I feel that as time passes I become increasingly cynical. I used to be a person with a lot of faith, an active seeker of the spiritual truths, and yet now I see everything related to that world as fairy tales we tell ourselves to make some meaning of it all.
My faith grew a lot when I had psychedelic experiences both with chems as well as magic mushrooms. From there I looked for a long time for a way to access such elegant and heightened states of mind without using external aid, but could not find any way to get there.
All I found were infinite layers of darkness and ignorance within myself, which I kept peeling off in hopes of finding the hidden gem that lay within me. But nothing, it seems there is no hidden gem, and all that I experienced was solely thanks to neurochemical ecstasy.
So I must say I'm a bit disappointed in it all. It's sad to feel that you could be more, that you have experienced being more, but no matter how much you try you're still stuck in a low vibration state, perhaps forever.
When I'm tripping there's usually a pain to deal with, something that makes me feel like I'm going to die if I don't confront it and then comes the acceptance that leads me into higher understanding.
This makes me think that there's a death I need to confront, something in me needs to be released. At the same time, I feel like I've been playing that same game for years now without getting much result.
Anyway, I'm open to suggestions. Can anyone relate? How are you dealing with this and what results have you experienced?
For me it all keeps coming back to balance. Balance between time spent by myself and time spent with others, preferably the right kind of people that deeply understand me and are open minded.
Don't just surround yourself with those that drain your energy or things that do this to you.
Be kind to yourself, keep smiling, and focus on the small. beautiful things around you.
That and plenty of rest.
I have days like yours but luckily it doesn't last long.
Sending a hug!
Unfortunately balance doesn't bring in the heightened consciousness I seek, there's gotta be a way to permanently be aware of the sacred geometry that is happening all around and also have clear telepathic communication with astral beings without external aid goddamit
Anyway, I'm guessing the only ones who can help live in the Amazon and that's where I'm going... Someday... When I stop being distracted by the women of Babylon lol
Hey mate, hang in there! That's pretty much it. Be persistent. The dark night of the soul passes but no one can make it pass for you.. it's your deal alone. Effectively it makes sense we must find the bottom of the bottom in order to proceed - some of us never had a foundation of honesty and reality and so have to go to such depths to get there. You're indeed alone in this process but there are others who have faced their aloneness. There's a community of alone outsiders that never meet but have found through hard experience where the general direction of things need to go and what it takes to get there and how to apply the self on a personal level. Ultimately - a state of mind that allows such highs and lows is not sustainable. Look for something that doesn't fluctuate as your reference point. The mind in its present state is a poor representation of actual reality. Stand back.
Thanks for your thoughtful feedback!
Maybe I'm misunderstanding but I feel what you are saying is that there's no way to live in the heights, rather we should go for a non fluctuating middle ground, somewhere stable.
I guess that's a more accessible place, but at the same time it feels the same as giving up and settling for less than you know your mind is capable of. It might be a more mature vision though, a realistic way to end the struggle and I often go that path to bring some serenity but there's always a part of me that knows greatness is possible
No, I'm not talking about mediocrity - or a midway between high and low. I'm talking about balance. True contentness. Dao. It's like once things are balanced (not mediocre) then there is a doorway out.
Maybe with time I'll understand better what you mean, for now just gotta keep observing the happenings
i can fully relate. trips are so long ago that i sometimes forget how immensely important they were. but when other people were around those trips were mostly uncomfortable. but enriching, especially the bad trips.
nowadays i feel similar. a lot of cynicism to anything related to the world and the matrix, all those artificial constructs and how stubborn and ignorant people are, clinging onto them like it was a law of nature.
what helps me is not to confuse myself with my cynicism. it's only one of the many (worldly-indoctrinated) ego voices. what is useful then is to give that voice a name or title and treat it as your pet dog. it is merely trying to warn you and remind you that your path is right in stark opposition to the fake road most travelled by so many.
the issue is, that pet ego dog voice cannot communicate in a neutral way,it is hopelessly negative in its utterances... but it does mean well and is only trying to protect his master. in a semi-tragic manner.
Oh thanks this is very helpful. For some reason I had never seen that voice as one of many and I had given it some kind of stellar protagonism.
Like, I know that the dialogues in my head are all just ego and am able to discard them if they're not being useful, but that particular voice I thought of as the real one, "the seeker".
Very grateful for your insight, I've got something new to work with now 🙏
i am glad!
i wrote a post on that insight a while back but can't find it anymore on peakd...
ironically that idea came as a revelation at the end of an acid trip on a psy festival, ahahhaa.
blessings!
hey i found the article!
i remembered it wrong,
it did come from david hawkins but it has helped me out tremendously.
https://peakd.com/spirituality/@paradigmprospect/lifehacks-for-the-mind-or-part-4-your-ego-is-not-your-enemy
blessings dude
Good stuff, thank you for sharing, it is really on spot
What I was going to say has already been said to you by someone else... ;)
It's about who we meet. Some people are experts at sucking energy. Fill yourself with good energy in nature and try to find balance.
Solve your inner deficiencies. This is the first step. We are programmed from birth to think that there must be someone out there to help us with this. However, nothing could be further from the truth. We are on our own.
How do I earn my GUDA?