Hello, my Steemit friends! I haven't been quite as active since receiving the news that my Little Man will be becoming part of my forever family. Summer really began for us last Tuesday, and we have been enjoying each precious day before I have to go back to work on Monday. Things have been moving forward at a fast pace for both of my littles: adoption attorneys, adoption workers, paperwork. The list seems a little endless, and I do all of it with a happy heart. Of course, we still have the appeal process to get through; however, we move forward to prepare in hope.
A question I am constantly bombarded with by family and friends is: Are you going to change their names? It is something that I wouldn't allow myself to think of or plan for until we got to this point, not wanting to have soaring hopes dashed to pieces by the rocks that loomed below us. Now that the time has come, it is both an exciting and weighty responsibility to choose their forever names. Neither name is awful; both are unique. The Little Man has two first names, and people often shorten it to only the first of the two. This shortened version does not fit him at all, and I have grown used to using the two names together. Baby Girl's name is quite unique, but has a very special meaning. She was given her maternal grandfather's name in a feminine version. However, nobody can seem to pronounce it, and I have a hard time imagining her as a 30- or 40-year old using her name in a professional setting. She would have to go through her whole life correcting others on the pronunciation of her name. While unique seems to be the trend (there is a "Rizzo" in her class...that's quite unique!), I don't want her to dislike her name later in life due to its unusual characteristics. So what's an adoptive mother to do?
Everyone seems to have their own opinions. My parents and older sister want me to keep the names of both of them; my younger sister says to change both. Even good old William Shakespeare seemed to have an opinion on name changes:
A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.
--William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet
Would it, Bill? Would it? Or perhaps, a different interpretation of Shakespeare's work from one of my all-time favorite book/movie series of my childhood:
I read in a book once that a rose by any other name would smell as sweet, but I've never been able to believe it. I don't believe a rose WOULD be as nice if it was called a thistle or a skunk cabbage.
--L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables
Would we buy a dozen of these if they were called skunk cabbages??
My current thoughts on the name-game are these...for now...until I change my mind again. The Little Man will be three very soon. He identifies by his name. He introduces himself to everyone he meets and tells them his name. If you are talking about him near him and use his name, he yells out, "That's me!" This sweet boy has been through so much. While he is the happiest I have ever seen him these last two weeks, he has also lost so much that he doesn't quite understand yet. For me to take his identity from him on top of that seems unforgivable. I like the second part of his first name, and it could fit him very well. I may try calling him that as a nickname and seeing how he reacts. If he doesn't like it, I won't push it. When he's older, he can choose to go by the full two names, one or the other of his first names, or even just initials. It has been suggested to me by his therapist that it will be important for me to change his middle name--to give him something special and with lots of meaning--to help him feel like a member of the tribe. While I do think his middle name is very nice, and is one of the names of a very dear friend, I think giving him a family name would integrate him into his new forever family. On my dad's side, the name Joseph has been the middle name of the first-born son's first-born son for several generations. My brother was the first to break that tradition, so it was not carried on in my family. This particular great-great-grandfather was a rebel and married a lady that was adopted herself from the orphan train, and he was disowned because of his union with her. If THAT doesn't integrate him into the family, what will? So Joseph is currently the top contender, with my dad's name being the second consideration.
As for Baby Girl, her name is adorable...for a baby. If I could reconcile myself to imagining a fully-grown version of her name, I might be able to embrace it fully. I did have a chance to spend a great deal of time with Baby Girl's biological mother throughout the course of her hospitalization and numerous medical appointments. Her biological mother always spoke so warmly of her grandfather; you could tell the grandfather was a key figure in her bio mom's life. My Baby Girl will never know who her father is, so by keeping her name, I could help her have a sense of some lineage. One day, I would be able to tell her, "You had a grandfather who was a great man. He ran marathons, and you were named after him." (That's pretty much the extent of my knowledge of him!) However, I think every lady dreams of being able to name a daughter and probably has a list of names picked out before they even graduate high school. I do have a name that I have loved for a long time. She will be given this name as her integration into the family. What I can't decide is if it will be her first or middle name, with the other being her grandfather's name.
Weigh in, my Steemit friends! I'm sure that I will waver on these decisions until the day comes where we hopefully make it legally official. Names are etched in stone, create a sense of power, and embody one's persona. Maybe I am completely overthinking this; and regardless of what is chosen in the end, we will all share the same last name, and that is where our family legacy will begin at last.
(Photos courtesy of pixabay.com. GIF courtesy of giphy.com)
~smiles~ Remember me? I've been off be'n a steem bum since the challenge.
I'm so happy to be reading this...it's just such wonderful news! All that angst dispersed to more manageable "problems".
I think you're doing a great thing in allowing the "little man" to keep his identity. I often wonder how that kind of change could affect a child who still has confusion and pain of loss.
I have no idea what could be so difficult about the little girl's name but I'm sure she'll learn to work with it as time goes by. Who knows she may decide for herself that she likes her middle "integration" name and use that.
