This is one of the main things I've been working on lately in regard to noticing triggers and working on trying to control them so to speak... Both in a broad general sense especially with social interactions and also specifically in regard to the OCD I deal with.
But... Maybe it's not so much about "controlling" them per se... Maybe in a way it's more about setting them free?
However, to me it almost seems like a process where you first must learn to understand what you're dealing with and then let go of it after you understand, for... How can you even work on something to begin with if you don't try to understand it?
I used to think it was most honest to express myself about whatever it was that I was feeling or thinking that I thought reached a certain level of importance.
I didn't hold much back, I really prided myself on being "honest" and "blunt".
However... After learning more and more about triggers and OCD I'm starting to think that my "extreme honesty" and my "extreme logic" and trying to understand so much, might be part of the problem.
My friend sent me some links about OCD stuff and a couple of them that I watched last night really made me question things more.
One guy said something like... And I'm paraphrasing cause I don't remember his exact words, though what I remember was something like... "Don't try to figure the OCD out".
Which just was the total opposite of what I expected especially because throughout most of suffering from OCD I've felt deep down like the solution was to somehow "UNDERSTAND" and that somehow by understanding that would reveal to me the solution... But, maybe there is no way to fully understand such and maybe the harder you try to understand the more difficult it becomes and can potentially even result in something known as existential OCD which I believe I have experienced to some degree in the past.
And then in the other video I watched this woman who claims to have solved her OCD for the most part said something similar in that the more you think about your OCD the more you give it life... Wow... That's really interesting to me cause I realize there's some truth to it, but I still don't know how to completely do it.
Thanks to some previous videos I've watched I've made great progress and feel like I've sort of been doing some of this stuff without knowing it so it makes some sense even if it's really hard to make sense of.
For example, there was one video where the woman who was some kind of expert said something like... Imagine OCD is someone trying to call, like... A telemarketer or someone who you don't really want to talk to and then at first do your best to just not pick up the phone immediately.
She wasn't saying don't answer it at all or to make extreme swings quickly, just to delay answering it as long as you can and each time keep doing that and delay it longer and slowly build on that over time as she suggested that would "Disrupt" the pattern and ever since I've tried that I feel like it has helped me to sort of put a buffer in between my OCD and immediately moving to the compulsions.
It wasn't a cure, though it helped a lot and it sounds similar to what some of these others are saying about sort of... "Not listening" to the OCD.
So, last night I came up with a line of poetry and a question for anyone who wishes to try to answer if they want to.
Is it logical to not use logic?
I don't necessarily mean all the time, but in certain situations... And... This is extra weird to me on numerous levels in a philosophical sense one being because it's a logical choice in my opinion at this stage to not use logic regardless of the subjective values placed on such and just in a really basic fundamental way.
That's something I feel the people on YouTube didn't mention, they said to basically not use logic to try to figure it out... Though, choosing to not use logic is a form of logic itself, you have to logically choose to not use logic and that is quite a mind (f) trip for me! Lol... Life is so weird sometimes!
This line of thinking also reminds me of sort of... Embracing my inner child, or my "feminine" side as they are both generally much more open to change whereas the masculine from my research appears to be very "solid" and "unchanging".
Maybe if I become more childlike and dare I say less "logical" and less "extreme mental" and more... Heart based, spontaneous and open... Maybe I can make more progress!
Whether it works or not, it's given me more to think about and is super inspiring to see this woman who claimed that basically none of the traditional treatments worked for her, but this did...
She also said it wasn't instant and it took her a while to develop the mindset of "ignoring" her OCD, but eventually it became kind of natural and effortless...
That's another thing I just realized as I typed that... Throughout the years I've prided myself on not ignoring anyone and responding to everyone who tried to talk to me even if it sometimes takes a long time to get back to them.
Maybe that's part of my OCD in the sense that part of my personality is hyper vigilant and focused on NEVER IGNORING ANYONE... (Or other details in my environment, etc) So, it must be hard to ignore those OCD signals that keep coming in if I'm so fixated on not ignoring things!
As horrible as this sounds to me right now, maybe if I started allowing myself to ignore people and not feel OCD compelled to respond to every single comment and message, maybe I can loosen up on myself and more "go with the flow".
I dunno what to think and some of these ideas are super new to me, so... I guess we'll see what happens. Also, I have a book coming in the mail that sounds really promising for helping with intrusive thoughts as well!
