Right Back Where I Started
I've been manipulating pixels again. Some artists call it painting, but I don't use paint.
It's such a strange dream.
I can't describe this place in words. I don't know why my brain takes me there. I don't know what it means yet. What you see above is what I saw while I was sleeping.
You didn't know that most of what I've been showing you since 2016 comes straight from my dreamland.
I think I have visions. I'm given clues to my life, constantly. They never make sense at the time. It's just a dream. I forget most dreams. Some stand out, unforgettable.
I was once standing on a patio.
Behind me was the house. Water surrounded the patio in the dream but in life, it's not there. I was confused.
Whales and dolphins swam freely in this lake all around me. There were thousands of them. No sharks.
I can still see what I saw. It didn't make sense then. It was just a dream, from a long time ago... until I came here. Now that dream seems to mean something else, so I continue to look.
I've seen the end of the world.
I had a window seat.
Was it the end of the world or was I looking at a new beginning?
You've seen some of these images before, I know. I always told a different story though. Something creative. I'd paint my dreams and turn them into something everyone else would believe. I'd release them one at a time. I never once put them together like that to show you how they're all tied together somehow.
Right Back Where I Started comes from the same place as this:
I always stop and sit at my grave when I end up going for that walk. I don't know who most of those people are. One is me. If you can't see them, just know they're dressed in black and look to the sky.
When it's time to go, I turn around. Things start to get brighter. I think it's the sun coming up.
I don't know who she is. She's always hiding in plain sight like that. She scared me the first time. Now she laughs and bugs me about it. I still haven't seen her face.
You've seen my dreams. I've taken you to hell. I won't show those today. I didn't go for that walk again last night. Maybe you pay attention, maybe you don't. There's always a door leading out. I always get there but I usually wake up before I can leave because it's so exciting. I've painted that door so many times. You've seen it. Nobody knew what it meant until now.
I hear a lot of words. Some are good, some are bad.
You'll notice I become quite vocal if I feel cornered and need to stand up for myself. People tell me I shouldn't let things bother me, let it slide. I do. I try.
Recently, I was told I burned art on Steemit for 80k by a prominent member of this community. I didn't know what she meant by that. I took it personally but said nothing about how much it hurt. Where I come from, to burn means to insult someone. In my mind, it was a fancy way of telling me my art insults all of the other artists here.
Feeling devastated, I stopped producing new art and focused mainly on comedy. I tried my best to turn it all into a positive but if you've been paying attention you'll also notice a few recent posts mention other instances of negative forces trying to pull me down. I'll be honest with you right now and tell you that these things have snowballed into something that is attempting to kill me. For the past few days I've hinted that I may be headed to a dark place. This is what I meant by that. I don't feel good. I'm tired, and I don't feel welcome.
Then I'm reminded of the dreams I have.
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When I released this piece above, I asked everyone to tell me what they saw. I never told anyone what it really means to me.
In July of 2012 my uncle passed away. I wasn't able to be there because I was too focused on a career I hated and a beer bottle which I hated even more.
The night he passed away, he met up with me in the liquor store parking lot before I was about to head inside. He stopped me, I was shocked to see him there, we started small talking. I told him I wasn't happy with my life. He told me not to worry. I insisted there was nothing left for me. He comforted me and told me I'd be wealthy someday. I didn't believe him, I asked how. He responded with, "painting." Then I woke up. I was dreaming. That was the last time I ever saw him.
For years after, I thought about that dream. For the longest time, I thought he meant I'd be painting houses. Walls and stuff...
Some may confuse wealth as needing to be monetary. The internal wealth created finding solace in something to expel trapped emotion to some may weigh more. Embrace the snowball you fear if you're travelling toward hell, it may just be what you need to be able to handle the heat. Turn and face it. Use the flames of hell to garnish a torch to illuminate a path through the darkness ahead. The true bottle you hate is the one you fill and cap with emotions. Empty them on canvas or microsoft paint and return the bottle for the deposit. Now you've gained wealth in more than one way.
I like what you did here. Gives me a chance to listen.
