously, inspiring myself to do activities and find something to do daily is quite challenging. My body, mind, and brain don't cooperate with each other often so that's a big struggle.
I sometimes accidentally or coincidently meet my co-workers who used to work with me and often this meet-and-greet gives me anxiety. I can't stop thinking. Besides, I haven't received any trauma therapy so far because of the long waiting list and my psychologist's job is to keep me stable in daily life. Well, I would say she is trying her best to keep me stable. The current goal is to prevent obsessive thoughts and to look at the bright side of life. I honestly don't know how my mental condition is currently.
But if I reflect on my past few weeks and compare my before and after condition; I would say I am doing much better.
People have a misconception about the individual who is dealing with mental health issues. Most of people think that if I person is dealing with mental issues, that means they are crazy. Even some people consider me crazy instead of understanding the fact. That's why it is very difficult for me to trust people as either people think it's all in my head or I am making things all up. It often breaks my heart when I face such kind of criticism.
Many people don't know my story, my background, and about my life. It's easy to assume something about an individual and give it a thought (more like criticism). But I am the one who is suffering every day. I realized that it's better to open up in front of my doctors rather than share my situation with someone I know (in person/surrounding). I cannot handle judgemental opinions.
Anyway, a couple of days ago I had to go to Dan Haag HS to do some document work. No matter whether I am sick or not, document work cannot wait. To be honest, I didn't feel good that day when I was in Dan Haag HS due to stress and anxiety. It was like I went to the destination, finish the work, and came back. The good thing was the destination was not far away from Dan Haag HS central.
I took some photos while walking towards my destination.
It was not so pleasant day for me, but it was okay.
It's been almost 3 months since I have been dealing with depression, PTSD, and other mental issues. Many might think why I am still not fully recovered but it takes time. It's not like I am not trying, I am trying my best to cooperate and trying to push myself out of the boundaries but some things I cannot control. I cannot control my thoughts, mind, and emotions. I feel like a baby who is learning how to walk; I have to understand and motivate myself once again because my mental breakdown was severe. I felt worthless and meaningless but now I hope to live once again. It's not easy when your mind is more into negativity than positivity. The day when I will be able to gather my lost confidence again and will learn to handle myself confidently, that day will be a victory for me...
Love
Priyan...
I am @priyanarc.... An architect, a dreamer, and a passionate writer who loves to write about life. I try to present my own perspective and experiences. Please leave your feedback and criticism because it's the only way I can know and reach your mind and thought easily...
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All images used are captured by the author...
That day is getting closer and closer! I am so happy to read that you continue to give yourself to treatment and resume activities, trusting that life will be kind to you again.
Do you know something? You deserve everything good that happens to you, you are valuable as you are and I send you a warm hug full of strength to accompany you on those walks through the streets. Keep up, you’re doing great. ❤️🤗
!LUV !HUG
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It feels safe talking to somebody who doesn't judge me or know me, I can feel more open and I think that helped a lot. It is difficult but I am now keeping faith on myself and I always tell myself that I will be better soon...
Yes, it is important to be comfortable and trust the people to whom you have to tell your intimacy. I'm glad you can do it with them. ❤️
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Sending virtual hugs to you. I may not fully understand what you are going through but I hope that soon you will be better, you will be okay, you will find your positive self that can appreciate everything in life.
There are also circumstances in my life that I cry because of myself, because I am thinking about things negatively until I found myself crying only because of my own thinking. I cant understand why but that emotion will always pass atleast once a month. I am emotionally so weak in that days. But I am still thankful that there is the word of God that reminds me to be grateful for everything and trust Him and everything will be okay.
I just hope that your improvements will continue until you feel better and think better and think positively. Never mind those people who judges your situation. Just focus on yourself improvement.
Thank you so much for such thoughtful feedback. I wrote about my issue before that's why in this post, the problem is not very clear. I have been dealing with severe mental breakdown and taking treatment now both psychotic and psychological. I couldn't handle enormous stress and pain so it just happened, unfortunately. I also feel weak emotionally and I am happy that you understood my situation despite unclear writing. Thank you once again...
I wish you a good weekend...
We all have emotional and mental problems only others are worst and other are just a little bit but we are all fighting to recover and have a positive mindset. Keep on improving. Keep safe
Completely agree with you dear...
That you are feeling better, even a little, is excellent news.
In many parts, there are people who think that if you are in therapy or mental treatment, they believe that the person is crazy. It's already annoying, but there's no remedy.
Don't feel bad for those people, just keep moving forward and you can leave all those negative people behind.
The photographs are very good, I really enjoy the images that you share with us in your publications.
I wish the best for you.
yes, different people have different opinions and some cannot take it well or seriously because the pain doesn't visible in front of others.
For now, I am just focusing on myself and on my healing process. I believe things will eventually get better in time...
It is good that you improve, even if there is still a way to go, all progress is good.
I was thinking about dealing with people, and I can assure you that dealing with people is not an easy task. Personally, I can also have various disagreements that lead us to discussions.
I was struck by the photo showing the light poles that have what looks like a flower basket near the top, I had never seen that kind of pole.
Well, I wish you that everything improves, and even better if it improves in the near future 😊
!GIF good wishes
Stay !ALIVE
!LOLZ
!PGM
!LUV
!CTP
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I saw this kind of lamp pole first in Ukraine. One of the parks had that and they look so pretty.
About being social, I really don't know how I am gonna achieve that. It's difficult...
@priyanarc...
And we know you will... and remember... so many of us love you, and send you nothing but positive energy, and good vibes. Say It with me...
#tomorrowisthegoal
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Thank you Wes and because of all the love and support, I am recovering and start trusting myself once again...
You have entered a sandstorm and will come out of it differently than you went in. It is very very hard work to learn to deal with obsessive thoughts so that they don't bother you any more. When you get to that point, your mind becomes calmer.
Lots of strength and love.
Thank you @janelle-anderson but the recovery process is really long and I feel like this phase of life never gonna end. Some days are good and I feel good but some days are really difficult to deal with.
I understand that well @priyanarc, I know the feeling. It's always up and down. Have you listened to other testimonies? It always helped me - you didn't feel so alone and it gave me hope that one day you wouldn't freeze in fear at the obsessive thoughts and they would get quieter that way. You can listen to affected people's accounts here, for example: https://theocdstories.com/
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Thank you so much for the support, really appreciate it...
You're welcome! @priyanarc
Dropping by to say hello and see how you're doing🌹
Thanks for checking on me, the week was intense but I am doing okay now. Just trying to find a way to get better and recover soon...
!HUG
!LUV
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I know there is still stigma attached to mental health issues but some people are just ignorant. It's nobody's business anyway. It's up to you who you tell. I'm glad you are opening up to your psychologist. The more you tell them, the more they can help you. Well done. ❤️
Sometimes I really feel bored and fed-up considering my condition and this long process sometimes demotivates me. I feel I am not going to be better or everything is just fake, all is in my mind which doesn't make sense. Intelligent people always try to find something to mess up their minds.
I know sometimes people can get a bit impatient wanting to recover quickly, and I understand that. I know I'm not in your situation and I wouldn't dream of telling you what to do. All I know is, exercise is good for me. If I get physically tired it gives me a sense of wellbeing and then my mind is calm. I haven't been through a trauma like you though so it might not work for everyone. ❤️