Good afternoon, sir. Would it be at all possible to speak to your wife?
A silky voice slipped out of the earpiece of the landline phone which I had hurriedly picked up after the initial fright at it actually ringing.
My wife? Of course, not a problem. May I ask what it is regarding?
I breathed back in a tone almost as silky as the one I was answering.
Silky on the other end paused for a brief second. Obviously to try and chase away the erection my voice had caused.
I'm afraid not, sir. I can only speak with your wife.
Silky's voice was laden with regret as if he were informing me of his reluctance to share my salt beef bagel for religious reasons.
I understand. Hang on, I will go and fetch her.
I put the phone down on the table and banged my feet on the floor as if I was walking away.
Moments later I picked up the phone again.
Hellooooo, I am the wife? Can I elp oo?
I squeaked in a ridiculous voice.
Hello. Is that, Mrs Boom?
Replied Silky doubtfully as if he had just unfurled a condom onto his wanger and noticed some sweetcorn stuck to the top of it.
Yes my darling, that is I and by 'I' I mean we and of course by 'we' I mean me... Which of course, is I.
I half squawked in a way that any man from the eighties would find irresistibly sexy.
Hmm. Ok.
Silky didn't sound convinced. Not did he sound quite so silky anymore.
Nevertheless, he ploughed on.
I'm calling about the car accident that you were in recently.
He said.
Oh goodness. No! Not the damn accident. I told Humphrey, my husband, that it was all that damn pig's fault!?
I warbled deliriously.
Sir, this is still you, isn't it? This is not your wife??
Silky was sounding cross as if I had shat in his favourite hat.
How dare you!?
I thundered.
I AM my wife!?
I thundered even more loudly.
Sir, your are not your wife, you are a man!
Silky declared indignantly.
SHE'S A MAN!? In that case she is NOT MY WIFE!
I yelled.
The phone line clicked as Silky hung up.
Oh well, back to Lockdown.
Well played good sir!
We once had a female pug named Winston who had a propensity to commit shat in the hat, and I do fondly remember the tone change I would emit upon discovery of said offerings, so with that in mind I really was able to imagine Silky's tone change. So glorious.
On another more flattering note, your anecdotes tend to leave a smile plastered on my face for at least a good fifteen minutes. You are a marvel:)
Oh!!! Kat! You are back again!!! I Missed you. Wait! Let me use my silky voice,
!tip
Ooh, ds, the silky voice! BOOM! lol!
I have missed you dear lady, hope all is well, and thank you for the tip and digital vocal pyrotechnics;)
Hehe! That is exactly what I have missed. Your verbal gymnastics. LOL I'm doing great and I hope dad is too. Now, I need to get over to your place and see if hell has broken loose yet.
Ha ha ha! Dad's good, and regarding all hell breaking lose, just wait til you see the series of posts that I am crafting on Fort Cankles. 6 teenagers on forty acres equals absolute shenanigans lol lol!
So good to hear from you!
Homeschooling at its best. LOL I will run over and enjoy at wine o'clock.
Happy Earth Day!@dswigle wrote lately about: Feel free to follow @dswigle if you like it :)
Sending tips with @tipU - how to guide.
🎁 Hi @generikat! You have received 0.1 HIVE tip from @dswigle!Why thank you!!
I have had a shat in the hat from one of my cats. Am evil creature she can be, her motto for shitting seems to be anywhere but where is meant!
I would totally read The Shat In The Hat if you ever decide to write and publish such a thing. Your cat would be a star!
Also, I hate it when things have a propensity for defecating where not they should. It makes me want to throw, well, shat at them!!
Ah yes, I know that feeling well. I always feel like shitting on something of theirs!!
Boom come on, you are kidding right? I mean it is for the story only. No way you still have a landline. Ahahaha. Hey can I "OK Boomer" you LOL
Haha, OK boomer works for me!
It's weird, in the UK lots of companies still bundle a landline with our internet. I think it's because the main Telco used to insist upon a landline as the root of all packages and you added from there!
This all begs the question...What did the pig do? Lol.
Looks like you got caught out Boomy, old Silky had your number this time...Maybe throw on a dress and some high heels to really get into character next time.
P.s. Sorry for my late responses...Bloody time lag...When are you buggers going to get with the program and catch up to us Aussies!
We will always be behind!! We are slow and easy going dontcha know!! ;0)
I'll save that kind of getting into character for the weekends!
We'll just blame the sun...How dare it not align with our needs and cause me to have to write comments hours after a post has gone live. Makes it look like I don't care!
Weekends at the Boom-crib must be exciting...Lol.
That pesky sun. Apparently we are due some this week. Woot woot!
It's the same here, sometimes I stumble upon your posts half a day after the fact!!
I'd still be honoured if Boomy left a comment though, as you do. Always makes my day, or night...Or evening...Morning, afternoon...You know what I mean. Lol.