It seems impossible for me to ever be fully cured the way I look at life right now, though some of the other progress I've made seemed impossible in the past and... I've made some really good progress because I made an intentional choice to work on this and I feel like if I keep working on it with all this other new information that's available that I'm going to make even more progress even if I'm not able to fully solve it and that's still incredibly exciting! :)
Every little bit of progress is like a miracle and I'm not sure I'll ever be able to explain what OCD is like to someone who hasn't experienced it...
So many people just can't relate and they probably think I'm like lying or lazy or trying to get out of doing things that other people have to do, but that's not it at all... I'm genuinely struggling with how my brain works and if you ask other people who suffer with OCD many will tell you it's one of the most difficult things ever and quite a few become suicidal because of it.
It's definitely not something I wanted, yet... I do feel like part of me did want it because it did those things and thought those things.
So who is the real me? I guess whoever I want to be? Hopefully in time I can learn to let go of those beliefs that I realize don't serve me or which no longer serve me.
I know this is getting long and few will likely read it all, but I think I'll try to finish by saying that that is one of the weird things about OCD because one person on YouTube even referred to their OCD as Obsessive Compulsive Advantage...
Being OCD does allow it seems a much greater level of observation/perception which can lead to increased knowledge and understanding in certain areas to the point that it almost feels like a super power how smart you are in comparison to many others who don't pay attention to the details as deeply and I remember saying in the past I'd feel like a super hero if I had all the benefits of OCD and none of the bad aspects.
So... What would happen to that super power if you stop using it per se?
If you chose to be more childlike and less logical? It seems like it would significantly go away as well... "You don't use it, you lose it" Though, perhaps like much in life it's once again about finding that "balance"... Not too much, not too little. Just the right amount.
One last thing... I've been exploring some thoughts recently that I think will help.
I'll go into more detail on those in the future, however I feel like it has to do with "choosing".
As difficult as this is for me to say in regard to some aspects of my OCD because it literally feels like I don't have a choice and I am "compelled" or "forced" (by myself ironically enough) to do those things, but... I do think there is a way to voluntarily by choice just say "no" and to just stop doing those things.
As simple and as logical as that sounds, it's one of the most difficult things to break these deeply ingrained loops.
I'm not there yet, though I've tasted the concept a little bit and I'm exploring it and I feel that route of thinking has a lot of potential and it's very similar to the kinds of advice mentioned in those videos about sort of "not feeding into the OCD".
If you can just by willpower and determination sort of... Tell yourself, "I'm not going to listen to those thoughts" or... "I'm not going to be bothered by those thoughts"... I think that might be incredibly powerful if you're able to really do it, sort of like entering a command into a computer and just somehow assert your own self over the loop you've been stuck in.
ALso... Not necessarily in like a... Repressive sort of way like you're trying to force it either, I think the energy you go about it with is important... More like... Just choosing in a non intense way that that's not what you want to do anymore and you want to move in a different direction... Very peacefully, calmly and matter of factly.
Anyways... Still have a lot to learn! I guess we'll see what happens in the future. Peace, thanks for reading if you did and bye until next time! <3
The main key to balancing self is to allow movement so that the various parts, ideas, thoughts and feelings can be arranged such they don't overpower each other. Triggers show us that we hold charges that need release. Like a bullet in a gun, there would be nothing to release if there was no explosive charge involved. Reactions tell us that there is unconsciousness present, since if we were fully conscious we would be responding instead of reacting.
Combining all of this together means allowing stored emotional charges to move and express (safely and in private if necessary), while also being aware and understanding the patterns inside of us that involve unconscious (and perhaps therefore compulsive) behaviours. These unconscious patterns are actually decision making processes that we have not yet been made aware that we are making. The emotional movement opens space for change and the mental/logical changes allow realignments to take place that shift long held patterns. Knowing why we do things is required in order to do different things in a real and lasting way. Otherwise, you are likely just layering new patterns on top of old patterns to try to cope with the old patterns.
One of the reasons why this is not well understood by many people is that humans are polarising between thought and emotion. Some people are very mental and some are very emotional.. and there is a gap between them. So we might understand the benefits of emotional release, but neglect the mental transformations (or vice versa).
