Life is a series of events, some we can predict others just happen, completely out of our control.
Hello #sliverbloggers I have been going through some strange experiences lately and I wanted to see if any of you have had similar events in your lives. I know I am not unique, I am an average woman, a wife, a mother, and a grandmother. I love my life; I have been blessed in so many ways.
As I push closer to the big 7-0 I worry that I am unprepared to deal with the inevitable, death.
In the United States the average life expectancy as of 2020 was 73.7 according to "Copilot" an AI tool that just popped up in my computer. Go figure. But most websites I visited had women outliving men by a few years.
That's my worst fear, my hubby goes before me. I don't think I could handle it.
After 48 years together, we are best friends. We can almost read each other's thoughts, he is the ying to my yang.
@thebigsweed is my world, as much as I love my children and "grands" there is not a single person in this universe who knows me better.
I have been dwelling on this nonsense since my friend @lizelle lost her hubby a short while ago, my heart still aches for her.
I have been running over in my mind, how would I continue to live where I am now? I love our farm, but it is in the wilderness, the snow piles up in winter, and the electricity goes out in heavy rain and wind. Some raccoons tear up the garbage, porcupines, skunks cruise the night and mice invade the house at certain times of the year and need to be trapped. We hear the wolves howl in the darkness.
Then there are the humans. We have been broken into twice when we were not here and been stolen from when we left the shop open, a $900 chain saw was their first choice.
Now the bookkeeping...Bob takes care of everything. I just ask, can I spend? I never handled any of the money deal, but my man tells me I will be MORE than fine in that department. Thanks babe.
Gosh, I am so lucky to have him, but what will I do if he goes first? I know it sounds morbid, but I am afraid, so much so I am having nightmares.
Twice I had to be awakened while screaming in the night. I woke up with tears running down my face. The very worst was a dream as I was doing CPR ON BOB.
WTF
Hey #silverbloggers, have any of you had this experience? Am I a lunatic? Should I seek help? Although I would have to travel many miles to find a qualified professional.
I am strong, but maybe a boost from those who have gone through this can give some advice. I would so love to hear from any community that may have good counsel from experience.
Strange things are happening to me, I usually have sweet dreams.
A big shout out to my gal pals @goldenoakfarm, @fionafavourites @melinda010100, @sunscape @artywink @pandamama @riverflows @silersaver888 @carolynstahl you ladies inspire me.
Much love,
Jackie O
I often wondered what I would do when my husband went. He was given a year to live in 1998. So I always knew he would go first. But we didn’t have a car mechanic, plumber, electrician, handyman, computer repair guy, etc. He handled all of that. I did do all the finances as that was the one thing he was abysmal at. And there were all the animals and gardens and pastures.
I never had nightmares. I just wondered how I would cope.
And when it happened, we were in the middle of our 3rd build, and while I knew some stuff, I certainly didn’t know all about building a house.
So I found out what I would do. I most certainly would NOT sell the farm if there was anyway to avoid it. I found workman and had to figure out how to pay for expensive labor. I relied on friends, A LOT. (I don’t drive and we live in the country.)
I would suggest that you and he start thinking about if one of you goes first. Make a plan. If he helps create the plan, it will be like he’s there to help. (And vice versa.) Figure out what you can. You have extensive family support, use it!
Make the plans now, all the estate stuff, every single thing. It’s so much easier when it’s done well, ask me how I know…
Good morning my lovely friend. I remember when you lost your hubby and I cried for you both. You have suffered, yet you somehow pulled it together and I so admire your strength. I am so amazed how you have managed the farm, the house, which is so gorgeous, and all that you do with the gardens and phew!, just all of it.
Great advise, plan ahead, talk about what will eventually come, there is no escaping it. I have to admit, having a big family will surely carry me over my finish line too. In that, I am blessed.
Hope this finds you well and happy. you are a wonderful friend.
Me gustaría aconsejarte buscar ayuda para controlar ese miedo que tienes a la muerte.
Thanks so much.
I have also thought about it for as long as I can remember, I was also surprised by the loss of our friend Lizelle and how she coped with the situation.
My husband was on the verge of death in October of last year, his liver played a bad trick on him but thank God he survived and that is what I am thankful for every night when I feel him next to me.
This year, after turning 50 I have thought differently, I am not afraid anymore, I just want to enjoy my life, enjoy my family and hold on to God's promise that after this life there is an eternal life and there we will all be happy.
Wow @carolynstahl, that must have been scary, you are too young to lose you soulmate, life is so tough sometimes, glad to hear he pulled through. I am so thankful for all my cyber sisters, seems the message is, live life without fear and enjoy every minute.
