Out of curiosity, how often do you feel judged through the generic words of others? How often do you hear a statement or read an article and feel that emotional response that comes when being criticised?
Was it aimed directly at you? Probably not, right?
I write across a lot of topics and most of them are raising questions about society, culture, community or individual positions for discussion. What I find interesting is the amount of defence it raises. Very few of my articles are directed at anyone yet, some people tend to feel that they are targeted in some way. Good.
I don't mean that I am actually targeting them but what this points to is that they are considering the questions personally and reviewing their position. I don't mind the arguments that come but, do people consider what this actually means when they feel attacked through indirect words?
To me it indicates that they haven't fully considered their positions. If you believe that what you are doing for yourself as an individual in relation to the rest of the world is the best thing, why feel attacked? The problem is that because they likely haven't considered it fully, they do not actually know whether their position is solid. The questions from random sources that raise emotions should indicate this for if they had considered it, they wouldn't have an emotional reaction, it would be a rational and logical one.
I know that for me personally, I come up against this often enough to see it in myself. I feel that my position is good but when that emotion raises and I feel attacked, I know that good or not, it isn't fully considered. For me to argue from this point, would be to argue from a position of emotional weakness that would likely very quickly discover many holes. Again, it happens.
However, the times I am able to catch it before I respond, think a little/lot if it is just me or ask for clarification if I can, I find that my position may adjust somewhat, change completely or, strengthen incredibly. From here, I can concede the weakness or, present the strengths of my position. I am not great at this, but I hope i am slowly improving.
Reacting emotionally to something is an indication of poor position in one way or another. It could be that behaviour is poor and the questions raised give a look in the mirror, it could be that the position is lopsided in its evaluation and even if good, hasn't been considered or, it could be that one is unable to control the emotional response which will inevitably lead to conflict, not resolution.
When we feel judged it means we feel attacked and taking this position makes us feel as if we are the victim and even random words that hit a nerve victimise us. What I find is those who continually keep asking/considering questions and what it means to them on a personal level are generally those who do not get emotionally damaged from the questions themselves and are much more willing and civil in discussion.
When emotions arise, pay attention. Rather than let it control behaviour, find out why it appeared first.
Taraz
[ a Steemit original ]
Yep. I have that feeling sometimes, even though its unintentional on your path. True. When i react strongly to a persons words i find myself wondering why. When it raises questions, i have to find the answer.
Finding that answer will take a little time and for most, that is enough for at least the emotion to drop away. For many, that journey is lifelong.
Why are you talking about me?
In all seriousness, a few years back I did an experiment on social media where for a while I assumed everything everyone said was about me, no matter how ludicrous and out of context. It didn't completely cure me of the problem but it certainly gave me a different and more relaxed perspective on it.
That is some trial by fire. In this day and age most who attempted similarly would likely jump from a tall building.
Thing is, it becomes kind of hilarious. Because you don't notice the vast majority of the things people are saying about other people that don't apply to you, unless you're specifically trying. And usually if it doesn't apply to you, trying to apply it to yourself is really funny. At least for my sense of humor.
As I said when I was asking my lawyer to cover up my many affairs with supermodels so that I could run for president.
Agree with you dear @tarazkp...
Emotions indeed often cover rational and wise considerations... and when they are arise...it is better to calm down ourselves before doing something...
I remember a saying: "Don't make an importan decision when you angry."
Anyway, thanks for sharing...❤
It is good advice. Don't trade in a rush either.
Thank you...❤
I'd say we're very quick to second-guess ourselves and very prone to self-doubt, so that's why we feel attacked unnecessarily.
As you say, we're not sure of ourselves and painfully aware of our inner doubts, so naturally, when someone addresses the general topic of that doubt, we get the feeling that they too know what's in our heads.
Indeed, I think it is perhaps better to catch that emotional thought first and inspect it before going on a rampage. Nothing worse than finding out you are wrong twice about the same thing :)
Quite frequently I feel judged by many. I do tend to over analyze things and I am not always so kind to myself. Then again I would find life very boring if I cohered to social norms and fit in all their little boxes of boredom.
Most times it's from seeing opportunity and not quite working out how to take advantage of it or create it in a way it would work for myself. I also am surrounded by some very competitive people in my life who you swear while they like to use generic reference it can’t but be about you. Most of the times they are just off insult others in a way and perhaps they fail to realize that what they are talking about is also what you do.
Either way, I can’t let it show most of the time. It’s simply not worth the time or effort. Too much to do in this world to be spending so much of it dealing with or calling people out those who will sit there and play dumb to the entire thing. I’ll more than get the last word in one day. It’s just a very long journey till then with many endless amounts of sleepless nights to be had.
It may just well be but, what does it matter?
I don't worry about the last word but the journey of sleepless night I do know well :)
I think this is because people get lost in the positioning, positioning in the sense that, when i read a post or article, to fully understand, i try to put myself in position of the writer, the reader, and the actual intended audience. This only helps me to carve my response, for me, its never about the attack, moreso if i feel attacked, then i just ignore, i rather think i misunderstood what i read than to allow my emotions take over me.