The heart brings balance to all things. Self acceptance through the heart opens space for change and also the self respect needed to accept that we have made mistakes that have hurt us for a long time. The heart is also the place where emotional awareness and logical perceptions can bond into felt understanding. So you can understand your patterns and you do need to understand them. You can do this with logic, but the logic has to be felt in order to be correctly reached. Without the combination of feeling and logic, we only have half the story.
Thanks for spend some time to go into detail and share some of your perspective!
I have to say that I couldn't find much that I disagree with, even though I don't claim to be any kind of expert I tend to concur with your sentiments.
However, the woman in the video I mentioned seemed to have success with this technique where she hadn't had any before, and the other guy who helps people heal from OCD also seems to have had success with his patients/clients.
And, interestingly enough this touches on a subject me and you have discussed before in the past... "Knowledge" and what can be known and what perhaps we might think can be known but which are truly beliefs.
I don't have the answer, I know from previous discussions you seem to believe we can know a lot... But, maybe there are some things we just can't know and maybe people who suffer with OCD in some certain situations might benefit more from not feeding into the OCD and just trying to ignore it?
It seems counter intuitive to me and it doesn't make logical sense in light of what you said about a sort of "Healing that lasts", to me based on what I thought I knew I would say that I agree with you and that in order to have a "lasting" success that you should need to understand what you're struggling with.
Though, I've spent so much time trying to understand and it seems like I've never able to 100% fully and completely understand, perhaps in this case and in certain other unique cases it might be helpful to just sort of "let go" of the feeling or desire to "need to know".
Maybe it's this way, maybe it's that way... I don't know for sure and I'm okay with that, I don't necessarily NEED to know. Maybe I'll find more peace if I stop trying to figure out something that could possibly be impossible to figure out.
I like what you said at the end about sort of marrying the heart and logic and that makes a lot of sense to me. I'm going to work on that. Thanks again for sharing some of your thoughts! :)
No problem, you are welcome. It's important to recognise that the 'doing' that is causing compulsive (unconscious) decision making, is invisible to the conscious self until the relevant emotional movement is allowed, which surfaces patterns and parts of self that are stuck, hiding, hidden, denied, blocked and/or forgotten.
E.g. Imagine the following scenario:
Person is traumatised or injured as a child in some way and they feel pain and fear that is overwhelming or just too much for their level of awareness to handle/integrate.
The person chooses to block out the pain and other feelings and/or disassociate from them. We can't ever truly disconnect 100%, but we can do it to the point where we no longer consciously remember the feelings, their causes or even that we have blocked them out.
Now the person tries to 'move on' and not let the past bother them, but the feelings were not processed and they can't just disappear. The impulses that the feelings and lost memories are producing can stimulate thoughts and behaviours in the conscious self, without the conscious self realising. If the signals reflect thoughts such as 'URGENT, NEED TO MOVE..' or 'I AM IN PAIN, FIX THIS' or something similar.. Then the resulting behaviours may reflect this in ways that seem odd but which make sense from the big picture position. Since the mind doesn't know how to calm the feelings down, an obsessive pattern can begin to try to cover up , repress and avoid the original cause of the dysfunctions.
This continues and other people come along throwing in their 2 cents about what causes such things, without the individual ever undoing the blocking out of painful memories and accepting their past, thus never recovering their parts that need to be felt into, understood, integrated and allowed to evolve. We often like simple, short and convenient answers and this is why we have so many millionaire 'therapists' and authors offering simple solutions (that don't really work long term, but work long enough for them to sell books or treatment sessions).
We can also imagine this if the underlying signals come from school, perhaps a fear of being beaten by teachers and a strong thought to 'look busy' / 'keep busy'.. And so the mind, in a panicked state is desperately prioritising 'keeping busy' to avoid more pain - but without doing so in full awareness of it's plight.
There are many other such scenarios, but they all follow the same kind of pattern: trauma -> denial -> denial of denial -> dysfunctional patterns that get stuck.
Ultimately, we are all unique and we all need to find what works for us in our own way - but I am just describing what is essentially a very common and universal pattern of dysfunction that once understood on the surface, can be dived into more deeply to allow holistic and lasting change.
Thanks for taking the time to type all that up. I appreciate it and I found it very interesting to read.
I agree with it like 99%, and I feel like some of it applies to how I handled OCD in the past and it sounds similar to this new treatment I mentioned, however... Maybe not all dysfunction is solved universally in the same way just like you mentioned how we are all unique and need to find what works for us in our own way.
