Hello everyone, welcome to my blog. There is something troubling me and I have to share it with you.
I have these relatives that always demand money from me whenever they are in need. I have tried severally to teach them how to do what I earn money from, but they outrightly rejected it.
They have all the time to socialize and have a quality sleep but I have very few hours of rest in a day, though my doctor recommended quality rest for me. I'm not trying to be a workaholic, but I understand that I can only work now to save for old age.
I work extremely hard to save up and invest, but my relatives keep dragging my efforts to the mud. This is Christmas season and I have not gotten myself one Christmas gift, yet I had to spend money on them. I know it's not compulsory to give them, but which person would be comfortable seeing a relative thrown out to the streets when you can do something to help?
Yesterday was I called and informed that they would be ejected out of their rented apartment if they don't pay past rent. I had no choice but to give them the money I was saving up for some time. It is no longer funny to me. I feel hurt that they refused to work for themselves and I am the one suffering for it.
If I continue like this, I might end up having nothing to show for all my hard work. We live a communal life here and it is expected of you to help a relative in need, but they are draining me.
The other time, catering for other people's needs pulled me down, yet I don't know how to stop it. My conscience keeps judging me if I choose to ignore them.
Your contributions are urgently needed. I'm hurting that I'm not wasting my money, however, I don't have any reasonable amount of money in my savings.
Please, I need your help. Tell me what to do. I want to ignore them when they ask for my help, yet I feel very emotional each time I see them in need.
THANK YOU FOR READING
I READ AND APPRECIATE ALL COMMENTS
IF YOU LIKE MY ACTIVITIES HERE AND WILL LOVE TO SUPPORT ME, PLEASE UPVOTE, RESTEEM AND COMMENT.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO TIP ME? I WILL HUMBLY APPRECIATE IT.
Steem
@ogoowinner
Etherum
0x007BEd911D2D1a9a37D6507347287D52521FB689
Bitcoin
19W2Y9oi8NPDEgGYe3oJ3Qf7Kx7am8noXp
@ogoowinner i totally understand your situation as i also have had such experience. earlier this week a friend came to my house seeking for help and that wouldnt be the first or second time he ll come for such help. i am glad i could help him but deep within me i do not feel good for him. he is a man in his early twenties like me and i was not okay with the fact that he cant get a hang of his life at that age .
you know what i did?
i sat him down and made him realise that i wont be around forever and at his age he need to start controlling his life..... when we got talking i was surprised when i asked him what he could , he said he knows hoe to barb hair and that he learnt it a long time ago....
After a long talk we made an agreement and i am glad to tell you that before january he would be having his own saloon ,and i am giving him my full support.
trust me madam, nobody likes to depend on others before they can fend for themselves , i think you have not been appealing enough to make them understand why they should work for them self ....
some know they way, they just need a push . some dont know at all , they need direction. Figure out which category your people fall too and help give them direction. Trust me if you dont help , no one else will and you cant ignore them.
You are an agent of Change , you only can inspire that change because they look to you . If you can do this, they will thank you for it and also you will thank yourself for it.
you could also tell them about steemit......
You have what it takes, The World is yours.
thanks and i hope this helps
@creon,you know how the world works. Kudos
@greenrun , i gotta do whatever i can to make the world work....
@creon, that is a good thing. Rock on!
I understand how you feel as i am passing through the same thing. You can't turn your back on family. What i do now is to remove my savings and keep where i can't touch, so i only give out what i can spare.. I think you should try same.
@nmalove, you are absolutely right... This has worked for me, even in making me more discipline towards my own spending. @ogoowinner, I think this is something you need to adopt.
You need to understand that, if you weren't there, your relatives would survive, and would pay up their bills. Imagine you were in desperate in need of money too and you have spent all that you have. Would they be there to run heather-sketcher for you also ?
My dear, please, let go of the feelings, it won't pay your bills also. You have worked for your money. They should also try working for theirs too. If they don't listen, Winner, you have TRIED.
You mean fixed deposite account?
Yes
@nmalove, you can turn your back on someone who doesn't really need help. Because there are cases you can't help. You can't save everybody; only those who want saving.
I understand your point but dear the best thing you can do for them is making them responsible for themselves and not providing for them.
I have someone like that much older than me,doesnt even have a bank accout.
I wanted to build him,i started by telling him to create a bank account and i will be sending 5k monthly because he uses friends account to receive money.
He insisted that i send through peoples account,omo i locked up,nothing for him, ignored his mesaage. He is a relative
My plan was from that bank account,i will be giving him challenges to help him build himself then give a monthly reward,he failed from the start.
Its not like you are hiding your source of income or that they are handicapped,stop giving them.
The next time they ask, send them the link to steemit.com to create an account and make introduction or add them to airdrop group,if you dont take hard option,you might feed them all your life
nice post.
Really? what is nice about it?
lol but on a more serious note have you tried getting a gadget for them, in whcih they can operate with or just talk and talk, fact is words mean nothing, get them a device they can use and live them to their fate that way they have no way to complain that you didn't assist them
They have better gadgets than I do.
Then the only thing left is to recharge their mobile phones with certain amount probably a month plan, sit them down and tell them the present situation saying as of now, the only way they can get money from you is by getting involved like you and if for any reason any of them should call you asking for anything that is not of immediate need alongside prove you won't be able to assist them.
Sometimes you just have to be harsh to make others respect you else it creates room for irrelevant need
Thanks for this.
you already helped
please do not worry anymore
I am worried because I will not have a life savings if I continue this way.
I am very sorry for you
happy christmas :(
You already made your decision darling... Because you can't continue this way .
