What a week!! I didn't even realize where all of the time went. The week was intense, a lot of work was done and a lot of pending work needs to be done. I have been introduced to a new therapy and a new doctor as well. In my last post, I mentioned that my sleeping pattern has changed. As a result, my whole daily routine has changed and during the daytime, I feel like a zombie. Somehow my emotions and feelings are going back and forth; they arrive with a lot of intensity that makes me feel sick, overwhelmed.
My tax issue still didn't solve, I am trying to reach those who can help me out but obviously, everything takes time. On the other hand, now every week, I have to attend a minimum of 3 types of therapies which is a lot for my health. My personality changes always and my behaviour is sometimes unpredictable. Due to lack of sleep, my mood swings a lot, and cannot focus properly. As a result, I cannot finish any work properly. My stress and panic are there and it's not something that will go away easily.
Last week, I had two therapies one after one. The new therapy that was introduced to me basically trauma therapy. I thought my psychologist already started giving me that therapy but I was wrong. My trauma therapy didn't even start. So, my trauma therapist first asked me a lot of questions and asked me all the recent incidents and history. Then she picked up a few incidents and told me to focus on that. She introduced me to EMDR therapy. EMDR basically based on 4 terms: Eye, movement, Desensitization, and reprocessing. Many people who went through trauma and going through with trauma receive this treatment initially. She gave me a paper where the details of the treatment has been written, well I didn't finish reading that paper yet. As I said, my concentration level is almost 0 still.
Remembering and reprocessing the memories is hard and I don't know how many times I cried in one hour during the entire session. Not only each minute seemed intense but also I felt pain, anxious, heavy, and emotional. I wish I could write those feelings in words, very hard to describe. Last week was the introduction day to trauma therapy, I have to wait for the treatment date.
After the trauma therapy session, I went to meet my regular psychologist and I just couldn't concentrate on that session. I was blank and my brain felt almost dead. Many people don't understand these therapies and mental issues in fact I witnessed many people how they react when they hear about depression and mental traumas and problems. When an individual witness shock, it causes trauma in the brain and in time it affects a lot. Many people ignore that and move on, some cannot and ended up broken like me.
Recently one of my friend's brother committed suicide but the sad part is instead of showing grief, people are talking about his suicide and about his frustration. I didn't react, I just sent my condolence that's it. I stopped talking about my situation, people ask me why I don't work, and I just say I am sick. There is no point to talk where people will only judge me and misunderstand me. As I said before, in my culture people don't believe in mental health, they said it's all in your head or you are weak. I often ask my psychologist about my condition because sometimes I cannot accept who I am. I feel weak and demotivated, I don't feel confident. Probably that's why my treatment process is long.
I stopped taking nightmare therapy, it was not working at all and I was not comfortable. Remembering nasty, obsessive, and intense dreams was painful and I couldn't handle the pain and trauma. It's like I just didn't want to recall those and was trying to stay away from those thoughts. I have been doing everything according to the treatment that was suggested. This was the one thing I couldn't continue.
One of my therapy sessions was in Amsterdam so while visiting my therapist, I have taken some photos.
It was a beautiful summer day, pleasant weather. I enjoyed the short walk before the therapy. To be honest, after every therapy session, I feel so tired. I don't know why.
Sometimes I think too much and my overthinking process creates a lot of barriers to my treatment process. My strong personality feels vulnerable and thinks to give up on life. Just like I hesitate to talk about my health, I also hesitate to write about it. I am skipping many incidents that happened this week, just not ready to write about those.
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After my therapy, I spent some time at Dam Square and had a cold drink because it was a hot day. A lot of people were around me which was kinda overwhelming but somehow I managed to sit down and only focused on the location, not on the people.
Mental health is a real deal and I hope people pay attention to it instead of ignoring the issue in fear of society. Otherwise, the suicide rate will never decrease.
Love
Priyan...
I am @priyanarc.... An architect, a dreamer, and a passionate writer who loves to write about life. I try to present my own perspective and experiences. Please leave your feedback and criticism because it's the only way I can know and reach your mind and thought easily...
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Don't give up Priyan! Don't give up. Try to follow the treatment, focus on yourself and results will come, you'll see. 🤗❤️
Hi Erikah, I am so tired of everything, to be honest. Sometimes I feel these therapies are not worth it but I know these are just negative thoughts. When I feel good, everything seems normal but the main problem is focus. I cannot trust on myself sometimes...