Thanks for your thoughtful message as well as your positivity.
Be well my friend...HUGS
I have thought about what I can possibly write that would help ease your fears, but I have nothing.
Jim had cancer and we did in-home hospice care for almost 6 months before he died in a hospital bed in our living room. At the end, it was just me and him.
And after that, it was one minute at a time. Our home of 20 years had been purchased with my MS and our old age in mind. Everything was on one floor and manageable, and after his death 7 years ago I am still able to live alone here. Everytime I use one of the necessary grab bars he installed I think of him, as I do most moments of everyday. He is irreplaceable.
Inflation is cutting into our life savings and I do worry that the money will last, but I know the kids won't allow me to be a bag lady. They have provided so many things that allow me to live independently. Smart fire alarms so that I can turn them off from an app on my phone when something boils over on the stove, and electric blinds in the bathroom because the cords had become difficult for me to reach. Jim would be so pleased that the kids and grandkids are so thoughtful.
Nothing can fill the hole he left behind, but I get through, one minute at a time, with a lot of help from my family.
Oh, my friend, I think of you often, and I feel like an idiot wining when I know your life has been and continues to be a struggle. Thanks for sharing with me your personal challenges and I send blessings to your beautiful family.
I so appreciate your support, losing your man must have been awful, I love your resilience and strength.
I think my 70th birthday, which is in September, has me thinking about "Am I prepared?" IDK, I am a little nuts anyway.
Be well...hugs
I will beat you to 70 by one month. It's a rather terrifying milestone.
Well that's good, now I can brag that I am younger than you.😁
You are! We will have to make it through the next year together!
Sounds good to me
Oh sweetie, I feel your distress and your fear of loosing the love of your life. We are all at the same precipice and ages where we have to be well prepared. All I have to offer is stay focused on each day at hand and discuss how each of you can assist the other in ways that will prepare you for being on your own.
My husband and I have been doing this with each other for years now and we feel that we can managed our lives better for it. He can do all the household chores and has even been helping me cook which is a far cry from just boiling water.
The nightmares are just a guide to get you going in the right direction to give you both some peace of mind.
Also, you are always connected for an eternity and “will” be together again. ❤️❤️❤️
Boy or boy, thanks @sunscape. You are a gem. My hubby does not like to cook at ALL. But I have secretly planted a message in his brain...don't cook don't eat.
Hehehe He is a wonderful "helper," will chop veggies and roll meatballs all day long as long as I direct him.
Thank you for being so sweet and understanding, when I had the last nightmare, I said to myself, just stop it, Robin. But I must say the messages from my cyber friends has really helped.
Be well dear lady...hugs
I do have the same thoughts that terrify me. I know your situation is different. You have built a life together with children. You have been together for so long.
I can't imagine the degree of heartache you feel with those thoughts. I feel after 22 years with Marc that I wouldn't be able to function, and we are not like you two at all, except for one thing. I am the ying to his yang.
There are no words to make the though of it better. I guess we just have to cherish every moment now and what else can we do right?
So true for sure, all we can do is our best, we all know that dying is part of life. I just have to stop worrying about it and get on with my life. I have been blessed, I know, but lately my mind is working overtime.
I truly think all this non-sense is from knowing I will be 70 in September. YIKES!!
Life is what it is, and death awaits all of us. Sorry to learn about your fears Lady Robin, and we can only pray that your fears will be stilled. We cannot avoid the inevitable, and therefore careful and mutual planning for it is essential. To lose a beloved is heart rending, and I should know as now at 70, I am the last one still standing of my direct family. But we are simply forced to accept the cards that life deals out to us. Marian started to cry whenever I mentioned my departure to her, but thankfully, slowly over time we started to plan for it, and by grace she will be okay, as she will have a house and a car.
We don't have money for life policies and such things, but we have no debt, and she handles all of the finances. She also has a secure job as a theological lecturer, and a friend will help her to manage the work of papilloncharity. I can go on and on but suffice it to say that we pray God's ultimate peace on you and the wisdom of acceptance.
Lizzie has had a bad time of it, and Fiona has had the same experience, losing their lifelong partners, and they are both learning how to handle life on their own. We admire them, as even in their grief, they try to make the best of things.
So, let's hope that the big guy will live for many more years, and that he will get as old as Methuselah.
All our love and blessings.
Zac and Marian.
