It's been a while since I posted my last post. I have been going through a lot lately and was trying to adjust to the new medications and treatment sessions. I was kind of lost within my treatment and recovery process and lost the inspiration and energy to write something. Besides, it's kind of boring to write the same thing over and over again. It was kinda difficult for me to adjust to my psychologist, it was uncomfortable to talk to her at the beginning and also it took me some time to open up myself in front of her. Fun fact is every time she gives me tasks or different things to do but most often I ended up doing nothing. Currently, I am taking a lot of medicines prescribed by my psychiatrist and sometimes I feel less energetic because of the effects of taking so many medicines every day. Despite my low level of energy, I am feeling much better than before.
Currently, I spend a lot of time walking with my dog. She has so much energy now and needs a good walk, but no matter how many times I walk with her, it's never enough for her. But we try to enjoy each other's company. I also go out outside to buy a coffee and sit outside sometimes if the weather is good. I started liking my lonely time and instead of pushing myself to do socializing, I am currently focusing on my own time to think. After a long discussion with my psychiatrist, we came to a phase where we both realized that right now I need rest, calmness, and relaxation. Loud music/ sounds, people, a crowd, and a busy atmosphere give me stress. I started doing activities slowly. Sometimes I feel like a baby who is learning how to walk; step by step.
Sometimes the activities I do seems very small and normal to me, even I forget to consider them but when I talk about them with the psychologist, I realize that they are not tiny, they show that I am recovering and coming back to normal life. I cannot do so many activities in a day, I feel tired so easily and often feel sleepy if I do something heavy. I cannot work, I need time to get back to work. Sometimes jobless life demotivates me but then I think that when I will be better, I will find a new job. After every session, I ask my doctors whether I am gonna be better or not, and every time they told me that you should celebrate each and every day of life because day-to-day step by step you are getting better.
Last week, I also went somewhere, I explored a beautiful city in the Netherlands and I had a good time there. I will write about the city soon when I will finish editing all of the photos. I also took some nice photos, walked a lot, and went to a nice restaurant near a beautiful church. I am very proud of my progress and finally, I started getting back to my life again.
I know many people don't care about mental health even don't understand the struggle. I remember when I tried to talk to one of my friends about my health, he never understood. Initially, I used to blame myself for my mental breakdown but now I realize everything happens for a reason. I still feel bad when I see people talk to each other, and go to parties which I cannot but that feeling goes away after a while. My thoughts are still there but they are not intense like they used to be. My obsessive thoughts cannot break me. Negative thoughts sometimes distract me but I am learning to manage them. 2 months ago I was completely shattered and obsessed with suicidal thoughts but now I feel there is a chance that I will be better, and I will recover.
I keep forgetting things, especially the numbers, and appointments. I cannot remember the names. I feel bad sometimes thinking about my condition. The saddest part is my dad never understood me or my mental health. He thinks I am crazy and acting and making up everything by myself...
Talking helps a lot, I feel relieved when I open up in front of my doctors. I lost trust in people, some people betrayed me and never respected my confidentiality. Getting back that trust is not so easy and I don't know whether I will be able to trust anyone in life again.
My current fear is when I have to stop my medicines, what's gonna happen? Because without medications, I don't feel good at all and I panic. I still don't like talking to people, I love to stay isolated. Still, so much going on with me, still I have depression but somehow I have hope that one day I will recover fully and will become a strong person once again...
Love
Priyan...
I am @priyanarc.... An architect, a dreamer, and a passionate writer who loves to write about life. I try to present my own perspective and experiences. Please leave your feedback and criticism because it's the only way I can know and reach your mind and thought easily...
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All images used are captured by the author...
You don't stop taking medicines bluntly. I guess you need to decrease dosages first for your brain to kick in and start producing these substances on its own. So don't worry about that now, take your time and focus on getting better.
Happy to hear there a light in the end of the tunnel and it's not a fast train coming your way 😂😜
Drop a line to Jagoda or call her
Last week doctor reduced my dosages and I am now at the minimum point but because I am so skinny, my body cannot handle too many medications. Besides I was having a fever so took paracetamol a lot and it caused a lot of damage. I asked my doctor what can be done but she said the medicines I am taking now are necessary...
I will call Jagoda this weekend...
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Glad you are slowly doing better and that your doggy helps you with it. Good things take a lot of time and energy but I know that you will get better soon sis. All the bad things you have pointed out in this post are clearly coming from the meds and the depression. They do not come from you gurl. Please try to recognize the hard work you're putting into right now. You are a strong person and you will become even stronger after you fully recovered.
Much love and energy!
