I stood outside the Bank and gazed at it with a caustic eye. Bloody banks. I wondered if I might shrivel up when I entered like a vampire in the Sun, I hadn't been in one for a while. I had an appointment to open a bank account for the little boom, hopefully it wouldn't take long.
I had to take a ticket from a dispenser with a number on it and sit in a waiting room full of depressed angry looking sorts.
I was feeling quite cheery so stood out like a sore thumb. One guy, in particular, was looking at me as if he wanted to paw his leathery hooves on the ground, then charge and gore me with his horn.
Thankfully my number was called. I was tempted to shout bingo but clamped down on my errant mouth and headed into my appointment.
I sat and faced a lady who introduced herself as Fiona.
How may I help you today?
She asked robotically.
I explained that I wanted to open a savings account for the little boom in order for old and distant relatives to fling money into. She nodded and smiled as if I was telling her my patented Baker's dirty fingers joke.
Of course, yes. We can do that for you!
Her eyes sparkled like a cat smelling salmon paste and she started tapping away at her computer. She found something and swivelled the screen around and pointed at some words. They Said:
Would you like some further information on this product?
Yeah, please
She fumbled about in a drawer and then produced an iPad. I stared in bafflement as she switched it on and fannied about. Come on Fiona, no time for Candy Crush?!
Here we go, please watch this short video and I can answer questions after it.
She turned the iPad toward me, there was indeed a short video. A kinda patronising animated powerpoint deck with an annoying commentary. Eventually it ended.
And is that ok? Would you like to proceed?
Somewhat nonplussed I shook my head from side to side and up and down and grunted like a confused bear.
Right let's get you set up then.
She fannied about more with her Desktop PC, then she stared at it for a long time. Then she tapped a lot of keys.
Meanwhile, I was looking at my phone and thinking, WTFs, that's been almost 20 minutes?
Finally, she stopped tapping away like a demented woodpecker.
Right, we are almost there. I will have to go over the terms and conditions with you if that is ok?
Hmm, yeah.
She got the iPad out again and turned it toward me.
Eh, like how long is this video going to be, I actually have things to do today?
Just a few short minutes Mr Boom.
Short minutes? Like shorter than regular minutes? Was she taking the piss out of me?
The video started, it went on for some time. I tapped my fingers on Fiona's desk and glared at her over the iPad. She absentmindedly picked her teeth with a pointy red nail. I wondered if I had boffed her once when drunk and she was attempting some sort of petty revenge?
Eventually, it was over, she took the iPad and put it in her drawer then went on to her desktop PC. She frowned, making a face like a Farmer elbow deep in a cows arse.
I am sorry, the system has frozen up. I will have to go on to our other system.
How long will that take?
Again the farmer's face.
Just a few short minutes.
Nope, I'm off. Sorry, I have stuff to do.
I got up, Fiona pleaded that it might only be a minute. I ignored her and scarpered.
Bloody banks. What's with the videos? How can they not actually open an account in 30 minutes? GAAAAARRR! Dashed greasy incompetent FIAT institutions!!
Hahahah this tale will make many people want to apply to you for adoption........
I explained that I wanted to open a savings account for the little boom in order for old and distant relatives to fling money intolittle boom must be a lucky chap to have a gent as papi!!!!Now as I told you last year...when steem price reaches 10+USD then time for at least 20 to 50 little booms? will be boring to share all them wealth with only few isnt it? Gentleman club will do the trick.....greetings to the good lady.Lol, and I do remember saying that no matter the price of steemi have reached my child limit lol!!!
I know however too much SBD and SP can motivate Uncle boom to think twice isnt it?
Wow, I know what you mean about the"short minutes". The worst is when they are trying to help you and there's this other employee beside them that they introduce as a "trainee". Your time doesn't matter, let's face it we aren't as important to them as we would like to be.
Yeah I have had the trainee thingg as well. You are like beat it! They treat their customers like meh
Tactical error No 1.
You went by yourself, send the good lady, with the baby, don't feed baby until after the account is set up.
Suddenly the teller, [who isn't planning on having kids for the next forty or fifty years] will do anything to get the unaccustomed noise out of the building.
here is a blank application, just sign and I will fill it out for you stage.
You can spend the time [only the short minutes though] entertaining little miss with an ice cream or similar spready thing, then have to rush back to the office as soon as the good lady comes out of the bank.