I wish people would understand that mental health is very important. Most times when a suicide occur people spend time becoming judgmental and not think about what the person must have been going through.
I hope you stay strong and go through all this strong. You got a big family here in HIVE and we really care about you. Keep being strong even if most days you just can’t
That is the unfortunate part and as far as I have understood, most people don't believe in mental health and wellness. I didn't choose to be like this, I didn't choose to have this mental health issue but not everyone has the understanding about this...
Thank you for the motivation...
You're welcome ☺️☺️
I hope you could feel better soon. Long time ago I have the same problem with sleeping time and I feel terrible during day time in office, lucky now is much better and I could sleep quite the same time.
Sleep plays a vital role in daily life, my sleep is not good and that's why I struggle to stay normal and active during the day time...
Facing trauma and overcoming it is brutal. I do understand your therapists desire to have you confront it and overcome. I'm am curious as a Pharmacist of you were given beta blockers before confronting those incidents. The beta blockers show heart rate and the physical "panic" symptoms so you have a less awful time.
One thing I can commends you on is actually seeking help. We recently had a housemate who we had to evict and make homeless. He had recently gone through a terrible time in life and his mind was broken.
He believed he was being cursed by others. That he has his crawling under his skin. That he had seen aliens and that his friend was levitating objects.
He started burning candles in his bedroom, layered garlic cloves and incense around the room to keep it the evil spirits. However his sleep pattern was bad so he was falling asleep with burning candles on the floor.
I wanted to help, I really did, but can't have someone in the house who will burn it to the ground.
He needed help but was too proud to ask for it. He needed therapy but was afraid what people would think of him.
As you said, mental health is a real issue. Keep up the fight!
I am taking therapies, in fact 4 types of therapies, I don't even know their name. When I was a teenager, I was diagnosed with Schizophrenia though my current doctors feel I have got the wrong treatment at that moment. But the good thing is I don't have this chronic disease now but I have developed PTSD and Depression including Cognitive dissonance. My brain and mind always create imaginary stories based on real traumas that triggered me in different circumstances. I have a unique brain that picks up very specific personals and situation and create an imaginary story in my mind that seems real, unfortunately. Few feelings and stories are so obsessive that I cannot even feel comfortable to explain and I feel guilty and ashamed... My Psychologist told me that this is happening due to excessive stress and traumas...
Thanks for sharing the true incident, I have seen this kind of people who believe in voodoo or black magic and have psychotic breaks down...
All I can say it keep fighting. I'm certain it is truly difficult and as you know its no all "just in your head". I'd also recommend trying not to feel guilty or ashamed. If you are doing the best with what you have there is no guilt of shame in that..if your mind if playing tricks on you that's not your fault...unless your not trying to get better.
Thanks for the reply 😀 ... and thanks for your hard work in the Actifit community 😉
Keep up with your treatment as you’re doing. Keep having patience. Keep being you, because you’re perfect as you are. ♥️
!LUV
@priyanarc, @palomap3(1/10) sent LUV. | connect | community | HiveWiki | NFT | <>< daily
! help(no space) to get help on Hive. InfoI am trying and every day I do fight for my well-being. Sometimes I really think I am getting better but after a certain period of time, I easily become demotivated...
Those ups and downs are normal. The trip is hard but it's worth it, you're doing well. Keep trusting you, dear! ♥️
!LUV
@priyanarc, @palomap3(5/10) sent LUV. | connect | community | HiveWiki | NFT | <>< daily
! help(no space) to get help on Hive. InfoYou are still doing so well and have come so far. Rate of progress may change, you might even take a step back but you're still doing everything right and facing the right direction.
Pictures are beautiful as always, words are honest, authentic and helpful as always. Thanks Priyan, hope you're having the best weekend you can :-)
Thank you, Nathen for always being so supportive...
In my country, it is also common to think that traumas and mental problems are resolved with positive attitudes.
They downplay the importance of traumas, and it is a problem, I hope that at some point they will begin to become aware of the situation.
Exactly, I hope oneday, people will be able to accept the mental health issue instead of considering it taboo...
I can see a lot of things you are facing in your life. I am speechless, I hope you will do better soon.
Self care is really important and for a healthy life mental peace is important. Just keep fighting and give your best!
Thank you so much, really appreciate your blessing...
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