Thanks bro for this strong and motivated feedback. I remember our discussion and I am glad I did that with you. Somehow positivity from people those who don't even know me properly means a lot to me. I trusted people blindly and they broke it eventually but still I think there are some people who think about me and care for me.
Trust me these medicines are so powerful that I can sleep the whole day. They take all of my energy...
Wow, it's nice to read that you are more optimistic overall and you are making progress bit by bit and day by day. Keep going on this path. I wish you only the best for your mental recovery.
Thank you so much. I was not optimistic at all but maybe because of proper care, and treatment, I am recovering slowly...
I'm really glad to hear that!!!
Oh, yes, you're doing it!! You are recognising yourself again, that is a giant advance.
The medication will still be with you for a while, by the time you start reducing it you will have advanced much more, you will be stronger. Don't worry about tomorrow, keep taking care of today.
You already touched the bottom of the well and took the necessary impulse to get out of it. Continue!!
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As a result, I was able to dress up nicely and got ready to explore a new city. It was a huge step and also this step helped me to inspire and find myself once again. I am not fully recovered and it's completely understandable. Also, I take time for myself and let myself heal automatically. Not all days are the same, I sometimes feel low still, feel like I don't have any energy left inside me, I feel weak but I accepted it. I guess I need a pause in life and this is that break...
That's right, when we need a break and we don't take it, our body and mind look for a way for us to stop.
I am very happy to read you like this, accepting the situation without giving up on continuing to fight to be who you are again. Your patience during this dark time is starting to bring light. 😘❤️🤗
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Hi there, it's great to hear about the progress of your treatment process.
I'm sure the time you're spending walking with your dog has positive effects on your recovery as well. So keep it up!
If you tend to forget things, write them down on a to-do list or a journal. I do that occasionally. And it helps.
And yes talking helps, unload all those negative things off. And move forward. I'm sure you can trust your doctors.
Get well soon. 🌹🌹🌹
Thank you so much, I wanted to talk to you, where I can directly contact you?
My doctor also suggested preparing to-do list but somehow I don't feel like doing it because of a lack of motivation. For example, last time I only wrote 3 days, and after that I stopped completely and forgot about it...
@mimster
That's a very good suggestion from your doctor. It doesn't matter if you forget doing it. Start over again when you remember, it's alright...
It is good to read that you are improving, even if the progress seems little, it is always good that you can advance to a better health condition.
I understand being disturbed by noise and agitation, the same thing happens to me, I'm actually an 'indoors person' and somewhat of an introvert, so I like to spend time thinking and reading.
I'm glad Gigi is healthy and energetic, that can be tiring, but it's nice that the pet gives us a bit of a push not to be completely sedentary :)
What you say about your father makes me feel a little sorry, it would really be much better if he understood you, but there are cases in which that is quite difficult.
We will wait for the publication of the photos of the city you visited :)
When it comes to trusting people, I understand a bit about that, I have trouble trusting people too, but I know that I need a certain degree of trust to be able to function in society, it's all a mess, but I hope you can find your own way to face and overcome this problem.
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This is something I have to work on later, maybe a psychologist will help me go through that. For now, her main target is to push me to do activities and to help me stay motivated to do activities. She showed me an interesting chart last time and it was simple but very effective. I guess that's why I managed to explore a small city no matter how I feel. My psychiatrist told me I need to rest, completely relax and heal in time...
Glad to read this.. ❤️
Thank you Anna...
Good to hear! And remember that it all needs time!
Ya, I really hope to move forward, not backward...
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Thank you so much...
I am very happy that you are improving, even though they are slow progress, they are progress and that is good.
People may not behave in a good way with us, and it happens to all of us to a greater or lesser extent, we have to get away from people who are that negative.
Friends are always few, friends are people who are happy with our achievements, and who are there to help us in times of difficulties. And they are a hard treasure to find.
Don't worry about what will happen, after you don't have to use the medicines, you will be able, when you have overcome the situation, to survive without them.
Best wishes to you, I hope if you have any failure, and I hope it doesn't happen, but if it does happen, don't be depressed.
It is also something normal, that is not a reason for defeat, along the way, progress is made, other times you fall, the important thing is to get up and continue.
I'm so pleased you are feeling a bit better. I know you still have a way to go but you sound more positive. Don't worry about parties, I've been avoiding them all my life!
Unfortunately, labradors love their walks. Tell Gigi she needs to chill a bit. I do think exercise is good for you though. I hope you continue to make these little improvements. ❤️
Waw, what a story... I think it takes a lot of courage to write about it and I believe it will help you in your recovery process! I also believe in being outside to help you improving your mental health. Walking with your dog and being outside in the open air is the number one activity you should not stop doing! All the best! !LUV !PIZZA !BBH
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