That sounds like a splendid way to organise it! Next visit, that's the strategy!!
If it is a male counter jumper, and the good lady is up for it, a bust in the mouth of the squalling babe has a similar effect.
Speed, get rid of what I want to look at but can't.
You should have shouted BINGO! Next time, I expect more from you... for shame. If you'd have shouted it like real man, you would have really found out what short minutes were.
Now you've got to get them relatives to buy STEEM to dump into a REAL savings account, and do things right to redeem yourself...
Also, where can I send STEEM to for this "junior saver."
I wish I could get my relatives to buy steem. I will have to do it for him.
Next time it's bingo for sure!
Just a little bit longer my friend. Archaic banks will be a thing of the past I'm sure. Meanwhile we had a new bank hier called bunq that you could setup an account with within 10 minutes from the leasure of your own couch. They were really progressive, until they fumbled the ball with a change to high account costs after a while. But it's writings on the wall that change is coming !
I think the change is definitely coming you are right. There have been a couple of startups which have tried to mix it up a bit but they have been made to toe the line. But all of them are on borrowed time now!
Damn. Is the minute 58 sec or shorter.
I think this is really paving the way for robot to replace her job. Then again again the KYC for Bittrex is taking me years. I started last year and and still stuck. You could have open a steemit account little one faster. Almost instantly if you are willing to pay 7.35 steem to @blocktrades
Have they messed you up? It worked with me quite quickly. It is annoying though
I bet her short minutes were actually longer!
Not recently. heheh :-) but I've been wanting to go do something.
The good thing is we now have bank branches that opens till 7pm and on Sundays too
That is very good. Here they refuse to open on anything other than mon-fri 9-5. Apart from one that I know opens on a Saturday morning
Time to change banks.
With my bank, I can email "my banker" and he will process everything, leave it in a folio at the customer service desk. When I am good and ready, all I need to do is walk to the customer service desk, sign where he put the yellow "Sign here" indicators, then leave.
Not Ironically, this bank (Scotiabank) has also been posting a lot of job opportunities for people Blockchain and cryptocurrency experience.
I assume that they are an anomaly though.
That sounds amazing. That is how a bank should be!
Man, I would love that instead of the queue infested, sales nonsense I have to go through here!
that sounds really great. I really hope there’ll be more startup banks that will try to get it right. Rules for new banks are so strict though.
You should try to go any bank in Turkey. It actually takes couple hours to open an account. And they make you sign even bank brochures :)
Hours, madness man. I think I would go nuts!
We all lost it already :) Its kind of amusing to live amongst lunetics :)
Hehe, I bet!
It seems that you had a very educational day lol. Nowadays you do not really know if it's worth trusting banks but one thing is clear they always win. Regards for you @meesterboom and your family.
They do always seem to win... For the moment ;0)
Oh yeah!!! This drives me absolutely mental... the other day I went to Home Depot (home/garden supplies) and then Best Buy (electronics) and they both drove me crazy... the staff at Home Depot had me running around all over the shop, and outside, and information varied so much depending on who I talked to.
Best Buy had me answer 1 trillion questions at the register on the EFTPOS thingy... do I want to donate to charity, do I want their credit card, how do I want the receipt, etc etc etc.
The lesson taught me to Amazon everything and have it delivered to me and not talk to anyone. Terrible for the environment, essential for my sanity.
I'm very, very glad you walked out... it's the only protest they'll understand.
I do similar with Amazon! So tired of getting to a till and then have them cuck me with the big sell!!
This is AWESOME!!! I love "A few short minutes". I might try that on someone just to see what response I get! Setup a wallet instead for "Junior Saver" and have them deposit cryptos!
I can't believe they made you watch multiple videos on an ipad! The robots are taking over! I would love for her bank to read this post! It is glorious
I have a wallet ready made for the little man. I had to have something for the traditionalists :0)
Short minutes, I almost spat! And the videos, it was like Punk'd!
I knew you would! I am glad they weren't long minutes! That would've been entirely too much for me!
Everyone hates a long minute! Lolz
I surely hate them! I can deal with short minutes every now and then!
Well, that's a convenient things to do; here,watch these videos.
They always appear to take too long to make the simplest tasks!
Way too long, she could have explained to me far quicker!!!