Just remember, it is easy for one to give advice but much harder to listen to our own. We generally know what we should do to rid ourselves of our demons or what we would tell others to do, but rarely do we do it ourselves when confronted with the same situation. In other words, the chance given to listen is to yourself.
Welcome Back @nonameslefttouse
It feels that you're actually writing my story, same goes with me several times
You are an Artist and Artist always give through his deep observation and thoughts. Art is always very functional for the society it brings life back, enable them to think in a more innovative way. With due Respect i feel bad if someone said these painful words to you,
You deserve Massive Respect and Love because you are an asset of Steemit. I have went through many blogs in these days, Many Art blogs in fact but your way of writing is entirely different. You have your own style and impression on the readers. I followed you and Really Learned many things. Actually i have a Poetic Mind and i do believe Such minds bring quality and feelings among the masses just like you do My Friend.
I really don't know about others but i admit that you are the most magical Writer when it comes to explain some Art and you are a very Lively Soul when it comes to write about Humor.
Massive Respect and Love to You @nonameslefttouse
Stay the very same with your superb thoughts
May you always succeed, Steem On!
I was about to go sleep when I saw this. I've been thinking about how to respond for a few minutes.
All I can say... Thank you.
Mention Not & Yes Sleep Tight :) :)
I would be hard pressed to say it better than @salmanbukhari54. I don't frequent many art blogs quite honestly, unless they have something to say that 'draws' me in as well, which is why you have always been and always will be one of my favorite blogs on this site.
That dream of your uncle, wow. That's awesome, and actually I feel that those of us who were truly meant to be here, to shine creatively, all seemed to have some confirmation that this was the place for us. I don't think any were quite as profound as that though. I believe you honor your uncle by continuing here, it's not a sign you ignore.
I love you man, love your art, love your words, and you have a presence that burns extremely bright (I'd like to think that person meant something along those lines instead)
Dreams are still puzzling. Some are more like overhearing conversations of passersby. They exist but mean nothing. Others give you chills every time you think about them, like right now, for me. Maybe it meant something, maybe my life just went in a different direction by chance and now it's coincidence. Regardless, it'll always mean something to me.
I've been thinking about writing up one of those annoying how-to posts to share with the artists here. Unfortunately, what I'd have to say would go against so much of what they've been fed as guidance over the past many months. I want to help but at the same time I notice a lot don't pay much attention to this blog. This is what I get though, for being an outsider. Maybe they do feel insulted by my approach. I can put two and two together. I end up with four... but did I close the top when I wrote down, or did I leave it open... ? Hmmm.
For my next trick, I shall read your dreams spilled digitally
Image 1: This portrait depicts a person who has their eyes wide open seemingly overwhelmed with everything yet their mouth is blurred out meaning they are internalizing everything without a way to express it.
Image 2: There is a small person far off in the distance symbolizing where you thought you'd be by now, but the dark path signifies the fear of uncertainty or lack of stability. The clock shows the feeling of wasting time or being late to be already on that path.
Image 3: Shows your safe space. The place you go and is comfortable when feeling overwhelmed.
Image 4: Is your internal courage wanting to be released.
Image 5: The feeling of being overwhelmed, trapped with walls collapsing, but the way out is in view. Shows a hint of optimism.
Image 6: Shows a reflection of the sky. Although your tendency is to look down toward the ground, the reflection is a reminder to keep your head up.
Image 7: This is just a big red hairy nut.
Image 8: This is the reason Image 7 is all by itself. It is telling you to move on and let go. Something is holding you back that needs to be laid to rest.
Image 9: This is a tribute to Outkast. Reminding you of what's cooler than being cool..
Disclaimer: I am not a dream adviser. Do not invest in sleep that you are not willing to lose.
For this one, I'll just smile and nod.
Clearly I started to fall apart toward the end there..who ever knew deciphering dreams what so tiresome
It was entertainment, pure and simple. I enjoyed reading that. Thanks Dr. Phil.
A person can make a living painting houses, but I think you are going to make a killing with this digital work. Nice stuff up there man. And I did see the ones who were looking up in black, but didn't see what they were seeing up there. And that one was Easter Island, methinks.
@therealpaul... I have no clue what island I'm on. I don't mind painting houses but the people become frustrated when I start making the streaks go in all directions while claiming this looks cool.