Sun is nice. We're heading for some rain tomorrow...Been perfect today though. I'm off culling on the farm tomorrow...Could be a little wet. Still, won't be the first time the G-dog was wet. Lol.
Wet eh?
Well, As Taylor swift likes to say.
Shake it off!!!
Lol.
Enjoy the out and about!
Boomy quotes Tay Tay...Love it!
Wait! Wait! Do that voice again. OMG! Who's your daddy?
!tip
That's the voice. It's my Hollywood lady voice!!
Hahaha... was laughing all the way through.. I thought it was serious until the car crash line!
Lol. I have awesome fun with these calls. I become a man possessed!! :0D
They are not supposed to call land-lines anymore, does anyone use land-lines now?
They're totally not but it seems not much stops them!!
I will have one hidden away behind my TV. It's like a child hidden in the attic. When it runs we all get a fright cos it so rarely happens!
I know that feeling. When the landline rings.
It's like something from a cold and tense horror movie
It's like the bad news hotline.
Pretty much. I don't think I can think of a time it has delivered anything else!
I don't say hello anymore. I just ask, "How much?"
I just try to pour all my money into the receiver!!
Lucky! I have to suck my receiver because I'm broke...
Silky could also be described how those "jalapeno poppers" came out last night! Ewww-😷
Lol. Good old jalapeno poppers, they never let us down!!
Lol!!! Good to hear from you Sir:) ...How's the family been doing during this crazy time?
Yo Mr!! It's been good. Obviously these crazy times make the whole parenting thing bonkers hard but aye, getting there! How's you?
Lol! I hear ya man...That's awesome to hear my friend...Yep we are just hanging in there too...Doing the usual "social distancing" thing, and treating our food from the grocery store like I'm a bomb squad technician! ...lol...Other than that, doing pretty well:)
We are doing that too, it's nuts how bad things have become. A parcel becomes something to be approached like a bomb!!
Glad you are doing good!
You too man! ...Alright just checking in wit cha my friend...Take care:)
I am from the forties, not from the eighties, and I have not "found" any verb that would described the sexiness of your squawking voice.
It's true. Such a thing that it is, the are few verbs to use when mentioning it!! ;0)
But you did not add any verb to the sexy sentence, at least not one that I have "found".
Goodness!! You are right. My phone changed a word! Fixed, thank you!!!
Yeah, yeah. It's easy to blame your phone!
It's my number one blame thing!! Hehe ;0)
Ha ha ha... that is friggin hilarious. Upsmoked and resmoked.
Lol. You are all over the place! In a good way :0D cheers!
I am everywhere.
Lol, I see that!!
But mostly on https://Smoke.io these days. It is the best Hemp based Blockchain in the universe. Kindest people on the planet. Hemp can save the world.
It can save many things, the world is but one!!! :0)
I should know from previous experience not to try to catch up on your stuff after 11pm when I should be in bed because trying not to laugh loudly is painful.
One of those phone calls was it? XD
It was splendid, I was trying my best to be most ridiculous and they chopped for an admirable length of time!! :0)
Happy Earth Day!@dswigle wrote lately about: Feel free to follow @dswigle if you like it :)
Sending tips with @tipU - how to guide.
🎁 Hi @meesterboom! You have received 0.1 HIVE tip from @dswigle!Weird lol. But it's absolutely hilarious!
Cheers!
Ohh .. ahaha. You wrote great again :)
I may have a silky voice today. : / I'm a little nervous. I think I can ask you. Maybe you can tell me what to do. Someone made "unvote" on my travel article that I shared yesterday. when it will win beautiful for the first time. do you know this person ( likwid)
Ah. That's a shame. I am sure it will be a one off or something. What post is it?
https://esteem.app/hive-184437/@artizm/travelfeed-yigitler-village-kemalpasa-izmir
I think things like that always happen ..
Ah yeah, on high earning posts you do run the risk of that
oh .. not fun! anyway :)
True, at least it still has a good payout!
I try!!!
Downvoted because user didn't downvote anything in more than 3 days with an overflowing downvote power pool.
Well. It's not really because of that now is it.
But fine, knock yourself out
I received a mailer warning me about an expiring auto warranty, asking me to call quickly to respond. Apparently we have been hanging up on the telemarketer robocalls enough to justify their subsidy to the postal service in an effort to hook us in. At any rate, I had some time to kill, and needed some entertainment amidst the tedium of societal lockdown.
The voice answering the call did not have an Indian accent. It sounded like an ordinary American. Hmm. So I read off the claim number from their postcard and played along for a bit, until I decided to play my trump card.
I did not own the car listed on their card.
My car is much older than the one they listed, in fact. A good 20 years. But to be charitable, I mentioned instead the Mother Thing's mini-van, as it was a mere 16 years too old, but still well out of the warranty period any sensible honest broker would consider.
The filthy bastard still tried a sales pitch. I hung up and laughed as he gleefully transferred me to their sales department.