!PIZZA and !LUV
Good day to you my friend. You are so right, we cannot escape death, so planning is so important but it's a difficult discussion to have. I think my upcoming 70th birthday has triggered this fear in me. I know I am very fortunate in many ways, as my hubby says you have the ace in the hole, your family. For that I am truly grateful.
Wishing you and Marian good health and joy.
Greetings Lady Robin. Always a difficult discussion, nut it just has to take place. I don't know what your plans are, but I know that you guys are very level headed, and that you will sort it all out. I have always considered my own frailties and pushed all things in a way that will benefit Marian if I am to greet. Your man is correct about your ace in the hole with the family that will surely stand by you, but it is those alone moments that are very difficult. We can only say that we will have this discussion with you in another twenty years when you are both still alive, and in your wheelchairs !LOL
Marian said that I must ask you for the date of your big 7-0?
!PIZZA and !LUV
The big day is September 7th
Yikes
Thank you and noted ❤️
My brother passed away a year ago, he was married for 54 years, and he handled everything. His wife knew nothing about their finances, after his death, their son moved her into his house and sold hers, (she told me she did not even get a chance to mourn in her home) he got power of attorney over her and everything else, and controls her money, she is miserable. My advice is to get your husband to teach you everything you will need to know in case he passes first and maybe you can teach him how to cook and do his laundry if you go first.
I have been with my husband for 40 years and have the same fears as you are having but I am the one who pays the bills and I have been showing him what I do, he knows how to use his debit card but did not know how to write a check, he now knows.
Thanks for sharing your story with me. Great advice and I am now learning about our finances and mapping out a plan which I hope is still years away. I worry too much, I know but my hubby keeps reassuring me that I will be just fine. Being with the same person for so many years, as you know, can be so difficult to talk about losing them, and but I am working on planning and understanding all the ins and outs, should my love leave me first.
I really appreciate the thoughtful comment. May you and yours be blessed with many more years together.
Congratulations @farm-mom! You have completed the following achievement on the Hive blockchain And have been rewarded with New badge(s)
Your next target is to reach 7500 replies.
You can view your badges on your board and compare yourself to others in the Ranking
If you no longer want to receive notifications, reply to this comment with the word
STOPCheck out our last posts:
Thanks so much, love the stats.
Awesome job @farm-mom! Keep pushing yourself and you'll reach your Hive goals before you know it.
$PIZZA slices delivered:
@papilloncharity(4/15) tipped @farm-mom (x2)
I think it affects all of us to some degree. Big hugs and I hope all these amazing comments are of some comfort to you.
Good morning, thanks for your thoughtful comment. Since joining hive I have met some incredible people, some lady friends have lost their spouses and I have been so moved by their resilience. I draw strength from them and admire them for it.
So glad you stopped by, enjoy your day.
Awe @farm-mom, now you've got me bawling. Arthur turned 73 in hospital, and we were heading for our 49th anniversary. I really hope all my stories of dealing with grief have not made you feel this way!
But you are so right - losing someone who has been by your side for so many years, really is the worst! However, losing a child is unthinkable. My Mom lost my Dad and my one brother, three months apart. How she survived that, I don't know, but she did, and she started enjoying life again.
I think we get to a stage where we realize one or the other will go first, and that's probably what you're experiencing now. It won't be easy, that's a certainty, but one somehow finds the strength to face each day. I used to tell Arthur that I didn't want it to ever end. He used to tell me I must remember he was a diabetic from the age of 8, so likely would go first, and when that day comes, I must find myself another man😉
I was not impressed and would say that I never ever wanted anyone else.
His response always was - 'am I that bad a man then?'
Of course, I always said - 'no, it's because you're such a good man, I was not interested in having another old man at my side, plus how would I ever be able to mold an old man?'
No, thank you, not for me😉
The one thing I comfort myself with is that at least I'm sparing Arthur the pain of losing me. And, I know we will meet again one day.
I fully understand your fears, but try to live in the moment, do not dwell on what is still to come.
Enjoy each moment of your life together.
Hey Lizzie, you are sooo right, I have got to live more in the moment. Great advise.
I had to laugh at you saying you didn't want another old man, how could you mold him?
49 years you say, us too, 49 in August. Oh, by the way happy birthday, you are looking good girl.
Wishing you a wonderful and peaceful year.
Thank you for the kind wishes, my friend, life is slowly getting back to a new kind of normal.
Living in the moment and not wasting precious time, really is the only way.
Trying to tackle all of life's problems at once, is a recipe for disaster.
We cannot know what the future holds, but I believe God brings angels to carry us until we find that inner strength when faced with difficult or tragic circumstances.
Take care of yourself dear friend 🧡