They know it looks cool! They're frustrated because they only provided beige paint.
Was thinking about that 'burning art' comment, and without knowing much about it, the comment sounds like someone who only wishes that they had such skills and the time to produce these surreal and flipped-out images that people obviously enjoy seeing. It may be that they were trying to make you laugh and it came out wrong, but words are hard, and the internet is tricky.
Could have been miscommunication. I give people the benefit of the doubt first but I also sense vibes in a way. I don't like to bottle things up. Just saying it happened makes the rest of the sour taste go away. It's nothing now.
I realize we're all in direct competition with each other, but I've always been the type to promote camaraderie. It's easier to feel good watching others do well the honest way than to sit around feeling worthless in comparison. I'm rambling...
Hey cuntybaws! Don't give in to the naysayers and the potential negativity. Especially in this place. You are a breath of fresh air. Your art is sharp and your wit even sharper!
Your uncle knew it and you do too. :0)
Well, in life, if you get shit on, it's only natural to stink like shit for a time. This is how I wash the shit off. It's soap. I feel clean now and these words of yours as well as so many others really help with the lathering process. Why I must speak in such strange analogical terms is yet to be determined though. Thanks man!
your art is interesting ?🤔🤔👍🏼
That's a good question. :)
Can I called art?🧐👍🏼
Absolutely!
It looks like it kind of melted with some acid. Poor guy in the first image.
If you are seeing the end of the world you really got stop stealing my time machine while you sleep! I’ll have to make sure there some kind of added protection from dreams walking off with the dang thing. Sorry about that.
I’d say sell tickets to your dreamland. People pay absorbent amount of money to hallucinate like this in the living realm. Why that be an amazing adult theme park or I guess in your case art gallery (as you already are doing to a point!)
As for your own insanity they are your dreams. Paint some happy trees in them and some hot chicks! I don’t know how some people are able to master their dreams. I don’t sleep enough in long enough time frames to recall dreams.
The best part about this place is the fact I don't have to charge people to board this ride. The option is there to donate with a vote if they found the experience to be an enjoyable one and it costs them nothing. Brilliant.
I do happy trees too.
Trees basking in the moon glow to a slight breeze while they look up at the heavens. With a little barking of some friendly dogs in the background. Looks like a nice tranquil place to me.
Hey... Here's the original post that goes along with that image
... I don't know what I was thinking that day. 63 cents I earned... which of course means about $20 today. Man.. you'll never see anything that ridiculous again in your life.... meow.
Well consider my 3 cents to go towards that one lol.
As far as ridiculous well I can always try...
oh god who let me near paint again.
Beautiful pieces! Dreams have been held sacred by indigenous people since the dawn of times. From what I'm reading you remember many of them very well so I highly suggest you to write a dream journal so you can even remember them better and sometimes go back and reflect. I never used to remember my dreams but since I've started to write them down, I recall them more often. Every being that shows up in your dream has significant meaning. You will know the meanings better than anybody else. When it comes to animals showing up in my dreams beside my own interpretations, I like to look up what they represent as archetypes (google dolphin spirit animal for example). If you like to read, I strongly recommend Dream Alchemy written by Ted Andrews.
Much love to you and your journey :)
Thanks for the compliments. Rather than writing a journal, I just use the hazy memories and start producing an image. They tell me more than I'll ever need to say. Kind of like how we'll forget a name but never a face.
The whales and dolphins dream I had long ago. Now I find myself here, surrounded by them, much like the dream. You're new so maybe you don't know this. The high rollers here are called whales. People like me are called dolphins. Minnows are the newbies. In the case of that dream, a book that attempts to define meanings may have only confused me. Coincidence? That's possible too. I also wonder why, out of all the dreams, do I remember that one so clearly, as well as many other dreams that seem to attempt to tell me something. It's just weird!
Lol!!! I must be a "Minnow" then.
I don't believe in coincidences. Absolutely everything in this human experience has a meaning. I must say your dreams translate into beautiful pictures and it's amazing that they make your creativity flow :)!
Yup. You'd be a minnow... but don't let that make you feel small. I started out the same way you are.