Goodmorning
I found a post i will appreciate if you can check out, i will like to know your thoughts about it. Kindly check it out if you have free time. Thank you
https://steemit.com/life/@ura-soul/is-effort-un-natural-the-effortlessness-of-real-balance-and-the-art-science-of-allowance
I do the same as a type of meditation with worse case scenarios.
Hi Taraz. What do they say "if the shoe fits". I think you could say a lot of words like cheat, selfish and crook and a lot of ears would prick up on this platform. It doesn't matter what you write about you will always get a defensive reaction. Remember if the rules change they have far more to lose.There is so much going on and a majority are doing something. It is ok as it is in the rules but not in the interest of the community. I suppose the best we can do is grow in our groups and have each others backs.
It tells something of their own position when they are the words they think are about them, doesn't it?
It could also be a case of bad timing. As an example, I had to take my mother off life support a few months ago as she was considered to be "brain-dead". Less than a month later, a person that I know put on a article for her medical students on FB about how you shouldn't pull the plug on a brain-dead person as they may not truly be in a vegetative state. Needless to say that I am no longer speaking to this person. Did they get me upset on purpose? No. The point is, was I was already feeling guilty and grieving and the article made me second-guess my decision.
Indeed it can be timing and this is likely common considering the amount of random information we are exposed to as the chance for triggering goes up. It is part of living with our decisions and if not your friend, it would have come up at some point. This goes for all things.
Sorry about your mother, it must be a terrible decision to make yet, it still has to be made. I have told my wife to pull the plug on me and move on quickly if there is only a slight chance I am aware or will wake up.
Well this is somewhat a sensitive topic. As per my believe the emotions sometimes makes us do something wrong, or you can say not wise.
But this is the way of our body, emotions controls us and we are designed like that.
Thanks for putting forward such a brilliant post so that we can analys ourself.
They are designed that way but, they were designed that way for very different purposes before language even really developed.
Yes very true as emotions are there in all beings, in an infant who doesn't know how to speak or in an animal.
You know how in Facebook someone would post a quote and someone would always react if it was about them.
I had this boss that whenever she saw people have any negative post about demotivation she always thought it was because of her when some instances are because of other stuff.
I always think you would reach if you did something and the poster might not even know you did it and might have been thinking of a diffrent person or just resonated with the line.
people are generally self-centered so what ever gets said, the first evaluation is done in relation to themselves. It is the same when there is a group photo, people look for themselves first.
In Steemit I have felt very confused in situations when someone is triggered by what I say/write.
I have never used any other social media as much as this and shared my thoughts like this (except irl) and even if I knew beforehand that there's a risk of being misunderstood, I'm still surprised how people interpret others words and get offended.
I want no harm to anyone in general, so it's a strange feeling when someone seems to be insulted and starts to defend themselves. I also do have opinions and a strong sense of moral and values, so if the topic/opinion is something I strongly stand behind (even though I'm open to other point of views at the same time), I don't want to give in to others and get crushed, just for the "peace".
I experienced my first heated debate related to my latest post (comment section) about peoples mean attitudes. It felt extremely weird and hard in a way, to try to understand otherones defensive messages and to clarify my thoughts to the otherone in a constructive way.
How do you deal with controversies @tarazkp ?
:D
I present them, I get attacked, I listen, I defend, I change my mind ( not often needed since I am usually right ;) ) I like the discussion and conversation however these days, it is generaly not aggressive here as people seem to have accepted my comment section as a kind of safe space for pen discussion which means agree or disagree, we can still have a good talk and keep it civil.
Do you think listening is easy on the internet? I think the problem lies there; you can never be sure how the other one intends his/her words and it's easier to misunderstood each other when you can't hear or see the other one. I like discussion and sharing opinions too, but I'm not used to it getting too heated or aggressive. I wouldn't say I avoid conflicts, but I don't enjoy them, so it's easier to give up in a situation where the other one is aggressive.
"Reacting emotionally to something is an indication of poor position in one way or another." ~ i agree mostly, but sometimes this is not the case. In terms of what you are saying here though, it's certainly true. i experience something very similar when i share my honest feelings and people project me as attacking them, because it seems they just want to argue their point anyways. Either way, it's always a fascinating thing to examine and I appreciate your article.
since I like to argue.. :P
they may be your honest feelings but that doesn't make them correct, only correct to you at the time. It is the other side of the blade, if that makes sense. People give their emotional perspectives and it feels 'so right' but perhaps under consideration, more flaws would be seen. However, when presented emotionally it is likely to evoke strong reactions back so the discussion can stall or become aggressive.
Its all about self esteem. But self esteem we developet when we were little children.
Perhaps the ego is too big and the skin stretched too thin.
Emotions is in some cases not actually the best form of reaction.
What is real is real, our resistance to the acceptance of this depends on the energies we possess.
I do not allow myself to be disturbed at what does not affect or concern me. When we read or hear things, we are to find our place in the statement. If not for you, leave it, don’t place yourself in it.
When the emotions arises I try to view if am been advised and when been judged, so i don't take what i read or how i understand what i read too personal.
I agree. Certain times I've felt judged when I wasn't being referred to at all. Self esteem may play a role