Digital art created using 2 pixabay images: Image by Clker-Free-Vector-Images & Nathan March
This week I've opted to attempt a frame story. This is a story that starts at the end of the narrative and then flashes back to the action that led to the conclusion set out in act one, so to speak. This technique is more often used in film, but can be effective in a short story. Hopefully it has worked in this case 😂 Let me know what you think in the comments.
Brotherhood in Trouble
Beginning/end by @tristancarax
Here we were, in the bar with large sticks being pointed at us. Dun Dee and Jasper just snatch three large boxes of fries from the two families seated near the kangaroo statue. Luke, being the smallest of us four, snagged a couple of bags from toddlers, which were, presumably, filled with burgers and more fries; and I had enough drinks for the four of us.
"You know who we are," I squawked.
"We do," said a jittery human. "We told you this would happen if you come back."
I stood my ground by raising my chest in the air, ruffling my feathers. I stretched out my long neck and showed my sharp, strong beak to the tourists and workers. Showing them who was boss of this outback was of the highest importance. Little did the humans know of respect for other lives than their own. The time had come for a little lesson and the emu brotherhood was going to show the humans their power.
"You are on our turf, human," I said. I scratched my leg with the other foot. "You invaded our lands with your dwellings and forced us out. You owe us."
"It's the way of the world," a chubby-faced human yelled out. "Do you know how many of us have lost our homes?"
No! Not the pity card. Not the best time. Luke was a sucker for pity. He almost always felt bad for the other side, the human side.
"My mommy had to work two jobs to pay for what that jack-ass of a bird has taken from me," said a tiny human who sat by the waterfall.
I looked at Luke. He was cracking. I could tell by the way his knee shook, by the way his beak clattered together. He was about to drop the goods and run. Think!
"Any last words, birdie?" asked a slim human.
"Gentleman and Ladies," I said as I moved my wing over several spears and pushed the tips down. "There is no need to be hostile. The rule is you feed us daily - morning and night - and we leave you alone until feeding time. Easy. Simple. If our demands for respect are not taken into consideration, bigger things will happen. Scary things. Strange things. And you don't want these bigger things to happen because, if they do, you will be paid a visit from the great emu elder - and he does not take kindly to humans who disregard the sacred pact between human and emu."
Like the night inching its way into the light, the tips of the spears rose again and drew closer to me.
"What the fuck are you talking about," said a human behind a cash register. His eyes grew big like the moon and sinister like Chucky. "Good people. Let’s cook some bird to cover the cost of what we've lost. Sound like a plan?"
The whole restaurant said yes in unison, which made me shiver. It couldn't have gotten darker for us in the brotherhood, even if Alfred Hitchcock was hired to scare the piss out of us. Birds or not, in the eyes of humans, we were thieves. And thieves had to be dealt with.
The Great Awakening
My beginning, by @raj808 (689 words)
The cows stamped the dust up as their chanting rose to a moo-ving crescendo.
"Cattle deserve to breathe. Twenty years at least."
"Equal rights for cattle. No longer human's chattels."
The hubbub died away as a large bull stepped forward. Brown flecked his eyes mirroring the colour of his coat. He eyed the Emu sternly as he paced in front of the enraptured cattle and snorted.
"Fellow cattle, our esteemed Emu visitors, we have endured long millennia of slavery by these human animals. But with the great awakening we surely thought those times passed."
Moos of agreement rang out.
“Ever since the first fish raised their voice in song as they were pulled to their death in the nets of humans. Or the first dog asked for a taste of their owners meal. We animals have shown them that we have a voice and a soul. Before the light of language blossomed across the world we were little more than a resource to humankind.”
The bull paused and stared fiercely into Dun Dee’s eyes.
“The Kangaroo and the Koala had it relatively easy, being classed as wild animals. But our brother Emu know the pain of servitude. They are new to the chattel of the cattle class. Yet even they, so new to the chains, have been betrayed by the humans.”
The bull stomped the ground with a thunder clap.