Thanks a lot for the compliments. My newest post is a total train wreck in comparison to this one. Hopefully you don't change your mind if you see it!
Listen, @NoNamesLeftToUse The Writer/Artist Himself.
I hope nobody else takes this personally: you are my favourite entity to follow here on Steemit thus far. Your artwork and your sense of humour are why I follow you. I would imagine the rest of your followers follow you for those same reasons.
I'm sorry some people have been heckling you about various things, but you have to harden yourself against that sort of thing-- as an artist, as a comedian, as a person on a decentralised platform where everything is market driven and people speak their mind at you with impunity and relative anonymity. There are bound to be some bad actors or maybe some people who just don't agree with you. I know you said you're trying to let it slide, but you need to understand that just because one or more persons disapprove of your work doesn't mean you should stop altogether. I've been wondering where your artistic side went.
I didn't comment on your earlier post out of respect for your decision to take some time away, but I was starting to worry then. Now after reading this post, I am even more troubled. I hope that these snowballing negative forces are only threatening to figuratively kill you. I hope that you are taking artistic licence there. I'm worried that you're not.
If you are not, please don't let that evil snowball win. Go get help. Call one of the hotlines. Step away from Steemit if you need to, seriously. Anything you can do to stay with us, even if it means leaving us, for now, until you get better. None of this is worth not being alive. Really.
It's so cliché, it sounds so weird coming from an internet stranger-- but fuck it. I'm sorry someone closer to you hasn't said something similar on this post yet, but I am here if you need to talk.
I'm fine. That's all. It's highs and lows. Hard to explain. Think about how much energy it would take to be on fire. You've seen me on fire. That stuff is way up into space. I like it, it feels good. I can't stay there though. I'd pop. So these things come up in life. They're necessary. They seem to come in waves or groups. Sometimes it's nothing. Other times it's pretty harsh. The drop can be drastic. That'll change a person overnight. Knock me down a few notches. If I bottle it up, it stays there. Over the years I've found if I simply get things off my chest and be honest about it, I start to feel better. I'm an open book. I also like to make it known the world that I don't enjoy being fucked with and I like to push back. I needed to talk, so I did my talking.
I am getting tired though. My last post I said I won't be around. People still commented. I didn't ignore them. I read everything, but not until I had a free moment. Even though I'm tired, I get bored if I don't do anything. I didn't want to just sleep off an entire day. The silence gave me a chance to just focus only on my art studio instead of switching back and forth and attempting to do everything at the same time. So now I got something done and I feel better. I did everything I said I was going to do. Got some rest, went for a long walk, aimlessly. I needed that. Might do it again tomorrow.
I like your serious voice in writing. It's cool to have a bit more of a glimpse into your life.
You're my buddy! F-bombs and all! Stick around! :)
I'll stick around. That just put the Foo Fighters in my head.
When I first started, I was writing essays. Then I decided to step into a character. Then I created more characters. Then I decided to step out from time to time. I'm all over the map. I feel like I'm being pulled in every direction at once at times, yet everyone seems to give me a chance to be whatever I want. I'm just grateful and sometimes I feel lucky too.
I have a little of that, too. It was one of the first things I liked about Steemit - you could be multiple things and aspects of yourself, rather than a "brand" on social media.
:)
Well sure. I see that public figure persona everywhere. Way, way, way back a few considered me to be a fake because I was clearly using characters. It was their public figure persona saying those things though. The clown still has skin under the makeup. Everybody poops.
Too tired for a proper response but don't want to forget. -----> :)
I've always thought there was a fine line between genius and insanity. And similarly, the sensitivity that allows someone like you to be a creative force, also leaves you open to feeling stuff that really, really hurts. That is the price you pay unfortunately.
Knowing that doesn't exactly help. But remember that it is impossible to please everybody, so you need to be true to yourself, and I know you do. So just ignore the people who don't get you, and feel the love from the people who do. Hold onto that in the dark hours, and hopefully it will help.
And rest when you can, if you can.
