Facing trauma and overcoming it is brutal. I do understand your therapists desire to have you confront it and overcome. I'm am curious as a Pharmacist of you were given beta blockers before confronting those incidents. The beta blockers show heart rate and the physical "panic" symptoms so you have a less awful time.
One thing I can commends you on is actually seeking help. We recently had a housemate who we had to evict and make homeless. He had recently gone through a terrible time in life and his mind was broken.
He believed he was being cursed by others. That he has his crawling under his skin. That he had seen aliens and that his friend was levitating objects.
He started burning candles in his bedroom, layered garlic cloves and incense around the room to keep it the evil spirits. However his sleep pattern was bad so he was falling asleep with burning candles on the floor.
I wanted to help, I really did, but can't have someone in the house who will burn it to the ground.
He needed help but was too proud to ask for it. He needed therapy but was afraid what people would think of him.
As you said, mental health is a real issue. Keep up the fight!
I am taking therapies, in fact 4 types of therapies, I don't even know their name. When I was a teenager, I was diagnosed with Schizophrenia though my current doctors feel I have got the wrong treatment at that moment. But the good thing is I don't have this chronic disease now but I have developed PTSD and Depression including Cognitive dissonance. My brain and mind always create imaginary stories based on real traumas that triggered me in different circumstances. I have a unique brain that picks up very specific personals and situation and create an imaginary story in my mind that seems real, unfortunately. Few feelings and stories are so obsessive that I cannot even feel comfortable to explain and I feel guilty and ashamed... My Psychologist told me that this is happening due to excessive stress and traumas...
Thanks for sharing the true incident, I have seen this kind of people who believe in voodoo or black magic and have psychotic breaks down...
All I can say it keep fighting. I'm certain it is truly difficult and as you know its no all "just in your head". I'd also recommend trying not to feel guilty or ashamed. If you are doing the best with what you have there is no guilt of shame in that..if your mind if playing tricks on you that's not your fault...unless your not trying to get better.
Thanks for the reply 😀 ... and thanks for your hard work in the Actifit community 😉