I do think you should have both carry a family name that are important to you and will be to them in time. Such are the ties that gently bind family and history together.
I honestly think you have your mind made up already. You just haven't committed to it...yet. Again...I'm so stoked that this turn of events have made your heart so much lighter. So glad I saw your name surfing the feeds and swung on over. I wish you and your growing family much happiness and joy.
Keep on Steem'n on!
logyx...see...even I changed my name. };-)>
~smiles fer miles~EDIT: BTW @thesimplelife Rizzo was the name of the rounder character played by Dustin Hoffman in Midnight Cowboy...Ratso Rizzo...what were this child's parents thinking? Poor kid. :-/
Well there's also a Rizzo in the movie Grease, so I assumed that's where it was from! I didn't know about the other famous Rizzo. I think there's also a Rizzo the rat in a muppets movie but I'm not sure about that! Anyway, thanks for the warm wishes. I appreciate the sentiment and you taking the time to read and wish us well! We still have a long wait with an appeal in place, but we are at least a big step closer. You are right...I probably have my mind set, I just need to commit! I'm closer to doing that, thank goodness. We are in a name trial period where we are testing the waters to see how things go.
I'm so happy to read this. I knew it would all turn out well. And you apparently get rid of the fear successfully. 😉😊
Thank you!!! It's been a lovely two weeks without the chaos of a busy schedule and the massive amounts of fear and anxiety. Unfortunately I'm back to work on Monday, but at least I don't have the fear of him being sent back in the middle of the day without me getting to see him! Thanks so much for your care and stopping by to share in our excitement!
Yay! Tough one, dealing with names! I think you're good on Little Man's already since he has already identified himself with it ("that's me!") Baby Girl, seems to need more deep thinking. Hehe.
Whatever you choose, you are right. You would share the same family name which would bind you greatly.
Good luck on the name game @thesimplelife! 😉
Thank you!! It's fun to think about and nice to have something more fun to post about as well!
Yes! The Name Game is pretty tough for us parents since we have to think about how it would suit the child. We don't want them cursing us later on for giving them crappy name. Lol.
Yes...no cursing their names! That's what I'm afraid of if baby girl has to spell or explain pronunciation her whole life!
I have a Lebanese colleague who has a brother who is now a French citizen. I don't know if it applies to all French nationals/citizens, but his nephew was given 3 "first names" - an Arabic name, French name and an English name all on his passport. Later on when he is 16 ( or 18 I forgot) he can choose which name(s) he would like to keep. Just made things simpler for the parents. 😅
Three first names is quite a lot, but it's cool to have some kind of history to your lineage behind each name. It is cultural for some of my students to have 2-3 middle names. So they really only are heard when they walk across the stage at graduation time...if they choose to use them all.
Omg i wondered what happened to you, what happened to the kids and I thought you weren't posting. Turns out I hadn't followed you "officially" so after the challenge, I took time off, thought maybe you had too, then I thought I'd look and see and found my mistake.
Soooo glad to hear you have a lifetime of great days ahead!
Before I weigh in on the names, may I first say you would be wise to prepare yourself now for their eventual need to know the part of them that is missing. Why do I stand the way I do? Why do I gesture like that? These are bloodline things that show up and you see in family. Wasn't I wanted?
If they want to meet their birth parent(s) it's because there is a hole in their life they need to fill that is a key to who they are, has nothing to do with the wonderful life you provide for them, and does NOT mean they will love you any less, which is why I mention preparing now.
I am certain you already know this, just giving you something to chew on.
As to the names, my thought would be to simply add the names you want to their names. Their names are a part of their story, including the names you want to give them. What you call them on a daily basis is what you feel is right for them. You will make the right choice for both.
Besides, the longer their names are the more they know they're in trouble when you rattle it off, lol, all you days will still be great, some just may look a little different when they're naughty. ;)
Do you know...I've had the same thing happen with the following people thing! I had so much daily contact that I thought I was following people already. Slowly I've been finding people I'm so glad you found me because I hadn't followed you yet! Lol. Silly challenge!!
Thank you for your wise words on the future. I know there will be lots of tough conversations when they are older and I'm trying to prepare myself now. I also want to be able to give them information and answer questions (as age appropriate) along the way. I guess that's one reason I'm super grateful for my counseling degree at this point! Hopefully my training will have prepared me for what's to come in that department as well. SO glad to hear from you and thanks for your kind words and input!
I had seen this video and was thinking of these two when I wrote that. https://www.facebook.com/danijohnsonlive/videos/10156082432173496/?hc_ref=ARR7iEAX71jxoEeW5Z4mbd2RQ-2g7ZawR1qe8jYA5VOd1QrBhVFO-zI5Nta6whq-FIk I had to search to find it, but I thought you might find value in it. Both of them were adopted and shared the child's perspective, as well as others. Hopefully something in it might help you prepare.
I believe you are a wise woman and I think I understand a little bit about how you love your two. There are lots of nuggets in the video. Every story is unique, but there are shared feelings for the child about abandonment and where they belong. Your kids are lucky they have you and that you're aware.