If I hadn't opened a bank account in France I would have thought you were exaggerating. In the Netherlands, it is very easy to open a bank account. You can even do it online in a couple of minutes but in France..... I thought I went crazy. The questions they asked...
It's crazy here. You can open some online quote really but if it is for a child you have to take in a million documents in case you are pretending to have a child for some reason lol!
which is why we don't go to banks anymore, we open crypto wallets and relatives can send the money there! :D
Oh man, if you could only see my relatives. Some of them, don't even believe in the internet!!
Going to the bank is akin to going to the dentist. But the videos bit?! You should have waited, because when you go next time you will have to start from the beginning again.
I recently wanted to change my bank account. I had had an account with the new bank a long time ago, before I was married. I presented my ID, and apparently the bank told me I wasn't married. My marriage certificate is so old I got it before they were automatically entered onto the system. I wasn't married.
I had to go to Home Affairs to remedy the situation. Which was worse than the bank.
I managed to get one online thankfully. No videos for me. I couldn't quite believe it!!
That's a nightmare situation!!
Banks.. ugh! Why can't they be more like Bitcoin and take hours to confirm transactions instead of minutes.
Seriously though, banks better watch out. When cryptocurrencies gain solid footing, and the coin developers stop going to war against each other, physical banks might just go the way of Blockbuster. The lack of the need for a middleman is one of the most attractive qualities of cryptocurrencies. Why pay for the salaries of a dozen or so employees, when you can pay a very small amount transaction fee in a trustless system. Fiona better count her days.
It's a strange thing to imagine though isn't it, that the day will come and it will not be far off. The blockbuster analogy is a good un! I always thought there would be a blockbuster and now they are dead by the grasping hands of streaming
Even Nokia, that once-heralded god of mobility. It didn't really do anything wrong, and yet it sunk to depths unknown. If anything, the mistake it made is that they refused to adapt to change. Which is the same thing banks seem to be doing.
I thought that the bad attention of the banks was only from Argentina, a few days ago I attended one and the truth happened to me as I left fleeing from the loss of time and bad attention.
Many thanks for sharing this life story dear friend @ meesterboom
I wish you a good afternoon
They are a bunch of swine! Never is anything easy with them!
I hope you have a great day mate
I like you! You're so talented. I can see it even though I'm dumb.
Wait what was my point... that I'm dumb or that you're talented, nevermind.
You know it anyway.
That I'm dumb.
Your not dumb, you're the smartest potato I know!
That's about they way banks work here too, only they also ideo's of their latest products while you wait to be called for your appointment. I try to avoid banks like the plague.
I try my best too. It's been months and months since I last had to go in!
Yeah I know what you mean, going with high expectations to the bank and then having to wait in a long line or get that number you are revering to and when you get in front eventually the person looks at you and says "Sir the system is down can you come back in a hour or two" This makes me CRAZYYYYYY
Drives me nuts. It's like they are so complacent that they don't even make the effort anymore!
What seriously, when I opened accounts for my younger two at our (non-major) bank it got done in 20-30min XD No videos involved! It was also a while ago now and in a different country. Time to find another bank or make crypto wallets for the young'uns? XD
The crypto wallets are done!
I genuinely think the bank must think they are being really forward thinking but my my, showing you videos is shocking!
I would switch but I don't think there is much better out there
iPads and videos are forward thinking right? Shows they're embracing technology? XD
Smaller banks? Credit unions? I jumped ship from a major bank to a credit union (I'm not sure if it's still a credit union or been upgraded to a small bank now though), made a lot of things much easier and more personable :)
I am in a credit union, they are an excellent thing. They are a bit funny about deposits though. I have managed to set one up online at admirer bank which only took five minutes so my own bank can go and sing!
It is just a matter of time, before we do not need banks anymore.
We can but hope, they won't go out without a fight!
Funny, if i were her i will bring you more surprises from the drawer like gun and told you ok fuck of cryptocurrency, i am get tired.
and also i will go home and trade with you.
By trade do you mean the sexy sexy and would that be at gunpoint too?
Well fuck it, I'm in, be gentle with me!
Awesome!
Cheers beers
:O)
This was a lovely store. i never that's how things work in your country, thanks for sharing
Though your message sounds a little bit poetic, but in actual fact was hitting the reality. I must commend you for choosing a kind of comical way to deliver your thoughts
Nic post
I follow you and I like.. Thank you .
nice post and can be a mutifasi for me