Sometimes I don't know if it's the Igbo faction that does that but the thing is sometimes they could have been working but they aren't.
everybody should work hard irrespective of family
Thank your for showing the kidness you did
@ogoowinner sorry about your ordeal.You have to toughen up. Their attitude is called entitlement mentality and it won't stop if you don't toughen up and deliberately ignore such requests especially if they are not your mother or father. If they are your siblings and are up to 18 then they need to take responsibility.
Then keep on fishing, but make sure the fishes are sold to them at a high price, maybe they can have a change of mind to learn fishing than asking for fish all the time.
Lovely post @ogoowinner.
they don't wanna work at all just wanna enjoy every bit of money you had you are a hard working person my suggestion might be odd but you should move all the money in crypto and only take out 1% of it when in need and tell them that it is not making money any more as they are not that technical to it they won't understand my perception is like this or say account is blocked but you should gotta save for yourself this is injustice to your efforts dear
lols
this one is another case
there would be no way you wont feel pain if you dont give them the money but i advice you should start reducing the amount you give, that is if any money they ask for your give 75% and with time you reduce to 50% and in addition continue teaching them on how to make there on money also
hope this helps :-)
I know it hurt but i will tell you that you should not compromise
you have nothing to lose but gain
giving means saving
they might not appreciate you now but i believe that God will do that
your time of harvest is on the way
GIVERS NEVER LACK
They are running an emotional blackmail on them. See what to do (this was my uncle's trick) . Whenever they ask for money, give. But give them very little of what they ask and tell them you are also need money (that is not a lie).
For instance, if they need N50,000 give them N5000 (if you can afford to spare that) and tell them things are tough (that too is not a lie). Works every time or they'd run you broke too and you'd be the next person asking for handout. From experience such people won't help you if they eventually end up getting you broke. I'm just being real here, many may want to sound politically correct and tell you to keep giving; those same people won't give if they are in your shoes! Peace.
Like my pman will always say "you can't depend on me always,find something to do".
The thing is they are Ur family, there is no where you can push them to but u need to let them understand that you also have what u can do with Ur money. Well can't say more than that. Family matters
Hi @ogoowinnner, it is good thing to cater for family and relatives. But not to your detriment.
There's no how you should love other people than yourself.
Everything we need in life are simple reasoning and logic. You have needs as others have. You might decide to share your resources with them if only it will not have a severe blowback on your plans.
One might decide to help others at the slightest inconvenient state but there's an adage that You cannot watch other people's children and allow yours be snatched.
Work with this.
It's my opinion and belief though.
Sis, i feel your pain
But just like ur previous post,
earn, save , spend
Get a fixed account and save up certain amount, where it unwithdrawble and b faithful to it.
Then use the rest for ur relatives.
My opinion anyway.
Just exactly as am seeing here oo. Many are willing to have as much as u do, but they are not ready to sacrifice a litttle like you have done ...but you can't do anything about it, only to live them behind and continue your journey. Remember heaven race is per head. Thanks @ogoowinner for sharing
Sometimes it's important to stand your ground, if they are not willing to fish just like you, then you will have to turn your back on them eventually
Self sufficiency is what am going to preach. Teach them to be self sufficient dear. I read in one of your comments that they have better gadgets than you do. What are they doing with it? Or you have not shown them the way yet? They will continue to ask for more like Oliver Twist. introduce them to steemit, for instance, they can start writing and earning for themselves.
#OWB
Too many of us can relate with this. You are brewing bad blood when you refuse to help and could be made to feel so uncomfortable. It is sad but it is what it is. We have to learn to say no without feeling guilty but even at that, how comfortable will you feel watching from the sidelines while someone you care about suffers? It is a tight corner
I've gone through this situation also but I had to throw down the gauntlet. Take good care of yourself. Jesus said love your neighbor as thyself, he did not say you should love your neighbor more than yourself. Save for yourself first, if you still have spare money then you can give.
Here is how it goes, ask your relative what she loves doing, from her response make a complete post from it, post it here after the whole process give her feed back and let her her know this what she could have earn. If she have actually done herself. Let her know she will not go through the rough road you went through since you are her mentor.*** A word of encouragement will always bring out the creative part in every being***
There is a popular word that say you will never know how far you can go until you start.@ogoowinner concerning this relative of yours to bring them into the system will be very hard if you tell them to write and make money. But tell them to come and chat and make money.
The post is very good, I like it, it looks very beautiful, best regards to you. thank you :)
Speechless
Well, i will like to remind you that it is not by your power and neither it is by your might that you're able to give. If you ignore them then you're not better than them. A proverb says the giving hand is always above, believe me as you're giving them you will never lack provided you're doing it with pure intention without show off. Pls do not ignore or abuse them, but as you give them try also to give them pieces of advice on how to invest and start living an independent lives. As time goes on i hope they will change positively for good.
I hope this helps.
Your situation is something I can identify with. You are soft-hearted and caring, that's why you bother. But in as much as your relatives have refused to work and earn money, i don't advise you keep catering to their needs. They are simply taking undue advantage of you and it is not fair. You have your life to live and they have theirs so you should not be meant to pay for their lazy attitudes. So always put away some savings for yourself and help with just the little left. You must also try to look the other way sometimes because some won't learn until they are hit. Again, don't always let them know your full worth. I hope this helps.
You have to toughen up a little bit so that you are not sucked up like ice-cream.
I feel u jare
100%@ogoowinner
It's not easy
Sometimes I feel like I'm surrounded by idiots and that's why when I find people who have sense I treasure them