Thank you so much for sharin that and your kind words. That touched my heart! There's some you tube videos out there too (I can't remember the series title right now) about a kid's perspective about their foster care experience. I really need to find that video and watch it as well. While it might be hard at times to watch, it's good to hear those perspectives to prepare me for their needs. Thank you for your support and digging to find that video!!!
I'm glad you found it valuable! Your kids are lucky you are willing to open your heart to the possibility of them having a relationship with their birth parents, but also being equipped to help them deal with possibly more rejection.
I think Christina mentioned being active in adoptions groups some how, could be a resource?
Great idea!! Thank you for all of your kind words.
Just calling it like I see it :) hang in there
Oh, AND having longer names for when they're into trouble could definitely come in handy! Ha!!
Oh, this is a tough one. I do think the idea of keeping one each of their original names and giving them one each of new names seems the best option. But without knowing those names it's a bit more difficult lol.
I am so happy that you have your forever family now! Big hugs to you!
I'm going to resteem this post and mention it to a friend. I hope it helps :)
And one last thing, ironically it's very unlikely that William Shakespeare was actually the name of the man who wrote the plays. The largest consensus is the name of the man was Francis Bacon :)
It's got to be hard giving input without names...lol...I threw a challenge out there! Unfortunately I can't share them yet! I won't breathe completely easy til all of the paperwork is done and signed by a judge, but the excitement is growing. You seriously blew my mind with the Shakespeare fact. Mrs. Martin, my AP English teacher in high school, sure didn't teach us that! I'm going to have to read more about that one. And lastly, thabk you for resteeming and sharing it. Imagine my surprise when I saw that jump! I always appreciate your support. So kind of you to lend a helping hand.
What a precious and difficult process! I like your reasoning with Little Man - he identities with his name, and giving him an option later could be good.
Sounds like Baby girl needs some work, haha. I like the idea of keeping her current name as a middle name. It creates a nice tie to her lineage for when she starts asking.
You're the momma though, and it is your call. :)
I laughed..."baby girl needs some work"...uh, yeah, she does. Especially since her name sounds best first in combination with my chosen name. The other way around sounds a little goofy. Great minds think alike I guess! Thanks for weighing in!
Put the order they way you want, then call her what you want. The little guy I think of when I read about yours goes by his middle name daily, so does his dad. The grandfathers name is Steven and goes by Steven. They named their son Steven Joseph and called him Joe, then Joe named his son, my little guy, Steven Thomas and call him Tom. (example names, not up to me to share their real names)
That's all very true! We are playing around with using different names to see how it feels. The Little Man really likes the baby's potential new name. He called her that all day yesterday and corrected my sister today when she used her birth name. We still have lots of time to figure it out (I think!)
Little Man may have decided for you hahaha your figure time may already be gone! ;)
He also likes to call her "cutie patootie"...so hopefully that doesn't end up being her final name...lol!
meep
Hahaha well
Lol, I thought you would like that. Great minds do think alike! I am enjoying your story
I've always been big on a name's meaning.
My first son's name, Carlin, means "Little Champion"
and my second son's name, Vincent, means "Little Conquerer"
I gave both my sons strong names to fit the strong will and ambitions I hope to instill in them.
I am too...your sons' names are very strong and proud! When I first got both of them, I looked up the meaning of their names. Baby Girl's given name also means "Champion", which fits her because she was a preemie and has been a fighter the whole way. The name I'd give her means "oath of God".....???
The meaning of Little Man's second first name (sounds weird to say it that way...but I don't know how else to say it!) is "light giving" and that's definitely what he's done in my life!
Beautiful.
This is so hard!! What if you were to hold off and see what names fit them- try the new names on for size? Slowly migrate to the new names that come naturally. Eventually once (and if) the new names stick, then you could decide on officially changing at some point when it 'feels right' and just makes sense. Kind of like how nicknames form and eventually just take the place of the real name. Does that make sense?
I know, right??? So hard!!! I've thought of that, too. We have probably 3-6 months to wait before it's official, by the time the appeal comes back and all that. I've kind of been throwing out their names in different ways to see how it feels. So far it feels so weird! And maybe the weirdness will wear off...and maybe not. Your thinking makes total sense! A bit of a name trial, so to speak. The Little Man would have to get used to calling his sister a new name if that's what was decided... not sure how he would do with that or if it would just confuse him.
Ahhh it makes my brain hurt to think of what I would do in your shoes. It's so hard!! Keep us posted on your thoughts.
I will! Thanks for your take on it!
Nice post
Your vote is important to us. For which we thank you. And keep voting @piyushkansal
Hey can i talk to you ?
To me or to the spammer? Lol...
To the spamer hehe , i think your posts are so cool that they desurve to be read not only spamed with auto comments :)
Ha. I figured! Might as well have a bit of fun with it. This comment appeared literally seconds after I posted, so there's no way they even read it. Thanks for defending my honor!
I couldn't decide which so you get two!
Wow , hehe see we can flag people like him but isnt better try to change them ?
You might as well have some fun with it!