“This new human law will strip our right to twenty years of life before the slaughter. It will strip the Emu and other cattle classes of their rights to healthy feed.”
The dust settled as the Emu started away toward their destination.
The bull’s voice rose to a bellow. “Make no mistake, this is war. It has always been war, and now is the time to fight.”
“Those fucking cattle are stupid, and that bull is the worst of them.”
Jasper clucked, his beak rattling in indignation.
“Too many growth hormones have addled their brains. How the hell are any of us going to fight the humans without opposable thumbs?”
The clouds cleared. The heat haze shimmered in their wake. Luke stared out into the distance.
“Why do we need to be opposed to the humans? Why can’t animals and humans just get along? We give them our meat after the allotted time.”
His eyes brimmed with tears. “It is so pointless.”
“I agree… but the humans are hardwired to take. They know nothing else.” He ruffled his feathers in irritation. “The sooner you learn that the world isn’t fair, the sooner you’ll learn how to deal with it Luke.”
Dun Dee lifted his head from where it was buried beneath his left wing, scratching an itch that never seemed to go away.
“He’s right mate. We’ve no choice but to take from the weaker humans before the soldiers come. We may as well make the best of it while we still can.”
“You don’t know that” Luke hissed.
The wind whistled through the afternoon heat, a sigh of surrender from the day’s swelter. The trio stared down the road to the silver blur of the Diner.
“Ok brothers, here’s the plan.” Jasper scratched a crude square in the dirt. “Once we enter you and Luke spread out to block anyone from leaving. I will cover the chef and strike hard and fast if he makes a move for one of those knives. I don’t need to remind you what happened to Salty.”
Tears sprang back to Luke’s eyes as he remembered their friend. A small green caterpillar laboured across the dust-field of the road to the shelter of the Spinifex.
“If any of those humans goes for a pocket phone, or a gun, or anything, claw them… quick and quiet. Speed is our only advantage over them. Right?”
Jasper pecked Luke hard. “I said right.”
“Right” repeated Luke in the glare of his yellow eyes.
Luke turned to peck up the caterpillar. He froze as it reared up and a shrill tiny voice piped out through the lonely scrub land.
“Don’t eat me.” Antenna waved and compound eyes stared into his. “The insects have joined the great awakening.”
The end.
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Hey Rowan! Good to see you again and found myself drawn into your prose! This is a very unique story and liked the concept, I'm rooting for team emu!
In fact, as I was reading, it was taking me back to my travels last year where we saw an emu place in the middle of Australia (think it was literally called the centre) and was imagining the scenes of the emus speaking to the bulls!
Hi Nicky.
I'm glad that the narrative evoked such memories for you. And that the story piqued your interest.
I wanted to explore the idea of how humans might cope in a world where their food could talk back to them. And also have a twist at the end where the Emu's food talks back to them. I wonder if the Emu would turn out any different to the humans? Best left up to the imagination. I'm a big believer that a story can leave the reader with gaps and questions to fill with their own imagination. As long as it is done carefully it can be satisfying for both writer and reader I think.
Cheers for checking out The Great Awakening 🙂
Imaging how different that would be if animals spoke, a bit like those daemons in His Dark Materials! I think many would suddenly change their tune but somethings are best left to the imagination like you say!
I agree that the story teller should leave a gap and let the reader fill it in themselves, it's a bit like what I try to do with my music and the posts about them. Yes, I have my own story for it but when someone clicks play, they'll get taken to a world where their own mind will interpret the frequencies of the music!
Hope you're all good mate, we should catch up at some point on messenger or Discord or somewhere!
Yeah m8. We'll chew the fat on discord soon I promise 🙂
Looking forward to it mate!
Excellent! Love how you've taken the personalities of @tristancarax's prompt story and continued them in this one. Love the brotherhood of all non-humans, even insects. Love your @carolkean like research on caterpillars. So nice to see you back too!
Ha ha. Well if I'm honest, the caterpillar in this story was directly inspired by Carol's story. I piggybacked off her research. I don't usually read other 'finish the story' entries until I've written mine, so as to not be influenced by them... but in this case I'm glad I did.