In regard to my experience so far with this technique it has made my brain so much more peaceful it's almost like a miracle.
I don't expect it to work so easily for some of my major triggers and the lady in the video who said it worked for her when nothing else did claimed that it took her a while, so this may be something that takes a while to address... However, just the peace of mind I've received so far from not entertaining or giving further energy to so many of my OCD intrusive thoughts has been incredible.
I'm going to try to withhold my judgment until I experiment with this technique more and for longer, so far it has been amazing... But, it's too early to say much for certain other than in some cases and in some ways it can be extremely helpful for me to know how to not feed into certain kinds of compulsive attempts at problem solving a problem that may be impossible to solve or truly understand and maybe in this case the solution is to just "let it go" instead of to continually try to "figure it out" and "ruminate" and "obsess" over the details.
Thank you so much for posting this. I got triggered last night and reading this helps. When I am triggered I feel like I am losing my mind. How can my mind be so strong and so weak at the same time? And these thoughts don't seem to bother other people making me feel very alone. My life feels so uncertain in many ways right now. Even though I have made much more progress this year than the past few years it still seems so hard sometimes. I think part of the struggle is if it is some kind of choice, then I didn't make that choice before by doing the compulsions because I felt I had no choice for a very long time. So there's guilt and the shame loves to get at me for that, Because there has been times when I have been stronger. Like you I am trying to live more freely but for me right now it is a balance because I can't pretend it doesn't exist either. I like the telemarketing thing you mentioned and idea of reducing behaviours. I am trying to change things but I also feel kind of trapped here. I don't think I'll ever be normal. My goal is to be less stressed, to feel I can manage this existence and not have the OCD get in the way of things I want to do anymore. Glad you found the videos useful. It is weird isn't it? To not logic it out but it fits with what Teal Swan said about OCD and people experiencing OCD have this trauma around complete loss of control and trying to control everything is like avoiding that original state, making it worse or something like that. I think the idea a few people are saying is do not engage. Do not engage with the rabbit hole of what if etc because it creates more stressful thoughts. Hard thing to not do.
You're welcome. Thank you for sharing the videos that helped me learn more!
Glad to know that something I shared helped!
That's an interesting point in regard to weak and strong at the same time and it reminds me of how... I've said before to one of my friends how I feel like I'm speaking out against some of the worst criminals in the world and simultaneously so bothered by some simple things that don't even bother most other people and it's so weird! How can I have so much bravery in one area, and be so controlled by fear in another that is way less dangerous? In fact, not dangerous at all! smh
It's weird.
Bummer you feel that way, though it seems like the guy in that one video was trying to help us who suffer from OCD with embracing uncertainty more... So, maybe you could try to find a way to be more open to the uncertainty? I dunno. Just throwing ideas out there.
Reminds me of the book DARE I read about anxiety and how they teach to "run towards your fear" I know it's easier said than done and there's some situations where that advice could literally kill people, but... There's something about embracing your fears that can reverse the amount of power they have.
Glad to hear you've made so much progress, and I feel similar. It still seems nearly impossible.
Also glad to know the telemarketer thing was appreciated.
I don't think I'll ever be normal either, but I don't want to be either. I'd just like some of these negative issues I deal with reduced.
That sounds like a good goal! I hope you're able to achieve it. :) It's great you're trying!
Interesting in regard to the trauma and loss of control. That makes a decent amount of sense, not sure if it applies to everyone with OCD. But in my case I do feel control is a significant element even if I never realized it for so many years until recently.
And I agree... Extremely difficult! Though, if one is able to solve such... It could also be an incredibly positive feeling... Oftentimes the more difficult something is the more amazing it feels when you solve it or complete it. Or even just make progress on it!
Thank you again. I don't know about running towards the fear. That has never seemed like a good idea with my OCD and the things I have done in the past.
I agree I never wanted to normal, just happy.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts 🙂
I'll be honest, I'm always on the defensive, life has led me to act like this, it's the reason I choose my few friends, if someone bothers me, I respond immediately, I'm not tolerant at all, that's why I stay away, people that annoy me and I respond , I forget them , if I see them , I avoid them , conclusion , they do not exist , I think it 's better that way .
I used to be like that a lot and still am sometimes, but I found studying non violent communication has helped a lot! To try to hear what the other person is really trying to say and to try to have compassion for them even if we may not agree with or like what they are saying.
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