Remember, a long time ago, we had a short conversation about introverts and extroverts and I tried to explain how, for me, there's no such thing as either or, left or right, up or down. It's always both smashing together... genius and insanity at war maybe? Back then I couldn't explain it. No chance now. It's not like it hurts, in a way that causes pain and sadness. It's like something that's getting in the way and I want to kick the living shit out of it, peacefully.
The thing about me is, I can't ignore it. I keep my eye on it, I allow it to exist. I watch it so it can't come and stab me in the back. I don't feel like being robbed.
This comment section though, with all of these kind words. I'm so impressed with everyone. This show of support is not something I ever got to experience in my life until I came here and started doing what I do. I hear it. Loud and clear. It's a life changer. A breath of fresh air.
I'm glad you hear the support. I think that's what we all want, for you to know you're valued and supported.
I live by these words, @kiwideb, thanks for the reminder. Here's a kind of echo, from The Bard:
"Lovers and madmen have such seething brains,
Such shaping fantasies, that apprehend
More than cool reason ever comprehends.
The lunatic, the lover, and the poet
Are of imagination all compact."
cc @nonameslefttouse
and my compatriot, Lebanese poet/philosopher, Gibran:
"I have found both freedom and safety in my madness; the freedom of loneliness and the safety from being understood, for those who understand us enslave something in us. "
What an interesting point of view. I'll definitely have to think about that a bit.
I'll check the links you sent me in Chat too.
Much appreciated, @kiwideb, it’s good to initiate a conversation 🤓
That story is creepy but really nice at the same time. You have to wonder if your uncle was just on your mind or if there was something more going on to make you dream that. I remember being in the room when my own uncle died and my mom crying as he passed. As I drove her home 10 minutes after we left the hospital the rain that was pouring stopped and the sun came out and a rainbow appeared in front of the car. Maybe my uncle played a role in that rainbow to say it's okay. Or it was just a coincidence. You never know. At least events like these help us process grief by finding meaning in them.
I just go with the flow... and try not to ask too many questions. When you're travelling though, it's always best to pay attention to the signs.
"If you asked the little boy what he'd do when he grew up, he'd say I'd rather be a fireman than paint - keep on painting" -
First time I heard this song.
It's one of my favorite to paint to, always good to put on, especially when I don;t feel like painting lol :)
Painting can come in many forms. Perhaps you are going to paint the world through your writings here on steemit I would ask what you been eating or drinking before you have a dream I hope it was good. You are in my prayers my friend. I wish I could have some cool dreams
Just keep reminding yourself to remember your dreams before you fall asleep. If there's a trick, that's the one that works for me.
Your art really is incredible. I'm sorry it takes going through all that you are going through though.
Thanks for the compliments. Don't worry about that sorry stuff though. I've said a couple times already, I'll just keep pushing back. Shit happens! I feel better now. Anything that's trying to eat away at me has been addressed now. Still a bit tired though. I'll probably work on fixing that.
Definitely shit happens! We all just address it and push through.
Your crafts are creative and meaningful. How do you really put your thoughts together the way you do?
You combine texts and visuals together in a brilliant manner ...
I don't see stuffs like this in my dreams haha
That is a tough question. It's much like asking me how I walk. I just get up and go. I know my destination. All I have to do is get there, so I take a trip.
Thank you for the kind words. As for the dreams... I once had a conversation with a river.
Its my pleasure.
River, here sounds symbolic. What does it connote? #confused
I literally spoke to a river and it responded. LOL! Dreams!
Cool digital dreamtime visions :)
Your art is some of the most unique stuff I've ever seen. Same goes for your writing, whether you're doing comedy or being serious. It makes me think. I like that. Thanks for sharing all this.
Thanks for the kind words @brandt. You folks sure know how to lift someone's spirits. Look around. It's not only my work that shines here on this post. This is a damn good group of people. Blows my mind...
Hey, @nonameslefttouse, good to see you back. I, too, “think I have visions. I'm given clues to my life, constantly”.
The artist, like the mystic, knows nothing... Proceeds in fits and starts, awaits instructions.
Our work is emptying ourselves so that we might be wide to receive...
I enjoyed virtual gallery, btw, and thought of Dali - who described his work as ‘hand-painted, dream photographs’.