That twist at the end where the caterpillar is talking to Luke seemed like a good head spinner. Drawing the comparison between how the humans are treating their 'now talking' food and how the Emus might react to their suddenly talking dinner. I decided to leave that question open ended tho... partly on purpose, but also because of the word count 😉
Thank you. I've missed this interaction with other writers. This is the first thing I've written outside a work environment in over two months.
Glad you enjoyed the story owasco.
GREAT to see you back Raj - and what an epic tale!
Talking Food: oh man. We are just NOT READY for that, Raj.
Now I fear the worms will arise and assert their right to life: #RespectForRice! Respect for Lice!
Your characters are hilarious and endearing.
#Love it! (Now, celery stalking at midnight, caring carrots, protesting potatoes: save it!)
ha ha, funny you should mention the caring carrots, as I was thinking that the next logical step in this exercise in playing with expectation would be talking veg 😂... I think that might have been pushing it too far tho lol
Have you seen the kids TV show "Veggie Tales"--?
Their theme song gets stuck in your head almost as horrifically as Baby Shark.
Just now checking Hive and catching up... and thinking it's our sloooooow internet and bad phone service that cause comments to float off into cyber-purgatory only to come back and haunt me after I've recreated and reposted them ad nauseum. The day a coronal mass ejection or NEO (near-earth object) takes down the power grid, I will briefly rejoice at the death of computers, then weep and gnash my teeth at the loss of contact with people like you. Thanks for all the comments Raj. This is the first one I've acknowledged so far. #RajRules!
No, I was mentally scarred by my ex's kids and their obsession with Frozen 😂 No longer do I have to endure the caterwauling of kids TV theme tunes... tho I do miss those little munchkins if I'm honest.
🤣 ah this made me laugh. I could also live without phones, computers and internet I think. life would be simpler, and possibly more healthy tbh
#carolkeanrulestoo
#Frozen sounds like some parent's sick revenge on other parents, but #BabyShark is like the PsyOps torture experiments with Barney the Dinosaur's theme song playing to Taliban prisoners. Veggie Tales is sooo mild and bearable by comparison.
Lyrics found here
Ah, thank you for the little hashtag - {{hugs to you!]] - #carolkeanrulestoo
Whassup: TWICE now I've typed a long reply, only to see it vanish.. Not gonna type a third try here.
FOURTH TRY to post a comment here
If it works I'll try to rewrite from memory (and from scratch) my three previous efforts.
Hi Carol.
Strange about the comment thing. Not sure what could be going wrong. I just checked hiveblocks (https://hiveblocks.com/@carolkean) and you look to have resource credits enough to comment fine. Anyway, don't stress too much about it 😉
I'm glad you enjoyed the story ending/beginning lol
I am so happy to have you among the participants!
The story seems to me a kind of Animal Farm extended to the wild world, and it's very nice! Nice idea of making a frame story instead of a consequential ending ... but above all I really envy you the separator with ostriches! 😂
Ha ha, yes that separator is 'the dogs bollocks'. I wanted to see if all my photoshop learning from back in the steem dayz was still there. Seems it is like riding a bike.
Glad you enjoyed the story, and you're right it does have a tang of Animal Farm with the bull and his stream of rhetoric. I was conscious that it might mimic AF a little as I was writing it but I couldn't think of an better active way to get back story across while moving it forward through dialogue. Show don't tell and all that guff 😂
Nice to see the FTS back and inspiring writers on hive 👍
What a fun adventure you created. It flows smoothly with the beginning.
Even the insects talk. lol.
Glad you enjoyed it Tristan 🙂 It was fun to write and I tried to keep it light hearted... not like me lol Must be mellowing in my middle age.
Hmm.. What do you call an awakened caterpillar? - A butterfly... Hahha...
Nice one @raj808!
Ha ha, yes I didn't think of that oivas 😂 Thanks for stopping by to read my 'finish the story'.
!CTP