Sweet dreams 🧞♂️
This is the second or third time someone has mentioned Dali when looking at my work. Each time, I've had to look him up. Then I see and think, oh yeah! That guy. I am the true outsider artist I guess. I don't follow anyone's lead, because I don't know who they are. I didn't go to school for this. Everything is self-taught. I just looked that word up to make sure it was hyphenated. I was right. The definition was a bit eerie:
Funny how it points to graphic artist, yet I'm not a graphic artist, I'm a digital artist. A graphic artist uses things like photoshop and produces things like signs, labels, ads, and so on. They typically have a job, a boss, deadlines, many tools that help automate the process, and everything else that kills creativity. A digital artist does whatever they want and a successful one knows how add excitement and showmanship to go along with the art. If I had only placed these pieces here while saying nothing, I doubt people would be as interested. The physical artists who despise the digital artists often accuse us of simply pressing buttons and making the art appear automatically. They'll downplay it every chance they get. Not all, but some. A loud minority. I move my hand around freely just like any other artist with a brush. I start with a blank virtual canvas and go to town. Hand-painted, dream photographs... that's brilliant. That guy was a genius!
How's that for late night rambling....
Hah! Yes, Dali was a genius, and declared it himself :) He's certainly a major artist, well worth knowing, and it's an honor to be mentioned in the same sentence as him... more than once.
I'm new to digital art and quite curious about its possibilities. The tools they are forever a changin, what matters are the artists themselves, and the creative spirit that moves them...
Art saves lives, my friend, carry on creating your world, and freedom! " 'I must create a system, or be enslaved by another man's. I will not reason and compare: my business is to create.' — William Blake (another genius :)
Love, Yahia
We all dream...and we all visit the dark places. Most of us come back, especially if there is something to come back to. Talent.
Wait a minute fella, you said you would be gone for a while. You said you would go to sleep but you didn't...You said you would take vacations but you didn't...You said you loved me...But you lied....Ooppss, sorry I got carried away :P
It was a brief stay away. I didn't break any promises. Speaking of which; I told myself I'd never listen to a Micheal Bolton song. It takes a lot of self-discipline but I'm hanging in there. That's one promise to myself I'll keep.
Awwwww, that sucks mate! But why?
Flagged for Micheal Boltoning my blog!
... just kidding.
I got so panicked for a moment that my vote didn't dare to give you the usual 1 cent lol :P
You have limited voting power. Use it wisely! It must recharge like a battery. Every time you use it, your power drops, like a battery. This is why I don't vote your comments at 100% power. I only have so much to go around.
Ohhhh, thanks mate. I didn't know that!
So you're back from the end of the world, good. A few peculiar evil paintings and a little bit of thoughts.
Phew, I was worried for nothing. You'll be fine.
Your message on the other post encouraged me. I was only going to share that new bit of artwork at the top and say nothing but instead, I started to talk.
Good, good! Even if you're really tired just make a simple post and say hello)
I'm learning to paint too by the way. Looking for a good teacher in my city at the moment for motivation and pointers.
I look forward to seeing this stuff!
These pictures scare me, but I want to look more. Probably something wrong with me (Not probably, but surely).
I want MOREEE!!!
The Darkside is crawling from the depths of my soul!
I don't know about you but to me art is anything that can touch another in a way that can not be described whether it be comedy, art or just painting houses! Enjoy your night...
If there's one thing I can't do well... it's explain myself.
Wow!! Those paintings are dope. Go find yourself an interpreter or are you Joseph the dreamer? Lol
I'm just a dude from Canada, eh.
I'm impressed with your work and is quite interesting. And most of the time it is only you who understands what you created.
@ nonameslefttouse, It's such a strange dream. thats for sure, most dream are always forgotten when u wake up....true story, more wisdom.... #matthewthonyit
@nonameslefttouse" dream painting" whooooooa, thats another creativity.. post well...
really motivational... thanks for sharing.
It's a great story. the film can be taken. I am very impressed
How you made those images?
It's digital art. I move my hand, art appears.
Really interesting and creative art @nonamelefttouse!
fabulous one
Wow good posting
Class of steemit about steem power
What a lovely piece! Looking forward to more of this.